Flux
by ksfd89
Summary: This is a future fic where Rory's daughter is sixteen. It's sort of a sequel to Appreciation, but you don't need to read that to follow this. Literati, of course! Hope you enjoy it!
1. Chapter 1

**This is a future fic where Rory's daughter is sixteen. It's sort of a sequel to Appreciation, but you don't need to read that to follow this. The chapters will be from Rory or Charlotte's perspective throughout. Hope you enjoy!**

"Charlotte!"

Charlotte turns around. Tyler from her English class is standing there, grinning.

"Charlotte Gilmore, right?"

"Right," Charlotte says. "Charlotte Lorelai Gilmore."

"Cool."

"Yeah. My mom named me after herself. Well, Charlotte Brontë for the first part, but Lorelai's our family name, her real name is Lorelai and so's her mom's. She says her mom got on this whole feminist rant about how guys name themselves after each other all the time, so why couldn't women, and..." Charlotte trails off, aware that she's rambling. Her mother also adds that a lot of birth drugs went into that decision, but Tyler doesn't need to know that. Absently, she reaches up and runs her fingers across the locket around her neck. She's had it since she was a baby, and worn it almost as long. Charlotte finds herself touching it in uncertain moments.

"So, Charlotte Lorelai Gilmore," Tyler says, holding a notebook out. "You dropped this."

"Oh. Thanks."

Charlotte feels like she should add to that, say something more interesting, but her tongue's tied. Charlotte takes the notebook, trying to smile, and tucks it under her am. The sunshine bounces off the lockers, onto Tyler's dark hair and the freckles on Charlotte's arm that's holding the notebook. She wishes she could pull her shirt sleeve down over them, unless Tyler likes freckles. Charlotte suddenly feels uncomfortably hot. She's saved by her phone buzzing and blushes, skimming the text.

"Sorry. That's my mom."

"Your mom picks you up?"

"Yeah. It's on the way home from the middle school."

"Right, right," Tyler says, still smiling. "See you around."

"Okay," Charlotte says dumbly. "Thanks."

She watches as he retreats and then pounds down the school steps into the warm September sunshine. _Thanks! Thanks?!_ That's not the kind of thing you say to a guy when he says _see you around_. Ugh.

Charlotte's broken from her thoughts as she sees her mother's car. There's a loud honk from it and, embarrassed, Charlotte hastens over and gets in the back.

"You didn't have to honk."

"Blame your brother," Rory tells her. He smirks, taking his hand off the horn, and Charlotte rolls her eyes. She and Richie take turns riding shotgun, and her brother always finds a way to be a pain with it. She buckles up beside her younger sister, who has so much junk laying around the backseat that she prefers being there anyway. Annie takes a large bite out of an orange slice, spilling juice onto her soccer shorts, and Charlotte winds down the window. The citrus smell already makes her feel sick.

"Good day?" Rory asks and Charlotte shrugs. "Is that a yes or a no?"

"It was fine," Charlotte says. She can tell her mother is raising her eyebrows without looking in the mirror. _Fine_ is how she describes any day, good or bad, and Charlotte sits back in her seat.

"I had a great day," Annie says happily. "We painted in Art and Mrs Andrews liked my picture."

"That's great, sweets."

"She would have said that even if the painting was crappy," cuts in Richie and groans as his mother says sharply, "That's not nice."

Richie turns around, giving Charlotte a smirk, and they smile for a moment. Annie carries on talking and Charlotte looks out of the window for the rest of the way home. Annie is eight and perpetually cheerful, like she ate a bag of candy and has a constant sugar rush, and Richie is thirteen. Charlotte supposes she gets along with him better but most of the time both of her siblings give her a headache. Rory parks the car and Annie is already tugging at her seatbelt, impatient to get out. She and Richie push each other lightly as Rory finds her key and then both are tumbling inside, arguing over the last of the chocolate milk. Rory looks at Charlotte and gives her a tired grin, and Charlotte smiles back. She likes these moments, where her mother gets it, but then she's asking about homework and Charlotte silently sighs. She goes into the kitchen, pouring herself a glass of orange juice and Rory puts on a pot of coffee. As it brews the key turns in the lock and they all look round in surprise as Jess comes in.

"Daddy!" Annie shrieks, launching herself at him and Jess laughs, saying she's too big to pick up but does so and gives her a kiss all the same. Annie starts chattering about her painting and goal in soccer and Jess nods in all the right places, running a hand through her curls. "Hey guys," he says to everyone else and Rory goes over, giving him a kiss.

"What are you doing here?" she asks and Jess laughs, making her blush. "I mean, why are you home early?"

"Finished early," Jess says simply. "A meeting got cancelled. Is that coffee?"

"You know it is."

"Bet it'll go great with this cake," Jess says, taking it out of his bag. It's chocolate and Charlotte's mouth waters, and Rory grins, saying she supposes they can have a slice before dinner. Jess cuts it up for everyone as Rory gets the drinks ready and soon they all sit around the table, Charlotte squashed in the middle.

"Good day at school?" Jess asks. "I've heard all about Annie's. What about yours, son?"

"It was okay," Richie says simply. "Drew let the gerbils out the cage."

"Why?" Jess asks and then groans. "There isn't a why, is there."

"It was a scientific experiment," Richie says, sipping his milk. "He wanted to say how many spelling tests could get chewed up."

"And?"

"And none. They just pooped."

"Lovely. How about you, Charlotte? Get lots of learning done?"

"I guess." Charlotte doesn't want to talk about the B on her math paper. "I'm glad it's Friday."

"Aren't we all," her mother says drily. She sounds annoyed, but Charlotte can't figure out why and doesn't want to ask. She concentrates on eating her cake and for a moment everyone does the same, until her father stretches.

"No rest for the wicked. I've got to go work in the study."

"Daddy, why do you get homework?" Annie asks. "I thought only kids got homework."

That makes Jess laugh. "Sadly, adults do in my profession, Annie-girl."

"Can I help?"

Charlotte almost rolls her eyes again. She knows it's just a ruse for Annie to talk to their father more, but Jess doesn't mind. He says she can help for a few minutes. Richie gets up to put his show on and Rory turns to Charlotte.

"How about you get a start on your homework?"

"It's Friday, Mom."

"Wouldn't it be nice to get it out of the way?"

"Maybe."

Like she has anything better to do this weekend, but Charlotte doesn't retort. She helps clean away the plates and shuts herself in her bedroom. For reasons she can't explain, her mother has been extra frustrating this year. It seems that the feeling is mutual. They always seem to be in each other's way. Charlotte pretends to be doing her homework simply to get some space and stretches herself out on the bed, closing her eyes. Her mother was an only child for most of her life and doesn't understand how lucky she is. Everyone acts the opposite, saying how happy Charlotte must to be to have a brother and sister. What a joke.

Charlotte was three when Richie was born. She has a vague memory of him being brought home, and another where she asked if he had a tail when he was being bathed. It still embarrasses Charlotte to think about that. Annie was unexpected. It was just her and Richie and then one day, when she was seven, her parents sat them down and said they had a surprise. That they were going to have a brother or sister and wasn't it great?

Her mother was due around Charlotte's birthday. Rory was scared she'd lose the baby and spent a lot of time on bedrest. Nana Lorelai came and helped out a lot, and asked if she and Richie wanted a brother or sister. Riche wanted a brother and Lorelai turned to Charlotte and asked if she wanted a sister. Charlotte said she guessed. She didn't say that she wasn't so crazy about a new baby at all, boy or girl, especially one that could steal her birthday. Why did her parents even need another baby? And how gross to think that they Did It. Charlotte wasn't getting to do anything fun with Rory either, as she could barely go out. What Charlotte remembers most from those months was watching a lot of movies, even for them. Rory got bigger and bigger and she and Jess looked anxious when Charlotte asked about her birthday party. Her father took her out for a milkshake and said gently that a party might be too stressful this year.

"But it's my birthday," Charlotte had said. Her throat felt hot and tight. "We won't bother Mommy."

"I know, angel, but the doctor said no stress and I think a party could do that even if you were quiet as mice. And that's not much fun, right? I was thinking I could take you all out to a movie, or the pool. How about that?"

Charlotte chose the pool. She was allowed to invite eight kids and her father and Lorelai were going to take them. She'd opened all her gifts, had a slice of birthday cake and was waiting for everyone to show up when her mother's contractions started. The party was cancelled. Charlotte had never really forgiven Annie, despite having her party a week later.

Her father had taken her mother to the hospital, saying over and over that it was going to be fine, more to himself than anyone else. Lorelai looked after Charlotte and Richie, constantly checking her phone, and in the early hours of the next morning Jess called to say they had a brand new baby sister and that she and their mom were fine. Lorelai hugged both of them, beaming, and said, "Another gorgeous girl. Just like you wanted, Charlotte! You guys have a sister!" Charlotte smiled, and couldn't tell the truth. She didn't want a sister at all.

Charlotte was a tiny bit excited when she saw Annie, but the happiness soon depleted. Her parents hadn't found out the sex before any of them were born, and Jess had said over and over that he didn't care what it was. _It's a baby_ , he said, _and that's the most important thing._ But from the way he talked on and on about his new daughter made Charlotte have her doubts. He'd always called her his little girl, but upon Annie's arrival Charlotte became his big girl, and she didn't like it. Annie was his little girl now and nothing has changed since. When Charlotte got her period, Annie learned to read. When Charlotte got ready for high school, Annie graduated Kindergarten. She was always going to be the baby of the family and always adored.

Charlotte knows Annie couldn't help being born the day after her birthday, or being the youngest, but it still rankles a little. They all look alike, with brown hair and their mother's blue eyes, but Charlotte's father is different. His name is Logan and he lives in London, but they don't see each other very often. Her mother doesn't like talking about him and Charlotte doesn't like thinking about him too much either. She sees him a few times a year and he sends her killer gifts, but it's weird to think he's her father. Logan doesn't even look like her. Jess is her dad but he's not her father biologically. Charlotte knows it doesn't matter - Jess has been her real dad since before she was born. He's pretty cool and takes her out sometimes, and talks in an embarrassing way about how happy he is that he's her father, yet Charlotte is curious about this other side to her genes. It makes her feel guilty, so she pushes the curiosity back. She and her mother have the same surname too, while her brother and sister are Mariano. Her parents got married when Charlotte was two and she was a flower girl, but she doesn't remember it. When Charlotte was older Rory asked if she wanted to change her name, but Charlotte has always loved it. She likes that she and her mother share it, linked in that way, and is going to stay a Gilmore. Charlotte's great-grandmother disapproves of of the discrepancy, but Emily is almost ninety, and disapproves of most things that stray from tradition. Logan's last name is Huntzberger, which is so awful Charlotte could puke. She's grateful she didn't get saddled with that.

Bored, Charlotte rolls onto her front and grabs her backpack. She pulls out the notebook Tyler gave back to her and flicks through, hoping she didn't leave any embarrassing doodles anywhere. She lands on the front page, heart stopping. In place of a doodle is Tyler's number, and, next to his name, the words _talk soon_.


	2. Chapter 2

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Rory sits at her desk in her bedroom, sipping some coffee gone half-cold. It's the calm before the storm which is dinner hour. Rory knows she should be focusing on her work but her mind keeps drifting, mainly to her daughter. Sixteen is even harder than she imagined.

Rory's greatest fear is that Charlotte will figure out she's winging it. Maybe she already knows. Rory's never raised a teenager. It's not like Rory hasn't tried to do her research on this. She's scoured every parenting guide she could find, but it was the same as when Charlotte was a toddler and starting school. They all disagree on every damn thing. They contradict each other constantly. Give her space. Give her boundaries. Ask her to talk. Don't crowd her. Trust her. Don't trust her. Things are worse than she imagines, things are simpler than she imagines. The one thing they all agree on is that this in an important stage in Charlotte's life and Rory has a terrible feeling she's screwing it up. She worries too much. When she forgets that, her mother and grandmother do a great job of reminding her - a rare thing they agree on. Rory can't help being a little surprised at their lax attitude - okay, she was pretty well-behaved at Charlotte's age but she made her mistakes. And what about Lorelai? She got pregnant at sixteen! And now Rory's down another rabbithole of worry.

She gives herself a shake. Charlotte doesn't even have a boyfriend. What Rory mainly worries about is how she talks less to her now. Charlotte's always been a quiet kid, but now she hardly talks to her, or to Jess. Especially her. Rory doesn't know if it's just plain adolescence or something else. But Charlotte's grades and friendships are steady, though there's another thing, she's working less hard than she could. But Rory refuses to get into that now. She stares at the screen. She needs to write a new article for the local arts paper she's the editor of. The words blur in front of her eyes into a black blob.

A knock at the door gives a welcome break from her thoughts. "Mom?"

"Yeah?"

Her son comes in and asks, "What's going on with dinner?"

"With dinner?" Rory asks blankly. "I don't know - I think Dad is making something."

"Like what?"

"I don't know," Rory says, mildly frustrated. "Have you asked?"

"He's busy."

Rory sits up, looking at the time. It's a Friday afternoon and Rory's mind still goes to Friday Night Dinner, for all the years later that it is. She automatically pictures getting dressed and driving to Hartford.

"Dad'll be out soon," she says. "You know he never forgets dinner. And besides, you had cake not that long ago."

"I'm hungry now," Richie whines and Rory sighs, getting up.

"How do cheese and crackers sound?"

"Bleh."

"Well, bleh is all we have. Come on."

Richie turns around, probably rolling his eyes, and Rory calls out, "Annie, Charlotte? We're making cheese and crackers if you guys are hungry."

Annie appears, bouncing at Rory's side, and shrugs when Rory asks, "Where's your sister?"

"Can you get started on the snack?" Rory asks Richie. "No more than two crackers each, okay?"

"Okay," Richie sighs and Rory knocks on Charlotte's door, peeking round.

"What's up?"

"Nothing," Charlotte says grumpily. Some books are spread around her but she isn't reading.

"We're making a snack, if you're interested. Cheese and crackers."

"I'm fine."

"Well, if you change your mind."

"I'm fine," Charlotte says. There's an edge to her tone and Rory pauses, considering sitting beside her, but her daughter picks up a book. "Just call me when dinner's ready."

"Alright," Rory agrees. She turns but takes her time joining her other children. Sometimes Rory wonders where the time went. It doesn't seem that long ago that she was alone in that New York apartment with her brand new baby girl. Charlotte was so impossibly tiny. And then they were moving to Philadelphia and suddenly Charlotte was a toddler, and Rory was getting married, and then Rory was doing it all over again, having a baby, and it was a boy, a _boy_ , and she couldn't believe it. And then her babies were children and shockingly she was pregnant, unplanned. It felt almost as scary as finding out she was pregnant with Charlotte. But Rory was so happy, mixed in with terrified of losing the baby. And then she was born, her beautiful Annie-girl, and Rory was a mom of three perfect kids. Perfect most of the time. And now that first tiny baby is a teenager who is mad at her. Richie lives up to the nickname Lorelai gave him - Cool Dude. Not much seems to bother him, and he rarely minds being the middle child, nor that Annie wasn't the brother he requested. Rory's surprise last baby is a little girl still, who gives kisses and hugs freely and feels strongly about everything. Rory cant keep up. She's done with having kids, she knows that, but she worries about raising these ones. The silver hairs that have snuck in amongst the brown are thanks to them, she's sure.

The evening slides by. Jess emerges a little later, whipping up spaghetti and meatballs. They all relax and laugh around the table, and even Charlotte is coaxed into watching a movie. Annie goes to bed and then Richie an hour later, with a little argument, and Charlotte takes herself off not too much later.

"It's still early, Charlotte," Rory says, checking the time. "You don't have school in the morning."

"I know. I'm just tired."

"Okay. Do I get a kiss goodnight?"

Rory knows that's a babyish thing to ask but her daughter indulges her and Jess with a kiss on the cheek. She waves goodnight and then Rory and Jess are alone on the couch. They pick up their respective books and read for a while, but Rory can't concentrate. She reads the same sentence three times and gives up, putting the book down.

"I wonder why Charlotte went to bed early," Rory muses. "I hope she's okay."

"She's fine. Relax."

"I just think something's up."

"We'll ask in the morning," Jess says, putting his book down too. "Haven't you noticed?"

"Noticed what?"

"They've all gone to bed!"

Rory giggles, meeting his kiss, and grabs Jess's hand as he slips it under her shirt. "Come on," she whispers. "Let's have an early night too."


	3. Chapter 3

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Charlotte's phone brushes against her hip, a niggling reminder of Tyler's number in her notebook. She gets it out and lays it on the desk, but she can feel it stare at her across the room. It's almost enough to make her want to do the homework her mother is nagging her about.

Charlotte can't decide to text Tyler or not. It seems like she should, as he left his number, but then maybe it's uncool to get back to him right away. Is she supposed to wait for him to talk to her on Monday? But then why give her his number at all? Should she wait until tomorrow? Why isn't there a manual on talking to boys? Charlotte walks over, picks the phone up and puts it back down and finally decides to text him after dinner. Absently, she lifts the flannel shirt on her bed and brushes it against her cheeks. it's really an old shirt of her grandfather's, but Charlotte has had it since she was a baby, and was given to her as a kind of blanket. Sniffing it always makes her feel better. Charlotte takes a breath of it, the softness almost worn through.

The house has gone briefly silent. Taking her opportunity, Charlotte goes out to the kitchen and makes a cup of coffee. Along with her eyes and hair, she's inherited Rory's love of coffee, although, if Charlotte's being technical, they both got it from Lorelai. Jess says it's because Rory drank coffee while she was pregnant, but her mother laughs at that. _It's all in the genes_ , she says. _She's a Gilmore_.

Charlotte is just finishing off the cup when her brother appears around the corner. He doesn't love coffee the way she does and wrinkles his nose at it, opening and shutting the fridge door.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm hungry," Richie complains. "There's nothing in here."

He opens the fridge despite just having closed it and stares deep inside, as though snack food is going to instantly appear. Charlotte sips her drink, considering a wild moment asking her brother what he thinks about Tyler. He's a boy, after all. But then she remembers that her brother is thirteen and enjoys pulling pranks. Charlotte is ashamed that she even thought about asking her little brother for relationship advice. If you can call it that.

Charlotte goes back into her room as Richie moves onto pestering their mother. She lifts up a book from the shelf, opens and closes it, and then lies down on the bed. The afternoon light ripples on the wall. The room is painted pale blue with posters of movies and photographs of her family and friends and painting of flowers she did a few years ago. The decor has stayed mainly the same over the years, and whenever Charlotte contemplates changing it, she never knows what she'd choose. Her thoughts are broken as her mother knocks and opens the door, defeating the point of the knock. Rory comes in, asking if she wants a snack, and not taking the hint to go away. Charlotte breathes a sigh of relief as she finally leaves, and rolls over onto her stomach. She plugs some music into her ears to try and drown her thoughts, with minimal success, and then she is summoned for dinner. Dinner merges into a movie and, afterwards, Charlotte takes a deep breath and texts Tyler. It's not as if she called him the second she got home, she thinks. She writes and deletes five times before settling on _Hi, it's Charlotte. I got your number._ He gets back to her around twenty minutes later.

 _Hey. Glad you get my note. Up to much this evening?_

 _Not really. Watched a movie with my mom and dad._

Charlotte cringes after she sends that at how dorky it sounds, but it's too late. He replies _Nice. Hanging out with my friends. See you Monday._

Charlotte goes to bed extra early. She notices a kind of curiosity in her mother's voice, but thankfully Rory accepts that she's tired. Charlotte texts back that she hopes he has a good weekend, but Tyler doesn't reply. It doesn't matter. Charlotte reads the messages over and over, a happy glaze in her chest. Talking to him on Monday is too exciting to think about. Climging into bed, Charlotte closes her eyes with a thrilled smile on her face.

She is woken far too early on Saturday by Annie jumping on her bed.

"Get up, get up! We're going to Nana's!"

Charlotte rolls over with a groan. She'd forgotten that was happening. It has to be too early to be up. A glance at her clock reads eight thirty and Charlotte closes her eyes again.

"Get up, Charlotte!"

"Go away!"

"Mommy!"

Groaning again, Charlotte sits up, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. She needs coffee. And a shower. But coffee most of all. She's shoving her robe on when her mother comes in, a steaming mug in her hand, and for once Charlotte is thrilled to see her. Sometimes her mother just knows what she needs.

"Here," Rory says, pushing the cup into her daughter's hand. "Drink this then get washed and dressed."

"Shower?" Charlotte says dumbly, making her mother laugh. Her thoughts are always bleary in the morning.

"Yes, I'd recommend a shower over the sprinkler."

"Don't say that in front of Richie. He'll start arguing he can just run through the sprinkler instead of washing."

"You're probably right," Rory says, sighing. She waits for Charlotte to gulp the coffee down before taking the cup back, lightly touching her shoulder and smiling. "Good morning, by the way."

Charlotte gets ready and then sits at the table, waiting for her brother. Annie was ready an hour ago, of course, and she chatters cheerfully at the table between spoonfuls of cereal.

"Not so fast," Jess says, touching Annie's arm. "I don't want you to choke."

"I won't choke. How come you can't come, Daddy?"

"Because I have to work, kiddo. I told you."

"I wish you were coming," Annie says, making Charlotte roll her eyes. Part of her wants to act like a eight-year-old too and kick her little sister. She focuses on pouring another cup of coffee.

"You're addicted to that stuff," Jess tells her and Charlotte says, "Tell me something I don't know."

"Hey, watch the attitude," Jess says but Charlotte can see a little smirk. She grins too and he laughs, shaking his head. Rory comes in with Richie, looking frazzled, and says, "Okay, I think we might actually be ready. One last trip to the bathroom, grab your books, your tunes and we're out."

Richei pushes to the bathroom first, making Annie whine, "He just went in there!" Charlotte takes the moment to pick her books and music and her phone. She checks her messages but there's nothing new. Disappointment settles around her and she pockets the phone, feeling her bad mood return. Her thoughts are interrupted by a shouted reminder to get in the bathroom, and Charlotte groans, wishing she was back in bed again.

At least she gets to sit up front. Their father waves from the driveway and as Annie and Richie start squabbling, Charlotte puts her headphones in. She's just starting to settle into a song when she feels her mother nudge her and reluctantly Charlotte takes her headphones out.

"What?"

"We can all listen to music," Rory says hopefully. "You know, when I was your age, my mom and I would make roadtrip mixes and listen together."

 _We're not you and your mom_ , Charlotte wants to say, but doesn't. Instead, she says, "They're fighting in the back. We can't even hear any music."

"They'll stop fighting once we listen the mix," Rory says and Charlotte can't help saying, "Good luck." Her mother gives her a look, but doesn't say anything. She puts the music on, turning up the volume, and Charlotte sits back in her seat. It's ancient stuff from the twentieth century but she has to admit that she kind of likes it. Well, she won't admit it out loud, but she doesn't complain. Even her brother and sister stop bickering. For a while they ride in appreciate silence, but then someone pushes the other in the back, and arguing starts back up and Rory groans audibly. Charlotte puts her headphones back in and this time her mother doesn't say a thing. Charlotte stares out of the window, daydreaming the rest of the way.

Her grandmother is waiting on the porch as they pull in, running down to meet them. Nana Lorelai is in her sixties but has the energy of someone half that age. All that caffeine, she likes to joke. She opens the car doors, helping them out and hugging them in turn. Taking Charlotte in her arms, Lorelai does what she always does, which is gasp, "How have you got so big? You're practically an adult already."

"Don't remind me," Rory jokes and then she smiles as Lorelai releases Charlotte, going over to her and wrapping her in a hug. "Hi, angel."

"Hey, Mom."

Lorelai takes Rory's hand as they go to the house. They're best friends, have been since Rory was a little kid. Charlotte can't imagine being so close to Rory. She loves her mother, of course, and she can be fun to hang out with, but there's a distance. It's got bigger lately, she thinks. Still, at least they aren't like Lorelai and her mother, Emily. Seeing Lorelai with Emily, whom they all call Grandma, is bizarre. It's like she turns into a teenager before their eyes.

Lorelai is simultaneously pouring lemonade and coffee, throwing out cheerful questions and tipping some brownies onto a plate. Her whole house is bright and happy. Charlotte remembers being five or six, begging to got to Lorelai's because it was 'the happy house'. Rory loves that story. The only sad thing is the empty dog basket in the corner. Paul Anka, Lorelai's old dog, died when Charlotte was three. She has a vague memory of hugging his neck, but can't really remember him. Her mother and grandmother were devastated though, and Lorelai can't bring herself to throw the basket away. "It's dumb," she'd said once, her voice wobbling, "but I can't get rid of it. It's like throwing out the last of him."

They sit around the table, relishing the brownies along with their drinks, when Rory asks, "Where's Luke?"

"He's at the diner," Lorelai says, rolling his eyes. "I know, I know. It's Luke."

Her grandpa retired a year ago, but takes the term _retirement_ very loosely. Most of the time they visit, he's in the diner, 'keeping an eye on things', which translates to working behind the counter, reminding everyone of what to do. Talk turns to work and her mother's latest article and Charlotte lets it roll over her head. It's too hot for September and she shifts in her seat, pressing the cool of the lemonade glass against her wrists. Her brother and sister gulp the last of the lemonade and, as if reading their minds, Lorelai says, "Hey guys, I put the sprinkler up outside. There's swimsuits you left behind last time too, so go nuts."

Richie and Annie cheer, jumping up. Charlotte can't help laughing a little. Riche makes a big deal about being a teenager now and campaigns to stay up later, but when he's at Lorelai's he's like a little kid. He and Annie make a run for the back door, but Charlotte stays at the table. Rory waits for a moment and then says, "Don't you want to cool off?"

"I'm too old to run around in a sprinkler."

"Oh, you're never too old," Lorelai says lightly but Charlotte's smile is tight. She knows they're trying to get rid of her. _I can take a hint_ , she thinks of saying. Instead, she goes to the back door where Annie and Richie have changed into their swimsuits in record time, already jumping up and down in the spray and shouting to each other. At first, Charlotte just watches them, but then being too hot wins out. She goes back inside, changing into her swimsuit, which is already too tight after just a few months. Pulling a pair of shorts over it, she joins in, letting the cool refreshment wash over her legs. Charlotte's just starting to enjoy herself when a sudden deluge of water washes over her, running into her eyes and dousing her hair. She whips round to see Richie holding a bucket, laughing hysterically, and Charlotte yells, "You jerk!"

"You can't call me that!"

"Want to bet?"

Charlotte grabs the hose, chasing him around the yard, and wrestles him to the ground. She sprays the hose over his face, both of them laughing and gulping water, when they are interrupted by the sound of music. They look up to see Morey, Lorelai's neighbour, bent over a piano in the window and Babette, who's grinning at them, an orange cat twined around her ankles. They've been like that for as long as Charlotte can remember.

"Hey there!" Babette shouts. "You guys having fun?"

"Yeah!" Annie shouts and Babette laughs. "You're Rory's brood, aren't you?"

Charlotte nods sheepishly, straightening up, and Babette asks, "You're all the spit of her. How old are you now, sugar?"

"I'm sixteen," Charlotte says. As she says it, she suddenly feels terribly embarrassed to be playing in a sprinkler, fighting with her kid brother, none the less. She stares down at her chest and sees her nipples sticking out in a humiliating, obvious way, and folds her arms over them. Thank God Tyler is states away.

"Sixteen!" Babette whistles. "You know, it feels like the other day your mother was bringing you home. And when she was telling us she was knocked up. Patty knew right away. Nothing can get past her, and just just because she can hear everyone's phone lines. Some people get all the luck, I'm telling you. And that was some gossip!"

Charlotte doesn't want to hear the rest of the gossip. She's saved by the orange cat letting out a loud miaow and Babette scoops him up, kissing his head. She's always had an orange cat. Rory says when she was a kid, her cat was named Cinnamon. They all went to his wake when he died, which seems sweet, if kind of odd.

"I've got to get Butterscotch inside for his afternoon snack," Babette tells them. "He gets upset without his warm milk and tuna, you know what I'm saying?"

Richie and Annie nod sagely, and Charlotte is relieved that they don't prolong the conversation. Babette disappears back inside and Charlotte takes her cue to too.

"Where are you going?" Annie asks and Charlotte says primly, "To go change."

"You just got out here!"

"I'm done."

Annie opens her mouth to argue and it turns into a squeal. Richie filled up the bucket as they were talking and emptied it over his other sister's head. Annie bellows at him, threatening to tell, and chases him through the yard. Charlotte slips back inside, feeling the swimsuit beginning to dig.

The rooms are quiet. Charlotte takes a fast shower, washing the mud from her hair, and wraps a towle around it. As she goes back downstairs, her eyes catch the display of photographs on the mantelpiece. They are mainly of her mother as a little kid, but there are a few of her, Richie and Annie as little kids too, and some of her grandmother. There's one of her standing outside a big house, a solemn look to her face. That was Emily's house. Her mother used to go there every Friday for dinners, and judging by her descriptions, it was kind of an intense place. Next to that picture is one of Rory and Richard, Charlotte's great-grandfather, dressed up in golf gear, and Charlotte picks it up. Charlotte always feels a kind of guilt when she thinks of Richard. She knows her mother misses him a lot, and her grandmother too, and they talk about him all the time. Richie is named after him, and Charlotte would have been, if she'd been a boy. Rory always gets emotional but Charlotte doesn't feel sad about her great-grandfather. She never knew him. How can she be sad about someone she never met?

Putting it back, Charlotte sees her favourite photo out of all of them. It's of her and her mother, the very day Charlotte was born. Her face is red and crumpled, a few locks of brown hair tousled on her head and her mother is smiling. She looks tired and uncertain but she's beaming, looking at Charlotte with so much love. The picture always makes Charlotte feel better. _Me and my girl,_ Rory says about it, her voice always filled with pride _. I'd been in labour for twenty-three hours and then here you were and it was all totally worth it. I had my girl._

Charlotte smiles at the picture again and heads into her mother's bedroom to change. As she tugs on her jeans and shirt she looks around, wondering how it felt to grow up here. It's all a little bright for her taste, but not bad, she supposes. The walls are yellow with posters all around, shelves brimming with books and random dolls and toys from when Rory was a kid. There's an ancient relic of a television in a corner which belongs in a museum and one wall totally dedicated to Yale. It had been Harvard before that, Rory told her, and from pictures Charlotte can see there used to be travel posters too. Some still remain. Suddenly Charlotte feels hot and clammy. She doesn't know where she wants to go college. She doesn't know when she can ever travel. She's told her future is wide open but sometimes it feels like she's being pushed down a road too fast.

She takes one of the books from the shelf, flicking through without reading it. Charlotte used to love reading. She wants to read now, but nothing seems to appeal to her. The books for teenagers seem dumb sometimes, like they're trying too hard to sound young, and books for adults feel too far, a world Charlotte doesn't know. She opens books her mother reads sometimes and it's a life of sex and complication and all things that make her nervous to think about. Rory is always pushing her to pick up a classic, but Charlotte finds them kind of boring. She guesses she's at an inbetween stage right now. Sometimes she reads her old books from when she was a kid. They're weirdly comforting.

Putting the book back, Charlotte sees another photoframe. This one hosts a picture of her mother when she was around her age. Her face is young and round, eyes bright, and the frame reads _you're an angel_ on the edge. Charlotte stares at it. It makes her feel strange.

Voices drift into the room, distracting her. Hurriedly, Charlotte puts the picture down and looks out the door. There's no one in the kitchen or living room and then Charlotte figures her mother and grandmother are on the porch. Carefully, she opens the bedroom window, and hears, "...worry too much."

"I can't help it."

"You can try. Kid, you've always overthought."

Charlotte smiles at her mother being called a kid, but bristles at being discussed as Lorelai adds,

"She's sixteen. That alone is not cause for freakout."

"Mom, come on! You got pregnant!"

"I did, not you. Not then, anyway. You're worrying about nothing. She's a good kid."

"I know she is," Charlotte hears Rory sigh. "I just worry."

"For anything in particular?"

"No, I just - forget it. I just am."

"You always have," Lorelai says. Her voice is fond but also frustrated. "It's a big time for both of you, I get that, but you need to relax. She is who she is. You worrying won't change that."

"I just want to keep her safe."

Charlotte hears her grandmother make soothing sounds but closes the window, enraged. Kept safe, like a baby? She's sixteen years old! As her grandmother said, she had a baby when she was sixteen. She was practically a grown-up. Not that Charlotte wants to have a baby, or - she catches her thoughts, embarrassed, but is still mad. She doesn't need her mother to act like she's a little kid.

They stop off at the diner on the way home, thanking Luke, and he pushes more brownies into Rory's hands.

"I'm sure they'll get eaten," he says, eyes twinkling. "You kids looking after your mom?"

"Yeah!" Richie and Annie tell him and he laughs, looking at Charlotte. "You okay?"

"I'm fine," Charlotte says. She wants to be home already but then her grandfather is hugging her and she relaxes into his flannel shirt, as comforting as the one she has at home.

"Take care of your mom and dad," he says. "And tell me how you like those brownies."

Charlotte nods, smiling, but her mood is still bad as she gets into the car, buckles up and opens the window. She's so annoyed she doesn't care about sitting in back and, ignoring her sister, turns up the headphones and goes back into her own world.


	4. Chapter 4

**Thanks for the feedback!**

On Saturday Rory takes the kids to Lorelai's. They drive out there at least once a month, and usually Lorelai visits them once a month too, but everyone prefers going to Lorelai.s It is, as Charlotte calls it, the happy house. Rory loves that. The drive itself is always less pleasant, but at least they all have music to listen to. This time, Rory tries putting on a mix she and Lorelai would always listen to. It's appreciated for maybe fifteen minutes until Richie or Annie annoy the other, and then it all falls apart. Charlotte is totally disinterested, and plugs herself back into her own playlist. It hurts a little. Rory knows that at sixteen she has a license to be disinterested in her mother, but she can't help wishing her daughter would want to talk to her sometimes. She and Lorelai had the best roadtrips, but, Rory knows, she and Charlotte are different.

Lorelai has set up the sprinkler, much to the younger kids' delight. Charlotte has to be convinced to join them, but soon Rory can hear her laughing with her brother and sister and relaxes, sitting back and taking a sip.

"You see," Lorelai says, reading her thoughts. "She's having fun."

"I know. I just feel bad sometimes. Charlotte's so much older than them - Annie, especially. I don't want to make her do kid stuff all the time."

"She can stay for coffee the minute she turns eighteen," Lorelai teases. "Or next year, depending on how grown up she acts now."

"I don't want her to act too grown up," Rory says, making a face. She knows Lorelai is going to start a lecture about Charlotte growing up so, after taking a hasty gulp, asks her mother about work. Lorelai is still working at the Drafonfly - much like Luke, she's reluctant to retire, and her mother launches into a tale of snotty guests who wanted to check just how organic their towels were.

"Michel wanted to switch their towels to crummy ones, but I wouldn't let him," Lorelai says. She goes on to talk about Sookie, and her kids, and how Davy is inventing yet another vegetable crop.

"Sookie's so tired," Lorelai laughs. "She already hears it from Jackson."

"That's what you get when you marry a farmer."

"And from her being a chef. Davy will try and cook some new concoction with it. Poor Alice, huh?"

Alice is Davy's girlfriend. It still seems crazy to Rory to think that Davy is a fully fledged adult. It doesn't seem so long since he was born, the pager going off at the Festival of Living Art with Lorelai desperately trying not to flinch. Soon she'll be thinking that about her own kids. Rory drains her coffee and her mother pours them each another cup. Lorelai excuses herself to the bathroom and Rory picks up her cup, wandering around the home of her childhood.

Aside from the remodel, it mostly seems the same. It always weirds Rory out a little to be here when it's empty, or nearly so. She can almost see the ghost of her younger self, absently walking into the bedroom with a poptart in one hand and a book in the other. Her bedroom has barely changed. Sometimes she sleeps in it if she stays over and always wakes confused, dreaming for a moment that she's woken up in an earlier time.

Rory's attention drifts to the line of photos on the mantel and she runs her finger over them, smiling. Her kids are so tiny in those photos! How is it possible that those pudgy little toddlers turned into real children? But then, there is a picture of Rory, wearing her pumpkin costume at the same age. When Charlotte was two, Lorelai made one for her as well, and just as with Rory's, Charlotte wore it until it fell apart. She also had a turkey, snowman and strawberry costume which lasted for a good few years. Rory's heart pulls at the memory. And then it aches as she sees the picture of her and Charlotte in the hospital. Charlotte was just a few hours old. Lorelai had taken the photo. Rory's memory of those newborn days is a little hazy, probably in self-preservation, but she remembers that moment so clearly. She was tired and sore but so happy she was in a daze. Rory had been in the worst pain she hadn't even imagined, and then when they laid her baby in her arms, she knew she'd do it all over again. All over again for Charlotte. The birth of Richie was easier, Annie's was anxious, yet the joys were the same. But Charlotte's birth made Rory a mother. By the end of it, she had her little girl. She remembers being in labour, unable to bear it any longer, and saying _I don't know if I can do this_. But she did it. She had her girl and Rory had never felt such happiness and pride before. The weeks after that were pretty hard, she remembers, but sometimes Rory wishes she could go back to Charlotte being a baby. If only for a day. She traces Charlotte's tiny cheek and her heart swells.

"Hey."

Rory jumps, almost slopping the coffee, and her mother is smiling behind her. "Taking a trip down memory lane?"

"Sort of," Rory blushes and her mother smiles again. "How about making a detour to the porch? It's so warm out."

"Plus you can spy on everyone," Rory says, following her and ignoring Lorelai protest, "I do not do that! At least not until Patty's down her rounds."

They sit on the chairs at the front, hearing the kids play behind them. Rory can make out a few threats, but they sound more of the water fight variety than anything that needs intervention, so she settles against a cushion Rory takes another sip just as mother says, "They were cute, weren't they? Charlotte, Richie and Annie."

" _Were_ cute? They still are."

"Of course they are. They have my genes," Lorelai says seriously, making Rory laugh. "But they're not tiny anymore."

"I miss them being tiny," Rory says glumly and Lorelai gives her a look.

"Really?"

"Okay, not really," Rory admits. "I don't miss potty training -"

"I seem to remember you getting mad when I tried training them to say they needed to go the bathroom."

"Because they were little! It sounded ridiculous!"

"And _potty_ sounds gross!"

"Yeah, well, potty-training _is_ gross and I don't miss it. I don't miss them throwing food or picking their nose or jumping on me and Jess first thing in the morning."

"But..." Lorelai says knowingly and Rory sighs.

"But I miss them snuggling with me and telling me they loved me all the time and telling me how pretty I was."

"You've got me for that," Lorelai jokes and Rory laughs.

"I know. I do prefer them being a little older, but I can't help it. I think of that and the bad stuff practically disappears. Two of my kids are teenagers - that's terrifying."

"One of them barely is."

"He still is one, and he's going to be a teenager for a while. And Charlotte's sixteen. That's so crazy."

"What's crazy is when you'll be sitting across from your daughter when she's in her forties."

"Gee, thanks," Rory grumbles. She stares at her cup and Lorelai pats her arm.

"Look, I'm not going to lie. It can be rough, having a teengaer. Or even after that. But they're going to turn into awesome people."

"You sure?"

"Right now they're really great kids. And we're all a mixture of awesome and crappy."

Rory smiles, sips a little more and then coughs when her mother says, "You need to stop stressing over Charlotte."

"How did you -?"

"Rory, I know you. And I know you worry too much."

"I can't help it."

"You can try. Kid, you've always overthought."

"She's sixteen. That alone is not cause for freakout."

"Mom, come on! You got pregnant!"

"I did, not you. Not then, anyway. You're worrying about nothing. She's a good kid."

"I know she is," Rory sighes. "I just worry."

"For anything in particular?"

"No, I just - forget it. I just am."

"You always have," Lorelai says. Her tone is a mixture of loving yet annoyed. "It's a big time for both of you, I get that, but you need to relax. She is who she is. You worrying won't change that."

"I just want to keep her safe."

Lorelai says soothingly, "I know, angel. But you can't protect her from everything."

"I don't want to wrap her in cotton wool. I'm just scared for her. What if she does get pregnant? What if she takes something and gets sick? What if she gets hurt?"

"I'm going to stop you before the next _what if_ ," Lorelai says sternly. "Because you are thinking yourself into panic territory and no good comes from there."

"But it's possible."

"Possible, but not likely. Except someone hurting her. Rory, as long as Charlotte has friends or falls in love, she's going to get hurt somehow. But she'll get through it. We'll get her through it."

Rory nods, clutching her cup, and Lorelai adds, "And she's going to make mistakes. That goes for everyone, if they're sixteen or not. She's not perfect. You know that."

"I know," Rory says, taking a deep breath, and her mother smiles.

"It will be fine, I promise. Hey, lets go get some more brownies before those kids of yours get in first!"

It's ironic, Rory thinks as she drives back, that Lorelai is telling her not to expect Charlotte to be perfect. Rory loved growing up with Lorelai, but that hurt a little. Rory always felt that she was expected to be perfect. If she was uncertain about something her mother would seem impatient with her. _That's not like you_. Rory didn't make mistakes. She was the daughter her grandparents should have had. Rory made pro and con lists, did her homework on Fridays, and watched _The Power of Myth_ on spring break. And then suddenly it felt that she's started messing up and disappointed everyone, and didn't know how to fix it. It wasn't like her, but it was. Rory felt utterly lost.

Rory is still mulling over this as she parks the car, letting everyone in and making coffee. Jess kisses her and says, "You seem distracted."

"Huh?"

Jess laughs, kissing her again. "My point entirely."

"Oh..just mom stuff. Worrying about Charlotte."

"Anything in particular?" Jess asks, frowning, and Rory shakes her head.

"I'm just overthinking."

But it feels like Charlotte has something going on. She seems mad at Rory but won't word anything and shuts herself in her room as soon as she can. Rory can't decide to push her or not. Sometimes all she needed was to be left alone, but Rory lingers outside her door all the same. _I love you,_ she thinks, silently sending the message through. _You're my girl_.


	5. Chapter 5

**Thanks for the feedback!**

Monday morning finds Charlotte running late to school. She'd almost forgotten her homework, done late into last night and thrown hastily in her bag this morning. Charlotte does the same thing every week - against all good intentions, doing her homework late into Sunday morning and ignoring the fact that her mother has a point. She should get it out of the way on Friday. Charlotte decides to do better next week and the whole cycle continues.

She makes it just in time for Homeroom. Today is a halfday anyway. There are teacher conferences in the afternoon, and Charlotte's classmates begged for the whole day to be written off.

"Nice try," their teachers had said. "You can't get out of a whole day of education."

Charlotte can see the door to her Homeroom. She's in time anyway now, but she carries on her jog and collides painfully into a shoulder.

"Didn't know you took PE before school!"

Charlotte turns to see Tyler grinning at her and feels a deep humiliation wash all over her body. The only good thing about alread having a red face is that he can't tell she's blushing, but it's small comfort.

"I...uh...late..."

Tyler laughs and says, "I figured. That was a joke."

"I know - yeah."

Charlotte wants the floor to release beneath her, swallow her before she says anything even more stupid. She's saved as she sees her teacher approaching behind Tyler and says quickly,

"I've got to go - my Homeroom."

So much for not saying anything stupid. Tyler just nods, smiles, and says, "See you later."

Charlotte opens the door, slipping into the room and sinking into her seat. Could she have sounded any more dumb? As the class quietens down for rolecall Charlotte's breathing evens, her armpits sweating rudely from the run. She probably looks better after an actual gym class. Charlotte's embarrassment moves to math class worries, where she hands over her homework and dreads the next assignment. Math is her least favourite subject. Charlotte can do it, but it bores her. Rory gets frustrated with her, saying if she worked a little harder at it she could get an A, but it makes Charlotte want to work at it less. She can't explain it. It doesn't help that the last time she did work at it she didn't get a much better grade, and her teacher was unsympathetic. She said that if she'd worked hard it all semester she would have done better. Charlotte can't wait to be out of high school.

The morning meanders by. Everyone is going home after pep rally following lunch. Charlotte pays for her lunch, going to sit by her best friend Ivy. They don't have as many of the same classes this semester, but have the same lunch, and always try to catch up a little. Ivy flicks back her long black hair, filling Charlotte in on the trip she had to go on to the aquarium, and Charlotte tells her about going to Lorelai's when suddenly Ivy stops eating, poking Charlotte with her free hand.

"Tyler's coming over! Look!"

Charlotte takes a swig of water, choking on it, and has just recovered by the time Tyler gets to their table.

"Hey Charlotte. Hey -" He stops, uncertain, and Ivy grins.

"It's Ivy, and I've just remembered I've got somewhere to be. See you at the pep rally, okay?"

She gets up, smirking at Charlotte who stares at her in disbelief and Tyler takes her seat.

"How's it going?" he asks casually and Charlotte forces herself to look normal.

"Okay, I guess."

"Yeah? Good weekend?"

Charlotte tells him what she said to Ivy, omitting the part where she played in a sprinkler, but before she can ask Tyler how his weekend was he interrupts with,

"Hey, do you want to cut the rally?"

"Cut it?" Charlotte repeats dumbly and Tyler says, "Yeah, it's not like they'll notice and we don't have class afterward. We could go somewhere."

"My mom's picking me up," Charlotte says and instantly winces at how babyish it sounds. Tyler chuckles a little and says, "Okay, we'll stay here then. Talk or whatever."

Talk or whatever? Charlotte's sold. She feels her heart thump beneath her T-shirt.

"Alright," she says. "Let's do it."

Charlotte has never cut class. She and Ivy would skip pep rallies somethimes, because they both agreed they were dumb, but then Ivy started enjoying them more. Charlotte hid once with a book but it wasn't the same, so she never bothered skipping again. She never imagined a guy would actually ask her to skip with him. Unable to see Ivy, Charlotte sends her a text explaning, and promising to explain, and then, as the general mass gather around the gym, she and Tyler stroll around a corner and then out to the field at the back. It feels too easy. Charlotte laughs in surprise, and then laughs again as Tyler holds out a bottle of soda.

"My treat," he says. "Well, the vending machine's treat. I tried to get one and two came out."

"Thanks," Charlotte says. She thinks of saying that sharing a bottle of soda is almost like kissing, and stops herself. What is _wrong_ with her? She and Tyler sip their respective bottles in silence, the fall sunshine bathing them, and then Charlotte asks, "Did you get my message on Friday?"

"Yeah."

"You didn't text back," Charlotte says, instantly adding, "I mean, I don't mind. I just wondered if you'd got it."

"I got it," Tyler says, leaning on an elbow to see her. "I just think conversation should be meaningful, you know?"

"Yeah..." Charlotte smiles weakly. "That's deep."

"Small talk is so overrated, you know?"

"Yeah, I know."

"I like talking with you," Tyler says, making Charlotte's stomach flipflop. "Hey, what are you doing Friday?"

"Nothing," Charlotte says automatically, making Tyler laugh. "Cool. You want to hang out?"

"Where?" Charlotte asks. "I mean, what would we do?" She feels her cheeks go bright red again, this time without the excuse of exercise, and Tyler grins.

"I thought we could get coffee or something."

"I like coffee," Charlotte says dumbly. Tyler reaches over and holds her hand for a moment. "Me too."

Her heart has stopped. She stares at him, his red shirt almost golden in the sun, when her phone sounds, starting reality back up. Charlotte wobbles to her feet.

"That's my mom."

"You want me to walk with you?"

"No," Charlotte says quickly. "That's okay. But I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow," Tyler agrees. Charlotte feels a goofy grin spready across her face and it's still there as she runs around to the front of the school, joining the other students spilling out, and to her mother's car.

"Hey, Mom!"

"Hi!" Rory exclaims, thrilled as Charlotte leans over and gives her a kiss. "Someone's in a good mood!"

"I'm just happy it's a half-day," Charlotte says, which is almost the whole truth. Rory nods, putting the car in gear, and muses, "Isn't it a beautiful day? How about we go out before heading home?"

Most days, Charlotte wouldn't be enthused, but today she's too joyous to feel anything else. She looks up, smiling at her mother, and says, "Let's get sundaes."

"I like your thinking," Rory says. "Wow, you should get half-days more often."

"Tell my teachers that!"

They park downtown and go to an icecream shop, ordering two sundaes to go. Rory gets extra chocolate, Charlotte extra caramel, and they walk slowly down to a marina nearby.

"Everything's just perfect today," Charlotte thinks out loud. Her mother looks at her, smiles, and loops an arm through hers. They sit on a bench, untangling hands to eat properly and laughing at the icecream all over each other's faces. Charlotte asks Rory about her day and her mother launches into a diatribe about her article and some new journalists who are asking a lot.

"I'm glad they're asking," Rory finishes, "but it's tiring. It means looking after their work as well as my own." She takes one last spoonful of icecream and says, "I do love being an editor though. Even with all this. How about you, angel? How was your day?"

"It was good," Charlotte says. She means to leave it there but her face is betraying her, a wide grin spreading over her cheeks before she can stop it. Rory looks at her in amusement.

"Something in particular good about it?"

Charlotte's shrugs, staring at her empty sundae container, and Rory presses, "Charlotte?"

Charlotte had vowed to tell her mother nothing. Perhaps it's the sundae, the heat of the day or simply her own happiness, but she finds herself saying, "There's a guy."

"A _guy_?" Rory echoes, looking at her. "Intrigue. Dare I ask who this guy is?"

"His name's Tyler and he's in my Engish class. Oh Mom, he's perfect!"

"He is, huh?" Charlotte looks up to see her mother smiling, shaking her head a little. "Describe him to me."

"He's got dark brown hair and it's all curly and he's got these melty eyes - I know that sounds dumb, but I don't know how else to say it - they're _melty_ , Mom!"

Rory sounds like she's trying not to laugh and manages to succeed. "Melty? I think I know what you mean."

"I really like him, Mom."

"I can tell you do!"

Charlotte smiles at her, her good mood getting even bigger. She'd expected Rory to start freaking out, demanding solid information and a sex talk here on the marina. Instead, she looks happy - annoyingly amused, but she seems genuinely happy for her, and Charlotte leans over and hugs her. She closes her eyes, wishing it always her and her mother, without her brother and sister getting in the way. She forgives her for all the talk about protecting her with Lorelai.

"I'm glad you've had such a great day," Rory says fondly. She kisses her daughter's cheek, and then is distracted by the sound of a clock striking in the distance. "We'd better go get your brother and sister."

"Do we have to?" Charlotte asks wistfully. Her mother laughs, ruffling her hair, and they walk hand in hand back to the car.

Charlotte's good mood lasts until evening. She's surfing TV before bed when she hears her father say, "It looks like Luke and your mom can't come. They've got some kind of meeting in Woodbury."

"Darn," Rory says. "Well, we'll still all have a good night."

"Yeah. Maybe Matthew can come. We haven't done anything with him in forever."

"Sure, if it's not too short notice. It's this Friday."

Charlotte's body flushes from hot to cold. It's her mother's annual party at the paper. She, Riche and Annie always go. In the past, Charlotte played with some of the other kids who were brought along, but now she's older it's just boring. She stood in the corner all night last time as the gangly son of someone tried to get a coin from behind her ear. Leaping up, she exclaims, "I can't go!"

"What?" Jess asks and Charlotte repeats, "I have plans. I can't go to the party."

"Charlotte, you always come," Rory says in surprise. "Why did you make plans?"

"I forgot - look, I'm really sorry, but I can't go."

"You'll have to unmake them," Jess says simply. "Sorry kiddo, but we go each year, you know that."

"I can't!" Charlotte wails and Rory exclaims, "What is so important? Why are - Charlotte, is this something to do with this guy?"

Charlotte stares her. How does she _do_ that? How does she just know?

"Guy?" Jess asks, shaking her from her thoughts. "What guy?"

"No one!" Charlotte shouts and he retorts, "He's got to be someone if you've made plans!"

They all pause for a moment, interrupted by Richie and Annie trying to creep down the stairs to listen.

"Guys, go back to bed," Rory says firmly before turning back to her daughter. "Charlotte, I'm sorry, but we arranged this weeks ago. You can go out with him another time."

"No, I can't!" Charlotte cries and Jess says again, "What _guy_?"

"He's just someone from English class, okay?"

"Whoever he is, tell him you'll do it another day," Jess says, sounding tired. "If he's someone decent, he'll understand, and if he doesn't, he's obviously not good enough for you to date."

"It's not dating if we can't even go out!"

"Charlotte, that's what I just - jeez, would you listen to yourself!" Jess groans and Charlotte can feel herself about to cry.

"Neither of you understand! Just forget it!"

"Charlotte!"

Charlotte runs upstairs, pushing past her brother and sister who are still trying to listen. She throws herself onto the bed, crying into her pillow. So much for mom being cool and understanding. She may as well text Tyler not to try and make any kind of talk with her, because she's never allowed anywhere without her family. A tiny voice tells her she's exaggerating, but Charlotte drowns it with tears. Her first date and it couldn't even happen.

There's a knock on the door and Charlotte shouts, "Go away!"

"Hey, I wouldn't recommend that if you want any sympathy here."

It's her mother. She comes in as Charlotte sits up, sulking wiping her eyes with her pillowcase.

"You didn't tell me you'd made a date with him," Rory says and Charlotte shrugs.

"Wasn't too solid," she says, her voice wobbly, and Rory says, "You acted like you'd already signed for it in blood."

"Gross."

"Well, you get my point."

Charlotte sniffles, nodding, and Rory goes on, "I have a compromise to offer."

"What kind of compromise?"

"Listen and I'll tell you. The party is from seven until eleven."

Rory doesn't need to remind her on that. Charlotte's been to them since she could toddle.

"You can still go on your date if you're back by seven. He can take you out after school, or a little later, as long as you are back by then. Then we'll all go out together."

"Mom!" Charlotte exclaims. "That's so early!"

"Take it or leave it," Rory says mercilessly. "That's my final offer, ma'am."

"I'll take it," Charlotte says. She feels a little defeated but at least she can actually go out. "Thanks, Mom," she says, looking away. "Its cool of you."

"I have my moments." Charlotte glances up to see her mother chuckling a little. "But your father's right. If this guy changes his mind on this, he's not worth it."

"He's worth it."

"Can I ask what his name is?"

"Tyler."

"Thank you. And I'm also going to need his number before you go out with him."

"Mom!"

"Sorry, that's part of the deal. But I promise not to call you - or him - unless something happens or you don't come back on time."

"Okay," Charlotte sighs. "I promise."

"Good."

They sit in silence for a moment and then Rory asks, "Are you excited?"

Charlotte smiles again and Rory laughs.

"I can't help it!"

"Crushes are fun," Rory says knowingly and Charlotte asks curiously, "Who was your first crush?"

"Oh - the guy from Pee Wee Playhouse," Rory laiughs, and then laughs harder when Charlotte asks, "Who's that?"

"I'll show you later. He was from a kids' show I watched."

"Who was the first guy you really liked?"

Rory pauses for a moment and then says, "I'm not sure. I guess my first real boyfriend."

"Dean?"

"That's right."

Rory doesn't talk much about her boyfriends before Jess. Charlotte knows she dated Dean off and on for a few years, but her mother rarely talks about it. She laughs however when Charlotte asks, "Did your chest feel all tingly?"

"Tingly - yes, that's a good way to put it. Goodnight, angel."

"Goodnight, Mom."

Charlotte waits for her to go downstairs before undressing, putting a chair against the door and touching herself in excitement, over and over before she falls asleep.

Tyler doesn't mind about the time of the date. Okay, so he's not thrilled and says it changes the plans he had, but he can work with it. They arrange to meet up at five thirty. Charlotte can't get home fast enough. The fancy dress she has for tonight is hanging up but Charlotte can't wear that on a date. She gets out clothing after clothing until her entire wardrobe is laid out on the bed. Nothing looks right, and as Ivy is at a movie she can't get her opinion. Charlotte could cry, and jumps at a knock at the door.

"Need some help?"

Rory comes in, looking amused, and Charlotte exclaims, "It's not funny! He'll be here any minute!"

"Relax, you have time. Can I take a look?"

Charlotte steps aside as Rory paws through the clothes, lifting up a periwinkle blouse and green frilled skirt.

"This is cute. It's casual but brings out the blue in your eyes."

"You think?" Charlotte goes over to the mirror and has to admit her mother's right. It works. "How did you do that?"

"From years of fashion freakouts just like yours. You know, I did the exact same thing before my first date with Dean, and my mom helped me out."

"Really?"

"Yeah. It made up for her inviting him over. That's right," Rory says, looking like she's enjoying Charlotte's expression. "She invited him to watch movies with us. You're lucky I didn't ask Tyler to the party."

Charlotte is eternally grateful. She lets Rory help with her with her hair, makes sure she has everything she needs in her purse twice, and then they go downstairs to wait. Jess smiles and says she looks pretty and Richie asks bluntly, "Are you going to make out?"

Charlotte tells him to shut up and Annie says kissing is sick, and Rory tells them not to start. There's a knock at the door then and Charlotte suddenly wants to run upstairs, especially as her phone chimes, a superfluous text telling her Tyler's outside.

Tyler makes a good impression, she thinks. He's wearing a shirt and black pants and shakes hands with her parents, offfering his hand to Richie, who just stares at him. He promises to have Charlotte back by seven and they drive downtown, stopping at a coffeeshop. He orders a cappuccino and Charlotte an Americano and they walk down the street. The liquid is hot but Charlotte concentrates on sipping it anyway, letting it blister her throat so she doesn't have to make smalltalk. Tyler doesn't like it and she has nothing to say anyway. Finally he says, "This isn't too bad, huh?"

"It's good. I'm sorry it's earlier than we planned."

"It changes the ambience," Tyler says in an impressive way. "But this works."

That's good enough for Charlotte. They finish their coffee and get some fries, which they share, walking around the marina.

"How come you have to go to that party?"

"It's a family thing - I always go."

"Could you be late?"

"I don't think so," Charlotte says, swallowing a fry. "I only got to do this because I swore I'd be there."

"They couldn't do anything about it though."

"My mom would call," Charlotte says with a nervous giggle. "Trust me, you don't want that."

"I trust you," Tyler says. He looks into her eyes, gives her hand a squeeze, and before Charlotte can even process the idea, leans forward and kisses her. Charlotte gasps before kissing him back. Are her eyes supposed to be open or closed? Open - what if she bumps his nose? But then she sees his are closed, and in movies people never kiss wth open eyes, so Charlotte hurriedly closes hers. His mouth is warm and a little salty from the fries. Charlotte has never kissed anyone before. It's not like how she imagined, in the best way.

"Thank you," she says, and then bites her lip in embarrassment. Tyler laughs, says, "You're welcome," and kisses her again. Charlotte's embarrassment fades into the kiss.

When they break away, Tyler says, "I'd better get you back."

"Oh - okay." Charlotte is a little subdued that that's all he says but as he parks the car, he kisses her again, brushing her hair back.

"You sure you can't miss that party?"

"I'm sure," Charlotte laughs. "I'll see you Monday."

She gets out, and as he drives away, Charlotte does a little dance on the sidewalk before letting herself in. Everyone is too busy to grill her over it, and Charlotte is still floating by the end of the party. She's so happy she even lets the boring guy pull a quarter from behind her ear. She smooths her hands against her dress, which is purple and frilly, and is sweaty when she thinks of her date.

That night, Rory goes to say goodnight. Charlotte's about to take the dress off when Rory comes in.

"Mom! You're supposed to wait for me to invite you!"

"Sorry," Rory says. Her voice is gentle as she says, "Did you have a wonderful time?"

"It was perfect," Charlotte says honestly. She's not even mad when her mother asks, "Did he kiss you?"

"Yes. Right by the marina!"

"A good place. Mine was by the ant spray."

"Huh," Charlotte says. She doesn't know what to say to that. She remembers the story vaguely, something about her mother shoplifting and running away. "What was it you took?"

"Cornstarch," Rory giggles. "I ran with it all the way to Aunt Lane's. Dean asked me to pick a soda and when I leaned forward he kissed me. I was so shocked I just ran."

"I was weird too. I thanked him!"

Rory laughs, sounding surprised, and says, "You must get that from me. I thanked Dean after he kissed me as well."

"Seriously?" Charlotte is a little grossed out, but can't help laughing a little too. Her mother tucks her hair behind her ear, kissing Charlotte on the cheek.

"Goodnight, Charlotte. I'm glad it was good."

"Thanks for letting me go."

"You look so beautiful," Rory says softly. She looks sad for a moment but then smiles again, says goodnight and leaves Charlotte to dream.


	6. Chapter 6

**Thanks for the feedback! I think masturbation is normal for teenagers which is why I included it, and didn't intend it as an especially erotic scene, but am sorry if anyone was uncomfortable. Charlotte will have some bratty moments because she's sixteen, and still growing up. It won't be the entirety of her character, but I think behaving brattily is a usual part of adolescence.**

Charlotte is in such a great mood when Rory picks her up from school she can barely believe it. It's like when Charlotte wasn't a teenager, happily telling her mother all about her day. At first Rory chalks it down to her halfday at school, but her daughter is giggly, in a sort of daze, and Rory gets a hunch. Charlotte admits it's a guy and Rory knew it. She knows that kind of look. Apparently the guy, whose name is Tyler, has 'melty eyes'! Rory manages not to laugh with some effort. She remembers how it all feels. Charlotte's good mood carries on until that night, when Rory and Jess discuss the party for the paper, and her daughter wails that they've ruined her plans, don't understand and runs up to her room. The door slams shut to accentuate it all.

"What guy?" Jess demands again as Rory rubs a hand across her eyes.

"A kid in her class."

"When did this happen?"

"She only told me this afternoon."

"So what, is he her boyfriend?"

"No," Rory says, feeling tired. "But I think she wants him to be."

"Huh," Jess says, shaking his head a little. "Who is he, anyway?"

"I don't know. All I know is that he has melty eyes."

Rory's mouth twitches into a smile at Jess's expression but she bites her lip. "I feel bad, not letting her go."

"We already arranged the party," Jess says. "She knew about it too - it's not like we're springing it on her."

"I know. But still."

Jess is quiet for a moment and then says, "We already told her she can't go. And anyway, like I said, if he's actually interested he won't care about going out another time."

"You're right," Rory says, but she's still quiet. "I think we should let her go," she says and Jess stares.

"We just said she couldn't."

"He can take her before it starts," Rory decides. "It's her first date, Jess. I don't want to make her cancel."

Jess is quiet too, but then he nods. "If you say so."

"I know she's making it into a big deal, but it is a big deal to her," Rory says. "I remember being sixteen. I'd just got talking to Dean and then Mom said I was going to Chilton. I threw a fit."

"A fit?"

"Okay, maybe not a fit, but I was really bratty. It felt so unfair. That he was the only guy who actually liked me, and I liked too, and Mom was taking him away from me."

Rory can't help laughing at how it all sounds and Jess smiles too. "It sounds dumb now, but it felt so important then. I remember how exciting my first date was, even if Mom was there."

"Wait, what?"

"Haven't I ever told you this? Mom invited Dean over for a movie night. I can't believe I never told you."

"I've never been that intrigued by your dating history with Dean," Jess says drily and Rory lightly pushes him arm. "The point is, it was my first date and it was very important to me. Don't you remember your first date?"

"Not really."

"Come on!"

"I didn't go on many official dates."

"Okay, but do you remember your first official crush?"

"I liked a girl named Maya," Jess says, looking a little sheepish. "We shared some soda outside the New York Public Library."

"How very Norman Rockwell!"

"We shared a cigarette afteward."

"How very James Dean," Rory remarks, making him laugh. "But you get my point."

"Yeah, I get it."

"So we'll let her go?"

"Sure," Jess agrees. "As long as she's back for the party. And she has her phone."

"Jess, I'm pretty sure she's going to have her phone surgically attached soon anyway. But we'll get his number as well."

Charlotte is happy with the compromise, and when the date rolls around, Rory comes into Charlotte's bedroom to find her staring at her entire wardrobe on the bed. For a split second, it's like Rory is looking into a mirror of the past, and seeing her own, young awkward self. She can't help laughing a little, much to Charlotte's duress, but her offer of help is heeded. Rory roots through the clothes, coming up with blue shirt and green skirt and Charlotte agrees it looks good. As she thanks her, Rory thinks this has to earn her some Cool Mom points. Along with that and seeing Charlotte in the same state she was, Rory feels a serious Freaky Friday moment. She remembers being utterly at a loss at how Lorelai could just pick perfect outfits, and here she is, finding one for her daughter in an instant. She almost repeats the reference to Elsa Klench - not that Charlotte has any idea who that is.

"I think I'm ready," Charlotte says, looking in the mirror for the tenth time. "I'm nervous, why am I nervous?"

"It's your first date, sweetie. It's a rule to be nervous!"

Charlotte impulsively hugs her and they head downstairs. The moment is broken by her other children deliberately annoying their sister, joking about kissing and undoubtedly making Charlotte more nervous than she already is. Rory is trying to keep damage control when there's a knock at the door and a chime on Charlotte's phone. Rory hates to sound like an old lady, but she never understands the point of texting to announce arrival when the door has already been knocked on. Not that this is the time to point that out. Jess gets the door and the boy walks in. There is nothing particularly striking about him, but Rory can see why her daughter likes him. Tyler has curly hair and brown eyes, the melty eyes, Rory presumes, and he shakes her hand and Jess's. At least he has manners, she guesses. Emily would like that. He even offers to shake Richie's hand but her son looks confused and Tyler drops it, smoothly promising to have Charlotte home by seven. Then her daughter is quickly waving before being whisked out. They wait until they hear the car drive away and Rory sits back down.

"Was that Charlotte's boyfriend?" Annie asks and Rory says, "They're just friends."

"How come she was all dressed up?" Richie retorts. "She doesn't dress up any other day."

"He's not her boyfriend _yet_ ," Rory clarifies, feeling tired, and Annie insists, "Is he going to be?"

"I really don't know, sweets."

"Don't nag your mom about it," Jess says, ending the conversation. "Guys, we've got to hustle. Snacks, showers and suits!"

"But we're not wearing suits," Annie protests and squeals as her father swoops her up.

"Okay, snacks, showers and fancy clothes, how's that, Annie-girl?"

"You're tickling!" Annie shrieks, laughing, and her father puts her down and kisses her cheek. "My apologies. There's sandwiches for you and Richie in the fridge. You guys go and get started and I'll be there in a minute."

"I don't want a shower," Richie whines and Jess says, "And I don't want to make smalltalk, but needs must. Go on, go eat."

Richie and Annie head off, whispering conversation, which Rory is positive lies on Annie's date. She and Jess smile at each other, sharing a tiredness they've known since becoming parents.

"What'd you think?" Jess asks and Rory asks, "Of Tyler?" Jess nods and Rory shrugs her shoulders.

"We only saw him for five minutes."

"But what'd you think?"

"He's a kid," Rory says, leaning onto her elbow. "He shook our hands. That was nice, I guess."

"But..."

"I didn't say there was a but."

"But there is," Jess says and Rory smiles, shaking her head.

"But...I don't know. He just seemed kind of smooth. A schnickelfritz."

"You think?" Jess doesn't need the word explained and Rory nudges, "What do you think?"

"I think he seems arrogant," Jess says honestly. "But it was only five minutes."

"And he's only sixteen," Rory says, feeling a little guilty. "He's Charlotte's age."

"Huh," Jess says. He stares out of the window but smiles when Rory says, "Remember our first date?"

"I took you to a movie."

"Right. But I mean before that."

Jess's brow crinkles and he says, "I remember our first kiss."

"No," Rory laughs. "I don't mean that. I mean - maybe it doesn't even count as a date, but I remember our day in New York. That feels like our first date to me."

"You skipped school and everything," Jess grins. "It so wasn't you."

"But it was," Rory says, grinning back. "I had to see you. You didn't say goodbye."

"Have I told you I'm sorry for that?" Jess asks, leaning forward, and Rory shrugs. "You can tell me again."

Jess smiles, kissing her, and Rory closes her eyes. She's kissing him back when there's a crash from the kitchen and she and Jess pull apart, groaning.

"And then this happened," Rory says, gesturing toward the kitchen. "Come on."

Charlotte comes back on time. Jess has been checking the clock for the past hour, protesting when Rory called him a sitcom dad, and then pretending to be indifferent when Charlotte came in, flicking through a magazine. They're too busy then to ask about it, checking they have everything they need before piling into the car and drving off. Rory can't help being a little excited too. The party's always fun. It was thrown before she became editor, by her predecessor, and Rory felt a little freaked out when she got the job and was told to run the parties too.

"But I don't know how," she'd said helplessly and the editor, who was leaving, had placed a hand on Rory's shoulder.

"You've always been more capable than you think," she'd told her. "And I know you can pull this off."

Rory had pulled it off, so to speak, and continued to ever since. The years of observing Emily's parties and Lorelai run the inn had paid off, as well as Rory's small stint in the DAR. The parties for the paper were a lot smaller, but it was the same skill, and Rory spent a few weeks arranging it all. It always felt worth it to take some time just to have fun, relax with everyones familes and not stress about work. Richie and Annie enjoy it too, playing with the kids belonging to others on the team, and Charlotte admittedly enjoys it less these days. Rory feels bad for her - she's too old to hang out with the kids and too young to hang out with the adults - but tonight she's happy. Her date must have gone well. She wanders around the room in a kind of daydream, even permitting the son of someone to pull a quarter from her ear. Rory can't help laughing at that. She remembers the night she met Jess, and downright refusing to let him do that trick. _No place you wouldn't naturally find a coin_. Rory wonders what Charlotte would say to that.

"She's quite the young lady," a voice says beside her, making Rory jump. It's one of the women on the secretarial team. "How old is Charlotte now?"

"She's sixteen."

"My, don't they grow up fast? I remember when you'd bring her in when she was a baby and we'd take turns holding her. And then when she was a toddler and trying to climb up everything."

Rory smiles, feeling old, and the woman adds, "Just look at her now. It won't be so long until she's off to college, will it?"

"I guess not."

"But sixteen is a baby," the woman says quickly, as if she's catching herself. "She's still so young."

"I know," Rory says softly, watching her. Charlotte goes over to get another glass of lemonade, her purple dress floating out, and Rory's heart tugs. Sixteen - she thinks back to that time. She was so much younger than she thought. And suddenly she was here, running a newspaper and having a family. Rory wants to freeze the years. Her thoughts are broken by a loud song from the speakers. Jess goes over to Charlotte asking if she'll dance with her old man. Charlotte shrugs for a moment, trying to be cool, and then puts down her glass and indulges her father in a quick dance, laughing as Jess goofs off and calls her milady. Rory smiles at them, drinking her wine, and then Annie is at her arm and wanting to dance too. Rory takes her hands and starts to dance with her, putting her thoughts away.

It's late when they finally get back. Annie has fallen asleep in the back of the car and Richie is starting to doze off too.

"You able to make it to the door?" Jess asks, crouching down, and Richie stumbles out.

"Not tired," he says in the midst of a wide yawn and Jess and Rory laugh.

"Go on up anyway," Jess says. "I'll take Annie in."

He unbuckles Annie's seatbelt and gently lifts her up. Annie stirs a little but stays mainly asleep as her father takes her inside. Rory and Charlotte go in together but before Rory can ask anything, her daughter disappears upstairs, her dress drifting behind her.

Rory pours herself a glass of water and takes it upstairs. Jess is in the bathroom, so Rory quickly checks her emails before getting ready for bed. There a few boring ones, and then one from Logan. Rory gets them from him pretty regularly. They're mostly quick life updates and questions about Charlotte, and she opens it up, taking a sip of water.

 _Hi Rory,_

 _How's life? I hope you and Charlotte are good and everything else is good too._

'Everything else' is Logan's blanket reference to Jess and their other children. It always makes Rory roll her eyes, and she reads on.

 _Odette and I are fine. We've been married for seventeen years, if you can believe it._

Of course she can believe it, Rory thinks a little sourly. He got married when she was pregant. It doesn't hurt her now, but it always amuses her how cavalier Logan is.

 _London has been home or something like it for years now. I always felt bad that Charlotte only came over a few times, but that's the way it is. Or was. Odette and I are moving, which is why I'm sending this. My job has moved exclusively to the states and I'm relocating to New York._

Rory's breath stops. The water dribbles in her throat, making her choke, and Rory swallows a few times, her eyes streaming. Once they're clear she rereads the paragraph over and over. It has to to be a joke. The next sentence will an apology for a dumb goof.

 _I know you're thinking this is going to change things, but don't freak out. We can keep our arrangement. It's worked for sixteen years. It is, sixteen right?_

Of course it is, Rory wants to yell. _Charlotte_ is sixteen! But she's too shocked to process further.

 _Maybe I can see Charlotte more, if she wants, as I'm nearer. But she knows how it is, so seriously, not a lot is going to be different. I came over to America a lot anyway and saw her then, so the only big difference is my commute. This is not a big deal. I'm in Paris this week, but call me when I'm back on Sunday._

 _Send my love to Charlotte._

The email ends there. Rory reads it over and over, a dull pounding in her ears. Her chest has frozen into a tight pain, feeling what she imagines is what a heart attack is like. This can't be happening. It can't. _Not a lot is going to be different._ Is Logan serious? He can be careless but this is another level. Rory wills her phone to ring. A call from the Life and Death Brigade, saying they wanted to stir some excitement up, even if she hasn't heard from them in years. Rory hopes it and hopes it. Her phone doesn't ring once.

The door opens, making Rory almost jump out of her skin.

"Hey," Jess says, frowning and coming over. "What's up? You look like you've seen a ghost."

"Logan's moving back." Rory's voice is dull, but Jess's is sharp as he exclaims, "What?"

"Read it," Rory says numbly, moving the computer over. Jess scans the message, his face darkening, and finally says, "He's got to be kidding."

"I don't think he is."

"What's he expecting? Our daughter to start going over for cookies after school?"

"I don't think he wants that," Rory says heavily. "He says nothing has to change."

It's supposed to be comfort but saying it hurts Rory's chest even more. He doesn't want her, he's never wanted Charlotte as his daughter. It helps having an ocean apart. It _used_ to.

"And he's expecting us to be okay with this? Charlotte to be okay with this?"

"I don't know." Rory has a terrible feeling she's about to cry and looks away. Jess takes her arm, squeezing her hand.

"We'll be okay," he says gently. "We'll deal with it."

"I have to tell Charlotte," Rory says tightly. "Oh God, what am I going to say?"

"The truth."

"The truth?" Rory laughs. "It's not that easy."

"We'll tell her together."

"I should tell her," Rory saus quietly. "Oh Jess, I can't tonight. Not now."

"Why?"

"She just had her first date. She's so happy. I don't want to spoil it."

Jess pauses and then nods. "Tomorrow."

"Tomorrow," Rory echoes. She stares into space until Jess mutters, "I want to punch that guy."

"Punching isn't going to help."

"What is?"

"I have no idea."

Rory slowly gets up and closes the computer. "I'm going to say goodnight to her."

The quietness of the hall tells Rory her son and younger daughter are asleep. Relieved, she walks lightly down to her daughter's room and goes in. Charlotte is only a little annoyed that Rory didn't knock and her face is glowing. Her beautiful girl. Rory smiles.

"Did you have a wonderful time?"

Charlotte affirms it. She's had her first kiss. Rory remembers telling Lorelai, how she laid on the bed beside her and gushed about all the details. She tells Charlotte about kissing by the ant spray, laughing as she remembers running away with the cornstarch. Such innocent days. And then Charlotte comments on thanking Tyler and Rory is so surprised she laughs again. Her daughter has inherited that, along with the first date outfit blindess. Charlotte is so like her in some ways that it's scary. She gives her daughter a kiss and tells her how beautiful she looks. Rory holds it together until she's closed the door, leans against the wall and lets the heavy tears fall.


	7. Chapter 7

**Thanks for the feedback!**

On Saturday morning Charlotte wakes up late. Wandering through the kitchen in her tanktop and pyjama pants, Charlotte brews a cup of coffee and makes a poptart which she alternatively munches and sips before going into the living room. Richie and Annie are watching some Saturday cartoon Charlotte grew out of years ago, but she plops down beside them anyway, enjoying the plot she half remembers. When the cartoon finishes Richie and Annie squabble over what to watch next and Charlotte joins in, arguing for the rereun of a comedy she missed last week. Annie makes the biggest case for hers and Charlotte and Richie let her win. Charlotte was only a little invested anyway. Her mother comes in and then her father, five minutes later. Charlotte thinks they've come to tell them to stop fighting, but instead they look, hesitate and then walk back out. It's a little weird, but whatever. Finishing her coffee, she watches Annie's show about fairies solving crime before getting up to shower. Charlotte closes her eyes as she stands under the hot water. She's going to have a lazy day, she decides. Wear her stretchy jeans and baggy sweater and do nothing. Charlotte needs to talk to Ivy about her date with Tyler, but that's it. The rest is going to be spent drinking coffee and watching some dumb TV. Perfect.

Charlotte finishes up her shower and puts on the planned outfit, giving her hair a quick rub with a towel. Brushing it out, Charlotte picks up her cup for more coffee and almost collides with her mother outside the door. She seemed to be standing right outside.

"Hey," Rory says. "You want to go get some coffee?"

Charlotte doesn't want to. She wants to spend the day with minimal contact from anyone. She's opening her mouth to try and find a nice way to say so and stops herself. Her mother has a really weird look on her face. She's trying to smile but looks nervous, folding and unfolding her arms.

"Okay," Charlotte says slowly and her mother says, "Great!" too loudly. "Good. Let's go to the marina."

Charlotte picks up her purse and follows her mother outside. Her brother and sister are fighting over the TV again but Rory doesn't say a word. Getting into the car, she turns on the radio and doesn't talk. She doesn't argue when Charlotte turns up the volume for a song she loves but Rory hates. She stares out of the window, her eyes almost glassy, and is still silent as she parks and walks with her daughter into the coffee shop.

Rory orders two large coffees and two cherry danishes. Charlotte is getting too concerned to even feel happy about this. Danishes with coffee are her favourite. Grandpa Luke's are the best but this is a solid second.

"Mom? Is everything okay?"

Rory hesitates and Charlotte feels her heart beat fast.

"Mom! What's going on? Is someone sick?"

"What?"

"Is it Nana? Or Grandma? Are they sick? Tell me!"

"Charlotte, no one's sick," Rory says, her voice finally normal again. She places a hand on her daughter's and looks into Charlotte's eyes. "Everyone is fine, I promise. I didn't mean to scare you."

Charlotte lets out a long, low breath, feeling her chest contract. She takes a big sip of coffee and eats a chunk of danish.

"Honey," Rory says quietly, "I need to tell you something."

The weird feeling is back. Her mother's voice is tight and she hasn't touched any of her drink or danish. Charlotte puts down her own, her hunger stalled.

"It's Logan," her mother says slowly. "Your father - no, not your father. Not your real father. You know who I mean."

Of course Charlotte knows who her mother means. She doesn't know any other Logan.

"What about him?"

"He's moving here," Rory says. She seems unwilling to meet her daughter's eyes but goes on, "Not here, like in this town, but he's moving back to the states. He's moving to New York."

"Oh." Charlotte doesn't know what to say.

"He told me last night," Rory says, sounding a little better now that the news is out. "So I'm telling you now. I know it's a shock, angel."

"It's not a shock," Charlotte says numbly and Rory looks at her, surprised. "I mean, it's weird, but it's okay."

"Charlotte, tell me what you're feeling," Rory says, leaning over. "It's okay to be mad or upset."

"I'm not mad or upset."

"If you are, you can tell me. You can talk to me about it."

"Is it a big deal?"

"Is it - well, he'll live a lot closer," Rory says cautiously. "It's a big difference."

"Do I have to see him more?" Charlotte asks and Rory says quickly, "No, of course you don't. He said that nothing has to change at all."

Charlotte wanted to hear that yet somehow she feels worse. She stares at her coffee and danish, no longer hungry.

"Just because he's closer geographically doesn't mean anything's changed," Rory goes on. "If you want to see him it'll be easier, but that's all. It's okay."

"Who says I want to see him?"

"No one," Rory says, drawing back. "You don't have to see him more at all, Charlotte. I promise."

Charlotte is angry, suddenly, but she can't place it. She hardly sees Logan. She shouldn't care if he's moved across an ocean - she _doesn't_ care. How can she care about a guy who donated some genetic material and writes the same thing in her birthday card each year? And okay, he sends pretty awesome gifts, but that's just a bonus. Charlotte starts shredding her napkin.

"I thought something had happened," she tells her mother. "You acted like it was major."

Rory gives a nervous laugh.

"It was a shock to me. I thought you might be a little weirded out."

Charlotte shrugs and her mother puts her arm around her.

"Hey, let's get out of here."

Getting fresh coffee to take away, Rory and Charlotte walk out into the morning sunshine. Yesterday the marina had been the most wonderful place in the world. Charlotte had kissed Tyler while the water splashed against the sailboats and everything seemed full of promise. Now the walls around it feel like they're pressing against her. Charlotte takes a long drink of coffee and looks over at her mother. She's sipping her drink, staring out at the water.

Rory doesn't talk much about her life before meeting Jess. Not her boyfriends, anyway. She wrote a book when Charlotte was a baby about her life with Lorelai, how she grew up, and a small publishing group printed some copies a year or so later. No book is off limits to Charlotte or her brother and sister, but Rory asked them not to read it until they turn eighteen. She says they'll understand it better then, whatever that means. Charlotte thinks it's actually because it describes sex, and that's enough to put her off reading it alone. She never wants to put that in context with her mother.

"Why didn't you tell me last night?" Charlotte asks. Rory startles from her reverie and says, "You were so happy, after seeing Tyler and the party. I didn't want to ruin anything."

"I'm fine," Charlotte says defensively. "I would have been fine."

"Well, I'm glad." Her mother's voice is soft. Rory moves closer to where Charlotte is standing, but she turns to look the other way, gulping the coffee down and welcoming the pain that sears her throat.

When they get home, the house is empty. Charlotte is normally happy about this but suddenly she wants to see her brother and sister. She wants the house to be noisy and distract her from the weird mood she's in. She wants Saturday to be Saturday again.

"Where is everyone?"

"Oh - I think Annie has soccer practise and Dad took Richie along." Charlotte nods and Rory says brightly, "Hey, why don't we see if anything dumb is on TV? I want to catch that soap where a mermaid is a main character."

"Okay."

Charlotte sits beside her mother but she can't find it. There's nothing even to mock, or maybe neither are in the mood, and Charlotte gets up.

"I'm going to get coffee and start my homework," she says and her mother nods, not even challenging the last part.

Charlotte makes a big cup and closes herself in her room, putting the chair under the door so no one can suddenly come in. Going over to the bookshelf, she reaches and pulls down a heavy photo album. Inside are family pictures going back to before Charlotte was born. There's a wedding photo of her great-grandparents, a picture of her grandmother as a little girl, and then ones of her mother as a kid and teenager. There aren't too many of her father - he's never liked having his picture taken - and then Charotte's heart turns. She finds the picture of Logan. He's grinning, standing in the sun, the light making his hair look blonder than it already is. Charlotte stares at it. He's her biological father but she looks nothing like him. Sometimes she wonders if it was a mistake, that he isn't part of her DNA at all, but Charlotte remembers lingering in the kitchen, out of eyesight but not earshot, a few years ago. Her mother was talking to Lorelai and Charlotte heard her say, "Some days she has Logan's expression so clearly it's terrifying."

Charlotte had crept away and stared in the mirror, but she couldn't find what her mother was talking about. She looks hard into the picture now and then jumps when her phone goes off.

"Hey," Ivy says when Charlotte picks up. "What the hell is going on?"

For a wild moment Charlotte wonders how Ivy heard about Logan but then her friend says, "You went on your first date last night and I hear zilch! You promised me details and haven't answered one measly text!"

"Sorry," Charlotte says automatically. "I was busy."

"Yeah, yeah. Have you seriously been asleep all morning?"

"No...I went out with my mom."

"Come on," Ivy says impatiently. "Tell me everything!"

Charlotte recounts her evening. She had been so excited to tell her friend, the information, bursting off her tongue, but now it almost feels flat. Ivy squeals when Charlotte gets to the kiss, and Charlotte finally feels a zing of excitement emerge.

"He kissed you! What was it like?"

"A kiss!" Charlotte laughs. "You've been kissed, you know more than me."

"Yeah, but it was your first kiss and it was with Tyler! I've never been kissed by Tyler!"

"And you better not," Charlotte jokes. They trade teases back and forth, groaning over some guy who stuck his tongue down Ivy's throat, and by the end of the phonecall Charlotte almost feels better. She didn't tell her about Logan at all. She gets up, contemplating some lunch, when there's a knock on the door. Charlotte gets up, putting the chair back and opens it to see Jess.

"Hey, kid. You busy?"

"No." Charlotte goes back into the room, putting the photo album back on its shelf. "I'm not doing anything."

"Want to go grab a bite?"

Jess takes them down to a more independent set of streets. They do this sometimes - get some food and amble around a bookstore for a few hours. Rory jokes about sending out a search and rescue team but blushes when Jess points out she's just as bad. Charlotte has a harder time finding a book that suits her now but it's still fun. Most of the outings are just to hang out, but she has a feeling what this is about. She looks out of the window, unsure if she's mad or not.

They go for an Italian place and order some pizza. For a while they eat in silence and finally Jess says, "So your mom told you about Logan. Weird, huh?"

"I guess," Charlotte says. "Does it have to be?"

"Doesn't have to be, but it is, right?" Jess asks. Charlottte shrugs. Her father looks at her, leans over and squeezes her arm.

"Just because he's moving here, doesn't mean anything else has changed," he says, echoing Rory. His voice is firm as he goes on, "I don't want you to feel like it's a big deal, him moving here."

"You and Mom say that," Charlotte says, looking up, "but you're acting like it is. Telling me this way."

Jess looks surprised for a moment and looks at his plate before her. "My mom had a lot of boyfriends," he says eventually. "She acted like it was no big deal, some stranger moving in, but then wanted to make it big too. Like saying we were all a new family and crap like that."

Jess takes a breath and says, "I just want you to know it's not like that. He's closer but that's all."

"I know, Dad," Charlotte says quietly. Jess smiles at her and says, "I'm glad. But I wanted you to hear it."

Jess pays the bill and they get up. Putting an arm around her, Jess asks, "So how was the date with Prince Charming?"

"Don't call him that," Charlotte groans, and then groans some more as her father asks, "So what can I call him? Hunk?"

"What's wrong with Tyler?" Charlotte demands and, seeing the next joke, adds, "The name?"

"Nothing, though it's kind of close to the mayor jerk who runs Stars Hollow. Man I used to love pranking him..."

"Dad!

"Sorry. Nothing. It's just not as fun to say."

"Yeah, yeah," Charlotte grumbles. "So did you like him?"

There's a pause. It's only for a second but long enough, and then Jess says, "I only saw him for a few minutes."

"But you didn't like him."

"I didn't say that."

"You think it."

"No, I don't," Jess argues. Charlotte kicks a stone out of the way and Jess says, "I meant what I said. I didn't talk to him long enough to know if I like him or not."

"You've decided not to like him."

"Why, because you think I'm going to chase him down the street for dating you, do the whole father with a shotgun stare bit?"

"Something like that." Charlotte is amused but annoyed and Jess stops, looking her in the eye.

"I promise to give him a chance, okay?"

"Okay."

They walk in silence before going into their favourite bookstore. Jess goes straight up the shelves, already seeing titles he wants and for Rory to steal, but Charlotte can't find anything. It's all childish or for adults. She looks over at her father and her improved mood dims a little. When she went book browsing with him as a kid everyone would call them the father-daughter bookteam. Now Charlotte worries it's becoming a misnomer.

They drive back in silence. Jess seems content, whistling under his breath, and Charlotte looks out of the window. She wonders how exactly her mother met Logan. In college, she knows, but how? And why did they break up just to meet again and conceive her? Her mother always says it was a long story but she fell back in love with Jess. She's never given any more information and Charlotte has never asked for it. She wants to know and doesn't. She wonders about Logan. If she saw him, would he tell her? But maybe he doesn't want to see her. She doesn't want to see him - does she? Charlotte's phone vibrates, making her jump. It's Tyler, saying he had fun yesterday.

"You know, when I was your age, I didn't even have a cellphone," Jess says. He's said it all through Charlotte's life and Charlotte has a sneaking suspicion he enjoys doing so. "Didn't need one. Who is it anyway?"

"Tyler."

"Ah - Prince Charming."

He looks over and grins at Charlotte who smiles back, putting the phone away. She considers telling Tyler - _that'_ s no smalltalk - but decides to wait, and sits back. Jess parks the car, grabs his bag of books and walks towards the house. Through the window, Charlotte can see her mother talk to Richie and Annie, everyone laughing as her father walks inside. Charlotte lingers for a moment, taking it in, before joining her family.


	8. Chapter 8

**Thanks for the feedback!**

Rory tells Charlotte about Logan on Saturday. Her daughter seems to take it fairly well, but Rory has a feeling it's not as easy as Charlotte made out. They go home and try watching TV but can't relax, and Rory doesn't stop Charlotte from going to her room. She claims it's to start homework and they both know it's a line. Rory turns it off and tried to read.

Jess comes back shortly afterwards, Richie and Annie talking over each other about their morning. Jess makes them a snack, waits for them to turn the television on and asks in a low breath, "How'd it go?"

Rory shrugs. She pours herself some coffee from the pot Charlotte made and says, "She seemed okay with it."

"Really?"

"It's what she said. But I think she's more mixed up than she's letting on."

"She's like you," Jess says. "She thinks about things more than she says."

Rory doesn't know if this is good or not. She takes a long drink of coffee. Jess waits for her to finish and says, "I'll take Charlotte for lunch. See if I can get anything more from her."

"Good idea."

They smile at each other and open the packet of cookies Jess brought. Rory is munching a third one as she hears Jess and Charlotte leave and then Riche comes in, asking about lunch.

"I'll make some sandwiches," Rory says, pulling out some plates. She gets the bread out and is bending over the fridge to find something to fill it when Richie asks,

"Where did Dad and Charlotte go?"

"They went out for lunch."

"How come just them?"

"I think they're going to go to the bookstore after," Rory says, trying to keep her voice even. "They're having their own trip."

Richie accepts this. Jess takes each of the kids on special trips now and then. She feels guilty as she slaps some cheese onto the bread, but it doesn't seem right to tell Richie and Annie without Charlotte saying it's okay too. Her other kids know about Logan, but it's Charlotte's decision. Rory makes the other sandwiches, calls Annie in to eat and conversation turns thankfully to soccer.

The rest of the day passes quietly. Charlotte doesn't talk much and Rory decides to leave her alone. When her mother would force her to speak, it made Rory resentful. Sometimes she needed to just be let alone. Rory goes for a walk to try and clear her head and sinks down on a park bench, finding herself calling her mother.

"Hey kid, what's up?"

"Mom," Rory says, swallowing. "Logan's moving back to America."

There's a stunned pause and then, "Oh, honey."

"He just told me in an email," Rory says, feeling hot tears build behind her eyes. "In this crazy matter of fact way that he's moving to New York and nothing has to change!"

"Oh, Rory. Have you told Charlotte?"

"I told her this morning."

"How'd she take it?"

"I'm not sure. She was pretty quiet. She said she's okay with it."

"And do you believe her?"

"Not really," Rory admits and, echoing Jess, her mother says, "Well, she's a lot like you. You're both pretty stoic."

"I don't want her to be stoic."

"You can't fight who she is, Rory. You have to let her think about it."

"I know," Rory saus guiltily. "I don't want to force her talk, but I want her to. I want her to talk, I mean, and I want her to want to."

"She will."

"How do you know?"

"I just do," Lorelai says maddeningly. "Charlotte always talks eventually."

"She talks less to me right now," Rory says. "I guess it's her age - I don't know. This couldn't happen at a worse time. What if I screw all this up too? I already screwed up so much."

Rory feels the hot tears fall and wishes her mother were beside her instead of in Stars Hollow.

"Angel," Lorelai says. "You're being too hard on yourself."

"No I'm not."

"You've made some mistakes," Lorelai says carefully, "but you don't know this will be. Talk to Charlotte and tell her how much you love her. She's got you and Jess and me and she's going to fine."

"I love you, Mom," Rory sniffles and Lorelai says, "I love you too. Have you spoken to Logan?"

"Not yet. He's in Paris until tomorrow and said to call then."

Rory can hear the disgust in her voice and her mother sighs.

"I can't promise this will be easy," she says eventually. "But you're such a great mom. You've always done what's best for Charlotte. It'll be okay, Rory."

Rory hopes so. She wipes the tears from her eyes and Lorelai says, "You want me to run interference with Mom?"

"Oh God," Rory says in horror. "I hadn't even thought about Grandma."

Emily is going to have some things to say about this. They're due to visit her in a few weeks and Rory had totally forgot. She takes a deep breath, thinking.

"I'll tell her," she says and Lorelai says, "You sure?"

"It'll be worse if it doesn't come from me," Rory says. "Trust me. She'll be mad that I got you to do it."

"Yeah," Lorelai admits and Rory can't help laughing.

"I'm practically fifty and terrified of my grandmother."

"Yeah? Well I'm in my sixties and scared of my mother too. That's never going to change."

They laugh down the line and Lorelai asks how the party went.

"Oh, fine. Charlotte was in her own world. She has a guy."

"She has a _guy_?"

"She has a Tyler."

"Wow," Lorelai says, after a pause. "Dish."

"I'll let her dish," Rory laughs. "You should hear it from her."

"I'm excited," Lorelai says sincerely. "I'll let you go, Rory. Love you."

"Love you too, Mom. Bye."

Rory's cheerfulness fades as she drives back. The evening slides into a sleepless night for Rory and on Sunday morning she gets up early, pacing up and down the carpet. Is it too early to call Logan?

Jess stirs, sitting up. "What are you doing?"

"Nothing."

"Why are you parading around the room?"

"I'm not parading."

Jess smirks and Rory sighs, going and sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Logan's back today and said I should call. I don't know when's a good time."

"It's eight am. He's probably still packing or on a plane. Did he give you a time?"

"No." Of course he didn't. Logan likes being vague.

"Don't try and call now," Jess says, taking her arm. "There's no point. It's Sunday morning, as Lou Reed says."

"Just a restless feeling," Rory quotes and then she squeals as Jess pulls her arm and makes her stumble back onto the bed. "Hey!"

"Come here," Jess grins, leaning over and kissing her. "Relax."

"I can't," Rory insists, looking at Jess upside down. "I don't know what to say to him."

She sits up, climbing back under the covers and leaning against Jess's shoulder. "It's too much."

"So let's talk about it."

"I don't know where to start."

"Start by telling him he's a jerk," Jess says, only half in jest. "Or let me."

"I'm scared things are going to get messed up," Rory says. "And he's acting like it's no big deal."

"What's going to get messed up?"

"The whole thing."

Jess is quiet for a moment. He laces his hand through Rory's fingers and says, "Charlotte said it's not a big deal to her."

"She said that to me too. But it must be."

"It's a change," Jess says, "but we promised that nothing has to change for her. And so what if Logan is in the same country? We're not going to start up weekly visits or anything."

"I know. But it feels big."

"It is big," Jess says seriously. "But it doesn't have to be terrible."

Rory nods and he looks into her eyes, cupping her chin and kissing her. "We'll be okay," he promises. "We'll be there for her."

"I know," Rory says, and she kisses him back, closing her eyes. "You're right."

She snuggles down under the covers, kissing Jess some more and pressing against him. Jess slips his hands under her nightgown and Rory pulls it off, tugging down Jess's shorts and moving her body onto his. She lets out a breath as he pushes inside her, kissing her breasts, and she wraps her legs around his. They come quickly, him then her, and Jess leans against her, running a hand through her hair which is fanned out on the pillow. Rory smiles and reaches up, kissing his cheek. They lie in a contented silence for a while, enjoying each other, until there's a bang on the door.

"Mommy, Daddy! I want pancakes and Richie's messing them up!"

Jess groans and Rory laughs, sitting up. The peace was good while it lasted, and she feels better than before.

"Come on," she says, pulling her nightgown back on. "Pancake time."

"And I'm betting I'll be the one making them."

"Hey, you know I screw them up. I'll have strawberries in mine, please."

The morning is a lot more relaxed after that. Charlotte emerges when she smells the pancakes, sticking aorund for coffee and being deftly vague over her reading assignment. She allows her parents to nag her and it feels like a regular Sunday until Rory glances up at the clock some hours later. It's the afternoon, which makes it evening for Logan, and there's no reason not to call. Rory grabs her purse and says she has to run errands. Jess gives a knowing nod and Rory drives down to the main street. She buys a coffee, gets out her cellphone, sips, hesitates, sips again, and then gets back into her car and puts the drink down, starting to dial. Logan answers almost immediately.

"Hey. You get my email?"

"Of course I did," Rory says furiously. "I've been trying to figure out when to call you when you wouldn't be on a plane. I should have called you in Paris."

"I'm relieved you didn't."

"I bet."

There's a pause and then Logan asks, "Have you told Charlotte?"

"Yes. I told her yesterday."

"What did she say?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing?"

"She says it's not a big deal to her." Logan doesn't say anything and Rory adds angrily, "That's what you want, right?"

"Rory."

"You said nothing has to change."

"I didn't say it doesn't matter."

"It may as well not matter," Rory says, her hand tight on the phone. "Just because you're nearer doesn't mean she's going to see you more. But you don't want to see her more anyway, do you?"

"I don't want to make things more complicated."

"But you don't want to see her more."

Logan lets that hang. He loves Charlotte, Rory has never doubted that, but he never asks to see her more than he does. In many ways Rory is grateful for this but it hurts, too. It hurts that Logan has never viewed Charlotte more than an accident.

"I have my own life," he says eventually. "You have yours. We've always agreed on that, right? We agreed that when you were pregnant. It's worked. It's still working."

"I don't want you to change things," Rory says. "I don't want her world to change."

"So why are you mad?"

"I'm mad because you dumped this on me! I'm mad because it's confusing for Charlotte!"

"How is it confusing for her?"

"Her biological father is moving to the same country! She's always been happy with you in London!"

"She is?"

"I don't want to make this a fight," Rory says. "I don't want to change things. I just want you to know it might be hard for Charlotte, and she's the most important thing. She might want to see you more."

"Has she said that?"

"No," Rory admits. "But she might. I don't know."

There's a long pause and Logan says,

"I'll see her more if she wants. As long as it's a good time."

Rory knows what that means. Whenever Odette's not around.

"What if she wants to see you at a bad time?"

"I'm not making it a bigger thing than it is," Logan says firmly. "You're stressing over something she hasn't even said."

"I have to worry about that!"

"You've always worried too much. It's fine, she's fine."

"How do you know?" Rory demands. "Have you talked to her about this?"

"You know I haven't." Before Rory can respond to that Logan says, "We're going round in circles here for no reason. You decided this, remember? You decided I wouldn't see her without it being arranged."

"I gave you a choice," Rory says, the memory swaying up before her eyes. "I told you you could be as involved as you wanted. Just that you couldn't just show up."

"And I decided," Logan says, his words tight and angry. "And I've kept to it. So don't you go make me the bad guy here."

"I'm not -"

"It's been fine for sixteen years. I'm a few states over but that doesn't change anything. Call me crazy, but I thought it's what you wanted."

"I'm worried about what Charlotte wants."

"You know her better than me," Logan says, his voice distant and final. "I have to go."

"Logan -"

"I'll talk to you later."

Rory hears him hang up. She takes the phone from her ear, staring at it, and has a sudden urge to throw it out of the window. Instead, she puts it back in her purse, finishes her coffee and drives home. The house is oddly quiet and Charlotte comes into the hall as her mother goes inside.

"Mom, where were you?"

Rory opens her mouth and closes it. Her daughter is staring at her with sixteen-year-old innocence and Rory pulls Charlotte close, holding her tightly and breathing her in. Charlotte seems confused but she doesn't move back. Instead, she lets her mother embrace her and Rory says into her neck, "I love you, Charlotte."

Charlotte doesn't say it back but Rory feels her nod. She should let her go, but Rory holds onto her daughter a little longer, keeping her as close as she can.


	9. Chapter 9

On Sunday night everyone eats dinner in near silence. Jess tells a small story about something funny that happened at work last week, but after everyone dutifully laughs the atmosphere peters into silence again. Annie puts down her fork.

"Why is everyone being weird?"

"Weird how?" Rory asks and Annie stabs her chicken impatiently.

"No one's saying anything."

Charlotte can feel her parents' eyes gravitate toward her and floods with frustration. They haven't said anything and now it's on her.

"They're probably being weird because Logan's coming," she says loudly and Rory whispers, "Charlotte."

"What? It's true, isn't it?"

"He's coming here?" Richie asks and Rory says quickly, "No, honey, he's just moving to New York."

"Is Charlotte going to see him?" Annie asks. Her voice is small and Charlotte assures her, "No, I'm not."

"It's no big deal," Jess says firmly. "It just means he's going to live a little closer, that's all."

"Why didn't you tell us then?" Richie asks and Rory says, "It's Charlotte's news. It was her thing."

"So why didn't you tell us?" Richie asks, swinging to face his sister, and Charlotte takes a big bite of chicken. She has no answer to that.

Charlotte checks her email before bed. Sometimes Logan emails her. It's fairly infrequent, but he always sends her a message on her birthday and Christmas. It's basically the same as what he writes in her cards, but he always emails without fail, or messages with other news. He hasn't emailed her about this though. Charlotte feels a little hurt, and her sneaking suspicion that it's Rory who makes him email for birthdays is confirmed. She closes it, scrolls through some online stuff, when there's a knock on her door.

"Come in," Charlotte says and is surprised to see Richie. Her brother barely comes in, and when he does, he rarely bothers knocking. "What's up?"

Richie walks in slowly and sits on the bed. "So Logan's moving here."

"Yeah."

"When's he going to show up?"

"I don't know," Charlotte says, glancing back at the computer. "He hasn't told me yet. Or Mom, I guess. She'd tell me. He hasn't said anything to me."

"Do you think Mom knows and hasn't said anything?"

Charlotte thinks for a moment and then says, "No. She told me almost as soon as Logan said he was coming back. I don't think she wouldn't tell me."

Richie nods. He plays with the bedcover a little, twisting the material between his fingers and asks, "Are you mad he's coming?"

Charlotte shrugs. "No. He's not a big deal to me."

"I'd be mad," Richie says. He looks at Charlotte and she shrugs again. They sit in silence for a little while. Her brother can be oxnoxious but he's also easy to sit with, understanding not needing to talk. Charlotte appreciates that.

"Are you going to see him?" he asks eventually and Charlotte sighs. "I guess. I'm not going to make any special trips or anything though."

"Nah, he's a jerk," Richie says, making Charlotte laugh. "We've got our own dad."

Charlotte smiles and Richie gets up, stretching. "Guess I'd better finish that English essay."

"You English essay? Richie, you read the book ahead of class two weeks ago."

"Yeah, but I haven't done the writing part, and sadly, my teachers sort of have a problem with that."

"I know the feeling."

Her brother gives a kind of wave and goes out. Charlotte smiles a little. When Richie's not being a pain, he can be kind of cool. Then she turns back to the computer and closes the internet with a sense of defeat. She supposes she'd better follow Richie's lead and get her work done too. Who knows? Maybe it'll shut up the questions in her mind.

At lunchtime the next day Charlotte and Ivy pour their respective snacks onto a tray in the middle of the table, creating a kind of smorgasboard. Ivy asks what's new and Charlotte, after taking her time to chew some fruit gums, says, "Logan's coming back."

"Who?"

"You know, _Logan_ ," Charlotte says, hating having to explain. "My - I see him like once a year."

"Oh, your real father?" Ivy asks and then at Charlotte's expression, "Sorry. I didn't mean it like that."

"He's my biological father," Charlotte says sourly. "Not my real father."

She takes a large handful of chocolate and bites into it so as not to have to talk. Charlotte feels mad all over again and it doesn't help when Ivy asks, "So when is he coming?"

"I don't know. Soon, I guess."

"He hasn't told you?"

"He hasn't told me anything. He gets my mom to do it. Would a real father do that?"

Charlotte takes another piece of candy and Ivy winces a little.

"I'm sorry. It's just an expression."

"Yeah."

"I didn't mean it like your dad's not your dad or anything."

"I know," Charlotte says, softening a little. "It's okay."

"I feel like a jerk."

"You're not. It's fine."

"But does it feel weird?" Ivy asks, leaning forward. "Him moving back?"

"I won't see him more than I already do."

Ivy nods and muses, "Maybe I'll get to meet him."

"Why do you even want to?"

"I'm just curious."

"You're curious?" Charlotte snaps, feeling her bad mood return. She whips out her phone, bringing up a picture of him on an old email. "There. Curiosity satisfied."

"Charlotte -"

"Hey."

They're interrupted by Tyler coming over. He looks at them and asks, "Something going on?"

"No," Charlotte says quickly, putting her phone away. "Nothing."

"I have to go anyway," Ivy asays, getting up. "I'll see you later."

She sounds a little upset but Charlotte is still annoyed. She doesn't want to make a big deal with Tyler here either, and she quickly starts sweeping the candy into her bag.

"Can I get in on that?"

"Oh - sure."

Tyler chooses some chocolate from the pile and, along with some gum, takes a large mouthful.

"Interesting choice.

"Gross choice?"

"It can be both."

Tyler laughs and Charlotte can feel a goofy smile starting around her mouth. It seems to emerge whenever he's around and she desperately sends a message to her brain - _quit it_! Her brain doesn't listen. Tyler grins and asks,

"Wanna go for a walk?"

They head out onto campus and walk over to where the trees are.

"You fighting with your friend?"

"No," Charlotte says, already feeling a little remorseful. "No fight. We were just mad because my - never mind."

"I'm curious now."

Charlotte sinks down at the tree, her hands suddenly hot, and Tyler sits beside her.

"Okay," she says. "This is kind of a long story, but I have two fathers."

"You mean like Brad in English class?"

"No," Charlotte says, shaking her head. "My parents aren't gay. I mean, my other father's not even my dad."

"I don't get it."

"My mom was seeing someone else before she met my dad," Charlotte says slowly. "She got pregnant and they broke up. Then she met my dad and they fell in love. He's been my dad since before I was born."

"So your dad isn't your biological father?"

"No," Charlotte says. "But he's always been my dad."

Tyler is silent for a moment and then says, "So who's the other guy?"

Charlotte gets out her phone, finding the picture she showed Ivy.

"His name's Logan. He lives in London but he's moving to New York, and it's all been kind of weird."

"Do you get along with him?"

"I guess," Charlotte says. "I don't even know him. I see him like once or twice a year and he sends me gifts on my birthday and Christmas. Sometimes he sends stuff just because. It makes my mom mad because it's all really expensive, but it's the best part."

Charlotte is laughing a little but Tyler still looks intrigued.

"But he's half your DNA. Half of you is him."

"I guess biologically," Charlotte says, feeling uncomfortable again. "But Jess is my dad."

"Why'd your mom break up with him anyway? The other guy?"

"I don't know."

"Don't you want to know?"

Charlotte shrugs. She'd argue that she's never been curious, but Logan being so far away she's succeeded in not thinking too much about it.

"I'd want to know everything about my real father."

"He's not my real father!" Charlotte snaps. Tyler looks shocked and Charlotte sucks in a breath. Now he's never going to talk to her again, probably. "I'm sorry - I just -"

"It's okay," Tyler says. "It's obviously a big deal to you."

Charlotte nods but the air between them feels awkward and she gets to her feet.

"I think the bell's going to go soon."

"Probably," Tyler agrees. "Come here."

Surprised, Charlotte moves over and he gives her a kiss. It's not unpleasant but feels a little odd, given the mood. But he smiles as they move apart and says, "You're an intrigue." Charlotte takes it as a compliment.

Her mother picks her up at the usual time and Charlotte sits in the front. Richie and Annie are arguing over something so there's no way to talk to her, but later, once they're respectfully at a friend's house or watching TV, Charlotte corners her mother in the kitchen. Rory is making coffee, eating a cookie with her spare hand, and jumps when Charlotte says, "Mom, how come you broke up with Logan?"

Rory chokes on some crumbs and Charlotte waits for her to drink some water.

"Why?" she asks and Charlotte asks, "I'm just wondering. Aren't I allowed to ask?"

"Of course you're allowed to ask." Her mother shakes some more cookies onto a plate and sits down beside Charlotte at the table, pouring them some coffee. "It was all a long time ago."

"What happened?"

Her mother is silent for a moment. "I met him when I was twenty," she says. "I know that sounds old to you, but I was really very young. And he just swept me off my feet."

Charlotte takes a bite of a cookie and her mother goes on, "He was very rich. Of course, Grandma and Grandpa were rich, and Mom grew up rich, but I wasn't raised that way. My first home was a potting shed. I went to a fancy school, but it was totally separate from my life at home. I did a debutante ball for Emily once, but was kind of a one-off. It was fun but not too much on my radar, and then I met Logan. And he was so - he had fun with his money. He was part of this Yale society called the Life and Death Brigade and they had crazy parties and I did this insane stunt with Logan, where I jumped off scaffolding in a fancy dress -"

Her mother pauses to look Charlotte in the eye and says, "I'm not condoning any of this, by the way."

"Mom," Charlotte says impatiently and Rory continues, "Anyway, I started seeing him and it was all so much fun. He made me feel like I took everything too seriously, and with him I could loosen up, and I did, I guess, though I made a lot of dumb choices too. But I had to grow up and it was over."

"When?"

"Huh?"

"When was it over? Because that was when you were in college."

"Right," Rory says, sounding guilty. "We split up after college because I got a job reporting on the Obama campaign. And then we went several years without seeing each other, and then I saw him in Germany after Grandpa died. It felt so great seeing him, after so long, and we started dating each other again."

"How come it didn't work out?"

Rory takes a long drink of coffee before she answers.

"I had to grow up," she says. "Like before. I was in a tough time and I told myself it was fine to be with him, but it wasn't. We weren't kids anymore. We couldn't just run around drinking and going to parties and avoiding being adults."

What does that even mean, Charlotte wonders. Avoid being adults? They were already adults. She chews her cookie contemplatively and her mother winds up, "I decided to end things. And then I found out I was pregnant with you just a month or so later. And then I got to know your dad again, and fell totally in love, and that was that."

"You dated Dad in high school, right?"

"Yes," Rory says, laughing. "It was funny. But with your dad, it was like we had to grow up to be in a good relationship with each other. With Logan, it was more the other way."

Charlotte is confused and it must show because her mother elaborates, "I think we were good together when we were twenty, but not in our thirties. It was only good for that first time."

Charlotte nods and her mother smiles at her, gently resting her fingers under her daughter's chin.

"I know it all sounds kind of crazy," she says. "And I made some mistakes, but one day you'll understand. One day you'll fall in love and won't know what to do with yourself. Or maybe you'll feel that way when you're twenty too. Life gets confusing."

Charlotte smiles a little and goes back to her drink. She wants to ask more - how her mother made that arrangement with Logan, if she ever misses him - but her courage has run out. She takes a bite of cookie and remarks, "I think adults make things more complicated then they need to be."

Her mother looks at her and shakes her head. She looks amused, and says in an infuriating way, "Come back to me on that in ten years."

Charlotte is annoyed and gets up, scraping her chair back. "You're not listening."

"Charlotte, I am listening," Rory protests. "I'm just saying that when I was sixteen, I had a very clear view of how my path was going to look, and then I ended up somewhere totally different. And I think it would have helped me if someone told me I didn't need to have it all figured out."

 _Whatever,_ Charlotte says silently. She finishes her coffee, saying something about homework, and goes to her room. Taking out her phone, she sees the picture of Logan from before, and furiously, Charlotte deletes it before throwing her cellphone onto the bed. She doesn't want that confusion in her genes, and she is not her mother. She won't make mistakes.


	10. Chapter 10

**Thanks for the feedback!**

"Toss me that underwear."

Rory is packing for the trip to see Emily. Jess throws over the pair and Rory catches them in one hand, using the other to tuck some socks into the corner of her suitcase.

"You're in the zone," Jess remarks, folding some shirts into his own bag. "Power packing."

"Well, I'm nervous, and I may as well channel the stress into something good. Hand me that raincap."

Jess silently passes it and Rory sighs. She's going to Emily's for three days - the kids don't have school this Monday - and can already taste the dry nervousness in her mouth. It seems all the more appropriate to be getting ready on a Friday, even if they aren't seeing Emily until tomorrow. They are driving to Lorelai's tonight and going to Emily's on Saturday. Rory keeps running over telling Emily about Logan in her mind, imagining a worse scenario each time. Irritably, she punches the contents of her case into shape with more force than necessary and Jess places a hand on her shoulder.

"Hey. Why don't you take a break?"

"I can't take a break," Rory says fitfully. "If I take a break, I keep thinking about talking to Emily."

"And if you don't, you're going to beat up your possessions."

Rory looks at Jess and starts laughing.

"Okay. You may have a point. I'm going to go make some coffee."

"You want to add caffeine to this insanity?"

"You really want to question me drinking coffee?"

"No ma'am," Jess says and Rory nods, going to the door. "Wise man."

Rory heads to the kitchen, her urge for coffee outpassing checking on her children's progress. Rory suspects none of them have packed even a quarter of what they need, but coffee is the main thing on her mind. Brewing a large pot, she sips gratefully, closing her eyes, and imagines this must be how Lorelai felt, every Friday, before they went to Hartford.

"Can I have some?"

Rory jumps, broken from her thoughts, to see Charlotte looking hopeful.

"Oh, sure."

Rory pours her a cup and her daughter asks knowingly, "You nervous about seeing Grandma?"

"It'll be fine."

"But are you nervous?"

"Why should I be nervous?" Rory asks, knowing how fake it sounds. "I'm only telling her Logan's moving back."

Rory can tell Charlotte is seeing through her. She sips more coffee and says, "Maybe I'm a little nervous. Grandma has that effect on people."

"I can't believe you and Nana are still afraid of her."

"Hey," Rory says, putting her cup down. "You're in no position to judge. You were afraid to tell her about screwing up your lemonade stall in third grade, remember? When you picked up salt instead of sugar?"

Charlotte looks a little pained at the memory. Rory can still taste it. Her daughter was crying about nobody liking her lemonade, and to appease her, Rory had paid a dollar, poured a large glass and gulped it. Rory was met by a briny taste and instantly spat it out all over the lawn. Possibly not the best course of action, but it was imossible to actually drink. Rory is ashamed both at what happened and for bringing it up. What is she doing, competing with her sixteen-year-old?

"I'm sorry," she says. "I shouldn't make a big deal out of that."

"I never wanted to make lemonade again."

"Hey, it could happen to any of us. And you didn't need to be scared to tell Grandma."

"Like you shouldn't be scared about this?" Charlotte asks knowingly and Rory groans.

"That's what I'm trying to tell myself. How's your packing going?"

"Um," Charlotte says guiltily. "Good."

"Really," Rory says, putting a hand on her hip. "So if I go into your room, I'll find a packed bag? Not clothes everywhere?"

"Not that many clothes," Charlotte hedges and Rory rolls her eyes.

"So you haven't really started. Charlotte! What have you been doing?"

Charlotte shrugs, and Rory can guess. Texting her crush for the past hour and a half.

"Do I need to take your phone away?"

"Mom, no!"

"Then go finish up," Rory says firmly. "We need to leave in an hour."

"Fine," Charlotte sighs. "But do I really need to bring a raincap?"

"Yes."

"But I already have an umbrella!"

"Grandma's rules."

"But no one even wears raincaps," Charlotte moans. "I only have one because she gave it to me!"

"Exactly, it was a gift from her and she'll expect to see it."

"But -"

"Charlotte, trust me," Rory says seriously. "This is for your own good. You don't want to know what she'll do if you don't bring it, believe me. Or believe Nana - she'll have stories for you."

"Okay, okay."

Charlotte finishes her coffee and walks slowly back to her room. Rory finishes her own cup, looks in on Richie and Annie, reminding them about the raincaps too, and goes back to her bedroom. Jess is zipping up his bag.

"Done," he says smugly. "And yes - I have a raincap."

"Good," Rory says, sitting on the bed. "I'm still hoping to see you in it one of these days."

"Don't count on it."

Emily bought all of them raincaps at various points across the years. She bought Jess's after he and Rory got married, in a lurid shade of green, and has never seen the light of the day. Jess argues that it would never get wet on account of repelling all natural things.

Rory reaches for her laptop, opening her emails. There's a new one from Logan and she sucks in her breath.

"What?"

"It's Logan. He's coming back in the middle of October. The week after my birthday, in fact."

"Some gift," Jess jokes but Rory feels too tense to smile. He puts an arm around her. "Hey. We already knew he was coming."

"I know - it's just soon. It feels sooner than it did. And it's one more thing to tell Grandma. And Charlotte."

Rory is too upset to reply. She closes the computer and looks up to see Jess donning the raincap. He pulls it over one eye, making a serious face, and Rory laughs in spite of herself.

"If it gets too much, I'll wear this," Jess declares. "On top of repelling rain, it sucks tension out of any room."

"We might have to test that theory."

Jess grimaces and Rory smiles, getting up. "I'm going to check on the kids."

"Okay," Jess says, not remarking on her just doing so. Rory takes a welcome distraction in talking Annie and Richie into cutting their book selection down by two, showing them how to fold their shirts, and telling them about her roadtrip to Harvard. By the time she leaves their rooms they're both packed, but Rory takes her time in going to Charlotte's room. Hesitantly, she knocks on the door.

"Just a minute!" comes a guilty voice and Rory shakes her head, waiting for Charlotte to open the door. There's slight progress in the room, and Rory knows 90% of the time has been spent on her phone.

"I've packed some," Charlotte says defensively and Rory nods. Absently, she picks up some discarded shirts and folds them carefully.

"There," she says. "Remember how I told you about Nana scrunching up my map when we went to Harvard? This is how you actually fold things."

"Okay," Charlotte says, sounding confused, and Rory sighs.

"I got another email from Logan," she tells her. "He's let us know when he's coming. It's the middle of October."

"You."

"Huh?"

"He told you, not _us_. He hasn't told me anything."

"He's running it by me," Rory says, after a pause. "I'm sure he'll tell you everything soon."

"Right," Charlotte says. She sounds a little sarcastic but turns back to her bags. "I've still got a lot to do."

"Do you want to talk about it?" Rory asks gently but her daughter shakes her head.

"I want to get this done."

"Okay," Rory says softly. She lingers for a moment before turning, leaving her daughter to her thoughts.

Half an hour later, everyone is packed. They get on the road with minimal fuss, and Jess puts on a Clash album in the car. Everyone cheers, although Charlotte seems a little downhearted, but soon she's smiling and humming alone. They reach Lorelai's in good time, and she and Luke are already waiting out on the lawn. After the usual cacophony of hugs and kisses, Lorelai leads everyone inside as Luke carries their overnight bags inside.

"You guys are in luck," Lorelai announces. "Grandpa Luke had special chocolate cake at the diner and there's enough slices for all of us!"

Richie and Annie cheer and Jess says, "He made two, huh?"

"You saw right through me," Luke says, but he claps Jess on the back and pulls him into a hug. "How's it going?"

"Not bad..."

"You excited to see Emily?"

"Oh, yeah." Jess looks like he's about to form a more sarcastic response and then notices the Charlotte, Richie and Annie looking and coughs. "It'll be great. I'm going to go freshen up."

"Can we have cake?" Annie asks excitedly and Rory says, "Hey, patience, missy."

"I don't blame her," Lorelai says. "Just hold on five more minutes, kiddo."

Soon they've all had a generous slice each, watched a movie and are getting sleepy. Rory is, at least, but she can tell her children are too. Richie is dozing off with a piece of popcorn in his hand.

"I think it's time for bed," Rory says. Everyone groans, but no one puts up too much of a protest and Lorelai shows Richie and Annie the beds she's made on the floor of Rory's old room.

"How come Charlotte gets the big bed?" Richie demands.

"It's my turn, and I'm the oldest," Charlotte says smugly.

"It's Charlotte's turn, not that she's the oldest," Rory corrects. "You can have your turn next time."

There's a little bickering but Richie and Annie acquiesce, arguing over who gets to use the bathroom first. Charlotte is allowed to stay up a little later. As she goes to check her phone, Rory grabs her mother's hand, and says, "I heard from Logan again. He's coming in the middle of October."

"Wow, that's soon."

"The week after my birthday. I'd rather he'd just sent another rocket."

Rory tries to laugh but it sounds dismal and Lorelai squeezes her hand.

"I have to tell Emily. Just another thing to add to it all. God, I feel more nervous as when I told her I was pregnant."

"Really?"

"Well, maybe not as badly. But it's up there."

"Mom's tough, but it'll be okay," Lorelai says soothingly. "You know how she is."

"Yeah, that's my point. She'll bring it up forever."

"But she'll come round. She adores Charlotte. She got over the whole thing with Logan."

"I don't think she was ever okay with it."

"No, but it could be worse. It'll be fine."

"Yeah," Rory admits. She looks to see that Charlotte hasn't come back and says, "I told Charlotte. She hasn't said much about it, but she asked me about breaking up with Logan the other day."

"Wow," Lorelai says, settling on the couch. "What did you say?"

"I told her about it all. That we just weren't right for each other."

Rory joins Lorelai on the couch and her mother gives her a look.

"Oh. That version of _all_."

"Mom! She's sixteen."

"Rory, don't you think she should hear the whole story?"

"She's still a kid," Rory says doubtfully. "I don't want to put that on her. She's already dealing with Logan coming back."

"I guess," Lorelai says, but she doesn't sound convinced. Before she can argue, they hear Charlotte coming back, a sort of smirk on her face, and Lorelai and Rory look at each other.

"Who have you been talking to?" Rory asks and Charlotte shrugs. "Was it Tyler?"

"Yeah," Charlotte admits, blushing, and laughs as her grandmother grabs her arms and pulls her onto the couch with them.

"Dish! You have a guy and I demand all the details!"

"You'd better tell her," Rory warns. "She'll badger you all night if you don't."

"That's right! I'll jump on your bed and beg you to tell me because I simply have to know everything!"

Charlotte laughs, launching into a description. Rory smiles, leaning back onto the cushions. She's envious of the simple ease Charlotte and Lorelai have with each other, and it makes her think of all the times she had like these with her mother. Still, it's special having such moments, her mother and daughter beside her, and Rory laughs along with them, listening to Charlotte go into rapture over Tyler's 'melty eyes'.

The next day starts far too early and Rory wakes up with a crick in her neck. She's on the sofa, Jess on a campbed, and it does not make for comfort. Getting up, she stumbles into the kitchen to find Lorelai already there with a big cup of coffee.

"Bless you," Rory says gratefully. "You didn't have to."

"Well, I was already up. Godspeed, my daughter."

"Don't suppose you want to come along?"

"I've got my own trip to look forward to in a just a few weeks," Lorelai says with a smile. "You can fill me in on everything when you get back."

Rory groans and her mother puts a hand on her shoulder.

"It'll be fine," she says seriously. "And Rory - I do think you should tell Charlotte more. She'll have questions."

Rory opens and shuts her mouth. She looks down at her coffee and finally says, "I'll think about it."

"Well, alright," Lorelai sighs. "Give your mother a kiss before you leave."

The journey to Nantucket is straightforward, albeit peppered with grumpy remarks over music choices and siblings pestering each other, and Rory feels forced to get more coffee. One unscheduled stop to pee later and they finally make it onto the ferry, surviving the last leg of the journey. Rory leans over the rail, taking in deep breaths of the sea air, and glances over to see Charlotte doing the same.

"Sweets, are you feeling sick?"

"A little. Not too bad."

"I remember the first time I took you on this ferry," Rory says fondly. "You threw up all the way there and all the way back."

"What a lovely image," Charlotte says sarcastically. "Sounds like fun for all of us."

"You cleared us a lot of space at least," Rory says, laughing. "I didn't get that with your brother and sister. Richie slept the whole way and Annie was just calm. The entire time, she didn't whimper once."

Rory smiles at the memory. She remembers walking up and down the deck, positive her baby was going to bawl at any moment, but Annie had just looked up and around her, her big blue eyes taking in the view. And then they had got crowded with strangers.

"I couldn't help being sick," Charlotte says grumpily. "I was a baby."

"You're not a baby now," Richie teases, sensing his sister's seasickness, and Rory says sharply, "Leave her alone, Richie."

"I'm fine," Charlotte says defensively, but she sounds uncertain. Jess hands her a bottle of water and Charlotte takes a long drink, before walking over to join her mother at the rail. Rory smiles over at her, unable to believe how many years it's been since that first crossing. Charlotte smiles back and they look out at the sea together, in their own quiet worlds.

They get to Nantucket with no sickness, but Charlotte looks definitely happy to be stepping onto land. Rory is so exhausted that she's almost relieved to see the beach house up ahead and half questions if it's a mirage from fatigue. They are almost at the end of the path when the door is flung open and Emily announces, "Hello, hello, hello!"

"Hey, Grandma," Rory says. Hastening over, she takes her grandmother's arms and kisses her paperthin cheek. "It's good to see you."

Emily smiles back, looking pristine in her white pants and navy blouse. She doesn't work at the museum anymore but still dresses smartly each day. Rory feels very underdressed in comparison, though of course she'll change out of her jeans later.

"And you, Rory. What is that family of yours doing? Come in, come in!"

Riche, Annie and Charlotte walk over, more subdued than usual, and dutifully kiss their grandmother's cheek before heading in. Jess hesitates, nods and holds out his hand. "Hi, Mrs Gilmore."

"Hello," Emily says coolly, grasping it for a moment. "Well, go on inside, I can't stand here all day."

Rory follows her in, remarking, "Should you be standing at all?"

"Oh Rory, don't start treating me like an invalid!"

Rory smiles and walks over to Richard's painting. As always, she kisses her fingers and reaches to his picture. "Hey, Grandpa," she says, looking up at him. "It's me."

Saying hello to him his always the first thing Rory does when visiting Emily. Her grandmother smiles and walks stiffly over to the kitchen, calling, "Berta! They're here!"

Berta emerges with a tray of cookies and lemonade, letting out a scolding torrent of language in which Rory assumes she's telling Emily off for standing.

"I'm fine," Emily protests. "My goodness, I simply walked the breadth of a room."

Easing herself slowly down onto the couch, she says, "Well, here you all are. I'm sure you've all grown since I last saw you."

"I've been hanging off the monkey bars to grow more," Annie says proudly but her face drops a little as Emily says, "Dear, that will just stretch your arms."

Rory gives Annie a comforting smile and Emily adds more kindly, "Besides, Annie, tall women run in this family. You're a Gilmore as well as a Mariano, and Gilmore women are tall."

She turns to Richie and Charlotte, asking about their grades, and says sternly, "Charlotte, I hope you're putting in hard work. You'll be thinking about college soon."

Charlotte shifts in her seat, and Rory bites her lip. It's certainly a contrast to visits with Lorelai. They all finish their lemonade and Jess claps his hands, making Emily start with annoyance.

"Guys, let's go unpack. Then maybe we can hit the beach - if that's okay, Emily - Mrs Gilmore?"

"That's fine," Emily says. "But please be back in time for dinner. I hate having a disrupted schedule."

"Right, of course."

Everyone goes to unpack and Rory takes Jess aside. "Hey," she whispers. "You go ahead to the beach and I'll catch up. I want to talk to Grandma."

"You sure?"

"Better now than later."

Rory doesn't want to admit that she considered saying it as they left, but Jess says, "Why not tell her as we're out the door on the way home?"

"She'll hold that over my head too. Best just to tell her now."

Jess nods, making a face, and gives Rory a quick kiss. Rory waits for him and the kids to leave before walking back into the living room and slowly taking a seat. Emily looks up from her crossword.

"You aren't going to the beach too?"

"Grandma, I want to tell you something," Rory says haltingly. Her grandmother looks at her curiously and Rory wishes her palms would stop sweating. This is pathetic - she's a grown woman and petrified of her own grandmother, yet she feels the same age as Charlotte.

"Well - go on."

"Logan's moving back to the states," Rory says, letting out a breath. "He's moving to New York in the middle of October."

There's a surprised pause and then, "I see."

"That's what I had to tell you," Rory says, hardly daring to believe that's all Emily has to say. "I thought you should know."

"Does Charlotte know?"

"Yes."

"And what does she think?"

"I'm not sure," Rory says, instantly cursing herself. It's never wise to give vague answers to Emily.

"You're not sure? Well, find out. She must have feelings about it."

"I think she's getting used to it."

"If her father is moving back," Emily says, "Does this mean your ridiculous pretence will end?"

"Jess is her father!"

"Rory, answer my question."

Rory stares at her hands. Why didn't she wait until she was leaving? Cold, passive aggressiveness over that would be more pleasant than this.

"We don't need to change it," she says eventually. "Logan's not going to see Charlotte more than he is. He's just moving closer."

Emily lets out a snort and shakes her head.

"I never approved of any of this," she says. "As soon as you got pregnant I thought you should have married him. Well, you married that other man. I can't say I disapprove of that -" her mouth twitches, indicating it's still under consideration - "and clearly you love him. You've made a family with him. But Logan is still Charlotte's father."

"Only biologically."

"Biologically or not, he is. I can't stand all this deception. All these years of having to see Mitchum and Shira talk about their son's wonderful marriage, how soon he'd be giving them grandchildren. When they already have a grandchild! And even after Odette didn't have any, she wasn't told."

"It was Logan's choice," Rory says quietly. "It's his marriage."

Rory has to admit she was surprised that Logan and Odette didn't get divorced. She doesn't know why no children appeared, but it's not her business, and who knows? Maybe Logan loves Odette after all. Stranger things have happened.

"Well, it's not all about him," Emily says angrily. "Christopher's parents wanted to send your mother to a unmarried mothers' home. Do you think I stood for that?!"

"Oh Grandma, that was different. I didn't hide away."

"The hell you didn't. You kept it secret from Logan's wife, his parents. Shira's dead now and one of my greatest regrets is never telling her her precious son had a child with a Gilmore. Mind you, Mitchum's still alive."

"Grandma, don't," Rory says, breathing heavily. "It doesn't need to come out."

Rory hasn't seen Mitchum Huntzberger in sixteen years. Well, eleven, if she's being technical. She took Charlotte to London to see Logan, when Odette was in Paris, and as they left Mitchum arrived. They walked around the corner as he got out of his car and Rory never knew if he saw them or not. She doesn't want to know.

"You can relax," Emily says impatiently. "I barely go to functions these days. Partly as I don't have the energy, and partly because most of my old DAR friends are dead, and I have no desire to make new ones. I rarely see him."

Rory sighs in relief but Emily adds, "But I want him to know. I want this charade to be over, and hopefully before I join your grandfather."

"Grandma, don't talk like that," Rory says quietly and Emily rolls her eyes.

"Rory, I won't live forever. That's a fact. All I'm saying is that I'd prefer this to be done with before that happens."

Rory stares down at her hands again, then makes herself look up.

"Charlotte's sixteen," she says. "It won't be so long until she's eighteen. When she is, she can know everything. But I want to protect her."

"She already knows she has another father," Emily argues but her face softens a little. "I appreciate wishing to keep your daughter from harm," she says. "I simply feel this arrangement is protecting Logan more."

Rory doesn't know what to say. She looks away and Emily says, "I want what's best for you both - you and Charlotte."

Rory nods and Emily says, "If Logan's back you can invite him to visit me. I have a few words."

Rory has to laugh at that. Her grandmother smiles and slowly leans forward, patting Rory's arm.

"They'll be waiting for you."

"Yes. I'd better go catch up."

Rory gets up and, without a word, kisses Emily's cheek again. Her grandmother looks surprised, yet happy, and Rory goes out, blinking in the afternoon sun. She takes a breath of the salty air, breathing in the moment, before climbing down to where her family are waiting.


	11. Chapter 11

Charlotte taps out another message on her phone. They are visiting Emily and time is passing at a snail's pace. Yesterday was spent travelling and then having a long dinner, after a short walk on the beach. Charlotte still felt seasick all evening. Her mom tells her each time how she was sick on the ferry as a baby, and not a lot has changed. Charlotte managed not to actually throw up but there was still lingering bile in her throat. Naturally, no one else in the family suffers from it. They've all gone to a children's exhibit at a museum, and Charlotte was allowed to stay behind, much to her relief. She's sharing a room with Annie who talks in her sleep. Charlotte gets up, wandering around the room as she waits for a reply. It's tidy, filled with expensive-looking furniture, but not unwelcoming. Beneath the portrait of her great-grandfather are framed pictures of Lorelai, Rory, Charlotte, Annie and Richie, and even a few of Berta and her family. Charlotte hates one picture of herself in particular. It was taken when she was a baby, during a party for her turning four weeks old. Charlotte is wearing a fancy cream dress with a gold pattern and she looks uncomfortable. Rory tells her the dress was a present from Logan and that Charlotte vomited over it shortly after the picture was taken. Good, Charlotte thinks. Beside the photos is a bookshelf which Charlotte peruses, but the books she finds are old novels which look a little stuffy. She wonders how often her great-grandmother reads them and slides the books back, sitting back down on the couch.

"What are you doing?" Charlotte looks up to see her great-grandmother walk into the room, sitting opposite her and placing her cane against the chair. Charlotte feels a guilty blush, unsure if Emily saw her look at the books and is annoyed, but she is staring at her hand, not the shelf. Charlotte holds up her phone.

"I'm texting."

"Yes, I know you're texting," Emily says impatiently. "My question is, _why_ are you texting?"

"Because someone's texting me."

Emily lets out a disgusted kind of sniff. "You young people," she says. "Permanently attached to those things. I swear, if someone took your phone away, you'd be demanding oxygen as you can't live without a device."

Charlotte resists the urge to roll her eyes and instead makes a show of putting her phone away.

"Now that's better," Emily says. "Honestly. When I raised my daughter, those things didn't even exist and I'm thankful. Your mother knew never to use her phone at dinner, or anytime she came to see me."

Charlotte nods, trying to appease her, and Emily sighs. "Not that she always listened, of course. But the understanding was there."

She reaches over, taking a glass of iced tea from the tray on the coffee table, and remarks, "I thought you were going out today."

"Mom and Dad took Richie and Annie to a kids' thing at the museum."

"And why aren't you with them?"

"I've got a stomachache."

"I believe there's some antacids in my medicine cabinet."

"Thanks, but it's not that kind of stomachache. I've got cramps."

"I see," Emily says, sounding mildly perturbed. "That was another thing which didn't arise when I was younger."

"Periods?"

"Discussing them," Emily says irritably and Charlotte surpresses a smile. She takes a glass of iced tea too and she sips it, her phone buzzes in her pocket. Emily lets out a loud groan.

"Who is that texting you?"

"A friend," Charlotte says. Her amusement leaches away as she concentrates on her drink. Guys aren't a topic she wants to go into with her great-grandmother but Emily leans forward in interest.

"Oh? Who?"

"Just...a friend," Charlotte says weakly. "You don't know them."

"What's their name?"

"Tyler."

"So a male friend," Emily says, smiling in a smug kind of way. "Well, well. Is he a friend or a boyfriend?"

Charlotte shrugs and Emily says, "How long have you been seeing him?"

"I'm not really seeing him."

"So he is just a friend?"

"We went on a date," Charlotte admits, against her better judgement. "I like him a lot."

"Describe him to me."

"He's tall...he has brown curly hair...sort of hazel eyes." It's a world away from describing Tyler to Lorelai. Charlotte doesn't think Emily would quite get the _melty eyes_ comment.

"I see. How do you know this boy?"

"He's in my English class."

"Ah. You know, your mother never dated anyone from her own school. Chilton, I mean."

"She told me."

"Richard was so thrilled when she brought your father home! We both were."

Charlotte frowns. "Mom said he was late and showed up with a black eye, and Grandpa wasn't even there."

"Oh - yes, of course dear. I meant your other father."

Charlotte bristles at that. "Logan's not my father."

"He is genetically. I understand he's not a father to you as Jess is."

Charlotte gets out her phone both to ignore and annoy her great-grandmother. Tyler is asking if being out on Nantucket is making her want to leave the city. The answer is a decided no.

Emily waits and then says, "I didn't intend to upset you."

"I'm not upset." Charlotte puts her phone back and Emily says, "So your - so Logan is moving back, I hear."

"Yeah." Charlotte didn't know Rory had told her and when Emily asks, "Are you looking forward to seeing him?" she answers, "Not that much."

Emily looks a little annoyed and sips more of her tea. Charlotte takes another sip too and then asks, "What was it you liked about him so much? When Mom brought him home?"

"Oh my, there was a whole myriad of things," Emily says, sitting up straighter. "He was well-mannered, from a good background and he was very handsome too. I was always rather sorry you didn't inherit his hair."

Charlotte ignores that and says, "Well, what was wrong with Dad? Apart from the black eye thing."

Emily's expression sours slightly and she says, "He was very ill-mannered. Rude to everyone."

"But you only met him that one time!"

"Your grandmother didn't like him either."

"But - but she didn't know him too well. They got off the wrong foot."

"And that's what your mother kept saying. I could see it wasn't going to end well."

"But Mom and Dad got married."

"I'm talking about when they were teenagers. Your father skipped town. Did your mother ever tell you that?"

"A little. She said he left and she had to go to Yale."

"Well, she was heartbroken, mark my words. But I knew she'd move on and I was thrilled when she met Logan."

"Mom and Logan broke up though."

"Only if other people hadn't got in the way," Emily says cryptically. Charlotte frowns but Emily doesn't elaborate and Charlotte gives up. She's probably just meaning Jess coming back. She drinks more sweet tea and then jumps when Emily says, "Now, you be careful with that boy."

"That's okay," Charlotte says quickly. "Trust me."

"It bears repeating," Emily says. "Lorelai wasn't careful enough, your mother wasn't careful enough. And they both let go of good men."

"They didn't love them," Charlotte counters and Emily contradicts, "They did, before things got all complicated. Before they let things get complicated. Now, I don't know a thing about this boy of yours and I daresay it's puppy love - much like that first boyfriend your mother had - but you must be careful. You should always be careful, Charlotte. I would hate to see you repeat those mistakes."

Charlotte drinks some more so as not to have to reply, and Emily says, "You're so much like them. And your father."

Charlotte doesn't want to know which father she means. She suddenly feels very hot and, despite her cramps, wishes she'd gone with her family after all.

"They couldn't settle!" Emily exclaims. "Lorelai and Rory - breaking their own hearts, over and over. Your mother even went back to that first boyfriend she had for a time. He was as dull as a post but I suppose she missed him."

"What?"

"Dean!" Emily says impatiently. "That was his name. He was polite enough but there was nothing to him."

She notices Charlotte staring at her and says, "Hasn't your mother told you any of this?"

"She told me about him. She said he broke up with her before she started dating Dad."

"Oh, well. It wasn't for long. I suppose she didn't tell you as she's embarrassed."

Charlotte focuses on her drink, at a loss for what to say. Emily talks for both of them and adds, "I really thought she had a catch with Logan. I knew if she'd just stuck with him for longer, he could have grown up into a decent man."

"Don't you think Dad is a decent man?" Charlotte asks. Emily pauses and then says, "He is. He's not a sullen teenager anymore, I'll admit, and he's successful. And he loves your mother. I just feel a little sorry about what could have been."

Charlotte drains her glass. It's the opposite, she thinks. She is proof of what shouldn't have been, and she hates being reminded of that fact. She is the misprint, odd one out in family photos. Charlotte is what is wrong with the picture.

"Logan's problem was having too much fun," Emily says. "Christopher was the same. Weakwilled, they were. That was the main thing. But they loved your mother and grandmother."

"They chose other guys," Charlotte says stubbornly. "Isn't that more important?"

Emily looks at her and says, "You're still young. Relationships are complex things, you'll know that someday. And in the meantime, I'm telling you now - be careful with that young man you like. Watch who you fall in love with, and mind you don't come home pregnant."

"Grandma!"

"I don't think my heart could take it," Emily remarks. "It's already been through two shocks from that and a third would just finish it off. Although I am ninety. I daresay that'll happen soon anyway. I simply don't want that news to aid it."

Charlotte's cheeks are burning and she hastily gets to her feet.

"I'm going to the bathroom."

"Alright, dear."

As Charlotte flushes she hears the front door open and is almost weak at the knees with relief. She emerges to see her siblings talking excitedly over each other about the exhibit, and how you could climb as high as you wanted on a sculpture of a whale. Rory announces a severe need for coffee and insists on making it herself, as Berta is out. Charlotte joins her in the kitchen and Rory smiles, looking tired.

"Hi, honey. How are you feeling?"

"A little better. How was the exhibit?"

"Loud," Rory say truthfully. "Too many kids, not enough room. Coffee, coffee, coffee..."

She pulls out a bag and as she brews it asks, "Did you have a nice talk with Grandma?"

"It was illuminating," Charlotte says. Rory frowns but then Jess interrupts, bringing in the empty drinks tray, and teases Rory over how she should just pour water straight into the bag. They go back into the living room, Charlotte surreptitiously checking her messages when everyone talks, and then Rory stretches.

"I think I'm going to get some fresh air."

"I'll come," Charlotte says and Rory looks at her in surprise. "You will?"

"Sure, why not?"

They leave Jess and Emily to referee a game with Richie, Annie and Berta's grandchildren and walk around the corner into a field overlooking the ocean.

"Isn't it beautiful?" Rory murmurs. Charlotte can't disagree. She may not want to leave the city, but this is pretty gorgeous too. The sun sparkling on the water makes her heart hurt at how stunning it is.

For a while Rory and Charlotte look out in silence, and finally Charlotte takes a breath.

"Grandma talked to me about Logan."

"Oh?" Rory asks, her tone slightly tight. "What did she say?"

"How much she liked him when you brought him home."

Rory laughs. "Let me guess, she went on to say how much she didn't like Jess."

"Something like that."

Rory smiles, shaking her head and Charlotte adds, "She talked about Dean too. That he was sweet but boring."

"That's a little mean."

"Is it true?"

"We just weren't into the same things," Rory says, vaguely if diplomatically. She stares out at the ocean and then jumps when Charlotte says, "Grandma said you dated him again."

"She said what?"

"She said that after you broke up with Dad, you dated Dean again. And you were heartbroken when Dad left."

Rory's breathing sounds shorter and Charlotte presses, "Mom?"

"Yes, that's true."

"What is?"

"All of it. I was devastated when your dad left and I dated Dean for a little while."

"Why? Why did you date him again, I mean?"

"Because I was lonely," Rory says, turning to face her. "Because I was sad, and I missed being with him. Or I thought I did. It was a mistake."

Her voice is clipped and she sounds final when she says, "It was all a long time ago. I don't know why she was talking about that."

"She was asking about Tyler."

"You told her about him?"

"She guessed. She asked who I was texting."

"Yet another reason not have your phone out in front of her - the first being that it's bad manners," Rory says, but she doesn't sound annoyed. "Well, be thankful we're not seeing her every week like when I was your age. Grandma knew everything about my relationship status because I saw her so much. She'd hound me and Mom."

"I think she's sorry about how things turned out."

"Did she say that?"

"Sort of."

"She shouldn't be saying that to you." Rory is annoyed and Charlotte shrugs. "Still, I guess she's always been that way."

They walk on a little further and Rory sighs. "I miss my grandfather."

"Did he like Logan less?"

"Oh, no way," Rory says, laughing. "He and Grandma were Logan's cheerleaders - now, there's an image. He'd just - he knew Grandma. He knew me. He knew how to talk to us. I think the only person he didn't know how to talk to was Mom, but I think they were too alike. I don't know."

Rory seems aware that she's musing and says, "I miss him being there for me. Or just being there, period. I wish you could have met him."

Charlotte smiles, but feels closed off again. She feels guilty for not being sad over him.

They walk around the bend and then turn back. As they're approaching the path to the house, Charlotte asks, "What happened to Dean, anyway?"

"He moved to Scranton and had a ton of kids with someone. I think he's happy."

"Grandma says relationships are complicated."

"They are," Rory says thoughtfully. "But not always in a bad way. You'll see."

She puts an arm around her daughter and Charlotte looks up.

"She says I'm like my father."

Rory stops, turning to see Charlotte properly. She looks into her eyes and says gently, "You are. You're just like Dad."

Charlotte knows she means Jess, but it doesn't bring the comfort she imagines. Her curiosity yearns out of her, across the waves, and she doesn't know where to begin. Rory takes her hand and they walk into the house together.


	12. Chapter 12

**Thanks for the feedback!**

That evening, Rory waits for everyone to go to bed before talking to Emily. She lets her grandmother finish folding her newspaper before saying, "So I hear you talked with Charlotte today."

"Yes. For once, the child looked up from her phone."

"She said you talked about my relationships. And about Dean."

"For a reason. She's started seeing someone."

"Okay, first off, Charlotte and Tyler are barely dating," Rory says angrily, aggravated by the smirk on her grandmother's face. "And secondly, I don't want you talking to Charlotte about stuff like that. I especially don't want you saying bad things about her father."

"I assume you mean Jess."

"Of course I mean Jess," Rory snaps and Emily sighs.

"I merely gave my opinion."

"You should have a better opinion. Jess has been Charlotte's father since before she was even born!"

"I appreciate all he's done. I'm simply sad other things didn't work out."

"Well, I'm not," Rory says stoutly. "We weren't good for each other."

Emily lets out a non-committal sound and Rory goes on, "It's me who talks to Charlotte about things like that. Not you."

"Really? What have you told her?"

"What she needs to know," Rory retorts. "Just because she likes someone doesn't mean it's time to tell her my entire dating history."

"You'd better watch out that her liking someone doesn't turn into something else," Emily cautions. "She's sixteen."

"Exactly! She's a kid!"

"Lorelai was sixteen when she had you. You were sixteen when you stayed out all night with that boy you went to the dance with."

"And nothing happened! We fell asleep!" Rory exclaims, feeling ready to tear her hair out. "I can't win with you!"

"Rory!"

"Well, I can't! First you and Mom tell me I worry too much and now you're acting like I should lock Charlotte up and throw away the key!"

"I'm simply telling you to keep an eye on her and this boy," Emily says. "At sixteen, you can fall in love instantly. Or believe you do, anyway. Do you want her coming home pregnant?"

"That's not going to happen," Rory says and Emily sniffs. "You don't need to worry about it."

"There's a wonderful young minister here. I'm sure I could ask him to talk to Charlotte, if need be."

"No," Rory says firmly. "That's fine."

Emily holds up her hands and Rory sighs. Believing the conversation is over, she's about to say goodnight when her grandmother says, "Why haven't you told Charlotte anyway? About seeing Dean again?"

"There's no need," Rory says, after a pause. She's not proud of it, she adds silently, but Emily gives a knowing look. "She doesn't have to know everything about the past. Goodnight, Grandma."

"Goodnight, dear."

The journey home is relative unstressful, aside from Charlotte feeling seasick, and Rory breathes a sigh of relief when they get home. The next couple of weeks pass quietly. Charlotte goes out for coffee with Tyler twice, wandering around the house with a moony expression, indifferent to her siblings teasing her. Soon it's Rory's birthday, and almost time for Logan to arrive, but Rory tries not to focus on that. Lorelai is throwing a birthday party for her and they're getting ready to go. Rory throws her phone into her purse and calls, "Hey guys! Are you almost ready?"

"Yeah!" Rory hears Richie and Annie call back. Going down the hall, she knocks and pushes open Charlotte's door before stopping in surprise. Her daughter isn't there.

"Charlotte?"

Puzzled, Rory goes downstairs and into the kitchen. Charlotte isn't in there either and Rory is just about to worry when she hears a door open and close and her daughter enters, stopping in surprise. Her cheeks are flushed and she's clutching her phone, which she quickly slips into her pocket.

"Where were you"? Rory asks.

"Nowhere," Charlotte says steadily and then, "I was in the living room."

"Oh. Okay."

Rory looks at her a little longer and Charlotte asks, "So what time are we going?"

"In about ten minutes. Almost ready?"

Charlotte nods, pours herself a tall glass of water and takes a long drink before heading back upstairs. Rory frowns but is interrupted by Jess coming down, her phone in his hand.

"Someone was trying to call you."

"Oh. Thanks."

"What's up?"

"Nothing," Rory says slowly, and then smiles. "Nothing, I'm fine."

"Good." Jess takes her in his arms and kisses her. "Happy Birthday."

"That's like the zillionth time you've said that," Rory laughs and Jess grins. He'd woken her up that morning with kisses, breakfast in bed and a pile of new books tied up with a ribbon.

"Because it's your birthday. Who was calling?"

Rory looks down at her phone, eyes widening in surprise.

"My dad."

Christopher never calls Rory much, and she rarely contacts him either. Rory sees him maybe once a year, and he occasionally remembers the kids' birthdays, and her own.

"I guess I'd better call him back," she says. Jess nods and Rory goes into the kitchen, half hoping her father doesn't answer. He does.

"Hey, kiddo. Happy Birthday!"

"Thanks, Dad," Rory says, a little amused. "You know I'm forty-nine now. Kind of old to be called kiddo."

"Don't remind me," Christopher says, and for once Rory agrees. "But you're still my kiddo."

Rory rolls her eyes at that. His _kiddo_ when it was convenient for him.

"Happy Birthday," Christopher says again. "How's the day going?"

"Fine. I opened my gifts with Jess and the kids and now we're heading to Mom's."

"She's got a big party ready?"

"She always does."

"How is everyone? You guys all good?"

"We're fine," Rory says, tracing a pattern on the floor with her foot. "We saw Emily a few weeks ago."

"Is she as terrifying as ever?"

"You know it."

Christopher chuckles and Rory is just about to politely say goodbye when he says, "So I hear Logan's moving back."

"Who told you that?"

"Your mom."

Rory doesn't know if she's mad or not and says slowly, "Yeah, he is."

"You excited to see him?"

"I'm interested," Rory says, after a pause. "Dad, I have to go."

"Oh. Okay," Christopher says, sounding a little sad. "Happy Birthday, kid. There's a card in the mail."

"Thanks," Rory says. "You didn't have to."

"You're my kid." After realising Rory isn't replying, Christopher says, "I'll let you go. Safe drive."

"Thanks. Bye."

Rory hangs up and walks out to find Jess waiting. He looks at her curiously but all Rory says is, "I'm ready to go."

Lorelai has gone all out for the party. Pink paper lanterns hang off the side of the house and the house is full of balloons and flowers, causing Annie to sneeze. It seems the entirety of Stars Hollow has been invited. Sookie has baked an enormous cake and updates Rory on her kids, who have all moved away now. Between conversation, cake and opening gifts Rory barely has time to take a breath until late in the evening, when Lorelai raises a glass.

"Attention everyone, please. I'd like to make a toast to the reason we're all here, my kid, Rory, who is so much more than my daughter. She's my best friend, confidante and even though she's all grown up and has kids of her own, is still my precious girl. I don't know how I'd have spent the last forty-nine years without her! To Rory!"

"Did you have to add the last part?" Rory groans but she laughs, hugging her mother and kissing her cheek, her birthday crown slipping sideways. Everyone cheers and takes another slice of cake and Rory corrects her crown, giggling as Lorelai addresses her as _majesty_. As Rory gossips with Lane the party starts winding down, and her friend checks her phone.

"Man, is it that time already?"

"You could stay over if you wanted," Rory offers. "Mom would love it."

"No, I'd better go," Lane says ruefully. "I've got to get up pretty early. But tell me all the details about Logan."

"You already know he's coming," Rory laughs and Lane grins. "Yeah, but I want to know what it's like when you see him. I'm still in shock."

"I promise, no detail left unsaid," Rory says, feeling like a teenager discussing a date. "Though I'm still hoping to get a call saying he isn't coming."

"Aren't you the tiniest bit curious?"

"Maybe a little," Rory confesses. "But it's weird. It's weird for all of us."

Lane nods understandingly, wishes Rory happy birthday once more and waves goodbye. Then Rory says goodbye to Sookie and Michel and notices that the house is empty, and laughs to see Lorelai collapsed on the couch.

"Is it over?"

"They've all gone home, if that's what you mean."

"It is what I mean. Thank God."

"You didn't have to throw such a big party."

"Are you kidding? For your birthday, it has to be big. Oh man, forty-nine. Was it that many moons ago that I was cursing at those nurses and doing what felt like splits on a crate of dynamite?"

"And they say age is just a number," Rory says, moving her mother's feet aside so she can sit. "Did you miss that memo?"

"I'm waiting on the one telling me I can age backward."

"Good luck with that." They laugh a little and then Rory says, "Christopher called earlier."

"He did?"

"Yeah. It was weird."

"Well, at least he remembered your birthday."

"He knew Logan was coming." Rory looks over at Lorelai who's wearing a guilty expression. "Why did you tell him?"

"He emailed me just to talk. He asked about you, and I knew Emily would tell him if I didn't. Your father doesn't have a great track record at remembering dates so I figured it wouldn't matter if I didn't let you know. I didn't want to upset you."

"I'm fine," Rory says roughly and her mother gives her a look. "I just - dammit! I'm forty-nine years old and everyone is acting like I'm still twenty. Or Charlotte's age. I can handle Logan coming back."

"Honey, you could be eighty and it would still feel weird seeing your ex."

"Weird, but I can handle it," Rory insists. "Did you know Emily talked to Charlotte about him? She had the nerve to tell her she was sad things didn't work out between us."

"That's Emily."

"After everything Jess has done!"

"That's Emily," Lorelai says again, making a face. "Where there's money, she's willing to see past flaw."

"And she talked about Dean to Charlotte."

"What? Why?"

"I don't know. She said because Charlotte's seeing Tyler, and wanted to give her advice. Thank God Emily's in Nantucket. Hopefully that was a oneoff thing."

"Is it getting serious between Charlotte and Tyler? Serious for sixteen-year-olds, I mean?"

Rory shrugs. "They've just gone for coffee a few times. I don't know - do you think I should invite him for dinner?"

"You could. Be a chance to scope him out."

"Maybe that'll make Charlotte think it's more serious than it is."

"Sweets, trust me, she'll be doing that by herself. I bet his name is doodled all over her notebooks."

Rory grimaces and says, "Do you think I need to give her a talk? I mean, she's had talks, but maybe I should give her a refresher."

"I don't think you can give too many talks. Just don't invite a minister over."

"Grandma actually asked if I wanted me to ask hers."

"Why am I not surprised?"

Mother and daughter fall into guilty giggles and Jess comes in, plate in hand holding a generous slice of cake.

"Am I missing all the fun?"

"You don't want to know," Lorelai says. "Hey, is that cake?"

"Luke warned me not to come in here," Jess says, backing up, and Rory leaps to her feet.

"Hey, it's my birthday! I demand that you give me the cake!"

They have a late breakfast the next morning and then head back, stopping at Hartford on the way to pay respects to Richard's grave. The next week goes by quickly, too quickly, and Rory is all too aware of the date. On Saturday morning there is a smart knock at the door and Rory opens it, expecting the mailman with the package she ordered. It's not the mailman. Almost fainting in shock, Rory stares up at Logan who grins at her.

"Hey, Rory. Long time, no see. Can I come in?"

Logan waits expectantly, looking smart in a blue shirt and black pants. Rory is aware that her mouth is opening and closing silently and she wipes her hands across her jeans. He doesn't seem much older but there are more lines around his eyes than Rory recalls.

"What are you doing here?"

"I told you I was coming."

"I thought not until evening."

Rory's mind is spinning. Jess is out with Annie and Richie, and Charlotte went for coffee with Ivy.

"Can I come in?" Logan asks again and numbly, Rory nods. "Just for a minute. Everyone's out right now."

"A minute's all I need."

Logan strolls in, looking the same as always, smug and sure of himself. He takes in the house, more messy than Rory initially thought, and the group of family pictures on the walls. On the table is a collection of birthday cards, amongst which the one Christopher promised. It's pink with a picture of a flower on the front, and came with a ten dollar bill, as though Rory were Annie's age. Logan smiles, looking amused, and Rory folds her arms. "What did you need? Coffee? Tea? Water?"

"Water's fine," Logan says and Rory gets him a bottle from the fridge. She watches him drink and says, "You can't be here. I mean it. I need to prepare Charlotte."

Logan's face tightens a little and he says, "What have you told her?"

"I haven't told her anything bad," Rory exclaims. "I haven't told her anything, that's the point! And I need to arrange a real time for you to see her. You can't just show up!"

"Since when are we so formal?"

"We've always been formal over this," Rory insists, standing up straighter. "You need to leave, I mean it, Logan."

"Fine," Logan sighs, and just as Rory gets ready to walk him to the door it opens and they look round.

"Mom?" Charlotte calls. "I want to -"

They don't hear what Charlotte wants. She stops, staring at the pair, and a stunned silence settles over the house.


	13. Chapter 13

The weeks after visting Emily pass quickly. Charlotte talks to Tyler more and more, and she finds it easier each time. Her stomach still fills with butterflies, but it's more from excitement than nervousness. They go for coffee twice and one afternoon, during her mother's birthday, Charlotte gets a text asking to see him. He wants to hang out. Charlotte bites her lip, she wants to see him too, but they're going to leave for her grandmother's in half an hour. _Do it,_ Tyler texts. _A mini date._ Charlotte is sold. He says he'll park around the corner. Charlotte knows if she asks her parents they'll say no, but you don't get asked out on mini dates every day. And it is only for ten minutes after all. They don't need to know. Hastily, Charlotte brushes some mascara over her eyes and smooths her hair, checks the hallway for parents and siblings, and slips down the stairs and out the back door. Her breath is hitched and her heart is beating as she starts down the street. If her parents see she's gone, she thinks wildly, she'll say she wanted fresh air. A flimsy lie, but hopefully she won't have to use it. Charlotte can see Tyler's car and him leaning against it. The beating in her chest turns into a percussion. She smiles as she approaches, resisting the urge to hurry. Tyler's head flickers with a nod and as she reaches him he takes Charlotte's hand.

"You made it."

"Of course I did."

"Come on, I've found somewhere awesome to show you."

The _awesome place_ is a small hollow of trees in a rundown park. Charlotte found the place herself when she was about six. She used to climb into the middle tree with a book and read for what seemed like hours. She was allowed to sit there as long as she liked, with a bottle of water and sometimes candy, as long as her parents were in shouting distance. She can't remember when she stopped, but someday the trees starting seeming small and the seat was less comfortable, and sometimes cigarettes were littered near the trunk which she'd never noticed before. Charlotte smiles.

"I used to come here when I was a kid."

"But you haven't seen it like this, right?"

Charlotte doesn't really know what that means, but she doesn't want to sound dumb. She smiles again as Tyler leans against the trunk, his face shadowed in the early evening and shadow of the leaves. He shuffles to the side a little and Charlotte takes the invitation to lean beside him. There isn't a lot of room but it's pretty magical, all the same. It's cold but Charlotte doesn't care, and she looks over at Tyler, whose face is now fully in gloom.

"How was your thing?"

"My thing?"

"You know, seeing your grandmother."

"Oh, right. She's my great-grandmother. It was fine."

"What'd you do there? You sounded kind of bored in your texts."

"Not too much," Charlotte says vaguely. She remembers her conversation with Emily, the warning not to get pregnant, and can feel her cheeks blush. Charlotte is grateful for the canopy of darkness hiding them, but looks down all the same.

"Good to be back, right?" Tyler turns and before Charlotte can answer he's kissing her. Her eyes flutter and then she's kissing him back. Her body shivers and he presses it against the trunk. Charlotte feels the bark scratch her back, potentially ripping her shirt, but she doesn't care. They kiss and kiss, the world blurring, until Tyler stops, moving back and taking a breath.

"Welcome home," he grins. Charlotte grins back, wanting to kiss some more, but the voice of reason in her wakes up. She's not certain how much time has lapsed but Charlotte knows enough has gone by - too much.

"I have to go," she says regretfully, stepping away from the tree.

"What? You just got here."

"I know, I'm sorry. But I really have to."

"Why?"

"Because my parents don't know I've gone. And it's my mom's birthday, we're going to my grandmother's place for a party."

"I thought you just went there.

"No, my great-grandmother, I told you."

"Huh. What did you get her - your mom?"

"A picture of us."

"Cute."

Charlotte focuses on brushing the dirt off her clothes, hoping it's not too noticable, but when she glances up Tyler's face is blank, and she can't tell what he thinks of her gift. Or maybe it's simply the dark, twisting a lack of expression. "I have to go," she says again and this time Tyler nods.

"I'll drive you back."

"You can't drive me back, they'll see you!"

"What's the big deal?" Tyler exclaims. "You're not a little kid."

"I don't have time," Charlotte says helplessly. "I just - Tyler, I've got to go. I'll see you later."

"Fine," Tyler says, but he kisses her cheek. Charlotte squashes down any urge to linger and then she's running, moving as fast as she possibly can, back up to the house and digging in her pocket for her key as she moves. Her mind goes wildly to a PE lesson in middle school, where they had to run a ten minute mile, and Charlotte was lagging so the teacher yelled at her. Right now she could run it no problem, she thinks. An eight minute one, if anything. When did her house get so far away? There is it is - _move_. Charlotte twists the key in the lock, too frantic to try and sound quiet, and leaps through the door. No one is there, demanding to know where she's been. Thank God, thank God. Charlotte looks in the hallway mirror, tugging a twig out of her hair, and gets her phone out. She hastily texts Tyler to let him know she's home with no problems, and goes into the kitchen to get a glass of water, where she runs into Rory. Charlotte practically drops her phone and instead manages to push it into her pocket.

"Where were you?" her mother asks and Charlotte quickly says, "The living room."

Rory looks hard at her and Charlotte tries desperately to seem neutral. She's sure her cheeks are betraying her and are turning red. She can sense it. Charlotte is saved by her father calling and then she's safely in the back seat of the car, squashed between her siblings, on the way to Lorelai's house.

The party is fun, like her grandmother's always are. The entire town of Stars Hollow shows up and miraculously, there's enough food for everyone. Her aunt Lane arrives, full of kisses and hugs, and exclaims upon seeing Rory, hugging her tightly and squeezing her hands. Charlotte used to think Aunt Lane was the coolest person on earth. She's been her mom's best friend since they were in Kindergarten and plays in a band. Somewhat sporadically, but Lane is still a drummer, and that's always thrilled Charlotte. Lane has twin boys who are adults now. Charlotte used to go mute in their presence. She couldn't decide which of them she loved more and would trail around Steve and Kwan in a state of rapture, which they tolerated. Sometimes they'd lift her onto their lap and let her play with her mom's drumset, or with the computer game they were trying out. Charlotte cried for a week when they went to college. They live outside Stars Hollow now but still visit fairly regularly, and tease Charlotte a little, much to her embarrassment. They're more like her cousins now, but they haven't made it tonight.

After several helpings of cake and being told she's gotten too grown up already by most of the town, Charlotte wanders upstairs for a break. She uses the bathroom and walks slowly back down the hallway, peeking into Lorelai's bedroom to kill more time. Folded on the bed is the quilt made from Rory's babyclothes. Lorelai made one from Charlotte's too, and it rests on Rory's bed, and one for Richie and Annie too. Charlotte goes inside, trailing her fingers over it, wondering who taught her grandmother how to make such a beautiful thing.

"My back killed me after that."

Charlotte jumps, looking round to see Lorelai laughing.

"Your back hurt? After...?"

"After sewing the quilt," Lorelai explains. "Although it hurt a lot worse after having the baby which led to the quilt in the first place. Killer."

Charlotte nods and Lorelai adds cheerfully, "Worth it though, on both counts."

Her grandmother walks over to see the quilt too and muses, "It's gotten so faded. It doesn't seem so long ago that I was making the quilt in the first place, and even then I was crying because Rory had outgrown the clothes for it. Isn't it crazy? And then I was crying when I made yours. Could have filled a lake, I swear, and people could have swam in it no problem because it would all be salt."

Charlotte smiles and Lorelai laughs at herself. "Somehow I don't think it's quite going to take off in the business world. How come you're hanging out up here?"

Charlotte shrugs and Lorelai says, "Your mom used to do that too. Get tired from all the people and hide in her room with a book."

"I'm not hiding, I just...well, maybe a little."

"Hey, it's no big deal. We can stay here a little longer."

She and Charlotte sit on the bed and Lorelai looks over questiongingly.

"You doing okay, kid?"

"What do you mean?"

"I just think what with Logan coming back and a new guy and everything...whole lot of change. I'm just saying, if you want to talk, I'm here."

Charlotte nods. Lorelai waits a little and then says, "Tell me more about the guy."

"Nana," Charlotte says, laughing, and Lorelai protests, "I can't help it, I'm obsessed. Are you still seeing him?"

"Yes, I'm still seeing him. It's all good."

Charlotte pauses. She considers telling Lorelai about sneaking out. Part of her really wants to, but Lorelai is also her grandmother, and maybe she wouldn't find it quite as exciting. There's a good chance she'd instantly tell Rory, so Charlotte swallows the story back.

"Well," her grandmother says. "If you want to talk guys, I'm here. If you want to talk about Logan, I'm here. You know I am."

Charlotte smiles but doesn't say anything. They sit a little longer and then Charlotte gets up. "I think we should head back down now."

The party finishes late and they all sleep in the next day. The following week passes quietly, and then suddenly it's Saturday, the day Logan is arriving. Charlotte guesses she won't see him until later - he hasn't said anything to her, or her mom, she thinks - and in the morning she goes out with Ivy to try and get her mind off it. They get coffee and sit by the window, people watching as they sip.

"Is he your boyfriend now?"

Charlotte groans. She finishes her mouthful of coffee and says, "For the fiftieth time, I don't know."

"You made out against a tree. I'd say he's your boyfriend."

"But he didn't say so offically."

"Charlotte, it's not 1950. What, are you waiting for him to pin you?" Ivy drinks some coffee and grins mischievously. "So to speak."

Charlotte throws a sugar packet at her. "Shut up."

"When are you going to ask him?"

"That feels like a weird thing to ask."

"You can just do it casually."

"You try asking a guy _casually_ if he's your boyfriend and come back to me on that."

"I'm not the one with a kissing buddy," Ivy points out. Charlotte has nothing to say to that. She concentrates on her coffee and her name is spoken twice before she looks up.

"Huh?"

"You're in your own world today," Ivy says, sounding frustrated. "What's with you? Is it because -?"

She catches herself and Charlotte says irritably, "You mean because Logan's coming back."

"Well...yeah. Is it?"

"I don't know. I'm not that excited to see him."

"But you're going to, right?"

"I guess." Charlotte takes a large sip of coffe and Ivy takes the hint. The girls drink silence for a while and then Ivy says, "Hey, you know what you should do? Go see Tyler for the rest of the day. Tell your mom you want to go to the mall with me and go see Tyler instead. Maybe you can figure out the boyfriend thing."

"I don't know..."

"What, why not?"

"What if he's busy?"

"If he's busy, come with the mall with me for real. Or we'll watch a movie. Do it, do it."

Ivy is bouncing up and down in her seat and Charlotte laughs.

"Okay, okay. But maybe not the whole day."

Ivy squeals and Charlotte promises details later. She goes home in a kind of daze. She doesn't feel as shy around Tyler now, but the idea of several hours with him is a little overwhelming. Somehow Charlotte doesn't think her parents would be crazy about the idea. She's wondering if she can phrase it in a good way instead of lying, pushing open the front door, when her thoughts screech to a halt. Logan is in the house. He is in the hallway with her mother, and judging by their expressions they weren't expecting company. Charlotte is startled into silence.

Rory is the first to break it. "Charlotte, Logan's here," she says, stating the obvious. "I wasn't expecting him to come so early."

"She tried kicking me out," Logan says with a smile Charlotte doesn't return. She stares at him, unable to speak. An unpleasant, clammy sort of feeling is spreading over her skin.

"Logan was just leaving," Rory backs him up. "I didn't expect you to be back."

"I wanted..." Charlotte's few words peter out and she shakes her head. "Forget it."

"Sweets," Rory says, going over to her. "Are you okay?"

No, Charlotte wants to scream. This is weird, it's too weird. Logan doesn't belong in their house. Logan belongs in London, in his fancy apartment, not in the middle of their home with her little sister's artwork on the fridge. This is all wrong. But Charlotte doesn't say a word. Her mother looks at her carefully and then turns back to Logan.

"You need to go," she says. Rory sounds cool and calm, despite the caught look in her eyes. "You shouldn't have come like this."

"Fine, I'm going. Sorry. Charlotte, can I see you later?"

"We'll discuss that later," Rory says, answering for her. "Logan, you should go."

"Already gone," Logan says, but he's only halfway towards the door when it opens. Jess comes in, whistling under his breath. He stops midway through a tune, the keys in his hands dropping with a thunk onto the carpet.

"What are you doing here?"

"Are we going through this again?" Logan exclaims. "Hey man, I'll catch you up. I dropped by to say hello to Rory, and she offers me some refreshment. Then our kid comes in, Rory practically pushes me out the door, and now you're here. Up to speed?"

"She's _our_ kid."

"What?"

"She's my kid," Jess says, his voice low. "You don't get to call her yours."

"Biology would argue -"

"Do not do this," Rory says suddenly, and both men stop to turn. "We are not having this fight here, we are not even going there. Logan, you're going, right now. Jess - we need to talk."

Jess nods, his jaw set and Logan looks over at them.

"Fine," he says. "I'm sorry, for what it's worth. I'll call you later."

They watch him walk down the hall, waving at Rory and Charlotte, and then he lets himself out. They stare at the empty door for a moment and then Jess exclaims, "What the hell was that?"

"Jess, I didn't know he was coming," Rory says, glancing between him and her daughter. "I swear, he didn't say a word, he just showed up, and I didn't want him here. I gave him a little water but I told him to go, and then Charlotte came in and you came in and it's all such a mess and -"

She's stopped as Jess rests his hands on her arms and nods, sighing. "I know. It's okay."

"Are you okay?" Rory asks, going over to Charlotte and taking her in her arms. "Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry you saw that. I didn't expect you back so soon."

"I'm fine," Charlotte says. Her voice is hard and she wants to cry a little, but she feels too mad. She can't look Rory in the eye. Her mother hugs her tightly, kissing her hair, and then her father is hugging her too. Charlotte lets herself relax against his chest for a moment and Jess says tightly, "I'm sorry I said that with you there. I'm sorry."

Sorry he said she's his kid? Charlotte feels herself tense up. She knows, really, that's not what Jess means, but the hurt part of her is seizing her mind. She doesn't want to talk to anyone, especially not her parents, and she pulls away.

"Charlotte, honey?" Rory says. "How about we make some coffee and eat something seriously bad for us and talk about all this?"

"Richie and Annie are busy until later," Jess adds. "So no one's going to come busting in."

Rory gives him a look but Charlotte shakes her head, roughly.

"I want to go back out."

"Charlotte, I really think we should talk about this."

"I don't want to," Charlotte says. "I want to be alone. Please - I just need to be alone for a while."

Her parents look at each other again and some kind of agreement must pass as Rory nods.

"Okay, sweets. Just have your phone and be back by lunchtime."

"Fine."

Charlotte resists the urge to slam the door. She walks to the park, where she made out with Tyler, and walks around the pond. She rounds it three times, ignoring the people giving her looks, and throws some stones into it with all her might. Charlotte's not ready to leave, so she finds a seat beside a large old oak tree at the other end of the park. She leans against the wood and finally some tears fall, which she furiously brushes away. Her whole day is messed up. Why couldn't she say just one thing to Logan? Why was it all so weird? And Logan saying that thing about biology - what was that? She's never felt like much of a daughter to him. Does Logan want her to be? She's already got a dad. Suddenly, the whole world seems upside down. Charlotte lets the tears fall. She's terribly thirsty but is loathe to leave her spot. Charlotte wishes more than anything for a way to go back in time, to when she came here as a kid, and everything felt easy. When Jess would call for her and she'd jump in his arms and say _Daddy_. The whole world was simpler then.

Her phone buzzes. Charlotte ignores it and then it buzzes again and she gets it out, sure it's her parents, but it's Tyler. He says Ivy asked if they were hanging out and now he's confused, but would like to, if she's around. Sniffling, Charlotte replies that things at home got a little crazy, and then he asks where she is. She tells him, and then with no warning, he pulls up ten minutes later and sits beside her under the tree.

"Here you are."

"What are you doing here?" Charlotte asks, quickly wiping her cheeks, and he says, "My girlfriend is crying. Had to figure out why."

"Your girlfriend?" Charlotte asks, blinking, and Tyler grins. "Aren't I your boyfriend?"

"I - I guess."

He laughs and then Charlotte smiles too, shaking her head. Today is truly crazy. At least now she has an answer for Ivy.

"So what's going on?" Tyler asks, pressing against her, and Charlotte tells him about it all.

"And then he just left," she concludes. "And I came here."

"Why are you so upset?"

"I don't know...I guess it's being surprised like that. He's never come here before."

"The other side of you," Tyler says thoughtfully, which makes Charlotte feel upset again. "Does he resemble you?"

"No," Charlotte says, moving away. "He's nothing like me. And I didn't even talk to him, I told you that!"

"Whoa, slow down," Tyler says, putting a hand on her shoulder. "Relax, it's cool. I'm just curious."

"There's not much to tell," Charlotte says. tucking her feet up. "I should go, anyway."

"Now?"

"I can't sit here forever."

"You can sit a little longer, come on."

Tyler tucks some hair behind her ears, looks into Charlotte's eyes and leans forward to kiss her. Charlotte kisses him back, feeling her anger fade a little, and then kisses him two or three times more. She loses track of time, and then know it's her parents when her phone buzzes again. Charlotte doesn't bother to answer. She has no need to go home and sit in awkward conversation. She's not happy, exactly, but she feels a lot better here than with her parents giving each other looks about her. She and Tyler kiss and kiss until Charlotte's back touches the dusty ground, and finally she sits up, pushing Tyler away.

"Hey," he says, breathing heavily. "You okay?"

"Yeah, I - lets slow down a little."

Her face is red but Tyler just nods and Charlotte stares at her knees. She hears her phone go off again and this time she says, "I really should head back."

"Okay. One sec."

Charlotte waits and then Tyler gets up, taking her hand. They walk halfway down her street and then Charlotte takes her hand back. "Here's good."

"You sure?"

"I don't want to deal with them seeing you too. It would be a whole other thing."

Tyler nods and kisses Charlotte goodbye, who takes her time walking slowly back to the house. Rory explodes the minute she gets in.

"Where have you been, young lady? We said lunchtime and it's after two."

"Still within lunchtime."

"You know I meant earlier. Why didn't you answer your phone?"

Charlotte shrugs and Rory exclaims, "I was worried, Charlotte! We both were! I was just about to start looking for you! You can be mad at me, but you need to answer your phone!"

"I'm sorry."

Rory stares at her, her arms tightly folded, and she gradually releases them.

"Okay," she says. "Today's been a weird, bad day, so I'm not going to get mad. More mad, I mean. But next time, if I tell you to come back at a certain time and answer your phone, you'd better do it, you hear me?"

"Fine. Okay."

Her mother is still staring so Charlotte adds again, "I'm sorry. I was just upset."

"What's that in your hair?"

"What?"

"You've got leaves and stuff in your hair - what have you been doing?"

"Oh - I went for a walk. Some branches brushed into my hair."

Rory frowns, nods and then says, "Come on. Let's sit down. I really think we should talk."

"I don't want to," Charlotte says. She feels that stony feeling again but her mother insists, "I really think we should. Your dad too - he's just gone to pick up your brother and sister - but we can talk now. Today was such a shock."

"Yeah," Charlotte says quietly. "Kind of threw me."

"You shouldn't have had to deal with that." Rory kisses her cheek and says, "Let's make some coffee. It threw me too."

"Do we have to talk about Logan?"

Her mother pauses, hand on the pot, and then says, "We don't just have to talk about him. I had an idea."

"What?"

"How about we invite Tyler over for dinner?"

Charlotte pauses, unable to speak with horror. "Maybe we should talk about Logan after all," she manages. Her mother gives a knowing smile and Charlotte sinks onto a chair. She doesn't know which conversation is worse.

"I'm sorry you got blindsided," Rory says, sitting opposite her with two cups a little later. "When Logan came over, I mean. It was so unfair to you."

"It's okay."

"No, it's not. I'm going to talk to him about it."

"Are we still going to see him?" Charlotte asks and Rory frowns. "Have you changed your mind?"

Charlotte shrugs. She's a little curious, as well as being mad. "I sort of want to see him."

"We can if you want to," Rory says,squeezing her hands. "And if you don't want to, you don't have to. I understand."

Charlotte looks away and Rory says, "Sweets?"

"I'm fine," Charlotte says. "Just tired."

"Okay. You know you can talk to me, right? About anything?"

"I know, Mom."

Rory smiles and touches her daughter's hand, taking a sip of coffee.

"So tell me," she says, "When's a good time for Tyler to come over?"


	14. Chapter 14

**Thanks for the feedback!**

After Logan and Charlotte leave, Jess turns to Rory. "What the hell was that?!"

"I don't know, Jess."

"What if I'd had Richie and Annie with me?" Jess demands. "It's bad enough he saw Charlotte. Calling her his daughter - where does he get off?"

"I didn't know he was coming," Rory says, feeling teary. "I'm sorry."

Jess looks at her and his face softens. Taking her in his arms, he says, "I know. I'm not mad at you."

"He just showed up," Rory says into his shoulder. "No warning."

"Sounds like him."

"And now Charlotte's upset - I can't believe this. Maybe we shouldn't have let her take off."

"She needed some space," Jess says, loosening his embrace to look at Rory. "Better that than us forcing her to sit down and talk about it."

"But we should talk about it."

"Agreed, but she'll be more open to it once she's had some time to process."

Rory nods, looking away, and Jess adds, "I could kill Logan."

"I don't think that's going to solve anything."

"How about if I just deck him?" Jess makes a face and Rory laughs a little.

"Jess. Come on."

"It got to me - saying Charlotte's his daughter. Like he's been any kind of father, and now he's trying to claim something?"

"He was just riling you up. You know how he's always been with Charlotte."

Rory sits down heavily at the table, putting her head in her hands. Jess puts a hand on her shoulder and moves over to the counter, making some coffee. Setting a cup in front of Rory, he sits opposite her and looks into her eyes.

"Hey. We'll figure this out."

Rory takes a long sip, sitting up.

"I'm so mad at him," she says. "I'm not having him do what Christopher always did to me - making false promises and then showing up for maybe a day, and letting me down all over again. He was only my dad when he wanted to be. I'm not letting Logan change Charlotte's world like that."

"We wont."

Rory nods, taking another sip. For a while, she and Jess sit in silence, finishing the coffee, and then Jess reaches over to squeeze Rory's hand. She smiles and asks, "When are Richie and Annie back?"

"I'll need to pick them up in around an hour."

"Maybe we can talk to Charlotte first. She should be back soon," Rory says, checking the time. "It's after one."

"Hopefully we can hear some more about mystery guy."

"You mean Tyler?" Rory asks, amused. "She'll hate that."

"If she's dating him I want to know about him. Plus, embarrassing her is part of the parent package."

Rory has to laugh at that. "I was thinking of inviting him over for dinner," she says, leaning onto her elbow. "It's not too soon, is it? I mentioned it to her but she wasn't too enthused."

"I think it'll always feel too soon for her," Jess says. "Dinners with parents are awkward."

"Especially if you show up with a black eye," Rory says, nudging him, and Jess chuckles.

"Grandmother, not mother."

"Remember your first dinner at our place? How you asked Mom if she was sleeping with Luke?"

"Lorelai told you that?" Jess groans. "Oh, man."

"Yes, she did. I don't think it's going to be quite as awkward as those times, but Charlotte'll probably think it'll be uncomfortable in general."

"She's right," Jess says. "But she's gone out with him a few times now. I don't think it's too much to ask him over. We're not going to give him the Spanish Inquisition, right?"

"I reserve the right to make jokes," Rory grins. "What's a dinner without Monty Python?"

"A considerably less fun one. Hey, speaking of food, should we get lunch?"

"I am hungry," Rory says, ignoring Jess teasingly asking when she isn't. "Maybe we should wait for Charlotte."

She and Jess wait a little longer, eventually making some lunch, but there's still no sign and Rory picks up the phone to call her. It rings and rings and goes to voicemail. Frustrated, Rory tries again and exclaims, "She's not answering."

"Maybe she didn't hear it," Jess says doubtfully and Rory rolls her eyes. "She's attached to that thing."

She types a message about needing Charlotte to be back, but there's still no kind of reply.

"What is she doing?" Rory asks, staring at the phone. "She knows we need her back by now."

"She probably just got distracted."

"We shouldn't have let her go out," Rory frets and Jess puts his hand on her arm. "Hey. She's sixteen. She's gone to blow off some steam and lost track of the time."

"What if she's gone off somewhere and got lost?"

"Rory, she's not a little kid."

"Teenagers still get lost," Rory argues. "Or hurt, or -"

"Slow down," Jess says. His voice is calm but Rory can tell he's starting to get nervous too. "Look, she's probably just mad at us and doesn't want to come home right away."

"I know, but -"

"I know," Jess says heavily. They sit silently for a moment and then he says, "I've got to go pick up the kids. If she's not back by the time we're home I'll go looking for her."

"Okay," Rory says resignedly and he kisses her.

"I'm sure she'll be here by then."

Thoughts tumble over and over in Rory's mind after Jess is gone. Something might have happened, she didn't ask Charlotte where she was going, and now she's not answering her phone. Why isn't she picking up? Possibilites taunt Rory's mind and she's just about to start looking herself when the door opens and Charlotte comes in, a guilty look on her face.

"Where have you been, young lady?"

Rory is so mad she doesn't notice that she's sounding like Emily. Charlotte has the grace to look ashamed and when Rory looks at her properly, she frowns.

"What's that in your hair?"

Absently, Charlotte lifts a hand and says something about brushing her hair against a branch. Rory is so frustrated and relieved that she doesn't ask any further, instead going to make more coffee. Charlotte is evasive when Rory mentions Logan but is appalled when she suggests inviting Tyler over for dinner. She asks if they can talk about Logan again, and then asks if she has to see him, making Rory frown. Charlotte says she's curious to see him, even if it's a little weird, and Rory gets that. She tells Charlotte she can talk to her about anything. Her daughter smiles but groans when Rory asks when a good time would be for Tyler to come over.

"Look," Rory says, sipping more coffee. "Dinner will be fine."

"No, it won't. You and Dad will turn it into the Spanish Inquisition."

"You have too little faith in us. We'll just make jokes about it."

"That's worse," Charlotte groans. She puts her head on her hand for a moment and Rory exclaims, "What's so wrong with him meeting us? He already did."

"Exactly! Why does he need to again?"

"Because we only saw him for a few minutes. If you're dating him, I want to talk to him properly."

"Oh, jeez."

"Charlotte. Come on."

"Can't you just take my word for it that he's nice?"

"And can't I get to know him a little? I'm your mom. We won't embarrass you too hard."

"Yeah, right."

"I promise, no baby pictures."

Charlotte gives a grudging smile and then the door opens. Richie and Annie come in, squabbling slightly, and Jess walks right over to the table.

"Hey, where were you?"

"Jess, it's okay," Rory says but Jess demands, "Why didn't you answer your phone? What's going on?"

"I'm sorry," Charlotte says in a small voice. They all hesitate and then Richie says, "What'd Charlotte do?"

He and Annie are staring, hands halfway to the juice and milk in the fridge, and Jess says quickly, "Nothing. Go on to your rooms."

"But Dad -"

"I need to talk to your sister."

"But -"

"We'll discuss it later," Jess says and, giving up, Richie and Annie walk slowly into the hall. Rory waits until she can hear their footsteps go upstairs and then says, "Jess, it's okay."

"No, it's not okay," Jess says, looking from her to Charlotte. "We were worried about you! Was your phone messing up?"

"My phone's fine."

"Then why didn't you answer? Why didn't you come back when we told you to?"

Charlotte bites her lip and Jess looks into her eyes. "I know you're mad at us. You've got a right to be mad. But you can't go off for hours and scare the hell out of us. You know that."

Charlotte nods, her chin trembling, and she whispers, "I'm sorry."

Getting up, Jess walks around and kneels by her chair, pulling her into a hug. Kissing the top of her head, he says, "I know. I know being mad like that, and I know you're sorry. It's okay."

He hugs her tightly and when Charlotte pulls away her eyes are still wet. She wipes them and asks, "Is Logan going to come back?"

"He's not coming back here," Jess says fiercely. "Not to our house."

"But when are we going to see him?"

"I don't know, sweets," Rory says gently. "I need to talk to him. Your dad's right though - he won't show up out of the blue again. I promise."

Charlotte nods and Rory reiterates, "It's okay to be mixed up over seein him. It's a big thing."

Charlotte tucks her hair behind her ears and says haltingly, "Can I ask something serious?"

"Of course, honey."

"Please don't make me invite Tyler over for dinner."

Rory and Jess start laughing and Charlotte smiles too, shaking her head. She gets up, picking up the coffee pot, and Jess says, "Hold on, have you eaten anything? Let's have some real lunch, huh?"

"You guys go ahead," Rory says. "I need to make a call."

Taking her phone, she goes out of the house and gets into her car. Rory isn't planning on going anywhere but she doesn't want anyone overhearing her call. She dials Logan's number and as he picks up she says furiously, "How dare you show up like that."

"Rory, I didn't know Charlotte would be there."

"Exactly. You didn't know if Charlotte would be there, of if Richie and Annie would be there, or if Jess would be there, but you still showed up. You didn't care if it was a good or bad time."

"What happened to just dropping by? Don't people do that anymore?"

"You know you can't drop by, don't play dumb with me. You totally freaked out Charlotte and riled up Jess. You're such a jerk."

"I was just making jokes."

"Calling Charlotte your kid is making a joke?"

"She is my kid."

"Logan, don't you even think of messing with my daughter," Rory says, her voice tight with anger. "She is happy. She has me and she has a father. She has Jess. It's bad enough that you've moved back, but you are not changing our arrangement. I won't let you."

"Relax," Logan says. "I don't want to change anything. My life is fine without her. I don't need to be a dad."

Despite the crass words, Rory relaxes and Logan adds, "I don't think Odette would be thrilled with me saying I have a daughter."

"Then why did you say that?"

"Because she is, biologically. I was pointing it out."

"Well, don't. Don't make jokes, don't show up, and don't you ever upset my kid again. My father used to say he was my kid, and do you know when he'd say that? When he felt like being my dad, which was maybe once a year. He was never a real father to me. The biological part meant nothing."

There's a pause and then Logan says, "You want to spell it out some more?"

Rory doesn't bother to answer that. "If you want to see her, it'll be done properly. We'll arrange a time and a place. If you ever just show up again -"

"I won't," Logan says says sharply. "I told you, I don't want my life changing either."

Rory pauses. She's suddenly intrigued about what went on with him and Odette, why they never had kids, but when Logan asks, "Rory?" she says quickly, "I'm still here," and doesn't broach the question.

"Then I guess I'll go," Logan says and Rory breathes a long sigh. "Fine. Bye."

Rory sits in the car for a little longer. Her mind wanders to when she was a kid, calling Christopher and waiting for him to show up in Stars Hollow. He always promised he would, and then something came up, and it would be months until Rory saw him. It was usually a holiday at her grandparents' house, which must have been severely stressful for her mother, in retrospect. But for all those months, Rory would proudly talk about her 'real daddy', and when he let her down Luke would make her some kind of treat - usually pancakes with strawberries or a sundae. He was the one who was really there, helping out when she was sick or moving her stuff into a college dorm. He'd been the real father, but somehow it had taken years for Rory take the rose-coloured glasses off to see it. She wonders when Lorelai did, or if her mother had somehow known all along.

Getting out of the car, Rory walks up to the house. She can hear the younger kids bickering over the TV remote but Jess and Charlotte are still in the kitchen. Jess is messing around, picking up his sandwich and pretending to point it at something.

"My father with a shotgun bit," he says seriously. "I'm practising for when Tyler comes over, pretty good, huh?"

"Dad, you're so dumb," Charlotte laughs and Jess shrugs. "Tough crowd."

He and Charlotte smile at each other and Rory smiles too, announcing as she enters, "You need a cannoli."

"A cannoli?"

"Because he -"

"Left the gun and took the cannoli," Jess says, finishing her thought and Charlotte shakes her head.

"You guys are crazy."

"Well, we gave that to you," Rory says. She catches herself but no one seems to notice. She concentrates on eating some chips and when Jess asks in a low voice, "All okay?" Rory smiles and says assuredly, "All okay, I promise."


	15. Chapter 15

On Saturday evening Tyler has agreed to come for dinner. Charlotte has been agonising for days. In a way, it's been a welcome distraction from thinking about Logan, but right now she's just anxious. She changes in and out of three outfits, settling finally on jeans and a purple sweater. She hesitates, wondering if jeans are too casual, but Tyler's seen her in them tons of times and besides, it looks good with the sweater, she thinks. Maybe. Charlotte bites her tongue, staring in the mirror, and jumps at the knock on the door. Her mother sticks her head into the room.

"Hey, sweets. You look nice."

"Thanks." The _nice_ comment almost makes Charlotte want to change again - is parental approval good or bad? - but she decides to go with it. After all, her mother chose a great outfit for her first date. Rory comes and sits down on the bed and watches Charlotte look in the mirror.

"Charlotte, you look great."

"Thanks," Charlotte says, half-smiling, and goes and joins Rory on the bed.

"You nervous?"

"A little. Mom, does he have to come over?" Charlotte begs yet again and Rory laughs. "Haven't we been through this like a zillion times?"

"I just don't see the big deal."

"You've been going out with him a little while now. Dad and I just want to know him properly."

"I've talked about him enough. and shown you pictures."

"And whatever happened to face-to-face?" Rory challenges. Charlotte sighs in a good-humoured way and her mother grins at her. "I promise not to be embarrassing. Not too embarrassing, anyway."

"Gee, thanks a lot."

"I'm your mother, it's my job. I had to ask my mother not to do Sonny and Cher impressions."

"You're kidding."

"Nope. Count your lucky stars for that."

"I will." They fall silent but Rory doesn't get up. "Mom?"

"Mm?"

"Have you heard from Logan?"

Charlotte throws it out there with her eyes closed. She needs to stop stressing over Tyler, so said the first thing that came to mind. It's ironic, as Tyler was the change of mind from Logan in the first place, and Charlotte almost wishes she hadn't brought it up, but it's too late now.

"Not for a few days," Rory says slowly. "He hasn't said anything to you, has he?"

"You know he hasn't."

"Well, I didn't. But I do now."

"He hardly talks to me."

Rory bites her lip, an anxious look filling her eyes and Charlotte stares down at her lap.

"Do you want me to call him?" she asks eventually and Charlotte shakes her head. "No. I just wanted an update."

"Oh."

They go silent again but Rory puts her arm around Charlotte's waist. Charlotte lets it rest and then asks, "So what happened when you brought a guy home?"

"What?" Rory laughs, relaxing. "You've heard this story so many times. Dad came to Grandma's with a black eye, and when he first came to our house, when I met him, he got in a fight with Nana. So it was an interesting start."

"No, not Dad. Your first boyfriend."

"Dean? Oh, well that was my first date too, I told you."

"But you took him to Grandma's too, right?"

"Yes, I did," Rory says, reminiscing. "Man, I'd almost forgotten about that. I'd come top in my class at Chilton and was allowed to bring him to dinner. My grandfather freaked out and asked Dean questions about grades and college."

"Why?"

"He wanted to know if he was good enough for me. I felt like I was going to pass out from embarrassment. I stormed out on dinner."

"You did?"

"Yes, I did," Rory says, looking amused at her expression. "I had a temper too, you know. I was so mad."

"Then what happened?"

"Oh, I made up with Grandpa. Neither of us could stand being upset with each other. But I didn't take Dean back there for a long time."

Charlotte can't picture her mother walking out on her grandparents, let alone storming off. She never knew Richard but he looks imposing enough from his portrait and stories, and she does know Grandma. Rory laughs again and says, "Don't worry. I promise not to grill Tyler."

Charlotte makes a face and gets up. Rory follows suit, still laughing as she goes out, and Charlotte checks her phone again. Tyler is due to arrive in half an hour. Thirty minutes - that's really just three sets of ten minutes, and that's no time at all. Charlotte feels her stomach churn as she applies mascara and hears her brother and sister run around downstairs. Her mother should have promised not to let them be embarrassing either.

Charlotte puts her hair up and takes it down again, brushing it a fourth time before heading downstairs. Her father is reading in an armchair and looks up as Charlotte sits on the sofa next to him.

"Hey. You nervous?"

"I'm fine."

"If he doesn't show up with a black eye I say it's a party."

"Dad, stop with the joke!" Charlotte groans. She means it goodnaturedly but it comes out a little snappy and her father raises his eyebrows. "Sorry, I'm just -"

"A little nervous?" Jess asks gently. "I was too."

"When you had the black eye?"

"Before that even happened. I was nervous all week."

"Why?"

"You know your grandmother. I'm not great at the smalltalk thing, and that was just with Lorelai, or anyone, come to think of it. But I really didn't know how to talk to my girlfriend's rich grandmother."

It feels strange to hear her mother described as someone's girlfriend. Charlotte rests her elbow on the arm of the chair and her father goes on, "I tried to get out it but I knew I'd have to go over there at some point. So I tried to look nice, put a shirt on, and told myself it wouldn't be too bad. At least it was just the grandmother - Richard and Lorelai were away that week. And who knows, maybe it would have been fine, if -"

"You hadn't got beaten up by a swan," Charlotte giggles and her father points his book at her.

"It wasn't just that, and I was _beaked_ , it could have happened to anyone! I was just walking and reading and - anyway, point is, it wasn't the only thing that got screwed up. There was a hell of a traffic jam and I was in a bad mood and when I did finally get there, your mom and I got in a real fight."

"Because of the black eye?"

"She thought I'd gotten in a fight with Dean. I didn't have such a sterling reputation back then. Plus I was really late, so that didn't help, and I was kind of smart with Emily."

Jess looks a little ashamed at the last part, and then coughs when Charlotte asks, "But didn't you just tell Mom about the swan? And the traffic?"

"Well, I didn't have a cellphone -"

"You're crazy."

"No, just didn't need one," Jess says defensively. "And I, uh, was embarrassed about the swan. So embarrassed that I didn't tell her."

"You let Mom think it was a fight?"

"I told her it wasn't a fight, and she didn't believe me, and I got so mad at everything that I stormed out."

"You left Mom there?"

"Not my finest hour," Jess says uncomfortably. "I just couldn't take it anymore. Not an excuse, but I couldn't stand being there a second longer."

"Like Mom."

"Huh?"

"Mom left dinner when Dean came over to Grandma's place too."

"She did, huh?" Jess says, sounding intrigued, and Rory chimes in,

"Yes, she did, and I'll tell you about it later, but Jess, please can you check on dinner?"

"Check on?" Jess echoes, getting up. "Have you even turned the oven on?"

"I opened the food package," Rory says and Jess laughs, turning around when Charlotte asks, "So when did you tell Mom about the swan?"

"Not for several years," Rory answers for him. "What was it you said to me, Jess? A football?"

"I was amazed you bought it."

"The truth was even less strange than that," Charlotte giggles. "Almost as strange as Mom walking out."

"Your mother's always had that in her," Jess says. "It doesn't surprise me."

Rory grins, looking a little embarrassed, and says, "It was a long time ago. Someday you'll be telling this story, Charlotte."

"I hope it's not as embarrassing as yours," Charlotte says and Jess laughs, going to kiss the top of her head.

"All part of the great adolescent experience. And speaking of, I'd better go cook dinner so there's actually something to eat when he arrives...now that'd be a real story, huh?"

Charlotte picks up the book her father abandoned. It's a Hemingway, which doesn't surprise her. Her father tried to get her into it, but Charlotte just doesn't see the appeal. Her father had sighed and said _Ernest only has lovely things to say about you_. Charlotte tries a few sentences now but, even if Ernest has praise for her, the feeling is decidedly unmutual.

Her phone buzzes in her pocket, making Charlotte jump. Tyler is heading down the street and Charlotte gets to her feet, deciding to greet him before her parents do, or God forbid, her brother and sister. She opens the door, waiting, and lifts her hand in a kind of half-wave as he approaches. It's got colder this week and Tyler is wearing a jacket.

"Hey," she says. "Sorry if this is totally weird."

"No worries," Tyler says, giving a small shrug. When she'd broached the subject Tyler hadn't seemed thrilled but he did agree to come. He said he'd like to see where she lived, which Charlotte took as a kind of positive response. Tyler takes his jacket off, revealing a dark blue shirt over grey pants.

Taking a deep breath, Charlotte lets him walk in and calls, "Mom, Dad! Tyler's here!"

Rory is behind her in a flash. Sticking her hand out, Rory says, "Hi, Tyler. Great to see you."

"Thanks," Tyler says. He shakes her hand but doesn't offer anything else, and then Jess walks over, wiping his hands on a dishcloth which he throws back into the kitchen.

"Hi," he says, shaking Tyler's hand as well. "Dinner will be ready in about ten minutes. I hope you like pasta."

"Sure."

Jess waits for a moment and then says, "Well, we'll talk more then. I'd better make sure it doesn't explode all over the kitchen or whatever. Wouldn't want to eat dinner off the walls."

The embarrassment starts here, Charlotte thinks. She closes her eyes for a moment but Tyler smiles appreciatively and Rory asks, "Do you guys need a drink? We've got juice, water, and oh, coffee, of course."

"And milk," adds a third smaller voice and they look up to see Annie exiting the doorway of the living room. She's wearing the dress she got for her birthday, despite being told she didn't need to look fancy, and Rory squeezes Annie's hand as she goes over to them.

"That's right, and milk. Do you want some, honey?"

Annie nods, staring up at Tyler, and Charlotte says somewhat uselessly, "That's my sister. Annie."

Tyler nods but shakes his head when Rory asks again if he needs a drink.

"I'm going to show Tyler the house," Charlotte decides. "Give him the tour."

"I can give a tour!" Annie says, bouncing up and down, but Jess says, "Hey, I need your help in the kitchen. Aren't you my right-hand chef?"

Annie agrees to this and Charlotte reaches her father's eyes, silently thanking him. It makes up for the dinner comment before.

Charlotte shows Tyler the living room, where Richie is watching TV, the downstairs bathroom and room which is half library, half office. Tyler raises his eyes at that without offer of explanation and Charlotte hastily takes him upstairs, pointing out the bathroom.

"And that's my parents' room, my brother's room and my sister's room," she concludes. "And that's my room."

"Can I see it?"

Charlotte pushes the door open, lingering in the doorway. She wasn't prepared for how weird it would feel to see Tyler in her room, a _guy_ in her room, walking around and checking it out. He smirks, picking up a bear on the bed, but Charlotte's heart drops when he lifts up her flannel shirt.

"What's this?"

"Nothing." Coming unglued from her spot, Charlotte marches over and snatches it from his hand. "It's my grandpa's."

"Is he dead or something?"

"What? No, he just gave it to me."

"Kind of big for you, isn't it?" Charlotte smiles weakly as he laughs, and sinks on the bed, before quickly getting back up. Sitting on the bed with a guy in the room suddenly seems awkward.

"Nice bookcase."

"Oh, thanks," Charlotte says, going over to it. "My grandpa did that for me."

"Books, shirts - what else is he giving you, his shoes?"

"He made the case," Charlotte corrects. "He made it before I was born. And he made me a cradle too."

"I'm guessing you don't sleep in that anymore."

Charlotte smiles, touching the bookcase. She runs her hands proudly over the carved leaves and flowers, feeling a small current of shame. It's stocked with books she loves but hasn't picked up in the longest time, and Charlotte watches Tyler peruse it.

"Ayn Rand," he says approvingly. "Good choice."

"Oh, my mom gave that to me," Charlotte laughs. "She said she loved it as a kid but didn't understand it."

"Did you like it?"

"Yeah, but Ayn Rand is a political nut." Tyler gives her an odd look and Charlotte explains, "My dad's always said that. He taught me to say it when I was three - it's on a video somewhere."

Charlotte hopes Tyler doesn't ask to see it, but instead he says, "She's a genius."

"Um," Charlotte says, tracing her fingers over the wood. "I don't know. She was pretty insane, wasn't she? Obsessed with money over people."

"She was real about the world. Not enough people are."

Charlotte doesn't know what to say to that. She lets her fingers tuck into a hole in the carving, and watches Tyler inspect the rest of her collection. It's mostly her kid books but there's a few Charlotte's picked up and hasn't gotten into yet.

"You like women writers," Tyler says, straightening up. "Austen, Brontës..."

"Well, I'm named after one. We both are - I mean, I'm named after Charlotte Brontë, I told you. And my sister's real name is Anne, from _Persuasion_."

Tyler shrugs. "I haven't read it."

"Oh. Okay. What do you like reading?"

"Nothing much - not novels, I mean. I want to read about real things, you know."

He walks around her room some more, looking at the pictures on the wall and Charlotte feels shy. She suddenly doesn't know what to do with her legs. She folds and unfolds her arms, taking a step over, and then Tyler takes a step over too and kisses her. Surprised, Charlotte kisses him back and closes her eyes. Tyler's wearing a kind of aftershave and the scent makes her feel heady. They kiss and kiss some more and suddenly Charotte's legs are bumping against the bed. Then they are half-sitting, half-lying on it and when they stop for air Charlotte says, "Maybe we should -"

"Yeah."

"We'll need to go down in a minute."

Tyler gives her a grin and a big part of Charlotte wants to carry on kissing him, the hell with it, but she gets up, almost apologetic. Tyler gets up as well and not a moment too soon, as there is a knock on the door and Rory looks in.

"Guys. Dinner's ready."

"Coming," Charlotte says. She knows her face has gone red and can hardly look at Tyler as she goes to the door, smoothing her hair down. As they head downstairs Rory is in the hall, obviously waiting, but she pretends to be nonchalent, making Richie turn the TV off and ushering him into the kitchen.

The table looks nicer than usual, with a tablecloth they don't usually get out before Christmas. Annie has made placecards for them all and beams when they sit at their designated places.

"So your real name is Anne?" Tyler asks her. "Very pretty."

"Yeah! Everyone thinks it's like Orphan Annie, you know, but it's a Jane Austen lady!"

"Oh, I see Charlotte's been filling you in," Rory says, pouring some water. "Do you have any brothers or sisters?"

"No."

"Oh. Well," Rory says, after it's clear Tyler's not going to expand. "I was an only child for most of my life. My dad had another baby when I was eighteen."

"Kind of the same thing with me," adds Jess, spooning pasta and sauce onto plates. "I was in my twenties when Doula was born - yeah, I know, weird name, right?"

Tyler doesn't respond and Annie asks, "When are we seeing her next? And Aunt Gigi?"

"Angel, I don't know," Rory says, sounding tired. "They're busy."

"Aunt Gigi brings the best chocolate from Paris," Richie puts in and Jess says, "Always with the onetrack mind. But it is chocolate, right?"

Charlotte smiles, looking over at her boyfriend, who manages to smile too.

"Tell us about your family, Tyler," Rory says brightly. "We're all going to wind up with a sugar craving if we stay on the French chocolate topic!"

"My mom and dad live in the next neighbourhood. Dad works in software."

"That must be interesting. What does your mom do?"

"She works with the school administration."

"That's interesting," Rory says again. Tyler doesn't offer more and so they all start eating. Charlotte wishes he would say something, anything, and then almost chokes when Annie asks, "Did you like Charlotte's tour?"

"Yes," Tyler says, grinning, kicking her foot under the table. "Very much."

"I showed him my books," Charlotte say desperately, feeling her family look at her, and Tyler says, "I liked that she has Ayn Rand."

"Really?" Jess asks. "Her economics are pretty wacky."

"Interesting though."

"I guess," Jess allows and Rory says, "I read _The Fountainhead_ when I was ten. Couldn't understand a word."

"Maybe you should have read it again," Tyler says and Rory says coldly, "I did."

The following pause is so stilted Charlotte wants to run away but her father cuts it by saying, "I'm still trying to get Charlotte to give old Ernest Hemingway a chance."

"I gave him a chance, Dad."

"Ernest -"

"Only has lovely things to say about me, I know," Charlotte finishes, and they all laugh, even Tyler, who doesn't really get the joke. "Do you like Hemingway, Tyler?"

"He's okay. Probably my favourite from English class."

"Do you have something favourite to study in school?" Rory asks and Tyler shrugs.

"It's all a means to an end."

No one asks what that means. Jess brings out dessert, which is chocolate cake to Richie's delight, and the conversation turns to lighter things such as TV shows and movies. Tyler says he has to go after that and no one tries to convince him otherwise. Charlotte walks him to the door and whispers, "I'm sorry if this was terrible."

"Not terrible. Illuminating."

Charlotte smiles and he leans over to kiss her goodbye. When he's gone, Charlotte watches him walk to his car before closing the door with a long sigh.

"Well," her mother says. She's in the hallway and Charlotte groans, "Don't say it."

"Don't say what?"

"How much you hate him."

"I wasn't going to say I hate him."

"Okay."

"I was going to say I'm not sure about him."

"I knew it!" Charlotte cries. "I knew you wouldn't like him!"

"Charlotte!"

"I knew dinner would be horrible," Charlotte says, going into the living room and burying her face in a cushion. "I knew it."

"Maybe it wouldn't have been so horrible if he'd talked to us properly."

Charlotte doesn't answer. She buries her face further in the cushion and then groans again when her mother asks, "And what was that about touring the house? Touring your _room_?"

"We weren't doing anything."

"You looked pretty red for not doing anything."

"Mom, please."

Charlotte stares into the cushion, looking up when her father comes in and puts a hand on it. "Hey. Talk to us."

"You hate him, I know you do!"

"No one is saying _hate_ ," Jess says calmly. "We just -"

"That's it, you _just_! You don't like him!"

"I thought he could have made more conversation," Jess says and Rory says, "And I certainly didn't appreciate being told to reread _The Fountainhead_."

"You guys are being really unfair," Charlotte says, hugging the cushion to her chest. "Didn't you say you were in a bad mood and didn't talk at all, Dad? And Mom, didn't you say Dean got quizzed too much by your grandpa and you stormed off?"

Rory and Jess look at each other and smile shyly.

"We said too much," Rory jokes. "Honey - it just - he just -"

"What?"

"He seemed like he didn't want to know us."

"Maybe he didn't," Charlotte says boldly. "He probably knew you were judging him!"

"Come on," Jess says and Rory sits down beside her. "We made an effort. Tyler didn't seem to try."

Charlotte stares at the cushion for another moment and then gets up.

"I'm going to take my makeoff off."

"Sweets -"

"I'm fine. I just need to wash my face."

No one is making jokes about black eyes now. Charlotte goes upstairs, running the water loudly so no one can hear her sniffling. She washes the mascara away, drying her face and rubbing some lotion in and takes her time before finishing. She's sure her parents will make her talk some more but when Charlotte eventually goes out she can hear Rory on the phone. At first Charlotte assumes it's with Lorelai, and that her mother is badmouthing Tyler already, but Rory's voice is tense, words taut.

"Okay. Okay. I need to talk with her. Bye."

Rory stuffs her phone back in her pocket and goes into the living room, talking to Jess so quietly Charlotte can't hear. Then Charlotte can see Rory come back out and go to the stairs and, hurrying to her room, Charlotte picks up a magazine until her mother knocks and comes in.

"Honey?"

"What's going on?"

Charlotte licks the inside of her mouth, which has gone dry, and Rory goes over to the bed.

"I was talking to Logan just then. He wants us to come over next weekend."

"For the whole time?"

"No! No, just on Saturday afternoon. Are you okay with that?"

"I'm fine." Charlotte stares at her hands and Rory says, "I'll be right there with you."

Charlotte nods and Rory adds gently, "I'm sorry about tonight."

"No, you're not."

"I'm sorry it didn't go better."

"Mom, what was so wrong with him?"

Rory is silent for a moment and then says, "There's nothing really wrong. He's just - he's very young."

"What does that mean? We're the same age!"

"I know, I know. I don't think I can explain what I'm getting at."

"You could try."

Rory looks at her and says, "He seems sure of things he doesn't know much about."

"You'd want me to date someone who wasn't sure of anything?"

"That's not what I meant. Oh, Charlotte. I think this because I'm your mom. I would anyway, but that adds to it. You know how I got in that fight with my grandfather? He wanted the best for me. I want the best for you."

"I like him. Isn't that enough?"

Rory looks into her eyes and tucks some hair behind her ears. Charlotte lets her do so for a moment and gets up. "I need some water."

Her father is in the kitchen and says, a little too brightly, "How's my girl?"

"How do you think?"

"Hey, come on. I was just being honest."

"You and Mom don't like him because he likes Ayn Rand."

"It didn't help," Jess admits but he looks carefully at his daughter. "We just want you to date the best possible guy."

"Like who?"

"Well," Jess says, putting his arms around her. "Ernest only has lovely things to say about you."

"Dad," Charlotte groans, but she lets her father hug her for a moment. "You want me to date a ghost?"

"Someone with a little spirit," Jess jokes and Charlotte rolls her eyes, but her father says more seriously, "I want you to be with someone great."

"How do you know Tyler isn't?"

Her father doesn't answer but holds onto her a little longer before going to get some water himself. They are interrupted by Annie, saying she's thirsty, and Charlotte leaves Jess to get a drink for her. Charlotte's phone buzzes and she gets it out, expecting it to be Tyler, but it's not. It's Logan. She gave him the number last Christmas but he's never used it before.

 _Hi Charlotte, hope it's okay to text you. Your mom said maybe you and her could come see me next week. I'm excited to see you - Logan_

There's nothing else in the message. At least he's acknowledging her, Charlotte thinks. But it gives her a weird feeling. She looks over her shoulder to see Jess tickling Annie before going back to the couch, turning on the TV and trying to ignore the concoction of outrage mixed with something she can't name.


	16. Chapter 16

**Thanks for the feedback!**

After Charlotte goes to bed, Jess and Rory look at each other.

"So that went well," Jess says and Rory groans. "Go on, say it."

"He was such a..." her voice trails off and Jess supplies, "Jerk?"

"Yeah. Something like that. I take it you feel the same."

"Only I'd use a stronger word."

Rory sighs and says, "Charlotte has a point though. We didn't do too well with first impressions."

"Oh, not you. Dean didn't do well but you were the darling of Stars Hollow! Everyone adored you!"

"Not with Logan's parents. They hated me, right from the start."

"I still can't believe that."

"Well, it's true. I wasn't from a good enough family. They thought I'd taint the bloodline or something."

Rory's smile fades at the words but Jess says firmly, "Yeah, but they were crazy. I don't think they'd even let me over the threshold of their mansion."

"They probably wouldn't have let me if Logan had told them I was coming." Rory grimaces and says, "Anyway, the point is, we screwed up with parents."

"And grandparents," Jess agrees. "But Tyler really does seem like a piece of work."

"He's only sixteen," Rory says. "I don't want to be unfair."

"Maybe he'll grow out of it," Jess says doubtfully, "But right now, he's still a jerk."

"Maybe he's not such a jerk. Maybe it was just a bad dinner. I don't think Grandma saw how you really were."

"True," Jess says, "but at least I was never into Ayn Rand."

Rory smiles at that and says, "But what can we do? I can't tell Charlotte not to date him because of that."

"I could."

"Jess!"

"Relax, I was kidding. Kind of. Look, I think he seems pretty arrogant in general and not exactly my first choice for her, but they've only been dating for what, a few weeks? She'll probably see it for herself."

"I hope sooner rather than later," Rory says, glancing upstairs. "If only so we don't have to ask him back for dinner."

"Speaking of, how are you feeling about next week? Going to Logan's place?"

"Nervous," Rory admits. "But it'll be okay. We'll be fine."

When Jess goes to clean up the kitchen, Rory calls Lorelai. Her mother answers on the second ring, berating her daughter for interrupting the dramatic movie she's watching, but when Rory tells her Tyler came over her mother instantly says, "Tell me all."

"Well, there isn't too much to tell. He came over and we ate dinner in awkward silence. A lot of awkward silence."

"You hate him," Lorelai says, sounding gleeful. "You really hate him, don't you?"

"I don't hate him," Rory says weakly. "It's only that...he barely talked to us."

"Sounds like someone you're married to."

"I knew you'd say that. It wasn't just that, I could deal with that, when he did talk he said how much he loves Ayn Rand and told me to reread _The Fountainhead_."

"Oh boy. Well, at least he's passionate, I guess?"

"He said education is a _means to an end_."

"What does that mean?"

"I don't even know."

"Rory," Lorelai says after a pause. "He's sixteen. A lot of people say stupid stuff when they're young. It doesn't mean he's a total moron."

"I know, I know. But this is it Mom...this is why I don't like him. He's got that kind of teenage arrogance and he thinks he knows better than us on everything. I could practically see him looking down on us, looking down on Charlotte!"

"Rory, are you sure you're not reading too much into this?"

"I don't know," Rory says in frustration. "I just - I just don't like him that much. I don't want him to date her."

"Have you said this to Charlotte?"

"Well, I'm not going to say she _can't_ date him," Rory says reluctantly. "He hasn't done anything really wrong. But I said I wasn't sure about him and she flipped out."

"They're both sixteen," Lorelai says. "Sometimes teenagers see things in extremes. He probably doesn't understand nuances of economic theory yet and she thinks you either love him or hate him. It can be very black and white."

"You're right," Rory sighs and Lorelai adds, "Can I say one more thing?"

"Sure."

"This is karma! Karma for all the times I didn't like who you were dating!"

"Don't say that!"

"It's true! Now you know how I felt and one day, if Charlotte has a kid, she'll know how you felt. It's a beautiful cycle."

"Oh God. You know, I think I almost walked in on them."

"What? They were having _sex_?"

"Mom, no! Jeez! They were just making out. I didn't see anything but they were totally red in the face and their clothes were mussed. Charlotte took him on a tour of the house and it wound up in her bedroom."

"Tour of the house? Oh Rory, you let her be the guide?"

"They were in her room for ten minutes."

"Ten minutes - that's how long it took to make you, and that included getting dressed and putting on my lipstick."

"Mom! Don't freak me out!"

"I'm just being truthful. Hey, remember Luke's system?"

"How he'd check on us every ten minutes?" Rory remembers. "He had that box of stuff and pretend to lose things upstairs. We got it honed so it would look more innocent when he came in."

"I bet," Lorelai says. "Please don't inform me on what you did do up there. Although I think I got a preview when I walked in that time."

"It was all very chaste. Kind of. No one got undressed anyway."

Lorelai snorts at that and goes on, "You get my point. A lot can be done in ten minutes."

"I know, I know. I'll talk to her. This week is going to be fun."

"Why? What else is going on?" Lorelai asks as Rory puts a hand to her head.

"I didn't tell you. I arranged to go to Logan's place next weekend."

"No, you left that part out. That's what you should have led with!"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I was too freaked out over my daughter's poor choice in guys."

"I suppose it's a good segue," Lorelai remarks and Rory rolls her eyes. "Wow. So you're going to New York?"

"Yep, Manahatten. It's just a few hours. Maybe we can do something fun afterward."

"Yeah. Get a manicure with her and use the trip as a warning for what happens with guys like Tyler."

"Mom, stop!"

"Okay, I'm sorry. Just trying to lighten the mood."

"It'll be lighter after she breaks up with him. She's totally into him right now."

"Have you asked her what the appeal is?"

"I think she thinks he's intelligent," Rory says. "And he's cute and he likes her. That seems to be enough."

"That'll do it," Lorelai says. "Seriously though, it'll be fine. This is a time in her life for dating guys like that. One day you'll look back on it and laugh."

"You think so?"

"I know so. Just don't freak out too much and Rory, talk to her. She's a smart girl."

"Yeah, I know. Thanks, Mom. Give my love to Luke."

"I will, but Paul Anka's feeling left out."

"I thought my love with him was understood. Bye, Mom."

"Bye, sweets."

The rest of the week passes quickly. Rory thinks of bringing up being careful with Charlotte but there never seems to be a good moment. She can't remember how her mother brought it up with her, just lots of Trojan jokes from around puberty. And then she promised to tell her mother when she decided to do it, and didn't, and everything was just bad. Rory doesn't want to use that as frame of reference though. If she does, it will mean bringing up the entire story and Rory really doesn't want to go into that. Charlotte knows about safe sex, Rory's always made sure she understands that, but it can't hurt to remind her of it. She'll just go from there, Rory decides. Anyway, maybe she'll break up with Tyler before it's even an issue.

On Friday night Rory walks past her daughter's bedroom, stops and knocks on the door, waiting for Charlotte to invite her before going in. Her daughter is laying on the bed, reading _The Fountainhead_.

"Wow," Rory says, sitting down beside her. "Gving Ayn Rand another try?"

"I wanted to see if I'd missed anything."

"And?"

"Not really," Charlotte says, closing the book and making Rory laugh. "I think I'm going to give up."

"That's fair. Are you all ready for tomorrow?"

Charlotte nods, indicating at the packed bag in the corner and Rory hesitates. Charlotte frowns and asks, "What?"

"Charlotte...you know how I came in before? When you had Tyler here?"

"We weren't doing anything," Charlotte says defensively and Rory says, "I know, I believe you."

"Okay."

"But if you do - if you were - promise me you'll think about it."

"Mom, is this a sex talk?" Charlotte demands, sitting up. "I'm not having sex!"

"You have to be careful," Rory says determinedly. "You know you have to use a condom, if you have sex, and they can break so you should use something else, _if_ you have sex, and that's a big if, Charlotte, it's a big step, and I don't want you to -"

"Mom!" Charlotte shouts, bright red in the face. "Stop! I know this!"

"I don't want you to forget it!"

"Mom, I've only been seeing him a few weeks! And I know this! You went through it with me before!"

"I know, I know. But it's important that I talk to you about it, and remind you of it. It can happen - having unplanned sex."

"Any amount of money if you stop talking," Charlotte pleads. "Name it."

"I want you to be careful," Rory goes on, looking into her daughter's eyes. "And you shouldn't do anything you're not ready for."

"I know. Jeez. Mom, I promise I'm not having sex, and I promise I know how to use protection. So relax."

Rory laughs somewhat sardonically and decides to wind up there. She takes a breath and says, "Okay, moving on."

"Thank God."

"Are you all set? We'll leave at nine and go home after lunch. Although I was thinking maybe we could do a little shopping, get coffee?"

"And cake?" Charlotte asks hopefully and Rory grins. "Of course."

"Okay then," Charlotte says, getting up. She puts Ayn Rand back on the bookshelf and says, "I'll guess I'll see you in the morning."

"Bright and early," Rory says cheerfully. "Goodnight, angel."

"Goodnight."

Rory heads back downstairs where Jess is flicking through the channels on TV and groans.

"What?" Jess asks, turning it off and Rory thumps down beside him. "I tried giving a sex talk and totally screwed it up."

"What?" Jess asks again, sitting up. "A _sex_ talk? Charlotte's -"

"No," Rory says quickly. "She's not. I just thought I'd give her a reminder."

"Don't scare me like that."

"I completely made a mess of it. I rambled about protection and being ready and she was just in hell the whole time."

"Sounds about right," Jess says with a grin. "I got most of my sex ed from books and they sounded pretty awkward when parents got involved."

"No one gave you one?"

"Luke did."

" _Luke_? What did he say?"

"Told me to sit at an opposite side of the room to you."

Rory laughs and laughs and Jess joins in. They laugh until Rory's sides hurt and she says, "Well, I think I did better than that. That gives me hope."

"Charlotte knows all this. We've always been honest with her."

"I know, but she has a guy now, and..."

"They haven't been dating too long. Still, they are teenagers."

"Exactly." Rory lets out a sigh and says, "I'm not going to freak out about it now. I'm going to freak out about tomorrow instead."

"Would it be possible for you to not freak out at all?" Jess asks, pulling her onto his lap and Rory shakes her head as he kisses her cheek. "Nope. But this helps a lot."

The next morning, Rory and Charlotte set out for New York. It's a grey day, drizzle blistering the clouds, and by the time they reach the city it's a real downpour. Charlotte and Rory pull out umbrellas and run the last part to Logan's apartment. It's a familiar feeling; it would frequently rain in London, but Rory has foolishly imagined they wouldn't have to do so here. It was a good thing the umbrellas were already in the car.

There's a doorman at the entrance who eyes Rory and Charlotte and asks, "May I enquire whom you are wishing to see?"

"Logan Huntzberger," Rory says, concentrating on taking the umbrella down. It shoots back up, spraying the doorman with soiled water, but his cool expression barely falters as he says, "Mr Huntzberger was expecting you. Tenth floor."

Rory and Charlotte trail after him to the elevator where he leaves them, and once they're inside Charlotte whispers, "Did he suck a lemon or something?"

"Charlotte, it's his job." This was meant as a reprimand, but as Rory hears it she giggles, as though his job is to suck lemons, and she and Charlotte laugh the whole way up. They're still giggling as they reach Logan's door, and as Rory uses the fancy knocker on it, and when Logan answers he says, "Just happy to see me?"

The laughter evaporates instantly. Rory looks over to see her daughter is wearing a similarly small expression and says, "You don't have a maid? I thought she would answer the door."

"We're between them," Logan says, tossing the magazine he'd been reading onto a couch. "I'm slumming it. Come in, we don't need to talk in the doorway."

Rory goes in first, giving the umbrellas to Logan before they can drip any more water onto the carpet. It's cream, as are the couches, and Rory takes it in as Logan asks, "How are you doing?"

"Oh...fine..."

Logan looks her up and down and Rory hesitates, wondering what she should do. She can't hug him but shaking hands feels weird, and she smiles weakly at him. Logan smiles back, patting her arm and then turns to Charlotte.

"Hi, Charlotte. It's great to see you."

Charlotte nods and he gingerly puts an arm around her. Charlotte doesn't lean in so Logan swiftly removes it and says, "Sit down and let me get you a drink. I've got soda, coffee and the good stuff."

"I'll stick with soda, thanks," Rory says. "I don't think we need the, um, good stuff right now."

Logan goes over to the drinks trolley and Rory looks around some more. The apartment is pretty bare, but in a deliberate kind of fashion. There is a piano in the corner Rory wagers no one plays and a glass chandelier in the ceiling. In the other corner is a small marble statue and a framed piece of modern art. On the table beside her is a framed wedding picture of Logan and Odette, and Rory looks away. There are no other photos which she can see.

Logan returns with two colas and a glass of water for himself. He lifts his glass and says, "Cheers."

Rory and Charlotte lift their glasses too and drink, and Rory remembers the hard way of drinking too much soda at once. Trying not to burp, she says, "So how are you finding New York?"

"It's good," Logan says, ignoring Charlotte's failure not to burp into her glass. "London was good too, but it's great to be back in the old home country. My home country, of course. Odette's still missing Paris."

"Right," Rory says. "You don't think you'll ever live there?"

"Not in the cards. We've only just moved here anyhow."

"Right," Rory says again and falls silent. She drinks more soda and sees Logan look at Charlotte.

"Hey," he says, his voice softer. "How's everything with you?"

"Fine," Charlotte says. When she doesn't add anything Logan asks, "So how's school?"

Charlotte shrugs and Logan laughs. "You know, I always hated school myself."

"She didn't say that," Rory says sharply. "Charlotte doesn't hate school. She shouldn't hate school."

"Can I be excused?" Charlotte asks, getting up, and Logan nods, pointing her to the bathroom. When she's gone he says, "You don't need to pick a fight with me."

"I am not picking a fight," Rory retorts. "But I want her to try harder with school. I don't need you making a joke about it."

"She's a kid. She's allowed to hate school."

"I know she's allowed to, but I don't want her to. She used to love learning. She's smart, she just -" Rory takes a deep breath. "You know, we're here to catch up. So let's do that."

"I'm hearing about her life. That doesn't count?"

Rory takes a long drink of soda, keeping her mouth tightly closed as she swallows. She looks around the apartment some more and Logan says, "You like it?"

"It's very clean."

"I'll take that as a compliment. Odette's design."

"Where is she today?" Rory asks. Her voice is even but her skin prickles as Logan says, "Out shopping. Spending too much money on clothes she won't wear."

Rory never likes asking about Odette. For sixteen years, she has ensured to visit Logan when Odette's not there, and so far it seems to have worked. If she has ever noticed Rory visit, or seen pictures of her, she hasn't said anything, at least not as far as Rory knows. Part of her hates doing this - it feels squalid - but it's been this way for years now, and when Rory told Logan she was pregnant, so many years ago, she accepted that he would keep his life separate. It's his marriage, not hers, and Rory swore never to get involved with that again. It's up to Logan to tell Odette. If he doesn't want to tell her, she can't make him. Rory finishes her soda and Logan pours her another as Charlotte comes back out.

"So tell me what you've been up to lately," Logan says cheerfully. "What do you do outside school?"

Charlotte shrugs again and says, "I don't know...movies, I guess..."

She sounds so uncertain that Rory's heart breaks. She is taken back to being sixteen, forced into meeting Straub and Francine, and when put on the spot she froze. She still remembers the disappointment in everyone's eyes.

"Charlotte likes just hanging out," Rory says, putting her arms around her. "Seeing her friends, watching movies, reading..."

Her daughter looks at her and says, "Actually, I've started dating someone."

"You have?" Logan asks as Rory stares at Charlotte. "Who's the lucky guy?"

"Tyler from my English class," Charlotte smiles. "He came over for dinner last week."

"I see. Well, he must have good taste."

"Charlotte hasn't been dating him that long," Rory says and Charlotte frowns. "I mean - never mind. Sorry."

She goes to the bathroom herself, splashing water over her face. Her hair has been wrecked by the wind and rain and Rory smooths it behind her ears, wishing she had a comb. Is this how her mother felt every time she saw Christopher? Totally blindsided and in the way? Rory wonders how much longer they have to stay and resignedly dries her hands.

When she comes back out Charlotte is drinking more soda and Logan has disappeared.

"He's getting some food," Charlotte explains. "Why did you say we hadn't been dating long?"

"Well, you haven't."

"But it doesn't matter to Logan, right?"

Rory shrugs. Charlotte gets up, walking around, and states, "This place is fancy."

"Yeah."

"Fancier than the London apartment."

"I think it's just the choice of furniture."

Charlotte wanders over to the piano and presses a finger down on a key. Logan comes out with a tray and she draws her hand back guiltily but he laughs. "Feel free. You play?"

"No..."

"Odette and I don't either," Logan says, putting the tray down, and Rory can't help asking, "So why do you have it?"

"It was a gift, Ace," Logan says, making Rory flinch. "Who wants a sandwich?"

When they finally leave the rain has stopped. Rory looks up and down the street in case, but Odette must still be shopping, and she turns to Charlotte. "How about that cake?"

They go downtown, far, Rory thinks, from where Odette must be shopping, and as she sips coffee Charlotte asks, "Why did Logan call you that? Ace?"

"It was an old nickname," Rory says. Logan hasn't called her that in years.

"What does it mean?"

"We used to work on the paper at Yale together. It's a name from that."

"Oh." Charlotte pushes the cake around her plate and asks, "Mom, are you mad at me?"

"What?" Rory asks, putting her cup down. "Of course I'm not mad, why would you think that?"

"Because I said I don't like school and said I was dating someone. Did it look bad?"

"Charlotte," Rory says, going around and hugging her. "Of course it didn't. You can say whatever you want to him. It doesn't matter how it looks."

"You didn't sound pleased when I said I don't like school."

"I'm not mad at you, I just want you to do your best. And you used to love school."

"I like learning," Charlotte says slowly. "It's just...it's so much. All the tests and stuff."

"Yeah, that part's not so fun. But Dad and I can help you and then you'll go to college."

"I guess," Charlotte says, trailing her fork through the crumbs. "Isn't it a means to an end?"

"Charlotte Lorelai Gilmore, is that what Tyler thinks? What about what _you_ think?"

"I don't know," Charlotte says, sounding annoyed. "It's just an expression."

They finish their cake in silence, but Charlotte brightens when Rory says they can hit the shops. They go around stores, trying on clothes and giggling, and Rory buys them each a shirt. As they round a corner they see a bookshop and Rory says, "Race you!"

They go in and wander around separately. Charlotte flicks through some of the novels, not looking too enthused, and Rory heads over to the kids' section. She sees a book Annie would like and gets it for her, as she was sad to miss out on New York, and then looks for some books for herself. Checking Charlotte isn't there, Rory hastens to the parents' section and selects a book titled _Talking to your Teenager about Sex_. That's a start, she thinks.

They head back to the car thirty minutes later, Rory with three books and Charlotte with none. Rory has shoved the information book at the bottom of her bag but fortunately her daughter hasn't asked what she bought, and is instead staring out of the window.

"Sweets," Rory says, putting her hand on Charlotte's arm. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

"Was today too much?"

"No," Charlotte says thoughtfully. "It wasn't too different to Logan being in London. Just less time in the car."

Rory laughs in relief, starts the engine and turns the car around to go home. The rain has eased off and some slivers of light are shining through, giving Rory hope for the rest of the journey.


	17. Chapter 17

**Thanks for the feedback!**

Charlotte is in a weird mood on the way back from Logan's place. After getting home, she goes to her room, listening to music, and doesn't talk much through dinner. Her parents keep looking at her and it makes Charlotte want to talk even less. After they eat, there's a knock on her door, and Charlotte expects it to be her mother or father, so is surprised when Richie comes in.

"Hey," she says, sitting up slightly. "What's up?"

"Not much." He stands around for a moment before settling at the end of Charlotte's bed and asks, "Was it weird?"

"Seeing Logan?"

Her brother nods and Charlotte says, "I've seen him before."

"Yeah, but he didn't live here before."

This is true. Charlotte shrugs and says, "It was kind of weird."

It's an understatement. Logan's visited before and they'd usually meet him in Hartford, in a coffee shop. It was always safe and short and relaxed. Somehow, it felt totally different seeing Logan in New York. On the rare occasions they went to see him, in London, it was part of a vacation, and they'd go to a museum or see a movie afterwards. That only happened twice anyway, maybe three times. Charlotte remembers being very small, maybe three or four, and a tall man coming over to her. She was nervous, clinging to her mother's arm, and Rory had murmured, _Honey, it's Logan. It's okay._ And the tall guy was bending down, smiling at her and then holding her to his chest. He said he was her other dad and Charlotte didn't understand. She'd cried, saying _I want Daddy_ , and then the tall guy was bending back up and there were a conversation over Charlotte's head. Her memory is fuzzy, but the next thing Charlotte remembers is Logan being gone and leaving a present for her; a ballerina music box. Charlotte still has it, though it's rarely been played, even when she was little. It's always made her feel uneasy.

When Charlotte was a year or so older she started asking about what another dad meant. Did everyone have another dad? Rory had taken her for a milkshake and said no, they didn't. She told Charlotte Logan was her father but Jess was her dad. _There's a difference_ , she said. Charlotte sucked down her milkshake, confused, and asked about babies. Her mother looked away. Charlotte knew where babies came from, sort of, but not how she could have another father. After the milkshake her mother bought her a book, and as they sat down and read it, she said, _Love started you. I always loved you, you were my wonderful surprise. Logan couldn't be your daddy, but I was always your mommy, and Jess has always been your daddy._

The book was on families - the facts of life and then all the different kinds of families people can have. Charlotte read the book several times, but it still confused her a little, until she was around ten and figured it out. Then she was too embarrassed to ask anything else.

Lots of people Charlotte knows have stepfathers or stepmothers or are raised by one parent and it's no big deal. She's not ashamed about it. It just feels weird to have her biological father here, rather than an ocean away. She's always been curious about Logan, Charlotte has to admit, but she doesn't need to see him all the time, especially not if it's going to be as awkward as it was today.

"What'd you do there?"

"Not much," Charlotte answers, shaken from her thoughts. "Mostly sat around."

"What's his place like?"

"Boring. Pretty empty. How come you're so interested?"

"I just am. I never got to go to his place in London."

"Well, you're not missing much." Charlotte doesn't like thinking that her brother and sister are different to her in that way. She remembers explaining her family to a kid in sixth grade, and the girl had said 'so they're _half_ -siblings' and snapped her gum. Charlotte had wanted to punch her in the face.

"What'd you say to him?"

"Not much. It was all weird. I told him I'm dating Tyler."

"Did Mom freak out?"

"Mom was just Mom about it. She didn't get mad."

Richie nods knowingly and asks, "And what'd Logan say?"

"He asked who the lucky guy was," Charlotte says and frowns as Richie snorts. "What?"

"Nothing."

"What, you don't think he's a lucky guy?"

"No, you're not the lucky guy - girl, I mean."

"What does that mean?"

"I don't like him."

"So you're on Mom and Dad's side? You don't even know him!"

"I asked him what shows he likes and he said TV is dumb."

"So what?" Charlotte demands. "It means he's smart. He has other things to do."

Richie gives her a look and Charlotte pelts him lightly with a pillow. "What do you know about it, anyhow? You're thirteen!"

"Doesn't mean I'm wrong."

"Fine, you know what? When you bring someone home I'm going to get out the baby pictures, and your baby videos, and you won't even have a date."

"Whatever," Richie says, sounding amused. "Like I expect you to have good taste in guys."

Charlotte throws the pillow at him and he runs out, laughing. It's put her in a lighter mood though, and when her father looks round the door and asks if she wants to watch a movie, Charlotte smiles and agrees. She and Jess make a big bowl of popcorn and while they don't talk about her trip, they laugh at the movie and Charlotte even lets her dad make bad jokes. She's in a good mood right through school on Monday, where she runs into Tyler.

"Hi," Charlotte says, twisting her foot. Her good mood has merged into a fraught one. "Hi...sorry, I said that already."

Tyler laughs and she grins weakly. He hasn't called or texted all weekend and Charlotte fears that the dinner was so awful he wants to call it off, whatever it is they're doing. Taking a step towards her, Tyler kisses her cheek and says, "So my mom says you should come to dinner. You know, because I went to yours."

"Oh. Okay. I mean, yes."

"I tried to talk her out of it."

"How come?"

"Thought it might be weird."

This makes sense, going by how his trip to hers went. Charlotte is already a little anxious about it but she says, "I'd love to come over - I'd like to."

"Great." Tyler gets his phone out and texts something and then smiles. "All set. You can come over Wednesday."

"Oh." Charlotte didn't realise she was committing to a date, but still, it's not like she has anything to do that night. "Cool."

"So how was your weekend?" he asks, putting an arm around her and Charlotte simply says, "Fine. I went to New York with my mom."

Rory is less impressed by the plan than her daughter. When Charlotte tells her she looks annoyed and says, "You didn't run it by us."

"Tyler came over here."

"Only after it we all agreed it. And it's a Wednesday, Charlotte! That's a school night!"

"So what?" Charlotte retorts and Jess says, "Hey, watch the tone."

"But you let me go to Ivy's on school nights," Charlotte argues. "To study."

"Yeah, to study," her father remarks. "I'm guessing that won't be going on."

"Jess!" her mother exclaims, and Charlotte refrains from informing him that little studying goes on at her friend's place either. Instead, she takes a breath and says, "Please? I'll be home by eight. That's not too late."

Her parents look at each other and Charlotte waits, knowing that it could fall apart if she says anything further. She made up going home by eight, but knows it won't be allowed if she pushes for later.

"Okay," her mother says eventually. "As his mom asked you, and as you're going to be home by then."

"I'll be outside beeping the horn and being as embarrassing as I can possibly be," Jess jokes, putting an arm around his daughter. "Just so you know."

"Thanks," Charlotte says. She rolls her eyes but hugs him properly, and her mother, and decides not to text Tyler about it. He doesn't need to know it's an issue. Instead, Charlotte goes upstairs and starts planning an outfit.

Charlotte can hardly breathe through any of school on Wednesday. Even when she's not in the room with Tyler, her mind is drawn to him, her body thrumming. She can barely pay any attention in class and at lunch Ivy snaps her fingers at her, laughing. Eventually, it's the end of the day and Charlotte meets Tyler out front, where he leads her to the carpark. Charlotte rarely ventures to where the students park - she has a license but no car, and neither does Ivy. Their parents share the opinion that they can get by without one, and won't be convinced otherwise. Tyler's car is nice. It's silver and shiny with creamy leather seats and Charlotte admires it as she slides in. It's a far cry from the family car, full of junk with CDs slipped down the sides of the seats, the cushions fraying. Tyler smirks and starts the engine, playing some rap music as they pull out. Charlotte is so dizzy she can hardly hear the lyrics and she mentally tells herself to pull it together, stop acting like a kid.

Tyler lives in the rich part of town and he pulls into a street full of imposing houses. Cutting the engine, he leans over and kisses Charlotte. She kisses him back, but as it grows deeper she sits up and says, "Aren't we going in?"

"No rush," Tyler says but he sits back anyway, unclipping his seatbelt and getting out. Charlotte does the same, fumbling with the seatbelt that's got twisted, and smooths her shirt down. She opted for a blue shirt and jeans again. It feels a little unoriginal but Charlotte's always been told blue is 'her colour', that it matches her eyes. Charlotte follows Tyler into the house, staring up at the ceiling. It's high and vaulted and their footsteps echo as they go inside.

"You want a drink?"

Charlotte nods and Tyler goes to the fridge. The kitchen is much like the hall, mainly monochrome. The refrigerator and counters are black but the table is gleaming white and the floors are marble. Tyler hands Charlotte a glass of water with ice and, taking a sip of his own, asks, "Want to see my room?"

"Sure...is your mom around?"

"She's not back from work yet. I don't think my dad will be back at all."

"Oh."

Charlotte drinks more water and Tyler says, "So...shall we?"

"Yes," Charlotte says brightly, putting her glass on the counter. "Let's shall."

The house doesn't seem any more lived in as they go upstairs. The staircase is wooden, as is the long hallway at the back. Charlotte stares down it but Tyler says, "That's just spare rooms and stuff. My parents have a whole separate floor."

He leads Charlotte into his room, which is actually carpeted. It's painted grey, with a navy cover on the bed, and on the wall are some band posters and a quote by Nietzsche. Charlotte hardly has time to take any of it in when Tyler starts kissing her, wrapping his arms around her back. Charlotte kisses him back, her body thrumming into thrill, and this time as they move over to the bed she doesn't sit up. It all feels so good, kissing Tyler, breathing in his scent, and it's only when his hands graze beneath her shirt that Charlotte pulls away and says, "Wait."

She's breathing heavily and so is he, lying eye to eye. He nods and trails his other hand against the chain on her neck. "What's that?"

"It's my locket."

Leaning up slightly, Charlotte prises it open and shows him the pictures inside. "My mom and grandmother."

"I figured," Tyler says and Charlotte blushes. "I've had it since I was a baby...I never take it off."

Just the words make her blush harder, _take it off_ , and Charlotte stares down. What is _wrong_ with her? Tyler is hard against her leg and Charlotte shifts slightly, embarrassed, but he doesn't seem to notice. Charlotte concentrates on snapping the locket back together. "My mom says it's so I know where I come from," she tells him, finding her voice. "My dad and grandmother picked it out for me."

Tyler doesn't seem to be listening. He touches the chain again, leaning forward to kiss her more, but then a voice from downstairs calls, "Tyler? Are you home, honey?"

"That's my mom," Tyler says, sounding annoyed. "Guess we'd better go meet her."

Charlotte gets up, smoothing her shirt down, and follows Tyler downstairs. It's a long walk to the living room and by the time they're there Tyler's smiling and saying, "Hey, Mom. This is Charlotte."

"Charlotte!" exclaims the woman, getting up. She's got red hair and is wearing a green skirt and blouse. She's a small woman but seems imposing as she looks at Charlotte. "How wonderful to meet you."

"Thanks. Um, you too."

"Dear, did you leave your glass out?"

"I'm sorry?"

"There was a glass on the counter. Was that yours? We put them in the dishwasher."

"Oh. Sorry."

"Mom, Charlotte didn't know," Tyler says, sounding annoyed, and his mother waves a hand.

"Then you should have told her. Though if that maid had done her job, she would have been there to do so."

"So it's not Charlotte's fault."

"No one is saying anything about _fault_ , Tyler," his mother says, laughing. "Let's all move to new subjects. You can call me Cynthia, Charlotte. Let's have something to drink and sit down to talk."

She pours them all a glass of iced water and lime, shooting questions about school and family. It's almost as awkward as going to see Logan. Charlotte has a terrible urge to go to the bathroom, resisiting the urge to cross her legs, but is saved by Cynthia getting up and announcing she's going to check on dinner.

"She's going to boss the maid and chef around," Tyler whispers. "She never cooks."

Charlotte makes it to the bathroom, as shiny as the rest of the house, and takes a deep breath. She checks her phone and to her surprise, her mother has only texted once, asking how it's going. Charlotte sends a quick reply, hoping her mother doesn't ask about the delay in getting back to her, and braces herself to go back out.

Dinner is as uncomfortable as the drinks, especially as Charlotte spills sauce all over the table. It's easily mopped up but Cynthia looks displeased, reminding Charlotte of a long ago playdate after school where she tipped her entire dinner plate onto the floor by mistake. Talk mainly turns to where Cynthia works and Tyler's father's company, and Charlotte almost cries with relief when she sees it's 7:45.

"My dad's coming to pick me up soon," she says, trying to sound apologetic. "I should get ready."

"You must come back soon," Cynthia says, but her tone suggests otherwise. Charlotte gathers her things and then there's a knock on the door. Cynthia opens it to reveal Jess on the doorstep, smiling.

"Hi there. I'm Charlotte's dad."

Charlotte gapes at him. She expected him to just be waiting in the car, and feels ready to sink into the floor. She should have known he'd go to the door. Cynthia looks doubtful but shakes his hand, and reminds Tyler to do so too.

"Do you want to come in?" Cynthia asks but Jess shakes his head.

"No, we'd better get going. Thanks though. Charlotte, you ready?"

At least he didn't call her _kiddo_ , Charlotte thinks. She waves goodbye, too shy to kiss Tyler, and follows her father to the car.

"Well, how was Prince Charming's castle?"

"Okay."

"Just okay?"

"I don't think his mom likes me."

"How is that possible?" Jess demands, starting the car, and Charlotte shrugs. "So it was a bad time?"

"Not a _bad_ time...not all of it." Jess raises his eyebrows and Charlotte bites her tongue. "Just awkward at dinner."

"Tough crowd, huh? Join the club."

When they get back Rory is waiting in the living room. The TV is on but she switches it off, getting up, and asks, "How did it go?"

"Awkward."

"The Cliff Notes version," teases Jess and Charlotte says, "Sorry, I'm just tired."

"Not too tired to do your homework though, right?" Rory asks and Charlotte coughs, nodding. "Right. I mean, I'm not. Not too tired to do it."

"Good."

Charlotte goes to the kitchen to get some water, bumping into Annie who's doing the same. Her sister's locket gleams against her neck and Charlotte feels strangely stung. Her sister's has pictures of their parents in, and somehow it bothers her.

"What?" Annie notices her staring and Charlotte looks away. "Nothing. Just tired."

"Mom said you'd better not be _too_ tired," Annie remarks and Charlotte rolls her eyes. She suspects her mother has been discussing her all evening. Going past Annie, Charlotte heads upstairs and no sooner is she at her desk, checking her assignments, that there's a knock at the door.

"Charlotte?"

Rory comes in, smiling but looking a little anxious.

"Can I hear more about dinner?"

"Sure." Charlotte pauses. She is not going to mention the home alone part. "We had drinks with his mom and then dinner. It was kind of weird."

"Weird how?"

"I just don't think she likes me."

Rory frowns and Charlotte rushes on, "Maybe she was just in a weird mood."

"Maybe."

Rory pauses in the doorway and then goes and sits on the bed. She pats the space beside her and Charlotte walks slowly over, having a sense where this is going.

"You have a boyfriend," she says steadily. "That's great."

"Okay..."

"You like him a lot. You might want to take more steps. That's, um, great too, but I want you to be ready for them."

Charlotte can't believe she's getting another sex talk. Judging by this one, it sounds like her mother has read a book on it. It wouldn't surprise Charlotte. Books are her mother's preferred way of discussing anything. She supposes it's inevitable, having writers for parents. When she was eleven a book on puberty was given to her, and Charlotte severely hopes she's not going to be given one on this. There was already a chapter in the puberty one.

"Sex is healthy," her mother continues. "It's great -"

 _"Mom!"_

"There's nothing wrong with having sex," Rory goes on. "But it has to be safe, and when you're ready. You know it only takes one time to get pregnant and you know you have to use a condom in case of STDs."

Charlotte looks away, mortified. "Tyler doesn't have STDs."

That was the wrong thing to say. Her mother takes her hand and demands, "Has he told you that? Has he tried to -"

"Mom, no! We haven't - we aren't -"

Lying on Tyler's bed springs into Charlotte's mind and she mumbles, "You don't have to worry about it."

"Yes I do, and so do you. You _have_ to think about this. Even if it's not right now, you have to know this."

"I _do_ know this."

"But you haven't had a boyfriend before, and you're sixteen. I have to talk about this with you. It can be very easy to get carried away, but it doesn't mean you don't _think_ about it. You have to think about it. I don't want you to do something you aren't ready for."

Her mother sounds very earnest. Charlotte looks at her and wonders, fleetingly, whom her mother's first time was with. She wonders if it was Logan, or her dad, and then she's so grossed out at either thought that Charlotte pushes the question away. Not that she'll ever ask it.

"Charlotte, I'm not saying this to make you uncomfortable," Rory says and Charlotte stops herself saying _yeah, right_. "I'm saying this because it's important. I'm not going to tell you what to do. I only want you to swear to me you'll careful, and don't do anything you aren't 100% ready for. I mean it. It's a big step. Promise me you'll think about it, before it happens, _if_ it happens, and it's a big if."

"You said that before."

"Well, it's true." Rory looks at her, stroking her hair. "You know you can tell me anything. You can ask me anything."

"There's nothing to tell."

"Okay then. I just want you to know that."

Charlotte nods and her mother kisses the top of her head. "I love you, angel."

"I love you too," Charlotte says softly. Her mother sits a moment later and then says she'll let Charlotte finish her studying. Charlotte gets up, making an attempt on it, but her mind is still swarming, and as she lies in bed that night, her hand brushes her locket, recalling Tyler's touch on the chain and her skin. Charlotte smiles, letting the memory swing her to sleep.


	18. Chapter 18

**Thanks for the feedback!**

On Thursday afternoon Rory sits in her office, staring at her work. She's trying to finish off an article for the paper but her mind keeps wandering and Rory keeps writing half-sentences. Rory gazes at the caught words as they blur into black and puts a hand to her head.

"It can't be that terrible."

Rory looks up to see her old mentor, Helen, smiling in the doorway. Helen was the editor before Rory and upon seeing her, Rory leaps to her feet and runs around the desk. She hesitates for a moment but Helen wraps her arms around her, hugging her tightly.

"What are you doing here?" Rory asks fondly as Helen releases her. "You said you were retired, woman."

"Is that your way of telling me to get out of your office?"

Rory laughs and pulls a spare chair over to the desk where Helen takes a seat, looking around.

"I'm visiting my daughter," she tells Rory. "Thought I'd look in on the place. Check it hadn't been too glammed up."

Rory smirks, shaking her head. "I think the only change is me sitting here instead of you."

"Well, I know you're doing a great job."

"Sitting here?"

"Writing," Helen says, laughing. "Running the paper. Being editor."

"Right," Rory says. "Though I don't know if today's such a great example."

"Hence me seeing you staring at the computer with a look of malaise?"

"Something like that. I can't seem to focus today."

"Anything on your mind?" Helen asks. Rory frowns and Helen adds, "Usual cause for a block. Maybe you're stressing over something at home."

Rory lets out a mirthless laugh and says, "That sounds about right."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Charlotte's father - not Jess, you remember how she has a different biological father? -"

"Logan. Yes."

"Logan moved back to the states," Rory says. "It's all a bit crazy."

"My," Helen says. "When did that happen?"

"Around a month ago. Charlotte and I have only visited him once."

"How did that go?"

"Awkward. I didn't know what to say."

"It's bound to be awkward," Helen says sympathetically and Rory shrugs.

"I guess. It was mostly about Charlotte anyway...school stuff, her new boyfriend..."

"Charlotte has a boyfriend?" Helen asks, intrigued. "When did that happen?"

"Not much before Logan got here. He came over for dinner the other night - his name's Tyler."

"What's he like?"

Rory makes a face and Helen starts laughing. "He's that bad?"

"He's kind of pompous. Arrogant in a teenage kind of way. Still, he's sixteen, so I guess I shouldn't judge him too hard. Charlotte's totally besotted."

"She hasn't had a boyfriend before, has she?" Helen asks and Rory shakes her head. She drinks a little from the dregs in her coffee cup and says, "My mother had me at sixteen."

"I know," Helen says gently. "I remember you telling me. Are you afraid it'll happen to Charlotte?"

"A little," Rory admits. "I can't help it. I've talked to her a couple of times and she knows about being safe, but I still worry. She's sixteen, she doesn't always think things through. I didn't think everything through, I didn't plan on her either."

Rory looks away, feeling like she's rambled a little too much, but Helen pats her hand and says, "You have to trust her. Don't expect the worst all the time. I hated some of the people my kids dated, but they moved on and nothing terrible happened. Charlotte's a smart kid."

"I don't want her to do something she'll regret," Rory says quietly. "Even if she doesn't get pregnant."

"She may not even do that. It, or regretting it." Helen frowns again and laughs. "I don't think that sentence made sense."

"No, I get what you mean," Rory says, smiling. "Thanks, Helen. Sorry to offload so much."

"Don't be ridiculous. I remember when you started here and Charlotte was just a baby. I'm always happy to listen."

Rory nods and Helen leans over. "I remember you worrying a lot then too. Raising Charlotte, having more kids, worrying about Logan then too. Starting here. But things worked out, right? You run this place!"

Rory nods again, not sure what to say and Helen pats her hand once more.

"I have to go meet my daughter," she says. "But keep in touch, Rory. And have more trust."

Helen is gone before Rory can ask her to clarify. Talking seems to clear her mind a little though and Rory manages to finish the piece. It's her last project of the day and, after editing it a little and checking on the rest of the crew, Rory finishes an hour earlier than she planned and decides to head out. She doesn't have to pick the kids up yet and Rory feels her mood lift, envisaging getting coffee and sitting by the water for a while. She hears her phone buzz in her pocket as she reaches her car and, although tempted not to pick it up, Rory answers with a haphazard, "Hello?"

"Hey Rory."

It's Logan. Rory feels her stomach drop. She hadn't checked who was calling and now she curses herself, wishing she'd just let it ring out.

"Hi," Rory says, swallowing. "What's wrong? Why are you calling, I mean?"

"Nothing's wrong," Logan says, sounding amused. "What's going on with you?"

"Nothing - I just got out of work." Another thing for Rory to bite her tongue over. She should have said she was still swamped.

"Guess where I am?"

"I don't know. Manhattan? Paris?" Rory adds hopefully but she stops still as Logan says, "Philly!"

"Philly? As in, Philadelphia?"

"I'm not in the know of any others."

"Why?"

"Had a meeting with some bigwigs here. Wondered if you wanted to get some coffee."

"I don't know, Logan," Rory says uncomfortably. "I have to pick up the kids."

"They're in school, right?"

"Yeah, Logan, they're in school. I don't have anywhere else to send them in the day!"

"It's barely after lunchtime. You've got to have at least an hour. Most of my school memories are a haze but I know that."

"I bet they were hazy," Rory snorts. "Wasn't one guy using a classroom to roll joints?"

"Can you meet me? We should talk."

Rory pauses. She considers telling him that he can just see her when she's next in New York, but maybe it would be good to see him alone, and Rory doesn't want to make a special trip for that. Maybe they can figure out some stuff about Charlotte.

"Okay," Rory says. "Tell me where."

Twenty minutes later Rory is sitting across a table from Logan at the marina. It's a bright day but dark inside the cafe, shadows falling across their faces and cups. For a moment they sit in awkward silence, Rory burning her tongue on the coffee, and then finally Logan says, "So...what's going on?"

"With what?"

"With you. With Charlotte."

"Fine," Rory says, answering for both. "We're both fine."

"She okay?" Logan asks, wincing as he sips from his own cup. "Damn, that's hot."

"Why wouldn't she be okay?"

"She was pretty quiet when you guys came over."

"Gee, Logan, I wonder why that is," Rory says, losing her patience. "Her biological father who's lived in London her entire life shakes things up and moves across an ocean. You barely take any interest in her and now she's supposed to see you on visits."

"Hey, I've always been in her life," Logan says angrily. "You came to see me, remember? Twice, for that matter. And I've always made time for her when I was in the states."

"Usually for half an hour in a coffeeshop, and then she'd forget about you for the next few months."

"Forget about me?" Logan demands. "I'm her father."

"Jess is her father. He's her dad."

"Okay, fine, I'm not her _dad_ ," Logan snaps. "But I'm something to her. It's not like I'm just your ex-boyfriend."

Rory looks away, stopping herself from admitting that she considered never telling Logan about Charlotte in the first place. It felt unfair to both in the end, but sometimes she wonders. Rory takes a large sip of coffee and Logan goes on, "I don't know everything about her but I still care about her."

"You don't know anythng about her. You've never cared."

"That is not true."

"Logan, do you even know what her favourite colour is? You don't know a thing. You just send her gifts that cost too much money and a card for her birthday, and Christmas, when you remember."

"Okay, fine, I haven't been that involved," Logan says, his face setting. "But you said to do this separately."

"I said we could do it separately if it's what you wanted," Rory counters. "I said you could be as involved as you wanted. I never said you shouldn't care about her."

"I wasn't ready to be a father."

"Oh really?" Rory retorts. "Then why did you marry Odette? Wasn't that the whole point, bringing kids into it? Why didn't you have kids anyway?"

Logan stares and Rory feels her cheeks go red with shame. "I'm sorry," she says. "I am, I - I shouldn't have asked why you didn't have kids. It's none of my business."

"You're right," Logan says with a low laugh. "It was the plan."

Rory waits, wondering, and Logan goes on, "She had two miscarriages."

"Oh Logan - I'm so sorry."

"They said we could keep trying, the doctors. But nothing worked out, and it started feeling like it was more for our parents than us - who am I kidding. It was always for them. So we stopped trying. My dad said I should get divorced and try again - that was how he put it - but I didn't. I guess I love Odette. We've been together all this time. I can't imagine starting over."

"You always wanted to start over. You said you didn't like the path your dad had for you."

Logan shrugs, taking a bite from the cookie that came with the coffee. "It's not so bad, where I am. Odette and I have an arragement."

"An arrangement - you mean like what we had?"

"Let's call it open," Logan says. "We both have it. I'd say we're both happy with it."

This seems terribly sad to Rory but she doesn't say so. It would sound too condescending.

"My dad still harrasses me over it though," Logan says, swallowing. "Yells about how I let my mother die without a grandchild. Like Honor hasn't had two. But he says it's more important for me because I'm the son and should supply a son...although he did say a daughter would do. Like that makes it easier."

Logan laughs and Rory feels a little angry.

"Will you ever tell him about Charlotte?" she asks and Logan chokes on some cookie crumbs.

"I'm pretty sure he'd write me out of his will. What's it matter to you, anyway? You keep saying Jess is her father."

"He is," Rory says. "I just...she hasn't done anything wrong. And you act like she's an embarrassment."

Rory waits but Logan doesn't say anything. He finishes his coffee and says, "You're mad at me for not knowing her and now you're mad at me for trying."

"I'm not mad with you for trying," Rory argues. "I'm mad that you expect her to be fine with it. Like it's no big deal. Like she hasn't got other things to deal with too."

"You mean her boyfriend."

"Not just that. She's got school, which is more important."

"How long has she been dating that guy, anyway?"

"I told you, not that long. A few weeks."

"Does he have your approval?"

"I wouldn't say I'm crazy about him," Rory admits. "But he's just a kid."

Rory thinks about telling Logan about the dinner the other night, but decides to leave it. She doesn't want any advice he'll offer.

"I remember being sixteen," Logan says darkly and Rory snorts. "What?"

"I can picture that."

Logan smirks and Rory rolls her eyes, finishing her coffee. As they get up to go, Logan says, "I love Charlotte, Rory. I don't know her too well but I love her."

"I know you do, Logan," Rory says, smiling sadly. "I know."

Later that evening, after the kids have gone to their rooms to do homework, Rory gets out her computer and finds some old videos. Opening one up, she watches Charlotte as a tiny toddler, feeling her heart squeeze. Jess is holding the camera and Rory is in the corner of the frame, encouraging her daughter.

"Come on, Charlotte! Come here, baby!"

Charlotte keeps trying to walk and falling back on the floor, her curls bouncing all over her head. She gets back up again and Rory hears Jess say, "Here's my girl. You can do it, Charlotte, you're my big strong girl. You're a Gilmore girl. That's it, come to Daddy!"

Charlotte gets up again, looking round, and then steadily starts walking over. The camera wobbles as Jess and Rory shriek happily and then Charlotte falls over, starting to cry, and Rory picks her up.

"Mommy's here, angel. Aren't you the smartest girl in the world?"

"She is," Jess says proudly. "She's my girl. Come here, gorgeous."

Rory clicks on another video. Here's one of Charlotte at her wedding, adorable in her flower girl dress and dancing between her parents. Tugging at Rory's dress, Rory swoops her up and the camera focuses on Rory and Jess dancing with Charlotte in their arms. Rory can't remember who was filming. The next video is Richie coming home from the hospital, Charlotte crying, "Don't _want_ brother!" but kissing him at the end, and then a few years later, going to Kindergarten. Rory remembers crying all morning that her baby had grown up, repeating her mother's experience and having to be reassured by Charlotte when it was time to go. Rory watches a few more videos, the last being of Annie coming home. Before the door opens, Jess is talking to the kids about Annie, and when he speaks to Charlotte he says, "You're the big girl now, kiddo. You can help look after your little sister!"

Charlotte mumbles something inaudible and then the door is opening, and the camera focuses on Rory coming in with Annie in her arms. Rory watches the video to the end and jumps when Jess taps her shoulder.

"Taking a trip down memory lane?"

"Oh Jess, they were so _tiny_ ," Rory exclaims, feeling herself choke up. "They've all grown up."

"I don't know about grown up. None of them can vote yet."

"But they aren't babies anymore."

Jess looks at the screen, smiling and looking a little misty-eyed himself.

"Nope. Not unless you want to make another."

"Keep dreaming," Rory laughs, wiping her eyes. "That ship passed a long time ago."

"I think three is enough, don't you?"

"I just want to go back in time," Rory says wistfully. "Back to when they were small enough to hold."

"You would?"

"Maybe just for a day. So I wouldn't have to handle potty training again."

"With you on that."

"I'd never want to do over that. I just feel sad about them growing up when I wasn't looking."

"Are you upset because you met with Logan?" Jess asks after a pause. "Did it mess your day up?"

"I don't know about messed up...I feel a little weird, I guess. And he was asking about Charlotte's boyfriend. I guess I got thinking about when I didn't have to deal with her being a teenager too and that's when I found these."

Rory looks at the screen as Jess taps around, opening a video.

"What's this? Oh, no, Jess!"

The camera shows Rory asleep on a bed in the New York apartment. She looks exhausted, her skin patchy, and in her arms is baby Charlotte fast asleep. She wriggles a little and, still sleeping, Rory rocks her a little and Charlotte settles.

"How old is she there?"

"Just a few weeks."

"No wonder I look such a mess," Rory says and Jess says, "We both were, only you can't see the result with me. Charlotte was crying all day and you went to feed her, and when I came into the bedroom you'd drifted off. You were both exhausted."

"And you chose to record such a glamorous moment."

"It's a great moment," Jess says, squeezing her hand. "My wife and daughter at peace after crying all day. Well, we weren't married then. But we were in love still."

Rory smiles and laughs as suddenly Charlotte's eyes open as she snuffles awake and starts hiccupping into tears. The camera jerks as Jess lifts her up and goes black just as Charlotte begins wailing.

"I'd say it's a work of art," Jess says defensivly. "Portrait of a family."

"I think you're onto something."

"And the unseen piece off camera, Fatherhood, featuring vomit on shirt and a messy diaper. Who said girls arent gross?"

Rory smiles and puts his arms around him. "I love you, Jess. Thank you."

"For making the video?"

"For everything," Rory says. Jess kisses the top of her head and they watch the rest of the videos until they run out.


	19. Chapter 19

**Thanks for the feedback!**

Charlotte is in a bad mood. Yesterday, after getting back from school, her mother had informed her she'd gone for coffee with Logan.

"You didn't tell me?" Charlotte had demanded and Rory exclaimed, "You were in school! We didn't talk for very long anyway."

They probably talked about her, Charlotte thinks. Somehow it made her really mad, in a way she didn't even know, and she was stressed all evening. Then she remembered she had an essay for English due the next day which was barely started. Charlotte had thrown something together and given it in this morning, but she has a feeling it wasn't great. Whatever. Then on top of it all, they'd had a pop quiz she'd forgotten to study for. She massages her knuckles against her head and stares at the clock on the wall, which is probably as old as her mother.

"Eyes on your work, not the clock," the teacher says, shaking Charlotte from her thoughts. Charlotte rolls her eyes as she turns to hand someone their test paper, and they widen as she sees the grade on hers. Charlotte has got less than half right and the paper is covered with lots of angry red pen. The bell rings and Charlotte gratefully scrapes her chair back, shoving her book in her bag at the same time. She's halfway to the door when the teacher calls her name. Charlotte turns back resignedly as the other students filter outside.

"I want to talk to you about that quiz," the teacher says, perching on the edge of her desk. "You didn't do very well, Charlotte."

"I'm sorry."

"You've done well in classwork leading up to it. You knew there'd be a quiz this week."

"I'm sorry," Charlotte says again, shifting her bag to her other shoulder. "I forgot."

"Alright," the teacher says. "I expect you to remember the next one and study properly. I know you could have got a much better score."

"Okay." Charlotte waits and then says, "So, can I go? My mom's picking me up."

"Sure." The teacher sits up, shuffling her papers. "Remember the quiz next time."

Charlotte walks out quietly but takes pleasure in slamming the hall door on the way out. She wishes she could have said she didn't care about the quiz, that it was no big deal, but the low score rankles a little. In the past she's forgotten to study and still got a decent grade, but it was as if she couldn't even think. Somehow Charlotte doubts the teacher would accept that as an excuse.

Rory isn't waiting. At first, Charlotte is a little relived, but then five minutes pass and she gets out her phone and sees a message saying her mother got caught up in traffic and will be twenty minutes late. Charlotte kicks a stone, feeling her bad moood engulf her all over again, and jumps when Tyler says, "Hey."

He walks around and Charlotte laughs. "I didn't know you were there!"

"Well, the concept of surprising your girlfriend doesn't work if she knows you're behind her."

Charlotte laughs again and Tyler asks, "What's up?"

"My mom's late," Charlotte grumbles. "And Miss Anderson gave me a lecture for screwing up my quiz. So I've got a bad grade and I've got to sit around in the cold. If I just had a car..."

Charlotte stops herself, not meaning to badmouth her parents too much, and Tyler says, "How about I drive you home?"

"Oh - my mom shouldn't be too long..."

"Can't you call her?"

"I guess..."

Charlotte opts for a text. She tells herself that it's simpler, but really it's that she's afraid that her mother might actually answer and insist she wait. Stuffing the phone in her bag, Charlotte walks over to Tyler's car, hesitating for a moment before getting in. Tyler leans over and kisses her, grinning before pulling out and driving down the road. For a while they drive in silence but Charlotte sits up as they round a corner.

"Hey. You missed the turning for my street."

"I know," Tyler says evenly. "I thought we could hit the marina."

"Oh, well -"

"Just for a minute."

"Just for a minute," Charlotte agrees and Tyler gives a large smile before parking the car. He buys her a coffee and they stroll up and down the waterfront. Charlotte closes her eyes, taking in the fresh, salty air and sips the coffee.

"I'm so mad at Miss Anderson. She acted like this dumb quiz was the biggest thing in the world."

"Yeah, she's a teacher," Tyler says knowingly. "What do you expect? She's brainwashed and trying to brainwash you too. That's what schools are. Thinktanks."

"It's just a test," Charlotte agrees, warming to his theme and Tyler says, "She hasn't thought for herself in a long time. Forget her."

Charlotte nods, feeling better. She thinks about telling Tyler about her mom going to see Logan but doesn't know where to start with it, so concentrates on finishing her coffee. Tyler reaches into his bag, coming out with a box of cigarettes. "You want one?"

"Oh - I don't really smoke."

"You ever had one?"

"Yes," Charlotte says, relieved not to lie. "Years ago I smoked one with Ivy. We got it from her sister's room. It was really gross."

"You didn't smoke it in the right way," Tyler says assuredly, pulling one out and giving it to Charlotte. "Try it. You'll like it better this time."

Charlotte holds it awkwardly as he lights it for her and sucks it in, the cough exploding from her chest with a puff of smoke.

"You sure about that?" she croaks and Tyler laughs. Taking it from her, he takes a puff and hands it back. "Hold it in for a minute," he advises and Charlotte tries it again. She still doesn't like it but is able to breathe it out properly this time, and she and Tyler share it until it crumbles to a cinder.

"You want another one?" Tyler asks but Charlotte shakes her head.

"I've got to get home."

She's a little sorry. Charlotte doesn't love smoking but there was something thrilling about it, sharing a cigarette with her boyfriend, and it grows as he kisses her, mingling the smoke in his mouth with hers. The thrill depletes rapidly as they approach her house and, as Charlotte gets out of the car, it's gone completely. She's positive her mother is furious and her prediction is fulfilled as she opens the door. Rory is already waiting and she demands, "Where the hell have you been?"

"I texted you."

"That was forty-five minutes ago! And for that matter, I didn't see your text until I was already at your school and waiting, wondering where you were! So thanks a whole lot for wasting my time!"

"You were already on your way," Charlotte protests and her mother's eyes narrow. "Don't you dare, young lady."

"I just took a ride home with my boyfriend!" Charlotte exclaims. "What's the big deal? You did it all the time, I know you did!"

"The difference is that I didn't have my mother come pick me up!"

"If you let me drive -"

"Charlotte, you know better than to get into that now," Rory warns. "And you know it's not the point. Where the hell have you been? It doesn't take your boyfriend this long to drive you back from school!"

"We just stopped for a coffee!"

Rory snorts, folding her arms. "What's that code for?"

Charlotte folds her arms too, pressing her lips shut and her mother stares.

"Have you been smoking?"

Before Charlotte can lie or argue her mother is yelling, "You smoked? This is too much, Charlotte!"

"I didn't -"

"Yes you did! You know what smoking does to your body! Charlotte Lorelai Gilmore!"

Before Charlotte can answer, the front door opens and Jess comes in. He stops smiling, looking back and forth and asks, "What's going on here?"

"Charlotte took a joyride with Tyler after school," Rory says furiously. "Then she comes home late after smoking with him!"

"I just let him drive me home!" Charlotte cries. "And it was one lousy cigarette, big deal! _Half_ a lousy cigarette!"

"That's enough," her father says, and his voice stops her. "You know better than that, Charlotte. Your mother went out of her way to pick you up and not only did you waste her time, you sat around smoking. You're smarter than this."

Charlotte folds her arms, not wanting to look Jess in the eye, but her face snaps up as he adds, "No phone this weekend."

"But _Dad_ -"

"No phone, no TV and no computer except for your schoolwork," Rory says. "And I'd make you stay home tomorrow if we hadn't arranged to go to Mom's."

"This is so unfair!" Charlotte says, her voice shaking. "What am I supposed to do?"

"Read. Study. Learn what it was like for us growing up," her father says. "Except for the TV part." He smiles but Charlotte is too angry, and she turns and runs up the stairs before she starts crying, making it to her room just as the tears fall.

Charlotte sits in stubborn silence all the way to Lorelai's. She knows she's being childish but is too mad to care, and after her grandmother greets her Charlotte hears her whisper to Rory, "Wow, she looks ready to pull a Menendez."

Charlotte opts to stay in when Rory takes Richie and Annie for a walk around town. Jess is with Luke at the diner but Charlotte doesn't feel like talking to anyone. She pours herself some coffee and mopes around her mother's old bedroom, picking up the picture of Rory on the desk. Her mother looks very young and roundfaced and Charlotte imagines her mother as a teenager. She probably never screwed up, never left her mother hanging, never forgot about a test. This is why she doesn't understand. Charlotte wanders over to the window, lifting the curtain to see out, and drops it as Jess says, "I tried to woo your mother here."

"I didn't know you were back," Charlotte says guiltily and then, "What do you mean, woo?"

"I just wanted to use the word," Jess laughs. "I first met your mom here, in her room, and I asked her to sneak out the window with me."

"Really? What did Mom say?"

"She said no."

"Of course." Charlotte's curiosity gives way to her grumpiness again and Jess says, "Hey, can I have a little less of the attitude? You're mad at me, I get that, but you screwed up. I don't like having to be mad at you either."

Charlotte looks away and Jess says, "I used to smoke."

"You did?" Charlotte asks. "But you always said -"

"I said you shouldn't smoke, and you shouldn't. I'm not proud that I used to."

"For how long?"

"Let's see. I guess around three, maybe four years. Sometimes I think I only got through living in Stars Hollow with a pack of cigarettes."

Jess laughs, coughs and says, "I shouldn't have done it though. I mean that."

"Why'd you quit?"

"Your mom didn't like it, for one thing. She wouldn't kiss me if I'd just smoked one. And then I gradually quit from there. By the time I worked at Truncheon I hadn't had a cigarette in more than a year."

"I bet Mom never did anything wrong," Charlotte says irritably. "She never messed up."

"Where are you getting that from?"

"Don't you guys always talk about how the town hated you because you pulled pranks and stuff, and Mom was so perfect?"

"Mom wasn't perfect," Jess says, sounding amused. "That's how they saw her, but..."

"But what?"

"Nothing. Ask your mom about when she came to see me in New York."

"Why don't you tell me?" Charlotte asks curiously but Jess shakes his head.

"It's her story. Point is, Charlotte, no one's perfect, especially not your mom. Everyone makes dumb decisions when they're a teenager, and after that, for that matter. But Rory was no more perfect than anyone else."

Charlotte nods and Jess adds, "You make a lot of boneheaded choices when you're young. Trust me."

Charlotte smiles, hesitates and says, "I'm sorry, Dad."

"It's okay," Jess says and Charlotte lets his put his arms around her. "I understand."

"I'm sorry," Charlotte says again and Jess nods, kissing the side of her head.

"Tell your mom that," he says. "And ask her about New York."

"Okay. Dad, can you tell me more about New York? Living there, I mean?"

"Oh boy, where to start," Jess laughs. "Come on, this calls for a fresh pot of coffee."

Before her mother gets back, Charlotte slips out for a walk. The air is already starting to crisp, darkening to fall, and the leaves are falling steadily from the trees. There's some singing coming from Miss Patty's studio and Charlotte walks the long way round, putting off going into the diner. Her anger has worn away and now she feels more ashamed about talking to her grandfather about it. Out of the corner of her eye, Charlotte sees the ancient payphone and she walks over, unable to believe it's still in operation. It still works, and Charlotte is half amazed and half unsurprised at all. Picking up the receiver, she finds some change in her pocket, and then slowly enters Tyler's number. She's stared at it so many times in her notebook Charlotte thinks she remembers it, and is rewarded as Tyler answers, "Who is this?"

"It's me, it's Charlotte. I'm calling from a payphone."

"Those still exist?"

"In my grandmother's town they do. Listen, I can't use my cellphone this weekend."

Charlotte tells herself _no phone_ simply meant her own, and Tyler exclaims, "Seriously?"

"They were pretty mad when I got home. My mom and dad, I mean."

"Of course. They obviously think the same as Miss Anderson. All you did was take your own path home."

"And smoke. They didn't love that."

Tyler snorts and Charlotte says, "I'll see you Monday, okay?"

"Fine, fine."

Charlotte hangs up and walks over to the lake. The sun has fully slipped now. She stares out at the water, the rippling black, before turning to go to the diner. Miss Patty's class has finished by now and Charlotte almost walks into Miss Patty herself, stumbling over an apology.

"Never mind, Charlotte. You doing well, honey? Must be a shock with Logan being around again, isn't it?"

"I guess.."

"That scandal when your mother was pregnant! She wouldn't tell us who the father was. We only found out when you were old enough to crawl and we heard her talk about it with Lorelai. Well, she shouldn't have worried. If that fellow comes here, handsome though he is, we still have a few pitchforks lying around."

"Um, okay," Charlotte says, unsure what to do with this information and Patty cocks her head.

"You don't look a lot like him. You're your mother all over again. Now there's a thing to be."

Before Charlotte can ask her what that means Rory is by her side.

"I was just coming to find you. Hi Patty."

Charlotte waves and she and Rory start walking back.

"I went to the lake," Charlotte tells her. "It looks different at night."

"I used to go there with your dad a lot," Rory says. "It was our place, in a way."

She and Charlotte walk in silence for a moment and then Charlotte says quietly, "I'm sorry."

Rory stops and Charlotte says, "I'm sorry, Mom. I didn't mean to..."

"I know," Rory says quietly. "It's okay. I remember being your age."

"Mom, what happened in New York? Dad said you went to go see him there."

Rory stops, laughing in surprise. "He said that?"

"Didn't you?"

"Yes, I did. Oh, boy."

Charlotte looks at her and Rory puts an arm around her.

"Let's get some coffee," she says, "and I'll tell you the whole story."

Charlotte nods, links her arm through hers, and they walk back in the dimming light.


	20. Chapter 20

**Thanks for the feedback!**

Rory waits to get coffee before telling Charlotte about New York. They take the drinks down to the gazebo and sit, sipping the coffee and burning their tongues.

"This was my favourite place when I was your age."

"It's pretty."

"Not just that," Rory says, cradling the warmth in her hands. "I could sit here for hours, talking with Lane, or just by myself. I had a pile of books, maybe some music, and it was the perfect afternoon. I could see the whole town but I was still by myself. I loved it."

Charlotte nods, looking out, and asks, "Did Dad come here?"

"Not so much. He didn't like it here - here in Stars Hollow, I mean."

"Is that why he went back to New York?"

"Mostly."

"Mostly?" Charlotte echoes curiously and then says, "Hey, I'm still waiting for you to talk about going there."

"Right," Rory says, taking a moment to sip her drink. It's still too hot but it gives her a second to think. "Well, I was your age, pretty much. Dad had moved back to New York a couple of months ago."

"Did you miss him?"

"A little," Rory says thoughtfully. "But I was dating Dean at that point, and everyone was making a huge deal about how it was good Jess had gone back. He wasn't exactly popular."

"No wonder he hated it here."

"Yeah. That and other things. Anyway, he'd gone back to his mom's, and I was back to how I was before he moved here. I was going to school, seeing Dean, and down with my old routine. And then one night he called me. Mom had just finished business school and we were celebrating - I remember, we had really loud music playing and your dad asked if there was a party. But it was just us."

"What did Dad say? Did he say he missed you?"

"No," Rory says, settling back onto the bench. "He didn't say a lot, actually."

"So his usual self, then."

Rory laughs at that. "Exactly. So he said hello, of course, and asked about the music, and how I was. And I asked what he'd been doing, and he told me read in Washington Square Park every day, and then he said he had to go."

"That was _it_?"

"Charlotte, it was long distance. We didn't have cellphones then. He was calling me from a payphone, in New York, and it wasn't cheap. Plus, I think even without that, we didn't really know what to say to each other."

"How come Dad left?" Charlotte asks shrewdly. "In the first place, I mean? Did something happen?"

Rory groans inwardly. She can lie, she thinks, but decides to go with the truth. She's already telling a story about teenage rebellion.

"Your dad and I were friends," she says, looking at her. "Not close friends, but we hung out. Your grandmother wasn't so wild about that, and neither was Dean. But I liked your dad a lot, and thought they had the wrong idea. Then your grandfather asked me to tutor Jess. He wasn't doing so well in school and Luke thought Jess would listen to me rather than an adult he didn't know."

"Then what?"

"Then...then I went to go over some work with him in the diner. We didn't get a whole lot done - we kept getting distracted. And then your dad said we should go for icecream. We were driving back and then your dad swerved to avoid an animal in the road and he crashed the car."

"He _crashed_ it? Were you and Dad okay?"

"We were fine. I fractured my wrist slightly but it was no big deal. It was no one's fault. But everyone blamed your dad for it, because he was driving and they didn't trust him. And your dad decided to go back to New York. Or maybe Luke suggested it - I don't know."

Charlotte doesn't say anything and Rory sighs. "It was so unfair of them all. It was an accident, and it was my idea to keep driving. I was having fun."

Charlotte looks up but it's hard to read her expression in the dark. She drinks some coffee and Rory follows suit before continuing, "So that's why your dad left. And he'd left without saying goodbye. I 'd missed him, but hadn't noticed it until he called me, if that makes sense. I remember lying on the bed with the phone on my chest, not wanting to go back out right away. And then the next day I was walking to school with your aunt Paris and suddenly something snapped."

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know - I just couldn't take it anymore," Rory says, feeling seventeen all over again. "I was so tired of everything, going to school, being seen as perfect - all I could think about was seeing your dad. So I turned around, without saying anything, and took a bus to New York."

" _Mom!_ You did?"

"I did," Rory says. "I didn't even go home to change. I just went there, in my Chilton uniform, and found your father."

"That easy?"

"Well, I had to get directions. I was totally out of my element. But I did it, and luckily for me, your dad was in the park - if he hadn't been there, I guess I'd have had to wait or turn around and go home. But he was there, and I walked up behind Jess to surprise him, and he just smiled."

Rory smiles as well, at the memory, and goes on, "We had lunch at a hotdog stand. It was one of the best lunches I've ever had. Then we took a subway to a record store and I got this LP of The Go-Gos for Mom, because they were her favourite band when she was my age - your age, I mean - and Jess walked me back to the bus station. And I got on the bus but your dad was still there, and he said something I couldn't hear, and when I pushed open the window he asked why I'd done it."

"What'd you say?"

"I said it was because he hadn't said goodbye. And he smiled and said goodbye to me, and I smiled back, and then I went home."

"Wow," Charlotte says, sounding a little shocked. "I can't believe you did that, Mom. Just went to New York like that..."

"It felt like something I had to do."

"Did Nana find out?"

Rory laughs, making her daughter frown. "I forgot to tell you what day it was. You remember how I said Nana had just finished business school? Well, the day I went to New York was her graduation day."

"Oh no."

"Oh yes. You can see where it's going. On the way into the city, the bus didn't make stops. So I left early, figuring I had a ton of time to get back. And I would have, if I'd checked the bus timetable. The bus I got was a local, so it did make stops, and we were late leaving anyway because of an accident on the freeway. I didn't make it to the ceremony."

Rory feels the shame, all these years later, and says, "I felt horrible. I couldn't talk to Mom - I just had a pager, which believe me, was not the same as a cellphone - and even if I could, I still wouldn't have been there. I was able to let her know I was running late, but I didn't even get there. I had to sit on a bus next to a guy spitting into a can and then I just had to sit on the steps at home, waiting for Mom to get back."

"Was she mad?"

"Mad, but mostly hurt. And I was so upset because I could see what a big deal it was, and it was my idea for her to do it. Mom wasn't even going to do the ceremony but I insisted she should. I even got Grandma and Grandpa to go along. And Mom wanted to know where I'd been that was so important and you can't imagine the look on her face when I told her."

Charlotte is silent, drinking more coffee, and then she asks, "Did Dad try and kiss you? By the bus, I mean?"

"No," Rory says. "But I kissed him when he moved back. I was at Sookie's wedding, and he came to see me, and I just ran up and kissed him - just like that."

"Seriously?" Charlotte asks and Rory smiles. "Yeah, seriously. I was still with Dean though."

"You were?"

"Yeah," Rory says. "I'm not proud of that, but like I said, I don't think I was ready to move on. Not that it makes it okay."

Rory finishes her drink and adds, "As well as all the drama of being late back, I left the present I got for Mom on the bus. So not only did I miss her ceremony, I didn't even have her gift. I'm still hoping I'll see it somewhere, try and make it up to her."

"That sucks."

"Yeah," Rory says with a sigh. "It does."

She takes a long drink of coffee and Charlotte asks, "What did she say, when you got back?"

"She said I might be falling for Jess. And because I was seventeen and because I've never dealt well with stuff like that, I guess, I said she was wrong. While I'd been waiting for her I wrote this long list of ways to make it up to her and tried to get her to focus on that. I didn't want to think Dean wouldn't be my boyfriend anymore."

"But you liked Dad."

"Yes, but I was very young." Rory can see Charlotte making a face and says, "I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, _I'm sixteen and I'm not that young_."

"I'm not a little kid."

"No, you're not," Rory agrees. "And neither was I. But I was still very young, and so are you. I think I was especially young in some ways. Dean was my first boyfriend and I loved him. I was starting to move on from him, but I didn't want to, and the town wasn't exactly into the idea of me dating your dad. Plus I don't think I even understood that I was falling for him."

"But you went to New York."

"I know. I know. But this is what I mean about being young."

Charlotte is quiet and Rory says, "I do understand, sweets. I understand why you went off with Tyler instead of coming home."

"You were so mad."

"I was mad, but I still understand. I can do both."

"I am sorry."

"I know you are."

"I didn't think it would take so long...I guess I lost track of the time."

"Easy to do with a guy," Rory says wryly. "Not that you should have gone with him at all."

"Mom..."

"I know. Doesn't that story I just shared show I made dumb choices too?"

Charlotte smiles a little and Rory gets up. It's starting to get chilly and she can almost see their breath in the air as fall sets in.

"I don't know about you, but I'm getting cold."

They walk back to Lorelai's, slowly despite the weather, and find Jess watching TV with Richie and Annie. Charlotte goes to join them and Rory heads into the kitchen where she can see Lorelai and detect a fresh pot of coffee.

"Is that dark roast I smell?"

"You smell right," Lorelai says, and laughs. "No matter how weird that sounds. You and Charlotte have a good talk?"

"I think so," Rory says, taking a chair across from her. "I told her about going to New York to see Jess."

"When you were seventeen, right? No other clandestine trips I don't know about?"

"No, just the one." Rory pours herself a cup of coffee and says, "I'm sorry, Mom. I'm sorry I missed your graduation day."

"Hon, that was years ago!

"I'm still sorry. You know, I was so mad at Charlotte the other day. And it wasn't anything like that, she just wasted my time and smoked a little. And I was so angry with her."

"You told me. Welcome to having a teenager."

"But I don't think I really got how mad you must have been until then," Rory says slowly. "I knew you were mad and I hurt you, and I was sorry, but I don't think I got it."

"All part of the motherhood club."

"I told her she's young just now and I don't think she loved that."

"Rory, she's sixteen. Most sixteen-year-olds don't like being reminded of that fact. They keep getting told they're two years from graduation, from being grown-ups, and they're already a lot older than they were a few years ago, and just think their parents are clueless. I don't think she'll understand until she's an adult for real."

"I wish she would."

"Yeah, well. You're going to butt heads a lot if you're stubborn over it."

"Like us?" Rory teases and her mother throws the remains of a cookie at her. "Hey!"

"Look, all I'm saying is, don't expect her to be smart over being a teenager all the time. Because she's currently one."

"Don't remind me," Rory sighs. "I think we've made up over this at least. I told Charlotte about the car accident too, and kissing Jess at the wedding."

"Wow. Did she say her mom is cool?"

"Not exactly, but she was surprised, I think. Maybe she won't think I'm so out of touch now."

"You know what might help?" Lorelai asks carefully. "If you told her more about -"

"Mom, I know what you're going to say," Rory says, lifting her hand. "She's already dealing with Logan being here, I'm not going to make it worse by telling her the details behind her conception."

"I didn't say anything about _details_. I just think if you were honest -"

"She's too young," Rory says firmly. "When she's eighteen, I'll show her my book. I'll talk about it with her seriously then. It's not the right time yet."

"Rory, she's growing up. She's going to want to know."

"Didn't we just say how young she is? Besides, there's so much to it all. She's still a kid."

"Okay," Lorelai says, putting her hands up. "Just a suggestion. I'm just trying to help."

"I know. But we're okay."

"Do you know when you're next seeing Logan?"

"Probably in a couple of weeks."

Rory drinks more coffee and their thoughts are interrupted as Luke comes in, bearing bags of takeout from the diner. Everyone jumbles into the kitchen, trying to open a bag first, and they all settle around a new movie before going to bed.

A few evenings later, Rory is shopping in the mall for some new jackets. She's rummaging through a pile, trying to find the ones on sale, when her thoughts are interrupted by someone saying, "Tyler!"

Rory looks up to see Tyler with the woman she assumes is mother holding up a shirt to his chest. "Try it on."

"I don't want to," Tyler says, sounding and looking a lot younger than occasions where Rory has met him before. "I want to go home."

"Young man, I don't make all this money for you to whine while I buy your clothes."

"Dad's money," Rory hears Tyler mumble and his mother narrows her eyes.

"I'm getting a migraine."

Rory starts backing away, deciding not to go and introduce herself. Her daughter's boyfriend seems bored, and has lost the arrogant swagger he had before. Beforehand, Rory had privately considered seeking him out to yell about giving Charlotte cigarettes, but knew it was a bad idea at the time, and seems even worse now. As she walks away her arm catches the jackets, sending a pile to the floor, and as she moves to lift them mother and son look over. Tyler frowns, obviously trying to place her, and his mother looks back and forth.

"You two know each other?"

"Rory Gilmore," Rory says abashedly, going over and smiling. "I'm Charlotte's mom. Our kids -"

"Yes, I know," the woman says coldly. "I'm Cynthia."

"So nice to meet you."

Cynthia smiles but it doesn't reach her eyes. "We must be going. Excuse us."

"Oh. Sure."

Rory watches them walk away and Cynthia half-drag her son into another clothing store. Tyler looked red in the face. Rory can't say she likes him that much but she feels bad for him, a little. As for his mother - well, Rory knows when she's being blown off. As she walks out of the store, deciding to get a pretzel and some coffee, her phone rings. It's Logan, and Rory sits down before answering.

"Hey," he says as she picks up. "How's it going?"

"Its...going," Rory says wearily. "How are you?"

"Fine. Just got back from Paris."

"I didn't know you were going."

"It was kind of spontaneous."

"Of course."

There's a beat and then Logan asks, "So are you free next weekend? I thought you and Charlotte could come for a couple of hours."

"I'll check with her."

"But you don't have plans?"

"Logan, as far as I know we're not busy, but I'm checking with Charlotte. It's her call too."

"Right."

There's another pause and then Logan says, "I'll let you go."

"Thanks. Bye."

Jess has already got dinner ready when Rory gets back and she breathes in the scent happily, kissing Jess on the cheek.

"That smells good."

"I know you hate shopping."

"I don't hate shopping. I just hate it when it's for the kids and I'm tired and I can't find anything cheap in their size. Remind me why I offered to do this?"

"Because it was on your way back and you said you could just swing by, to quote."

"Remind me not be an idiot next time."

Rory goes over to the stove, taking a mouthful of pasta and laughing as Jess swats her hand. "Guess who I saw at the mall?"

"The ghost of Jimmy Buffet."

"No, but if I do, I'm telling Luke first. I saw Tyler and his mom."

"You met the glorious Cynthia."

"You didn't embellish."

"Nope. Kind of Stepford, right?"

"A little. You know, it was weird...Tyler was being such a kid."

"He is a kid."

"I know, but he wasn't being all arrogant like with us. He was being sort of bratty."

"I thought you said he was different."

Rory pretends to swat Jess this time and they chuckle. "I don't know," Rory says. "Maybe it was like this with our moms too, or Luke. Maybe we felt really adult but seemed really young to them."

"You're probably right."

Jess eats a mouthful of pasta too and Rory tells him about Logan calling. As Jess nods, Rory's mind wanders back to her mother's advice. But Charlotte's so young, she thinks. Isn't tonight proof enough of how young that age is? Putting her thoughts away, Rory washes her hands and calls the kids in for dinner.


	21. Chapter 21

**Thanks for the feedback!**

Charlotte sees Tyler on Friday and runs over to him. "Hey! Where have you been?"

He was out of school all week, throwing Charlotte out of sync. She thought maybe it would help her focus more in class, but if anything her mind wandered more, pondering where her boyfriend was. She didn't get a reply to her texts until the day before, simply saying he'd be back 'soon'.

"My mom took me to see my grandfather and his friends," Tyler says. "We go every few months or so."

"Oh," Charlotte says, slightly surprised. "I thought you were sick or something."

"Nah, I never get sick."

"They let you miss school?"

"My mom's friends with the principal. Just as long as I don't miss the whole week. Hence why I'm back today."

Charlotte nods and then smiles as Tyler leans over to kiss her. As they break away she tells him, "My mom saw you in the mall the other night."

"Oh, yeah," Tyler says, a brief look of bashfulness crossing his face. "My mom wanted to get some clothes. I went along to keep her company, you know."

"Sure."

"I can pick out my own clothes," Tyler says, sounding defensive. "It's for her."

"I get it."

Tyler kisses her again and Charlotte's peterubed annoyance over not being messaged back fades.

"So what's going on with you?"

"I'm going to see Logan this weekend."

"Your father?"

"Sort of," Charlotte says. "He's not -"

"Genetically he is, right?" Before Charlotte can respond Tyler says, "You can't get out of it?"

"I don't think so."

"I wanted to hang with you."

"Well, I should be around on Sunday."

"Deal." Tyler smiles and squeezes her hand. They head into class and Charlotte's stomach drops as she sees the papers her class handed in the other week being shuffled in her teacher's hands. Her stomach drops even more as the paper is given back and she sees the grade on it. Charlotte swears the clock goes at half its normal speed and when the bells finally rings she's not surprised when Miss Anderson asks her to wait.

"This is not a good paper," her teacher says bluntly. Charlotte looks at her feet, unsure if she should reply, and Miss Anderson goes on, "Do you know what this reads like?"

"Um -"

"It reads like someone who forgot about it and took a summary from the internet," Miss Anderson says, folding her arms. Charlotte can't try defending herself, knowing her cheeks are turning red. "This isn't good enough."

"I'm sorry."

" _Sorry_ isn't doing your work properly," Miss Anderson says. She sounds frustrated but her tone is gentler as she asks, "Is something on your mind?"

"I don't -?"

"You've been very distracted lately," Miss Anderson says. "Sometimes you can be lazy with homework but you've always contributed to class discussion and do well on quizzes. Lately you've gotten more quiet. Has something happened?"

 _Yeah, you could call it that_ Charlotte thinks sarcastically. There is nothing she wants to do less than discuss Logan, her biological father, coming back into her life. Besides, being a teenager is probably enough as a reason not to focus.

Miss Anderson clears her throat and says, "I remember how it is at your age. I know how new things can seem like the most important part."

"Do you mean dating?" Charlotte asks and Miss Anderson says, "That and other things. I'm not going to discuss your personal life - I'm just saying that I know school doesn't always seem like a big deal. But you've got college to think about and you're smart, Charlotte. I don't like seeing your grades slip, especially as I know you can do better."

"Okay," Charlotte says simply but her eyes widen as Miss Anderson adds, "If you do badly on the next paper I'll have to contact your parents."

"Miss Anderson, _no_."

"We only want you to work to your full potential. I know that if you study harder next time, you'll get a much better grade."

"And then you won't tell them?" Charlotte pleads and her teacher nods. "I won't tell them, but only if you do your next paper properly. And perhaps you should talk to your parents anyway."

"Alright," Charlotte says, letting her breath out, and Miss Anderson says, "I'm not saying this to be unkind. I only want you to do your best."

"Sorry," Charlotte says again and her teacher adds, "And if you do wish to talk to me, Charlotte, I'm always happy to listen."

Charlotte waits until she's outside the classroom before stuffing the paper to the very base of her bag. Her mother is already waiting and she frowns as Charlotte gets in the front.

"Everything okay?"

"I'm fine," Charlotte says abruptly. She has a horrible feeling that if her mother presses further it's all going to come out, but she's saved by Annie complaining that Richie's taking up all the room in the back. Her mother turns to resolve it and by the time they get home Charlotte feels normal again.

Rory is frantic herself that evening. Whenever she's stressed she makes pot after pot of coffee, drinking it while power-cleaning. She's fluffing the cushions for the fifth time when Jess takes her hands and tells her to take a break. Rory sighs, letting the cushion drop, and then jumps as her phone goes off. She disappers into the next room to take the call and Jess looks over at Charlotte.

"Feeling okay about tomorrow?"

Charlotte shrugs, stretching out, and her father says, "It's fine if you don't feel okay about it."

"I am though. Okay, I mean."

Jess nods, still looking at her, and says, "So how's the whole study gig going? You reading anything good?"

"I don't want to talk about school," Charlotte says sharply and her father raises his eyebrows.

"Any reason in particular?"

"No...it's just Friday and I want to focus on my weekend."

"Fair enough," her father says. He leans over, tweaking her big toe with his finger and Charlotte squeals, almost falling off the couch. "Stop, that tickles!"

"I know!" Jess laughs, doing it again and Charlotte makes him stop by lobbing a cushion into his face.

"Your mom just fluffed that up," Jess protests, chuckling and Charlotte says, "That's what you get for torturing me. Besides, Mom'll just do it again in a moment."

"This is true," Jess says. He pushes his hair out of face and looks up as Rory comes back in, a pained expression on her face. "Who was that on the phone?"

"Paris."

"Ah," Jess says, sounding amused. "What does she want?"

Charlotte curls her legs up on the couch. She's always been a little afraid of her aunt Paris, and even her kids. Paris and her mom have been friends off and on since they were Charlotte's age, and from Charlotte's experience, their friendship tends to be mainly Paris yelling things. _She's my angry friend_ Rory had tried explaining it once. _Besides, we've been through a lot together._ They must have been through a hell of a lot, Charlotte thinks. She'd be too scared to have an angry friend.

"Paris called to catch up and I told her I'm going to New York tomorrow, and now she wants to go for lunch."

"Will her kids be there?" Charlotte asks automatically. When she was five or six, Gaby chose her as audience for her speech on existentialism and got mad when Charlotte said she was bored.

"No, honey. They're in college, you know that. The point is, that's when we're at Logan's."

"Did you tell her that?"

"Of course I told her that," Rory snaps. "That got her on a whole new point of argument. I tried saying I'd see her afterward, but she's going to some function and won't have time, plus she's busy all morning. And now she's saying I should see her instead. But I can't."

"Yes, you can," Charlotte says, making Rory look up. "You can come get me from Logan's."

This is perfect, she thinks. She won't be under Paris's scrutiny and her mother won't be awkward with her at Logan's place.

"Honey, we're going to see him together."

"I'll be fine."

"Paris can see me some other time," Rory says but Charlotte says, "You shouldn't miss seeing Paris. I'm only hanging out with Logan."

"I don't know..."

Rory looks at Jess who bites his lip.

"I'm not five," Charlotte says, feeling frustrated. "And he's not a stranger. I promise to call if I need you."

"We'll have to talk about it," Rory says, and Charlotte knows she means her and Jess. "I'm not saying yes."

She gathers up all the cushions, asking angrily, "Why is this one on the _floor_?" Charlotte looks at her father for a smile but he doesn't notice, busy thinking to himself. Charlotte gets up, unsure what to say, and they look round as Annie comes in.

"I'm thirsty."

"You know where the kitchen is," Charlotte says and it's a real sign that her parents aren't paying attention in that neither tell her off. Annie sticks her tongue out at her sister and goes to get a drink. When she comes back she looks at them all and asks, "What's going on?"

"Nothing," Jess says and then he grabs her under the armpits. "Tickle monster!"

"Daddy, no! Stop it!" Annie shrieks with laughter and runs into the next room, Jess chasing her. Charlotte knows she could follow them and join in but it doesn't feel as fun anymore. The silly moment with her father feels gone now and Charlotte looks at her mother. She stays silent and Charlotte sighs, going up to her room. She's distracted by a chain of texts from Tyler saying he's excited for Sunday. _Missing you already_.

The next day Rory waits until Charlotte is dressed and has eaten her breakfast before saying, "I've decided to see Paris."

"You have?"

"Only because she's away until the new year after this. And I'm only going to see her for an hour. Then I'm coming to pick you up, maybe sooner if finish up early."

"Fine."

"Keep your cellphone on you," Rory goes on. "If you want to go, just call or send me a text."

"Mom, it's Logan, not like, a total weirdo."

"I know, but if you feel awkward or just want out send up a flare. On your phone, I mean."

"I don't have a flamethrower in my pocket," Charlotte says sarcastically. Her mother doesn't seem to be listening. She bustles about, doing her makeup and making a flask of coffee and as they get into the car she adds, "The codeword is _coffee_ , if you want me to come get you."

"I didn't realise we were in _The Maltese Falcon_. And that's a normal word for us."

Rory walks with Charlotte to the door. Logan answers it and before Rory can ask, he says, "Still between maids."

"Logan, I'm going to see Paris," Rory says in a rush. "She's around today but not after that so I'm going to see her. But I'll be back in an hour, maybe earlier."

"Definitely earlier," Logan says, grinning and Rory snaps, "Hey, I'm talking."

"Jeez, sorry."

"I'm going to be around the corner," Rory says. "I'll have my cellphone out so call if anything happens. But if anything does -"

"Relax," Logan says calmly. "We won't move from this apartment."

"You'd better not," Rory says, eyes flashing. "If you do, I'll never let Charlotte come here again."

"Mom!"

"I get it," Logan says, sounding serious this time. "We'll be fine. Go have fun with Paris and say hey to her from me."

Rory hesitates, nods, and gives Charlotte a quick kiss, to her embarassment. "Okay. I'll see you later."

Charlotte waits until she hears her mother enter the elevator and then looks back up at Logan who says, "You'd better come in. Want a soda?"

"Thanks."

Logan pours them a soda each and they sit on opposite couches, Logan lounching back and Charlotte perched on the edge of hers. As she sips her coke she starts to rethink the awkward thing. Her mother doesn't need to be there for it to be uncomfortable.

"How's work?" Charlotte asks just as Logan asks, "How's school?" They look at each other, laugh, and Charlotte says, "You go first."

"Work is work," Logan says, wrinkling her nose. "Not my favourite part of my life, yet ironically, it's where I seem to spend most of my time."

Charlotte doesn't ask how he fits in time for trips around the world if that's the case. She takes another swallow of coke and makes a face when Logan asks, "So tell me about school."

"There isn't a lot to tell."

"Because it's boring or because you don't like it?" Charlotte shrugs and Logan laughs a little. "You look how I used to feel about it."

"Did you hate school?"

"I thought it was boring. But I hadn't been in an office at that point."

"I guess it's been a little crappy lately. I messed up a paper."

As soon as she says it, Charlotte feels awkward. It seems to weird to tell Logan that but not her parents, yet it's easier too, and she takes another sip of soda.

"Well, you're sixteen. I think school is supposed to be miserable, it's like the law or something."

"Mom didn't hate school though, right?"

"I didn't know Rory back then," Logan says, drinking his soda. "But from what she tells me, she liked it. She had a harder time with college."

"Right." Charlotte knows Rory took some time off but not much beyond that. She's considering asking further but Logan goes on, "But you're doing okay? What else is going on?"

"Not that much. I'm seeing my boyfriend tomorrow."

"Ah," Logan says. "It's still going well then?"

"I think so."

"Good to hear."

They fall into a somewhat awkward silence and Charlotte asks, "Did you have a girlfriend when you were my age?"

"More than one," Logan says with a chuckle. "I got kicked out of a few school and dated half the girls in each. If you can call it dating."

Charlotte smiles unsurely and Logan adds, "I didn't take things too seriously, you could say."

"Did you get in trouble?"

Logan looks at her oddly. "I wasn't too popular with the adults, if that's what you mean. Why -"

"No reason," Charlotte says quickly. "My school just says to be serious about things."

And her mother, but Charlotte feels like it would be disloyal to say so. Logan smiles and says, "That's the job of your school. Don't worry too much about it. You're sixteen."

Charlotte finishes her drink and Logan gets up. "I'd better get some lunch for us. Your mom will kill me if I don't feed you."

As he finishes speaking Charlotte's phone buzzes with an expected text from Rory, asking how it's going. Charlotte replies that it's fine and Logan emerges with a tray of sandwiches. Charlotte eats one before she works up the courage to ask, "How come you asked out Mom?"

"What?"

"I just wondered...because she said she was serious in school and stuff. How come you asked her out?"

Logan looks at her and Charlotte wishes she could take the question back. Now that she's asked it, it sounds really weird. Who asks about their mother's love life, especially to her ex-boyfriend?"

"She wasn't always serious," Logan says eventually. "And I liked that she was, when she was. It was endearing. But..."

Charlotte waits and he coughs. "It was all a long time ago and you should ask your mom."

Charlotte angrily eats another sandwich, feeling tired of being brushed off whenever she wants to know something.

"I loved her," Logan says eventually. "For all sorts of reasons. But it's in the past now. How's your sandwich?"

Charlotte almost laughs at the total nonsequitur but feels too frustrated. "It's fine. Thanks."

They eat in silence and both are relieved as there's a knock on the door coinciding with a text on both their phones saying Rory is outside. Charlotte is amused, especially as her mother always complains about people doing that, but is more relieved that Rory is here and she doesn't have to worry about smalltalk.

"How was Paris?" Logan asks. "Caustic as usual?"

"Paris is fine," Rory says, sounding annoyed. "Charlotte, are you ready to go?"

Charlotte nods and Logan said, "We were fine. It was no big deal, Rory."

"Well, it is to me," Rory says shortly. "I appreciate you making her lunch and everything. Come on honey, let's go."

They are barely in the elevator when her mother turns to Charlotte and says, "So what did you talk about?"

"Mom, would you chill out? We just talked about school and stuff. Nothing major."

"Alright." Her mother closes her eyes but they snap open as Charlotte asks, "So how caustic was Aunt Paris?"

"She's not caustic, she's just got sharp wit," Rory says evenly. "And she's fine."

Charlotte's relief at missing her evaporates when she sees Paris waiting outside the building.

"I thought you'd gone home!" Rory exclaims and Paris shakes her head. "Couldn't miss seeing Charlotte. How's it going, kid?"

"Good, thanks."

When Charlotte was in preschool there was a time when she hid behind her mother's legs when Paris came over. She has to resist that same urge now as Paris asks, "School going okay?"

"I guess."

"Hm," Paris says critically. "So your mom says you have a boyfriend?"

"Um, yeah."

"No glove, no love. Remember that."

"Okay," Rory says loudly. "We're going now. Bye, Paris."

"Bye," Paris says, smirking a little. "Wow, so this is where Logan lives, huh? Not too shabby."

"No, it's not. Don't you have your thing to go to?"

"Subtle much," Paris says. "But yes, I do. Have a great Christmas, and I'll see you in the new year. I doubt it'll be any improvement to this one."

They wave at her as she walks down the sidewalk and Rory lets out a long breath as they get in the car. "Between you and Logan, I don't know who's more exhausting," she says. "Was it really okay that I wasn't there?"

"It was fine."

"Because I second-guessed it as soon as I left."

"Really, I didn't notice?" Charlotte teases. Her mother rolls her eyes and starts up the engine.

The next day Charlotte is allowed to see Tyler. She studies for real in the morning, worrying about Miss Anderson's promise, and then she meets Tyler at the marina. They instantly drive back to his place, a detail Charlotte omitted mentioning to her parents, and head to his room. After kissing for a while they take a breath and Tyler asks, "So how was your thing?"

"My thing?"

"Seeing Logan."

"Oh," Charlotte says, sititng up. She'd wondered why Tyler hadn't asked before, and it still seems strange just to call it a _thing_. "It was okay."

"Do you feel like you know him?"

"Why would I?"

"He's got genes with you. I think that makes a kind of kinship."

Charlotte isn't so sure she agrees but shrugs. "We're both not wild about school, I guess."

"There you go," Tyler says smugly. "Exactly."

"I still don't feel like I know him," Charlotte says but Tyler starts kissing her again. She kisses him back, forgetting her annoyance and doesn't sit up when he slides his hand under her shirt. Everything feels too good. She leans into him, feeling him harden between her legs, and then suddenly Paris's voice is in her mind, out of nowhere - _no glove, no love_ \- and Charlotte immediately sits up.

"What?" Tyler asks, breathing heavily, and Charlotte says, "I'm not ready, to, um -"

"Right," Tyler says quickly. Charlotte focuses on tugging her shirt back into place and blushes when Tyler says, "You're so hot."

"Thanks." It feels weird to say _you too_ , though it's what Charlotte thinks, and she concentrates on pushing her hair behind her ears.

He chuckles a little and says, "I hope you'll be ready to."

It takes Charlotte a moment to figure out what he means and then she doesn't know what to say. "I don't mean, like, _now_ ," Tyler says, grinning. "Just sometime."

Charlotte smiles, unsure what to say, and Tyler gets off the bed. "You want some water or something?"

"Yeah. Thanks."

Charlotte gets up too and is relieved when she gets home. Her parents greet her and Charlotte is terrified her cheeks will go red, that they'll know what happened, but they sound normal. Her mother is leaning onto Jess's shoulder, laughing at his jokes, and Charlotte watches and wonders. There's so much untold by her, she knows. Why are parents so contradictary? Wanting to talk but dismissing any real questions? Even Logan wouldn't give the whole picture. It's too much to stand. Charlotte gets some coffee, goes upstairs and tries to study but the questions linger in her mind.


	22. Chapter 22

Thanks for the feedback!

Rory rounds the corner and enters the restaurant where Paris is already sitting. Her trepidation is momentarily forgotten as a smile spreads across her face and Paris goes over, pulling her friend into a hug.

"It's been too long, Gilmore."

"I'll drink to that. Or I would if I had a drink. Oh hey, there's a jug of water."

Rory sits down, pouring herself a glass and lifts it. Paris does the same and, when the waiter comes over, orders a glass of wine and one for Rory.

"Only one," Rory reminds her. "I drove here."

"Yeah, yeah. So how's Logan?"

If there's one thing Paris can be trusted on it's not to beat around the bush. Rory shakes her head, sipping some more water, and says, "Fine."

"Thanks Cliff Notes, care to expand a little?"

"There's not much to tell."

"Yeah, right."

The waiter reappears with a basket of bread and, to Rory's relief, the glasses of wine. They order a pasta dish each and, once the waiter leaves, Paris leans over. "You've got Bambi face."

"I do not have Bambi face!"

"I've known you since we were fresh-faced kids. You can't fool me, Rory."

Rory tears off a piece of bread, twists it in her hands and says, "It's weird."

"Seeing him?"

"Having him live so close again. I'd gotten used to him being in London and coming over every few months to see Charlotte. It's so odd having him just a couple of hours drive away."

Rory stuffs the bread in her mouth and nods as Paris asks, "Charlotte's with him now, right?"

"Yeah...I keep wondering if that was a mistake."

"Why? Do you not trust him or something?"

"Of course I trust him - if I didn't trust him I wouldn't have left Charlotte there."

"So then why are you freaking out?"

"They've never spent any real time together. I'm worried Charlotte will feel weird or he'll say something wrong."

"Like what?"

Rory shrugs and Paris asks, "You mean about keeping Charlotte secret from his wife?"

"Something along those lines," Rory says dryly. "I don't want him to upset her."

"Huh."

Rory gets her phone out of her pocket, turning it over and laying it on the table. She eats some more bread, checks it again and her eyes widen as Paris snatches it.

"Hey!"

"Rory, I am not going to sit through lunch with you if you're going to obsess over your phone the whole way through. You're obsessing already."

"Yeah, well, you insisted on lunch!"

"Because I'm away until January and aren't you the one always saying crap like not letting our friendship slide in our busy lives? I'm trying to keep my end of the bargain!"

Rory nods and says guiltily, "I know. I just told Charlotte to send up a flare if she needs me."

"I've got great news for you, I'm not suffering from any ailments with my eyes or ears. So if she does actually call you, I'll hear it. So relax!"

"I'm trying," Rory says grumpily. The waiter returns with the food and Rory starts eating, trying not to offput by Paris's rant over her daughter and getting her a diaphragm.

"I told her she needs a good one. She has a new boyfriend and it never hurts to be prepared for these things. And she's getting all offended by me talking about it when I'm trying to be a good mom and make sure she's safe. Jeez, it's not like I'm offering to _fit_ it for her. You know?"

Rory forces herself to swallow and smiles but it comes out with a slight grimace.

"You okay?" Paris frowns, pushing the water jug over. "You look a little sick."

"I'm fine..."

"So then she told me she's on the pill," Paris finishes. "I asked why she didn't just tell me that to begin with and she rolled her eyes at me. Just because she's in college she thinks she knows everything!"

"I don't think they have to be in college for that to start," Rory remarks and Paris nods, drinking her wine. "How are things going with Charlotte? You two fighting or something?"

"We're not fighting - not right now anyway. We had a fight a week or so ago."

"What about?"

"She's started seeing someone," Rory says, shoving some more pasta in her mouth. "Some boy from her English class."

"Well, what's lover boy like?"

"Do _not_ call him lover boy. He's just her boyfriend. He's...he's just the guy she likes."

"Wow, you're not winning any prizes for description," Paris says with a sarcastic smile. "What's the deal with him?"

"Nothing," Rory protests. "But he has awful taste in books, like he's into Ayn Rand, and not just because he likes how she writes, and he came over to dinner and was so disrespectful and Charlotte drove home with him and they were smoking!"

"That's certainly a lot of words for _nothing,"_ Paris says after a pause. "So you're fighting because you hate him?"

"I didn't say _hate_ -"

Paris gives her a look and Rory sighs. "Okay, maybe I hate him a little. We fought over her driving home with him and smoking, when she didn't have my permission. For the first part, I mean, I'd never let Charlotte smoke."

"You shock me," Paris says, sipping more wine and Rory gives her a look. "Have you made up?"

"Yeah, we've made up. But it's been kind of stressful with her lately."

"Worried he'll knock her up?" Paris asks seriously and Rory's eyes stream as she coughs on her wine. "Thanks for voicing my ultimate fear," she says, dabbing at her eyes with a napkin, and Paris says, "Hey, you know my job description. You want me to give some leaflets to her?"

"Your job is to help with conceiving, not prevent it!"

"I'm down at the hospital all the time. I can give Charlotte a talk if you want. We've got videos with the most graphic birth scenes, and I'm pretty sure there's one for STDs -"

"That's fine," Rory says, taking a cautious sip of water. "I already had a talk with her."

"How'd that go?"

"Oh, who knows," Rory says irritably. "I tried. She knows what she needs to know. I still worry about it."

"You wouldn't be you if you didn't worry," Paris says and Rory can't help laughing.

"Gee, thanks."

They finish their food and Rory says, "It's not just that we've been fighting over. She's not doing so well in school lately."

"Because she's all Joanie Loves Chachi?"

"It was before that. She's not studying hard enough. I know if she just tried a little harder...when she was in elementary school she used to set herself questions from her math book and give herself reading assignments."

Rory smiles in memory and Paris says gently, "She's not a little kid now."

"I know," Rory says unhappily. "And I don't want to the kind of mom who pushes and doesn't listen, and I know she doesn't have to love school, but it makes me sad that she seems to hate it. And I don't know what to do to make her not hate it."

"I used to make my kids do their homework with a timer."

"I'm not sure that's the right approach for us," Rory says delicately. "I don't know. It started before all this, but I don't think Logan coming back is making it easier. It's got to be weirding her out."

"Has she said that?"

"Sort of. I don't think she wants to talk about it."

Paris eyes her and asks, "What has Charlotte said?"

"Not a lot. She's always quiet about things. But she did ask me about why it didn't work out."

"And did you tell her?"

"I told her we were wrong for each other and it wouldn't have worked out as adults."

Paris raises an eyebrow and Rory exclaims, "She's a kid! I'm not going to sit down with her and tell her we basically had an affair! She's mixed up enough over this, I'm not going to add that to her things to worry about."

"Oh really?"

"Yes!"

"Because it sounds like you don't want to deal with it."

"What?"

"You don't want to talk about what happened. I get it," Paris says, finishing her wine. "Not from direct experience, but I get why you don't want to. But you're freaking out because of what she'll say, not because she's a kid. She's sixteen."

"Exactly!" Rory says, floundering. "She's so young!"

"Charlotte's young but she's also old enough to start seeing you as a person."

"She _does_ see me as a person."

"She should know you've messed up. Maybe she'd listen more if you weren't blowing her off."

"I'm not blowing her off!" Rory says furiously. "I'm protecting her! I love her so much, I'd do _anything_ for her, and I hate that she has to deal with this. It's bad enough that she knows Logan has never cared much about her. Jess is Charlotte's dad, and he's the best, but I know it hurts her that Logan's never been in contact much. I've had to remind him to send emails at Christmas and on her birthday. She's already dealing with that and him suddenly being more in her life."

"You said you always wanted to be truthful, right?" Paris asks. "That's why you told her about Logan right away."

"I didn't want her to feel ashamed when she knew the truth. That her life was half-secret."

"So then why not tell her the whole thing? Because that's what you're doing."

"I...I don't want to make things more complicated for her," Rory says quietly. "I don't want to hurt her."

"Rory," Paris says gently. "I think this is you being scared."

Rory bites her lip, staring at her empty glass.

"Maybe," she says eventually. "But I always said when Charlotte was eighteen. That's not so far away now. God, that's a scary thought."

"More than her having sex?" Paris teases. Rory throws some bread at her but lets out a watery chuckle. "That's not funny."

"You laughed."

"In horror. Man, I need another drink."

"So have one."

"I can't," Rory says ruefully. She pours herself another glass of water instead and asks, "So how are things with the new man?"

Paris has been dating a fellow doctor on and off for the past few months and she shrugs, reaching for a piece of bread.

"Not the best for conversation but he's fantastic in bed."

"So, good, I guess?"

"It's not great," Paris sighs. "I keep thinking I'll dump him and then we have mindblowing sex again. If he was just a little crappier in bed...sometimes it makes me miss Doyle."

"You guys were great together."

"Until he got obsessed with carbs and screenplays. He should have written a movie on _that_. Anyway, he's in LA now. Gaby and Timo are going over to see him soon. How're things with Jess? How's he handling the Logan thing?"

"I wouldn't say he loves it but he's been good with it. Great, in fact."

"I always did like him best," Paris says. "And things are still good in the bedroom, right? Because I've heard it can take a nosedive once you get middle-aged -"

"Who are you calling middle-aged?" Rory demands, cheeks burning. "And you don't need to be, um, concerned."

"You are still such a Mary," Paris teases, leaning back in her seat. "After all these years."

"I am not."

"You can take the girl out of Stars Hollow..."

"If I were a Mary I wouldn't have had Charlotte," Rory retorts and then she groans. "Oh, God...I really don't want to talk about this stuff with her."

"Just remind her _no glove, no love_ ," Paris says. "That's the main thing she has to know."

"Something like that. And speaking of, I'd better go get her. Hand me my phone."

Rory feels weird when she picks up Charlotte. Her daughter says she and Logan discussed _stuff_ , whatever that entails, but she doesn't seem angry or upset. To Rory's pleasant surprise, Charlotte seems to be studying properly this weekend, and her anxiety lifts a little. While she's upstairs Rory finds Jess and sits down with him on the couch, leaning against his chest.

"How was Paris?"

"She was Paris," Rory says, making Jess laugh. "How was your day?"

"Fine...took the kids to soccer and their friend's house."

Rory nods and then looks up. Jess traces some hair from her face and says, "What?"

"Do you think we're doing okay? As parents?"

Jess is silent for a moment and then says, "I think we're doing the best we can. I don't think you can ever do it perfectly. There's not a manual for it."

"But are we doing okay?" Rory insists and Jess kisses the top of her head. "I'd say we were."

Rory squeezes his hand and closes her eyes. She wouldn't be herself if she didn't worry, and Rory forces herself to breathe in some calm.


	23. Chapter 23

**Thanks for the feedback!**

Before Charlotte knows it, it's almost time for Thanksgiving. Every year they go to Lorelai's, where Luke cooks a giant feast, and Charlotte's mouth is already watering at the thought. On Saturday, she goes to Ivy's for a sleepover and the girls stay up talking long after Ivy's mom has gone to bed, the credits of the film they've half-watched rolling on the screen.

"I can't make it through another movie," Charlotte groans, falling back onto the mound of pillows on the floor as Ivy hunts for the remote. "I'm already falling asleep."

"Weakling," Ivy teases, turning the television off. "I wasn't going to choose something that involved brain power."

"I'll have to save that for my grandmother's house. She makes us watch the weirdest stuff and then quizzes us on it. Plus she and my mom talk the whole way through so I can't even hear what I'm supposed to remember."

"Can't you suggest something else?"

"Ivy, have you met my grandmother? No. She'll make me sit through the entire actor's filmography until I appreciate them or whatever."

Charlotte laughs, reaching for more soda. It's fun, despite the consequence of having to see the same movies so many times, and Lorelai's snacks are always fantastic. Ivy tosses her a bag of gummy worms and asks, "What about Logan?"

"What about him?"

"Are you going to his place? I guess not," Ivy says, making a face. "It'd be weird, right?"

"Yeah. Anyway, his wife's French. They don't even do Thanksgiving there."

"What about Christmas?"

"Of course they -"

"No. dummy, are you going there?"

"I don't think so," Charlotte says after a pause. "He usually just sends money."

"Maybe he'll give you something else this year. As he's back and all."

"Maybe," Charlotte says. She puts the bag of sweets down, losing her appetite, but it's soon resuscitated as Ivy changes the subject to how she's dreading Thanksgiving with her cousins. As Charlotte moves some popcorn to her mouth Ivy asks casually, "So when are you next seeing Tyler?"

"I'm not sure," Charlotte admits, stopping her hand halfway. "School, I guess."

"You don't know?"

"He hasn't got back to me yet."

"Oh," Ivy says as Charlotte stuffs the popcorn in her mouth, spilling kernels everywhere. "Well, at least you _have_ a boyfriend, even if he hasn't got back to you."

"Yeah," Charlotte says despondently. She looks at the blank television screen and then feels her cheeks go red as Ivy asks, "So how's it going with Tyler anyway? You're totally holding out on me when I ask you."

"I'm not holding out."

"You so are. I asked what his house was like and you just went red and mumbled stuff, which is kind of like what you're doing right now."

"I'm not mumbling," Charlotte says, avoiding her friend's eyes, and Ivy throws a pillow at her. "What? Did you do it with him or something?"

Charlotte feels her cheeks turn scarlet and Ivy's mouth hangs open. "No way. You _did_?"

"No!" Charlotte says, recovering her speech, and her friend lets out a sigh. "So why didn't you say anything?"

"No reason."

Ivy looks at her knowingly and Charlotte admits, "He wants to."

"He _wants_ to? Oh my God! Are you going to?"

"No. I don't know."

"Well, if you do, you have to tell me everything!" Ivy announces. "We promised, remember? We'd say exactly what sex is like and if it's like the movies. You've got to tell me, Charlotte!"

"Hey, I don't even know that I will!"

"But if you do," Ivy insists. "Have you got protection?"

"What?" Charlotte rolls onto her stomach and Ivy says, "If you're going to do it you need to get condoms. We could go get some tomorrow."

"This is all totally hypothetical," Charlotte says firmly. "Conversation over."

"But you'll tell me?"

"You know I will."

Ivy grins at her and Charlotte flops onto her back, closing her eyes. Saying it makes it seem more real and more crazy at the same time.

Charlotte manages to talk Ivy out of going to get condoms in case their mothers see them, but it's more that she feels awkward. How do people just go up to a counter and _buy_ stuff like that? When she opens her eyes again Ivy has drifted off to sleep and Charlotte curls up into her sleeping bag and turns out the light, letting her wondering mix into dreams.

The school week drags for it all it being shorter, but finally the last day has arrived. Before Rory arrives to pick her up Charlotte reads the posters on the notice board for something to do. There's going to be a winter dance in a few weeks and Charlotte gazes at the giant snowflake on it, wondering if Tyler will ask her. She dropped a few hints earlier that day but he didn't pick up on them. Or maybe he just doesn't want to go. Charlotte slides her bag up her shoulder where the strap has slipped and turns as someone taps her on the shoulder. Tyler stands there, grinning, and leans over to give her a kiss.

"What're you doing?"

"Just waiting for my mom...reading the notice board," Charlotte says unsubtly. "There's some new posters up."

She cringes at how obvious she's being but Tyler just kind of nods. "You doing anything this weekend?"

"Um, Thanksgiving."

"Well, yeah," Tyler says with a chuckle, sliding his hands in his pockets. "Are you around after all the family stuff?"

"Probably not," Charlotte says honestly. "Sorry..."

"It's cool."

Charlotte gives him a small smile and Tyler leans over to kiss her. They're still kissing when Rory's car pulls up and Charlotte jumps when her mother opens the door and calls, "Hey kid!"

"I'm coming," Charlotte says, pushing Tyler back and blushing. "Bye, Tyler."

"See you," Tyler says and Charlotte marches over to the car. By the time she's got inside she's convinced herself Tyler was about to ask her to the dance and she snaps, "Thanks a lot!"

"What'd I do?" Rory protests and Charlotte exclaims, "You called me _kid_!"

"Well, you are my kid!"

"But I'm not a - he's my boyfriend!" Charlotte moans, ignoring her brother's laugh from the back. "It was so embarrassing."

"Tyler should understand that's how moms are," Rory says unsympathetically and Charlotte sulks the whole way home. She puts on a pot of coffee when they get inside, staring at the bubbles as it brews and Rory places her hands on her shoulders, making her face her.

"What's with the mood?"

"He was going to ask me to the dance!"

"What dance?"

"The winter dance! The dance the school does each year and I thought he was - never mind," Charlotte says miserably and Rory says, "So he hasn't asked you."

"No. But he was about to, I know he was!"

"I see," Rory says, sounding a little amused but managing not to smile. "Well, Charlotte, if he was going to ask you I'm sure he'll still ask you later."

"Right," Charlotte scoffs and her eyes widen as her mother suggests, "Or you could ask him."

"No _way!"_

"Now what kind of feminist attitude is that?" Rory demands and Charlotte cries, "I want him to ask me!"

"I get that, but if you really want to go and are scared he won't why don't you put it out there? The invitation, I mean," Rory clarifies hastily making her daughter roll her eyes. "If Tyler really likes you it won't bother him. You shouldn't just wait around - what if he doesn't ask?"

"You think he won't ask me?" Charlotte wails and Rory lifts her arms. "I didn't say that. All I'm saying is that if you're worried he won't and you really want to go, you should ask."

"I'll wait," Charlotte says. "Just a little longer."

"Good. Fine. Waiting's...good."

Charlotte raises her eyebrows and Rory coughs, pouring the coffee. As she hands a cup to her daughter she remarks, "I sort of asked Dean to my winter formal."

"You did?"

"Yeah. Well,I didn't ask directly, but I told him all about the dance and said it would be cool for someone to go with - something like that. I rambled about there being chicken to eat. And he said yes."

"What was the dance like?"

"It was fun," Rory says simply. "Only I fell asleep with Dean at Miss Patty's dance studio and Mom went crazy."

"You _slept_ with him?"

"No!" Rory says loudly. "I just showed him the book I had with me and we fell asleep. That was it."

Her cheeks have gone red and she stares at her cup. Charlotte frowns but she finishes her coffee too and asks, "How come you took a book with you?"

"Oh - it was habit," Rory says, relaxing and laughing a little. "I took a book everywhere."

"Why I fell in love with her," Jess says, coming into the kitchen, and he leans over the chair to give Rory a kiss. "What's all this talk about a dance?"

"There's one at Charlotte's school and she wants to go," Rory explains and Charlotte mumbles, "I don't know that I will. I'm going to go finish packing."

"Okay, okay," Jess says and as Charlotte gets up she hears him murmur to Rory, "What was all that about?"

They arrive at Lorelai's the next day after an hour of sitting in traffic and stagger over to the house, heavily laden with bags. Luke and Lorelai come out to relieve them and Charlotte wishes they could do the hugs and greetings inside. She can smell the dinner through the open door and her stomach is growling already.

Once they're seated, they go around saying how thankful they are and Charlotte wants to say she's thankful to have a boyfriend but doesn't, and Annie says she's thankful to no longer have to wear the turkey costume Lorelai made. They all laugh at that but Charlotte is in full agreement. She had to wear that costume until she was four, and the same with the pumpkin and snowman one, and a strawberry one in summer. Plus her mother allowed Taylor to enter her in Stars Hollow parades and that involved some terrible costume too. Finally they start digging into the food and Charlotte closes her eyes with bliss.

The dinner is stupendous and, after her third helping, Lorelai looks over at Luke and says, "Have I mentioned how glad I am I married you?"

"You remember that each time I cook," Luke replies but he gives Lorelai a kiss.

"Seriously, I don't know what I did when I was single."

"I do. You came to my diner and ate everything there. Which you'll do after this, I'm sure."

"Well, why mess with tradition?" Lorelai demands, lifting her glass. "Cheers!"

After dinner they all lie around, too full to move, and settle down with a movie. Charlotte tries to keep her eyes open but at some point drifts off, and when she wakes up the room is empty. The quilt made from her baby clothes is draped over her and Charlotte sits up, rubbing her eyes and circling a thumb over a square with dancing bunnies on it. She looks up as Lorelai comes in and asks curiously, "Where is everyone?"

"They went to the diner with Luke," her grandmother answers. "They're meeting Lane there. Steve and Kwan should be there too."

Lorelai grins, hinting at Charlotte's old crush, but her granddaughter just smiles. "You okay?"

"Fine...sleepy."

"It was a lot of food."

"Not too much food though."

"Obviously not. You're a Gilmore, there's no such thing as too much food. You know how your mom and I had three Thanksgiving dinners once and still had room for rolls! They were excellent rolls."

Charlotte smiles and Lorelai sits down next to her, lifting the quilt so she can share the warmth. "I can't believe how long it's been since you were so little. It seems like the other day Rory was bringing you home. I remember this," she says, lifting up a square with ducks on. "Rory tried to teach you how to quack when you wore it! You just about understood when you got too big for it. Then you started shouting 'WHACK! WHACK!" all the time, and I have to tell you, hearing an eighteen-month-old yell about whacking sounds kind of alarming. Jackson started hiding his hammer when we went over there."

Charlotte laughs a little and Lorelai looks at her. "You okay?"

"I'm fine, Nana."

"You seem kind of quiet."

"Just sleepy."

Lorelai nods and asks, "How's everything going? School, guys, the whole thing?"

"It's okay," Charlotte says in a small voice. "It's fine."

"That doesn't sound too enthusiastic."

"School's okay...kind of boring, but okay. And it's okay with Tyler."

"You sure?"

"Just because he hasn't aked me to the dance yet doesn't mean anything!" Charlotte says hotly and Lorelai lifts her hands up. "Whoa, whoa, whoa! What's the story here? What dance?"

"Nothing...there's just a winter dance at school and Tyler hasn't asked me to go yet."

"You could always ask him."

"That's what Mom said."

"There you go."

"I don't want to ask him."

"That's not a very womanly attitude."

"You and Mom rehearsed this, I swear."

"Well, she does have my eyes," Lorelai says, tucking some hair behind Charlotte's ears. "So do you."

Charlotte shrugs and Lorelai says, "Are things okay with you two? I know you were getting stressed over school stuff."

"And she hates Tyler for no reason."

Lorelai gives Charlotte a look and Charlotte sighs. "We're okay right now. But she just hates my boyfriend. She wants me to study and that's it."

"Charlotte, you have to got to ease up on your mom," Lorelai says seriously. "I mean it, kid. I know you're sixteen and I know by law she'll drive you crazy sometimes, but your mother loves you so much. She'll do anything for you. And my mom practically suffocated me. I know you and Rory fight sometimes, but she's not locking you and up and throwing away the key."

"I know...it's just sometimes it's like school is the only thing she cares about."

"Honey, she cares about school so much because she wants you to have a great future. She wants the best for you."

"But I'm trying and sometimes it doesn't feel enough. And I can't talk about Tyler because she hates him, or she'll freak out or something."

"Why would she freak out?" Lorelai asks and Charlotte catches herself, blushing. "Is there a reason for that? Charlotte?"

Charlotte doesn't say anything and Lorelai puts her hand under her chin. "Hey. You can talk to me. Are you having sex?"

Her grandmothers voice is even and calm but Charlotte can only shake her head. "Okay. Are you thinking about it?"

Charlotte gives a kind of shrug and Lorelai asks, "Have you been talking about it with Tyler?"

"I haven't talked about it," Charlotte says, finding her voice. "Not much, I mean...I don't know. It's kind of awkward."

Lorelai looks at her for a long moment and then says, "Can I give you a piece of advice?"

"Okay."

"If you can't talk about sex, you probably aren't ready to have it," Lorelai says. "And I don't want you doing something you aren't ready for."

"Nana..."

"Honey, I'm not saying it's wrong," Lorelai says gently. "I just don't want you taking that step if you aren't ready for it."

"Mom said all this. Before, I mean."

"Well, good," Lorelai says. "But I mean it - you need to be ready to talk about it."

Charlotte nods and says, "It's just hypothetical anyway."

"Mm," Lorelai says. She sounds like she wants to say something else but focuses on tucking the rest of Charlotte's hair back. "Well, promise me you'll be careful."

"Nana!"

"Charlotte, I got pregnant the first time I had sex. I was sixteen, it lasted about two minutes and I didn't think it even counted. But it did, obviously. So promise me."

"Yes, I promise. I wouldn't...I promise," Charlotte finishes off, hugging the quilt over her knees.

"Good," Lorelai says, kissing the side of her head. "And angel, if he doesn't want to take you to the dance, he's not worth it anyway."

Charlotte smiles and Lorelai stretches. "What do you say we go find the rest of the gang?"

"Let's do it," Charlotte says. She gets out her phone, expecting a text from Tyler or Logan. There isn't one from either and the disappointment must show on her face as Lorelai asks, "What's wrong, sweets?"

"Nothing..."

Charlotte puts the phone away, smiles, and goes to get her coat. She and Lorelai kick the leaves all the way to the diner and Charlotte laughs at how decorated Stars Hollow is, and how stark her grandfather's diner is comparison. Luke has always hated what he calls 'the mob mentality'. Her parents and siblings are crowded around a table with Lane and the twins and Charlotte goes over, hugging Steve and Kwan in turn. She sits, listening to them talk about funding their band and not having time to practise and Lane says fondly, "Music is your passion, guys. Forget the rest!"

"This from our mom, who's supposed to tell us to be realistic," Kwan jokes and Lane argues, "Haven't I always told you to stick it to the man?"

"Well, this man has to eat," Steve retorts and they all laugh. Charlotte goes over to the counter to get some coffee and Luke smiles at her. "There she is. Have a good nap?"

"Yeah. It was all the food."

"And now you're drowning it with caffeine," Luke sighs. "I told your mother not to drink so much coffee when she was pregnant. Lorelai did that with Rory and then Rory did it with you. No wonder you're all addicts."

Charlotte laughs but she feels shy at the word _pregnant_ and Luke looks at her. "You alright?"

"I'm fine..." Charlotte watches her grandfather pour the coffee and asks, "What was Mom like when she was my age?"

"Charlotte, I know I've told you. She'd come in with all her books and I'd let her take up a whole table to study. It was nice."

"Do you remember when she went to her dance?"

"You mean the dance with the bag boy?" Luke asks and then coughs. "Dean, that is."

"Yeah, him. That one."

"Well, I wasn't there for it. But I remember Lorelai being so upset because Rory didn't make it home, and they fought for a good couple of weeks. I said Lorelai should forbid her from seeing the bag boy."

"Grandpa!"

"I never liked him," Luke says unapologetically. "And if she had it might have saved a lot of hurt later on."

Charlotte frowns and Luke coughs again, pushing a cup towards Charlotte. "Here's your coffee."

"Thanks, Grandpa."

Charlotte takes the cup away and sips it, wondering what her grandfather means. She's distracted by hearing more about the time of three Thanksgiving dinners and groans when Rory says, "Everyone told me to kiss Jess properly."

"And she did!" Jess says and then grins as Rory leans over to kiss him again, making the whole diner cheer. As they start walking back Charlotte's phone starts buzzing and she answers it to hear Tyler say, "Hey. Happy Thanksgiving."

"You too," Charlotte says shyly. "How's yours going?"

"Pretty boring. What about you?"

"It's fine," Charlotte says shortly. "Ate a lot."

"Guess there's not a lot else to do in that poky town your grandparents live in."

"I guess," Charlotte says. She doesn't entirely like that description and thinks about saying so when Tyler says, "So, that dance at school..."

"Yeah?" Charlotte asks, her heart beating, and it almost breaks out of her chest as Tyler says, "You want to go?"

"Yes, I want to go! Thank you!"

Tyler laughs and says, "We'll catch up when you're back. See you."

"Bye," Charlotte says and she laughs so loudly her mother hears her and walks over.

"What's all this?" Rory asks, smiling, and Charlotte shrieks, "I'm going to the dance! He asked me to the dance!"

Rory laughs along with her and Charlotte takes a running jump into a pile of leaves, letting them fly out with happiness.


	24. Chapter 24

Rory walks hand in hand with Jess to the diner. The town is brimming with fall decorations and excited children dancing in Miss Patty's Thanksgiving recital. Rory looks over to see two older girls dressed in pilgrim wear and says to Jess, "Man, I can still feel that costume to this day. The bonnet would always come loose and Taylor would get mad if I tried to fix it. Said pilgrims didn't mess up their clothes."

"How come I never got to see you in that?"

"The universe was being kind?" Rory suggests, making him laugh. "I think I aged out by the time you got here. Taylor's still trying to get me to make Charlotte do it."

"Somehow I don't think she'll go for that."

"Neither do I."

Lane and the boys are already at the diner and after crowding round the table and hearing the news, Jess says, "I've been hearing about your pilgrim gig with Rory. You wouldn't happen to have pictures, Lane?"

"No way," Lane says and her eyes widen as Steve suggests Mrs Kim's photo album. "Uh, those pictures got lost."

Laughing, Rory heads over to the counter where Luke is. She waits for him to hand some plates over before smiling and saying, "Hey."

"Hey," Luke says fondly. "I assume you want coffee."

"You assume correctly."

"No Charlotte?" Luke asks, looking over, and Rory explains, "She fell asleep. Mom's at the house with her and they'll meet us here."

Luke nods, filling a few more drinks, and Rory says, "It's busy today."

"Well, you can guess why...Thanksgiving and all."

"I know. But I thought you were supposed to be resting up."

"I was home all morning. I'm just keeping an eye on things," Luke says seriously and Rory nods. They have the same discussion every month or so. "Need to know they're running the place smoothly...here's your coffee."

He slides over a mug and Rory thanks him. She sits at the counter for a moment, sipping it, and Luke looks at her. "You guys okay?"

"Me and Jess?"

"You and Charlotte. I know you and Jess are okay, unless there's something I don't know."

"Oh, we're fine. Me and Jess - and me and Charlotte."

Luke doesn't seem entirely convinced but he concentrates on cleaning the coffee machine. Rory sips more coffee and says, "It's just been a little crazy lately."

"Because of Logan?"

"Yeah. And Tyler."

"The boyfriend," Luke says, not sounding thrilled and Rory sighs. "Yup."

"She's too young to have a boyfriend."

"Luke, she's sixteen. I was dating Dean when I was her age."

Luke coughs and Rory adds, "Mom had me then too."

"I wouldn't say that's the best argument."

"I'm letting her date him," Rory says. "Even if I'm not crazy about him."

"What?" Luke says, putting the rag down. "Has he done something, has he -"

"Luke, relax. Tylers just a little frustrating. He hasn't _done_ anything like that."

"Okay," Luke says, starting to mop again. "I still don't have to love the idea though."

"Charlotte's hoping he'll ask her to a dance."

"A dance, huh? You know what can happen at dances."

"Please don't enlighten me," Rory says and Luke rolls his eyes. "Anyway, I went to a dance when I was sixteen and nothing happened."

"Didn't you stay out all night?"

"Well, yeah, okay, but still nothing happened. It was all an accident."

Luke grunts and Rory adds, "Tyler hasn't even asked Charlotte yet. But don't mention it to Miss Patty or Babette."

"I'm guessing they'll make it the saga of the year."

Rory smiles, nodding, but bites her lip as Luke asks, "How's everything going with Logan?"

"Complicated." Luke waits for her to say more and Rory puts down her cup. "I always knew it would be complicated though."

"What's going on with him?"

"Well, he's moved back to New York. We've been over a couple of times now. It's not that different to how we saw him before, but he lives so much closer. It feels different."

"I assume his wife doesn't know," Luke says, rubbing at a stain on the counter, and Rory grips her cup. "No, she doesn't."

Luke doesn't say anything but continues to clean the counter and Rory stares down at the dregs of her coffee.

"I told Logan it was up to him what he wanted to do. If he wanted to tell her. But he never has and I can't make him. I just...maybe it was a mistake."

"What?" Luke asks, looking up, and Rory says, "Having this arrangement. Telling him. I felt he had a right to know, and it's been fine for years - sort of fine - but it feels more complicated now. I know it's hard for Charlotte. Jess is her dad, but Logan's her father too, and I keep worrying. I've always had to remind him to send her cards and stuff. I worry that Charlotte knows and it hurts her, but I can't make it better."

"I remember when Christopher wouldn't show up," Luke says, after a pause. "I'd always be so mad. You were so happy when he was there, but if he didn't..."

"He usually wasn't," Rory says resignedly. "With my dad, I always felt like he was going to be there for us someday. Even when I was older and he still flaked out, it just felt like he was still getting there. And he even told me he was going to stick around, and -"

Her voice trails off and Luke says gently, "I remember."

"It's not like that with Logan," Rory says quickly. "Charlotte knows nothing like that will happen. I just don't want her feeling like her life could change because he's back. And I don't want him to let her down now he lives nearer."

"There's only so much you can do," Luke says. "You can't make him be better for her."

Rory nods and Luke says, "I always wanted to deck your father for not showing up."

Rory bursts out laughing and Luke grins, looking a little shamefaced. "I did hit him once. I guess it's not the most adult way, but I hated how he let you guys down."

"You never did," Rory says. "Even before you and Mom were together, you took care of me. I remember you making all that mashed potato when I had chicken pox. And you helped me move into Yale - driving that matress back and forth, all day - and you came to my Chilton graduation. You were there for the whole thing."

"I always thought of you as a little bit mine," Luke admits. "I wouldn't let many other kids spread their books out all over the diner."

"And you'd bring me pie," Rory laughs, her eyes shining. "And if Dad didn't show, or if I was sad, you'd make those chocolate chip pancakes with strawberries. It always helped."

"I'm glad," Luke says. He smiles, looking a little shy, and Rory wants to thank him but isn't sure how. The door opens and they look round to see Lorelai and Charlotte come inside.

"Not a word about the dance, okay?" Rory says under her breath and Luke lifts the rag in surrender. "I don't even like dances."

Rory goes to sit down with her mother and daughter and Charlotte fetches her own cup of coffee. She seems a little distracted, checking her phone on and off, and Rory wonders if she's expecting to hear from Tyler. Then she has a horrible feeeling that Logan has forgotten to wish her a happy Thanksgiving. Ducking out, Rory goes around the back of the diner and dials Logan's number. He answers it on the third ring, saying, "Hey, Rory. Happy Thanksgiving!"

"Happy Thanksgiving," Rory says back. "Speaking of which, have you said so to Charlotte?"

There's a pause and Rory groans, "Logan!"

"I forgot," Logan says defensively. "I've been in France for years and they don't celebrate it. It was never a big deal that I didn't say it to her before."

"Yeah, but you're back now. She knows you're doing something for it, or even if you don't - Logan, you're here. She'll feel forgotten."

"She probably doesn't care."

"Text her anyway," Rory says sharply. "Then if she does care, she'll feel better, and if she doesn't, it's still good you've said it."

"Has she said anything?"

"No."

"So..."

"Logan, she's not the most chatty kid. Plus she's a teenager. If she's bugged by something she doesn't always talk about it."

"Who does that remind me of?" Logan teases and Rory rolls her eyes. "Would you just text her?"

"Fine, fine, I'll do it right now. I'm guessing you guys are in Stars Hollow."

"You guess right. We're just at Luke's now."

"I've been at my dad's place. It's been a very personal affair."

"Really?" Rory asks and Logan chuckles. "No, not really. Same old stuff with him...sniping at me for not doing all the things he planned. It's got worse since Mom died."

"I bet," Rory says shortly. She knows one such thing is Logan not having children, as far as Mitchum knows, but doesn't want to bring it up. It would only mean a fight. Suddenly she remembers the Thanksgiving, all those years ago, where she found out Logan had told everyone they'd broken up. Here is that familiar ache in her mouth from holding her tongue. She takes a breath and says, "Do you want to see us before Christmas?"

"I'm not sure, Rory...we're going to France."

"So you're busy?"

"Not for a few weeks."

"Are you free on a Saturday? I was thinking I could bring Charlotte over."

"I'll figure something out," Logan says, after a pause. "I'll let you know."

"Thanks," Rory says. Neither of them seem to know what to say so she finally tells him, "I'd better go. Enjoy the rest of your Thanksgiving."

"You too, Rory."

They hang up and Rory holds the phone in her hand for a moment. She has a lump in her throat and swallows desperately, blinking, and lingering before going back to the happiness inside the diner. Stepping into the warmth, Rory goes behind the counter and hugs Luke tightly. He seems surprised but hugs her back, awkwardly patting her head.

"Thanks," Rory says simply. Luke smiles, nods, and says, "You're welcome. Here, I'll make some more coffee."

On the way home Charlotte announces to her mother she's been asked to the dance, running around with glee, and Lorelai murmurs, "You think she'll fly if we just give her some sugar?" When they get back they call Emily and when Charlotte's phone beeps again she says happily, "It's just Logan wishing me a happy Thanksgiving."

"That's great, honey."

Charlotte shrugs but she's smiling and for now Rory breathes a sigh of relief. Jess settles down with Richie and Annie to watch TV and Charlotte talks on and on about when the dance will be. Lorelai looks back and forth between her and Rory, with an odd kind of expression on her face, but she insists nothing is wrong. Instead, she fetches a photo album and says, "Look, Charlotte. That's your mom when she went to her dance."

Rory laughs out loud at the picture. There she is, impossibly young, in the beautiful dress Lorelai made. Rory had felt so adult at the time. She stares at the photo, the memory of the night stirring in vivid detail.

"Mom, you look so pretty!" Charlotte exclaims and Rory nudges her. "No need to sound so surprised."

"She looked beautiful," Lorelai says proudly. "I stayed up for hours making that dress and it was worth it. She looked stunning."

"Everyone asked me where I got it," Rory remembers. "I felt so special - the whole night was."

Richie and Annie come in with Jess to see what's going on and Rory blushes as Jess says, "Looking good, Gilmore."

"It feels like a million years ago."

"Don't start talking about that, " Lorelai threatens, running her hands through Annie's hair, who says, "You look like a princess, Mommy!"

"Thanks, sweets," Rory says, and Lorelai looks at her grandson. "What do you think, Cool Dude?"

"She looks okay," Richie says briefly and shrugs as they all laugh. "What? Mom does."

"Well, Charlotte's going to her own dance and I'm sure she's going to look incredible," Lorelai says, making her granddaughter blush. "Anyway, you guys are hogging the television. I say we make more snacks and have a total movie marathon!"

"Also known as each time we visit," Rory remarks. She laughs one more time at the photo album, the picture beside it of her and Dean, and closes the pages on her past self.

Logan calls back the night they get home, suggesting the coming Saturday for them to visit. Charlotte says it's fine with her and even agrees to looking for a dress while they're there. She seems to float around for the week in her own world, the majority of afternoons spotted with Tyler when Rory goes to get her from school, and giggling on the phone before going to bed. Rory can feel herself start to doubt the entire night and, reading it, Jess warns, "Don't overthink this."

"Who's overthinking?"

"This lady right here. Charlotte's just going to a dance."

"What if it becomes more than that?"

"She's got a curfew."

"Oh, come on Jess!" Rory exclaims. "We had a curfew and we worked around that!"

"But we never did anything too disapproved of. Not quite."

"Is this meant to make me feel better?" Rory demands and Jess grins, but says seriously, "We can't put her in a bubble."

"I know..."

"She's just going to a school dance. It's a perfectly normal high school experience, or so they tell me."

"Right," Rory says softly and Jess squeezes her hand. "I know. Besides, I've already promised to go dress shopping tomorrow. She's so excited. I can't remember the last time she was so excited to go out with me."

"You guys are going to have a great day."

Rory can't help feeling Jess is a little too optimistic, but the trip to New York starts off well. They get there a little early and stop off for a coffee, and Rory lets her daughter gush about the kind of dress she wants (blue), shoes (comfortable enough for dancing) and music (nothing too cheesy).

"But I guess it's okay if it's a little cheesy," Charlotte acquiesces. "It'll be fun to dance to, right?"

"Sure," Rory says fondly and Charlotte blushes. "I'm talking about this way too much."

"It's nice that you're so excited."

Her daughter grins and Rory checks the time on her watch. "Come on, kiddo. We'd better head over there."

This time Logan has hired a maid. She cleans around them, looking awkward, until Logan suggests she take her lunch break. The maid practically runs off in relief and Luke brings out a tray from the kitchen.

"Lucia made it," he says, nodding to where the maid has just been. "It's mostly Thanksgiving leftovers but I'm sure she did a better job than I would."

He, Rory and Charlotte eat, talking a little about their respective weeks. It isn't what Rory would call fun but she relaxes, feeling less uncomfortable than on previous occasions. She's just taking a sip of water when her phone rings. Rory ignores it but it rings again and Logan nods at her. "You need to take that?"

"I'm sure it's no big deal," Rory says, but upon checking, sees it's her office. "I'll be quick - sorry, guys."

Stepping out into the hall, Rory answers to hear one of the journalisits sobbing over an error in the piece.

"Send it to me," Rory says as soon as there's a pause. "I'm with my daughter right now. No, I can't come in. I can't -"

Another monologue ensues and Rory glances over at the door. Eventually she manages to get enough words in to promise no one is going to lose their job and all she needs to do is see the article. When she goes back in the air seems taut and no one answers her query of, "What did I miss?"

"I want to go," Charlotte says. Her voice sounds shaky and Rory looks from her to Logan. "Sweets, what is it? What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong," Logan says and Rory frowns, looking at her daughter. "What happened?"

"Nothing!" Charlotte exclaims. "Can we just go?"

"Rory, nothing happened," Logan says. "I swear."

Charlotte is already outside and Rory hesitates for a moment before grabbing her purse and following. "Talk to me. What's going on?"

"Nothing!"

"Charlotte -"

"I want to find a dress, that's all," Charlotte says desperately. "Please."

"Wait there," Rory says and pushes open Logan's door, closing it firmly behind her. "Logan, what the hell just happened?"

"I don't know."

"She's upset about something! What exactly did you say?"

"I just told her not to send me pictures of her dance right away," Logan says heavily. "Because Odette might see them."

"Oh, God," Rory exclaims. "How could you say that to her?"

"Rory, I have a marriage! She knows that!"

"You have Charlotte too! You know how that must have hurt her! I never thought of you as clueless, my mistake."

"Rory -"

"I'm leaving," Rory says, shaking her head. "Have a wonderful Christmas, Logan. And don't worry - we won't send you pictures."

She walks out, closing her eyes and takes a breath before trying to fix the hurt in her daughter's eyes.


	25. Chapter 25

**Thanks for the feedback!**

When her mother goes outside to take her phonecall, Charlotte and Logan look awkwardly at each other. Charlotte twists and untwists her hands in her lap and Logan asks, "Do you want anything? Like water, a soda..."

"Coke would be great. Thanks," Charlotte adds as he brings it over and he says, "No problem. Got anything fun coming up?"

"Yes," Charlotte says, relieved to actually have something to say. "I'm going to a dance at my school."

"With that guy, I take it?"

"Yes," Charlotte says, beaming. She takes a sip of soda and says, "Nana showed us a picture of Mom when she went to a dance at her school. She looked great."

"I bet she did," Logan smiles. He and Charlotte drink silently for a moment and then Logan suddenly gets up, going to his bedroom. Nonplussed, Charlotte waits for a moment before getting up and following. Logan is crouched at his wardrobe, pushing some blankets aside and emerging with a box. Opening it, he gets out some pictures and smiles at Charlotte.

"Check this out."

Taking out a picture, he shows Charlotte a photo of her mother. Rory is dressed in a beautiful ballgown with a dark blue sash, her hair in soft waves around her face. Charlotte stares at her mother and exclaims, "That's _Mom?"_

"Of course it's your mom," Logan laughs. "Come on, I'll tell you about it."

Going back to the living room, they sit back down and Logan gets out more of the pictures. Along with her mother are photos of some young guys, and then there's a shot of them all standing on top of a scaffold. Her mother is clutching Logan's hand and looking very nervous.

"At Yale, I was part of a secret society," Logan says. "We used to mess around pulling stunts like this and dressing up, a much better use of our time than, say, studying, and your mom found out. I told her she could come along to our event and that she'd have to take part. And she did. She jumped off with me."

"Hey, Mom told me about this," Charlotte remembers. "I didn't know there were pictures."

"Maybe your mom doesn't have any. This was kind of before we uploaded them all."

Charlotte leafs through the rest, wondering silently. Her mom looks so gorgeous, older than in the other picture, but sort of dazzled by everything.

"How come it's in a box?" Charlotte asks curiously and Logan coughs. "It's stuff I don't really have a place for. Odette and I got rid of things we didn't really need, but we don't see eye to eye on old pictures. She never liked my friends. Anyway, I keep random things in there, photos, things like that."

"Do you have any pictures of me?" Charlotte asks and Logan hesitates, trying to smile.

"Not any printed out."

"Oh." Charlotte looks back at the picture of her mother and Logan says, "I don't have a lot of pictures now."

Charlotte fumbles the photos back into their packet, handing them back and then says brightly, "Hey, do you want to see pictures from my dance? I mean, I don't have a dress yet, but when I do and when I go, I could send them. My friend Ivy will take a ton -"

Charlotte's voice trails off at the look on Logan's face and he says gently, "I don't think that's a good idea."

"Why?"

"My wife might see them. I agreed to keep that part of my life apart."

"You mean me." A lump is forming in Charlotte's throat and she has a terrible feeling she's about to cry.

"Charlotte -"

"Forget it. Whatever. It's just a dance."

Neither of them say anything but try not to look at each other. Charlotte is about to ask if she can be excused when the door opens and her mother comes in.

"I want to go," Charlotte says. She manages not to cry but can hear her voice shaking. Her mother asks what's wrong but Charlotte simply insists she just wants to leave, and eventually her mother lets her wait in the hall while going to talk to Logan. When she emerges her eyes are flashing with anger but she pulls Charlotte into a tight hug.

"I'm sorry, angel."

Charlotte feels some tears trickle down her cheeks and wipes them away furiously.

"I'm fine."

Rory gives her a look but Charlotte just says, "I want to go."

"Well," Rory says, taking her hand. "We can do that."

All Charlotte wanted to do was find a dress but none of them look right. Her mother argues at least five are beautiful but they all look wrong. "I don't like the way it feels," Charlotte exclaims, tugging at the fabric, and then suddenly she's crying, right there in the changing rooms. Other shoppers are staring but she can't stop sobbing, and lets the tears just pour down her cheeks.

"Oh, sweetie," Rory says, holding Charlotte tightly. "Let's just go home."

They are back in the car and halfway home when Rory says, "I'm sorry."

Charlotte shrugs, sniffling, and Rory says tightly, "It's all my fault. I shouldn't have - I'm sorry."

"I shouldn't have said about sending pictures."

"Don't you dare blame yourself," Rory says furiously. "It was a beautiful thing to offer."

"It was dumb," Charlotte says and she can feel herself start to cry again. Her mother pulls over and unbuckles her seatbelt so she can lean over, hugging her. Charlotte buries her face in her sweater, feeling like a little kid for a moment, and when she sits up, wiping her eyes, she says, "Would his wife hate me that much?"

"She doesn't hate you. She doesn't know you."

"It doesn't matter anyway," Charlotte says furiously. "I never want to send him pictures again."

She rubs at her face, hiccuping slightly, and her mother kisses her wet cheek. Charlotte leans over, playing some music, and they drive home with the songs from her mother's childhood. It's not Charlotte's usual choice but she doesn't change it. It helps not having to talk. When they get back Charlotte goes straight up to her room without a word, slamming the door. She can hear her father, sounding confused and then angry, and the voices of her parents rising and falling, the words muffled. Charlotte buries her face in her pillow and ignores the knock on her door. There is another knock a moment later and her father says through the door, "Can I come in?"

Charlotte gets up slowly, wiping her eyes, and then opens the door. Her dad is looking concerned and that makes Charlotte cry all over again. His arms are around her in a moment and he whispers into her hair, "Hey, it's alright. It's okay, Charlotte."

Charlotte closes her eyes, breathing in his comforting dad smell, and it soothes her. She looks back up, sniffling, and her dad squeezes her hand. "There's my girl."

"It's stupid," Charlotte says, going and sitting back down on the bed. "It shouldn't be a big deal."

"Why not?"

"Well...he's just Logan. He's not my dad like you are."

Jess smiles when she says that but says, "Still hurts though. I wish I could go and punch him for saying that to you."

"Dad!"

"Relax, I won't. I haven't punched anyone since - jeez, I think when I was a strip joint."

"You were in a strip joint?" Charlotte exclaims, her mouth hanging open. "That's gross! Does Mom know?"

"I was there for a bachelor party, my mother's, as a matter of fact. Yeah, you're thinking about how weird that is, well, if you multiply it by ten, you might know how I felt. I was there with TJ and his friends. They were an interesting bunch. Nothing happened, by the way," Jess adds quickly. "I didn't get, um, a lap dance."

"Dad, don't say _lap dance_ ," Charlotte says, screwing her face up and making him laugh. "Why'd you get in a fight?"

"I got in some dumb argument with TJ and then Luke tried stopping me and I swang at him - not my best night. But I was mad about stuff going on with me. And I don't think I've hit anyone since then, and I don't plan on that changing."

"I can't believe you got in a fight with Grandpa." Jess shrugs and Charlotte stretches out on the bed. Her father looks at her and says, "You know, right around that time I'd been living with Jimmy. I wanted to go find my father, see if I could figure some things out."

"Did you?"

Jess is silent for a moment and then says, "Yes, but I mainly saw Luke had been more of my dad. He was my uncle but he was there for me, no matter what. I didn't get that at the time because I was eighteen and screwing things up, but I got it when I left. It wasn't like having a dad when I went to see Jimmy. I had to convince him to let me stay. Luke took me in without a word."

Charlotte looks up at Jess and he puts an arm around her. "Logan doesn't know how lucky he is to have you in his life. I think about how lucky I am every day."

"Thanks, Dad," Charlotte says. She smiles, rubbing away the last of her tears, and Jess says, "So did you find a dress for the dance?"

"No," Charlotte says in a small voice. "They all looked bad."

"Oh, well. No big deal. You'll find something and look great."

"You have to say that," Charlotte says, laughing. "You're my dad."

"That's right, I am," Jess says, tucking some hair behind her ears. "And I know you'll look great for a fact."

Charlotte shrugs, smiling, and Jess says, "Hey, how about I make us some coffee?"

"I'd love that. Thanks, Dad."

He kisses her cheek, getting up, and Charlotte lies back down on the bed. She finds the faded flannel shirt her grandfather gave her and snuggles it tightly, rubbing the soft matieral to her cheek. Charlotte takes another moment of comfort before getting up and following her father downstairs.

The rest of the weekend is quiet. Charlotte has an assignment for school but she can't focus. She feels better after talking to Jess but her mind keeps looping back to Logan, how he has no pictures of her and doesn't want new ones. Why does she care? It's not as if he's her real father. Yet Charlotte can't help thinking about how smart her parents are, how much they write, and she can't put a small essay together. Maybe it's a genetic thing. Maybe she's got this from Logan and shouldn't try at all. Charlotte doesn't know what to think.

On Sunday she and Rory drive to the mall nearby but there are no dresses Charlotte likes there either, and she starts to feel panicky. It's not too long until the dance itself.

"Honey, it's fine," Rory says gently. "If we can't find anything here I'm sure we can order something."

"Maybe," Charlotte says morosely. When they get back Lorelai calls and, after describing the dress issue, she says excitedly, "I have an incredible idea."

"What?"

"I still have the dress I made for Rory. Charlotte, you're around the same size she was, and I'm sure it would fit."

For a moment Charlotte is unsure. Is it weird, to wear her mother's dress? But it did look beautiful in the picture and it's blue, like she wanted.

"I can just bring it over," Lorelai says, sensing her pause. "You can try it on and see. I'm sure I can adjust it if I need to."

"Well...thanks!"

Lorelai drops the dress off the very next afternoon. Charlotte takes it to her bedroom, aware of her mother and grandmother waiting right outside, and carefully slips it on. _Slip_ is the operative word, it bags at her chest, and she says unhappily, "It's too big."

"Let me see," Lorelai says, coming in, Rory right behind her. She steps back, taking a critical look, and then says, "I can totally fix that. I'll just take it in at the chest. It'll fit perfectly when I'm done."

"You're positive?" Charlotte asks and Lorelai laughs. "Never doubt the my domestic art powers."

"She's right," Rory says. "Mom can mend anything."

"It's simple," Lorelai says. "Whip that off and I'll have it back here in plenty of time."

"Thanks," Charlotte says and, when neither of them move, says, "I'm going to, um, whip it off."

"Right," Rory says and she and Lorelai wait outside for her. Charlotte is dubious but gives the dress back. There's no time to buy a dress now so she just hopes her grandmother's talent comes through.

On Friday Charlotte is sorting the books in her bag when Ivy goes over to her, a gleam in her eye. "Your mom's not picking you up until later, right?"

"Yeah," Charlotte says, zipping the bag up. "After study group. How come?"

"We're ditching it. Let's go try out makeup and stuff and then come back here in like an hour."

"Oh..." Charlotte really does need to go to study group, if only for the fact that the teacher told her so just an hour before. The assignment she gave in the other day was returned with more red ink than text.

"Come on," Ivy argues. "It's not like a real class, and the dance is tomorrow! We're just going to look at makeup. Nothing else, I swear."

Charlotte doesn't answer and Ivy sighs. "You can go to study group anytime but the dance is only once. It won't be as fun without you."

"Okay," Charlotte decides. The group is only for going over what they did in class anyway. "Let's do it."

The girls drive to the store a little later, trying out as many free samples as they can. Charlotte buys a small tube of mascara and Ivy some eyeshadow, while the other two girls pool their money for expensive lipgloss. They use the rest for big cups of soda and by then Charlotte is laughing. It's cold, and the chilled drink isn't helping, but she's having so much fun she doesn't care. This is the first time all week she isn't worrying about Logan or the dance or school and is just feeling happy. Charlotte gets a text from Tyler, saying he'll message her when he's ready to pick her up for the dance, and a grin spreads all over her face. "Who's that from?" Ivy nudges her and laughs when Charlotte says, "Tyler."

"Are you doing anything after the dance?" the other girl asks and Charlotte shrugs. "I have to be home by twelve."

"You could do something before then," Ivy teases. "Look at you blushing! Hey, maybe we should hit the pharmacy while we're here."

"Maybe we should head back," Charlotte says, heart beating. She lifts her phone to Ivy's eyes to show her the time and her friend stares. "It's that late? Come on!"

They hasten back, thanking the other girl for the ride, and run to the front of the school not a moment too soon. Charlotte sees her mother pull up a second later and hurries over, waving.

"Hey," Rory says fondly. "Good day?"

"Not bad."

"What's all that on your face?"

"Oh - we were trying out makeup at lunchtime. This girl brought new stuff to school..."

"Uh huh," Rory says. She doesn't sound entirely convinced, but doesn't ask any further, and starts the car up to her daughter's relief.

Lorelai arrives with the dress on Saturday afternoon. Charlotte all but snatches it from her, runs to the bedroom and shrieks with delight. The dress now fits perfectly and she runs back out, hugging Lorelai tightly. "I love it! Thank you, thank you, thank you!"

"You're welcome," Lorelai laughs. "Did I tell you I could fix it or what?"

"You're a genius," Charlotte says and Lorelai says proudly, "Well, that I know. You excited, kid?"

"I thought she was going to hit the ceiling during breakfast," Rory remarks, making Lorelai laugh again. "And you guys? You excited to come sleep over after Charlotte goes?"

"Yeah!" Richie and Annie shout and Lorelai says, "Excellent! Well, seeing as how the dance isn't for another four hours, how about we put a movie on? You know, when Mom came to see Rory get ready I thought she was crazy and now I totally get it. I'm going to take so many pictures!"

Charlotte doesn't follow one word of the movie. As soon as it's over she bolts upstairs to shower and start getting ready. After she's finished getting dry and brushing her hair, Charlotte carefully steps into the dress. She looks in the mirror and then jumps at the knock on the door.

"Come in!"

It's Lorelai and Rory and Charlotte sighs. "I don't know what to do with my hair."

"I have an idea," Rory says. She pulls out a packet of hairslides with stars on, sparkling in the light. Charlotte gasps at them. "Mom, where did you get those?"

"I went back to the mall and got them in that fancy acessories place," Rory grins. "Do you like them?"

"I love them!"

"How about we curl your hair?" Lorelai says thoughtfully. "And put these in around the front?"

Charlotte loves the idea. While the curling irons are heating up, her mother does her makeup, fortunately not noticing that the mascara is new. Lorelai curls Charlotte's hair, slips in the hairslides and uses almost half the bottle of hairspray.

"Jeez, Nana!"

"That'll hold for three fast dances and at least one slow one," Lorelai says as her granddaughter coughs. "Trust me."

"What do you think?" Rory asks, placing her hands on her daughter's shoulders and moving her around to the mirror. Charlotte stares and then stands up get a better look. The dress floats out softly around her while her hair tumbles over her shoulders, the starry hairslides glimmering here and there in its waves. She can't believe she's the same girl who spilled juice all over her shirt yesterday.

"Beautiful," Lorelai annouces, smiling at Rory who's looking emotional. "I have to say I did an excellent job. Actually, Rory, you deserve the praise. I did the dress but you made the girl inside it."

"Mom!" Rory exclaims and Charlotte groans, "Nana, don't be gross."

"Sorry. Anyway, I have get back down there and Charlotte, get ready at the top of the stairs. Movie stars always walk down staircases."

Charlotte rolls her eyes but is pleased. Her mother laughs, wiping at her eye, and says, "Well, you heard her. Better get ready to make your entrance!"

"Thanks, Mom. For all this."

"I loved it," Rory says. She smiles at her daughter before hurrying down after Lorelai and Charlotte takes a deep breath. She walks down the hall and then groans. "I didn't know the paparazzi were going to be here."

Her grandmother, mother and father are all waiting with a camera each and Charlotte exclaims, "Who even uses cameras anymore?"

"Hey!" Lorelai says, sounding affronted and Jess says, "Your adoring fans do. Now come on, smile!"

"So bossy," Charlotte says but she goes up and down the staircase twice so pictures can be taken twice. Richie and Annie even look and remark she looks pretty before getting bored and going back to the television.

"Place your hand on the banister and look up," Lorelai orders and then exclaims, "Whoa. Emily moment, right there. Oh man, it's happening."

There's a beep from Charlotte's phone and she says excitedly,"That's Tyler. I'd better go."

"Hey," Rory says, taking her daughter's arm. "That's how he's letting you know he's here? He's _texting_ you?"

"Yeah," Charlotte says, confused, and her mother and grandmother exhcange a look.

"Now I'm turning into Emily," Rory ponders. "I said Dean could just honk. But that's still better than texting."

"Same gist though," Lorelai argues and Charlotte's phone beeps again.

"Guys, I need to go," Charlotte groans and her heart sinks at the steely look in their eyes.

"He can come to the door," Lorelai decides and Jess nods. "We'll wait."

Charlotte's phone goes off twice more and finally there's a knock at the door, which is more of a thump. Charlotte opens it, ready to collapse with embarrassment, especially as half her family are behind her. Tyler is waiting, wearing a tux and confused frown. "Hi," she mumbles. "Sorry."

"No big deal. You ready?"

"She's coming home at twelve," Rory says, folding her arms. "And no stopping off on the way."

"Mom!"

"I got it," Tyler says. "Can I go warm up the car?"

Lorelai rolls her eyes but Tyler either doesn't notice or doesn't care. He heads back down and Charlotte tries not to roll her own eyes as her mother says, "Listen up. Keep your cellphone on you. Home by twelve."

"You already said that."

"I'm saying it again. And don't do anything stupid."

"Like what?"

"You know like what," Jess puts in. "No drugs, no drinking, no sex."

 _"Dad!"_

"It's our job to remind you of stuff like this," Rory says seriously. "And one more thing."

"What?"

"Have an amazing time," Rory says and Charlotte smiles, letting her hug her. "We'll see you tonight, okay?"

"Home by twelve or you turn into a pumpkin," adds Lorelai. Charlotte laughs, waves goodbye and runs down to the car.

"Let's do this," Tyler says. He leans over, kisses her, and begins to drive.

They go straight to the dance. It's perishing outside and Charlotte hurries into the school. The air is heady and sticky from all the people already inside, dancing and gathered at the table, laughing over drinks of punch. Tyler takes her hand and they walk over to the dancefloor. A fast song is playing and he spins her around, laughing as he catches Charlotte by the waist. Lorelai was right, the hairspray is holding up, and Charlotte can't stop smiling. She dances with Ivy, poses for photos, and then a slow song comes on. Charlotte goes over to Tyler and they start swaying to the music.

"I really like you, Charlotte," Tyler says quietly. Charlotte looks into his eyes and says softly, "Me too. I really like you too."

"I might be starting to like, love you." Charlotte can only smile and Tyler adds, somewhat less romantically, "I've only thought that about three people, maybe."

"You're my first." Charlotte blushes at how it sounds but Tyler just laughs and moves a little closer to her. Charlotte closes her eyes to the music, wishing the night could never end.

They stop when the song ends for some punch. It's too sweet but Charlotte is so excited she hardly tastes it. She gets out her phone and sees it's ten thirty. The dance is on for a whole more hour, and she is just going to suggest they dance a little longer when a guy from the football team comes over and says, "Hey, you want to hit the after party?"

Charlotte looks at Tyler. She doesn't know what the after party is but he's nodding enthusiastically. When the guy leaves Charlotte puts her hand on his sleeve and asks, "What party?"

"The guys from the team arranged it. We were thinking of going to the field , you know, where things are a little less in the eyes of teachers."

The field is the place anyone goes for parties and what Emily would call illicit behaviour. Charlotte hesitates and says, "I have to be home by twelve."

"Relax, we'll be back by then." Tyler puts his arm around her and says, "You don't have to be such a good girl all the time."

Charlotte looks at her hands and Ivy goes over to her. "Hey! Are you going to the party?"

"You're going?"

"Of course I am!"

"Well, I guess I'll go," Charlotte says. "As long as we're back on time."

It's not like her parents forbade her from stopping off on the way back, Charlotte reasons uneasily with herself. She's not doing anything that wrong. There's already a gang of people there by the time they arrive and someone has started a bonfire. Charlotte and Tyler settle down by it, and Charlotte tries to dispel the nagging feeling she's getting over being here. A small hipflask of something is being passed around but Charlotte shakes her head. Tyler shakes his too, smiling at Charlotte, and she feels slightly better. She's not breaking any real rules and neither is he. Everyone starts talking after that, complaining about school and parents and it dissolves to the couples around the fire making out. Charlotte shifts, not knowing if she's expected to do so too, but Tyler gets up, taking her hand. "Come on, let's go somewhere more private."

Charlotte looks over at Ivy but she's busy talking to a girl from Lit class. it's freezing but seems too obvious to argue that. Tyler ducks around a small copse of trees and then he's kissing her, more passionately than before, and Charlotte kisses him too, pressing her body to his. Tyler's running his hands up and down her back and through her hair, and he takes her hands. He lies down on the grass and Charlotte does so too. The ground is stubbly and not the most comfortable thing, especially in winter, but then he's kissing her again and the world slips away. Charlotte hears him moan into her mouth and feels his hands caressing the edge of her dress. A hairslide falls out from her hair, scraping her ear, and it makes Charlotte pull herself back to the present.

"We need to stop," she says, panting, and Tyler asks, "Why?"

"Why? Because we're in a middle of a field, _the_ field, with other people around and I don't want to - not here, not like this. I don't even have..." Charlotte stops, embarrassed, and gets up. Tyler gets up too but Charlotte feels too shy to look at him. She concentrates on getting her hair out of her eyes and then a really awful thought crosses her mind.

"What's the time?"

"Uh..."

Charlotte opens her purse, getting out a phone, and a yelp arrests in her throat. It's after midnight. Any hope that her parents might think she's running late is lost as she sees several missing calls and seven texts asking where she is. Charlotte doesn't want to know what they're going to say in person.

"We need to go right now!"

Charlotte starts running to the car before he does. Most people have gone now and the air is icy but Charlotte is so anxious she hardly notices. Someone is already waiting by the car, two someones, and Charlotte stops in her tracks. Her mother and father are standing there and before Charlotte can say a word Rory just says, "Get in. We're going home this second."

Charlotte doesn't ask how they knew she was there. She doesn't dare say goodbye to Tyler. They get in, drive home in silence and Charlotte knows she can't even explain. Another hairslide falls out and Charlotte lets the small star gleam before holding it tightly in her hand. Once inside, Jess is the first one to talk.

"I've never been so disappointed in you."

"I didn't do anything!"

"You lied to us!" Rory exclaims. Her voice is shaking with anger. "You did _everything_ wrong!"

"I didn't drink, I didn't -"

"Charlotte, your hair is a mess! And you're covered in grass! Oh my God!"

"I didn't do anything!" Charlotte shouts and her mother shakes her head. "You don't know how young you are," she says. "You think you're so grown up, but you are just sixteen. I wish I could make you understand that."

"I didn't have sex!"

Her parents look at each other and Charlotte cries, "It was just a party! I'm sorry I was late, but -"

"That's not good enough," Jess says. "We trusted you."

"I'm sorry," Charlotte says. She knows it's too little to say but there's nothing else. "I am."

"Go to sleep," Rory says. "We'll talk about it in the morning."

"Okay," Charlotte says after a pause. She looks at her parents, not knowing what to do, and slowly goes upstairs. The beautiful dress has a tear from running and, after peeling it off, Charlotte collapses into bed crying and turns out the light.


	26. Chapter 26

**Thanks for the feedback!**

Lorelai leaves shortly after Charlotte, waving goodbye, and after she pulls away with Richie and Annie Rory and Jess look at each other.

"Place to ourselves," Jess remarks. "I can't remember the last time that happened."

"Me either." Rory smiles and stares at the door Charlotte hurried out of a little while ago. "When did our kid become a sixteen-year-old with dances to go to?"

"Beats me," Jess says, going over to the mantel and lifting up a picture. "Seems like last week she was this small."

Rory exclaims at the picture. It's a photo of Charlotte as a baby, dressed in a tiny black leather jacket with sunglasses and jeans, lying against Lane's drums. Charlotte had been a terrible crier but whenever she screamed Jess would just call her the newest member of The Clash. Rory remembers the day he came home with the jacket, a sheepish smile on his face.

"I know it's kind of extravagant," he admitted. "She'll grow out it in no time, but it was just too perfect."

Charlotte had started crying on cue and Jess had lifted her up from her high chair, dancing with her around the room.

"Listen to those lungs, little lady," he'd said to her, kissing her firmly on the head. "You've got one hell of a pair of pipes!"

They'd dressed her up as soon as she'd stopped crying, taking her to Lane's. Lane had just finished band practice and Rory remembers carefully placing her next to the drumset. Charlotte had burst out crying as soon as the picture was taken but it was worth it, and the jacket got well-worn. Jess loved dressing her in it for any reason and the same with Richie and Annie. It's long grown out of now but Rory just can't bear to get rid of it, and she runs a finger fondly across the glass.

"Where did our baby go?"

Rory looks at the picture a little longer before carefully putting it back. She glances at her phone and Jess says, "Hey, you said you weren't going to clock-watch."

"I'm not!" Rory protests. "I'm just checking she hasn't texted me yet. Or Mom..."

Jess gives her a look and Rory rolls her eyes. "I can't help it."

"She's not going to be back for nearly four hours," Jess reminds her. "We can't spend the whole night staring at our phones."

"That's what we tell Charlotte off for," Rory giggles, going and putting the phone on the table. "There, happy?"

Jess has his back to her and when he straightens up music is playing from the stereo.

"Will you dance with me?" he asks and, smiling, Rory nods, taking his hand. "I'm sorry I let you down over prom."

"Jess, that was so many years ago," Rory says, moving gently in time with the song. "You know I forgave you a long time ago."

"I know," Jess agrees, putting his arm around her. "But I'm still sorry. I know how much it hurt you."

Rory is silent for a moment and then tells him, "I never bought a dress for prom."

"You didn't?" Jess looks at her, puzzled. "But you were so excited for it."

"I know. I was. I just...I had this feeling you weren't going to ask me. I knew something was wrong. I didn't know what, but I just had this sense it wasn't going to happen. Us going."

"Us working out," Jess says, finishing her thought. He sounds sad and says again, "I'm sorry."

"It was years ago," Rory says again, looking up. "We were so young, Jess - even if you hadn't dropped out, stayed in town, we wouldn't have worked out then. We were just kids."

"If there was one thing I could go back in time for," Jess says, "it would be to say goodbye to you. For real, I mean, not just calling you from a payphone. I wouldn't leave you like that again." He pauses for a moment and adds, "I wish I could take you to prom too, but that jerk principal wouldn't sell me tickets. So I guess I'd have to go back further and pass my classes and that turns into a whole Butterfly Effect story..."

Rory smiles and Jess says, "But if I could, I'd have taken you to prom. And I would always tell you goodbye."

Rory doesn't say anything but leans her head against his chest, closing her eyes. They dance silently and as the track ends, Rory wraps her hands around Jess's neck, kissing him.

"I love you."

"Back at you," Jess smiles, kissing her again. "Thanks for dancing with me."

"Well, we have a lot of time to make up for," Rory teases. "I used to imagine our prom. I didn't buy a dress but I'd still imagine it...going back to Stars Hollow High, seeing all the kids who didn't like me and probably thought I was a snob -"

"I wasn't so crazy about them either."

"But it wouldn't matter. We'd hang out with Lane and Dave and do our own thing and get those cheesy pictures taken and dance and I'd say you looked like James Bond in your tux..."

"I would have felt like an idiot," Jess says, making her laugh. "But I'd wear it. Probably would have lost the tie halfway through the night though. I was going to try and talk you into leaving early."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah. I thought we could grab some coffee, hang out by the lake...that was always our place."

"It sounds perfect," Rory says, smiling. "I would have liked that."

"I wanted to do something special for you," Jess says. "But I didn't have a lot of money. So I thought I'd just take you there and we could sit and...actually, I didn't get much beyond that."

"There's something I never told you," Rory says, feeling almost shy. "Remember how we talked about sleeping together? Well, we never actually had a real conversation, but..."

"You know I remember."

"I was thinking about of maybe us doing it after prom," Rory says. "Around then anyway."

Jess pauses for a moment and then jokes, "Now I really wish I'd gotten tickets."

"Jess!" Rory laughs, giving him a gentle punch. "It wasn't even a definite thing in my mind. I knew I wanted to though, and sometimes I'd imagine it after that. It just felt such a stereotype...I remember all these kids talking about getting rooms after the dance. So I thought maybe I'd wait til later, maybe after graduation. I wanted it to happen."

"Me too," Jess says. "I wanted it a lot."

"Well, I know that," Rory grins. "I can't believe how long ago it all was."

"Let's not get into numbers, huh?" Jess groans. "I don't think I can take it."

"We thought we were so grown up," Rory laughs. "Eighteen, and I thought I had everything figured out. I can't believe how young we were."

"I didn't think I needed anyone," Jess says. "God, I was such an idiot."

"Oh, Jess, you weren't an idiot."

"I was. I screwed up everything."

"You messed up some things," Rory agrees. "But I did too. Sometimes I think maybe it would have been better if I'd messed up in high school. Everyone made out that if I got through Chilton, got to Harvard, or Yale, in the end, I'd have got past the mistakes stage. But when I did get to college I felt totally helpless. I didn't have a plan anymore. And I was lonely and I missed you and I was mad at you and mad at me, for missing you, and started screwing up."

"We both needed to figure things out," Jess says and Rory sighs.

"I know that if you'd stayed in town and we kept on seeing each other, it wouldn't have worked. We were in different places then." She feels sad and adds, "I wish I'd figured things out a little sooner."

"Rory..."

"I know. It's okay."

"We both figured it out," Jess says, looking into her eyes. "And now we're married."

"With kids," Rory says, laughing. "I wonder what I'd have said, if I could tell myself that back then."

"I think I'd have laughed," Jess muses. "Said something sarcastic, so then I'd tell my younger self to quit being a jerk. And then we'd get in a fight. All very Matrix."

"You've been watching too many movies."

"And whose fault is that? Remember all those movie nights?"

Rory laughs, kissing him again and Jess holds her closely to him, slipping his hands down the hips of her jeans. Rory grins, unbuckling his belt, and then she's grabbing his hand and running upstairs with him, giggling as they nearly trip mid-kiss. They kiss and kiss on the bed, tugging off each other's clothes in a frenzy, and after they're done Jess says hoarsely, "We should have the house to ourselves more often."

"Give it ten years," Rory advises and Jess groans. Laughing, Rory rolls onto her side and says, "You know, maybe it's good we didn't sleep together then."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah. Saving the best for last and all that."

"I see you point," Jess says, leaning over to kiss her breast, "but I still feel like we lost out."

"True," Rory agrees. She shuffles closer and says, "We just have to make up for all that time."

"Get over here," Jess says and Rory squeals with laughter as he starts kissing her stomach, moving down to between her legs. Half an hour later they get up and take a shower and, looking at the time, Rory remarks, "That certainly took my mind off things."

"Glad to be of service," Jess grins. Rory pulls her clothes back on, brushing her hair, and says, "Want to watch _Almost Famous_? Charlotte won't be back for a couple of hours."

"Always," Jess says. "How did I find someone with such good taste?"

"A Stars Hollow miracle."

Rory and Jess curl up on the couch with a bowl of popcorn and by the time it's over it's almost twelve. Rory gets up, stretching, and says, "Charlotte should be back any minute."

"Rory, are you going to stand by the window until she gets here?" Jess asks. He's only half-joking and Rory groans. "No...I swear..."

"Sure."

Rory goes over to check her phone. Lorelai has texted to say they're back safely and Charlotte has sent some pictures. Rory sends off some replies and sits back down, snuggling up to her husband, and says, "Hey, Jess? Thanks for being so great with it all. With Logan being here, I mean."

"No big deal," Jess but Rory shakes her head. "No, it is a big deal. And with what happened the other day...you went and said exactly what Charlotte needed to hear when she was so upset."

"I don't know about that," Jess says. "I tried."

"You said it perfectly. I know you did."

"I don't know totally how she feels," Jess says after a pause. "But I have an idea. I don't love him being here, but I love her. And that will always outweigh the rest."

Rory rests her head against his shoulder, holding his hand. They sit in companionable silence, eating popcorn, and Rory looks at her watch. "It's twelve."

"She'll be here soon," Jess says. "Don't hold her to the minute."

"I won't." Rory is silent for a moment and then asks, "How long do you think it'll last with Charlotte and Tyler?"

"Man, I don't know," Jess sighs. "Hopefully not much beyond Christmas. Not that I'm dumb enough to say that to her."

"She really likes him," Rory says, shaking her head. "I wish I understood it. Well, I guess I do, but there's much better guys out there for her. Not that she needs a boyfriend in the first place."

"Charlotte'll figure it out," Jess says comfortingly then laughs when Rory asks, "That she doesn't need one or that he's not good enough for her?"

"Both, preferably."

Rory's humour has died away when it reaches quarter past twelve. "She should have been back fifteen minutes ago," she says, tapping at her phone. "I've texted her three times and she hasn't replied. I tried Ivy too and she hasn't answered. What if -"

"Rory, she's probably on her way," Jess says but he sounds a little anxious too. He gets out his own phone, calls her and then looks at Rory. "She's not picking up."

"Maybe she's just in the car and didn't hear," Rory says but it sounds unlikely even as she says it. She and Jess wait another five minutes and Rory exclaims, "Where is she?"

"I don't know," Jess says, rubbing his hand against his head. "She's not picking up at all."

"I need to find her," Rory says, trying to push back the panic that's rising in her throat. "Come on, let's go!"

"Where?"

"We'll start with the school," Rory decides. "Maybe...maybe she's still there. The dance didn't finish that long ago."

Rory doesn't imagine Charlotte is there at all but it's something to do rather than sit around and freak out. She and Jess grab the keys, driving as fast as they can, and there are a few kids left at the front of the school. Rory almost jumps out of the car, Jess at her heels, and notices one of Charlotte's teachers at the entrance. She is leaning against the door, smoking with a tired look on her face, and as she sees Rory and Jess she gets rid of the cigarette, grinding it with a guilty expression on her face.

"I don't usually smoke," she says as way of explanation. "But I was chaperoning teenagers all night..."

"I get it," Jess cuts in. "Believe me."

The teacher smiles slightly, asking, "You're Charlotte Gilmore's parents, aren't you?"

"That us," Rory says. "Miss Anderson, right?"

"Right," the teacher says. "I was actually going to get in touch with you."

"Is there a problem?" Rory looks back and forth between her and Jess, not knowing what to do. All Rory wants to focus on is finding her daughter, but before she can say anything Miss Anderson says, "Charlotte missed class the other day."

"She _what?"_ Jess answers for both of them and the teacher goes on, "It was a study group for after school and she didn't come. I suggested she go as her last essay wasn't up to standard, and I was worried it was going to continue."

"Wait," Jess says. "What do you mean, _continue_?"

"She wasn't doing well in her work earlier this semester. She brought some of her grade up but I worry that by missing study group it would drop again. Anyway, I was going to put all of this in an email."

Rory doesn't know what to say. Now she is freaking out doubly and just says faintly, "Thanks for letting us know."

"We'll talk to her," Jess says grimly. "Is our daughter still here, by any chance?"

"I don't think so," Miss Anderson says, looking around. "The dance finished more than thirty minutes ago...there's still some of them hanging around but almost all of them have gone home. I actually thought Charlotte left a while ago."

Rory thinks she is going to be sick but manages to say, "Thanks...we need to go now." As they walk away Rory's mind starts racing. She imagines her daughter in a hotel room having sex, having _unprotected_ sex, and, feeling faint, Rory exclaims, "What are we going to do, Jess? Where is she?"

"We'll find her," Jess says seriously. "These kids might have an idea."

He goes over to a gaggle of teenagers, clutching bottles of what looks like cheap beer, their dresses messed up and ties crooked, and says, "Hey, Breakfast Club. Where's the rest of you?"

"What?" one of them asks dumbly and Jess says impatiently, "Where did the rest of the school go?"

"Home, I guess," the kid says and another one chimes in, "Or the field."

"The field?"

"Yeah, for the party. You look a little old for that, dude."

"Yeah, and you're a little young for that," Jess says, gesturing at the drink. "What field? Where?"

"Over near the woods...but like I say, you're too old to party..."

"Break my heart," Jess says sarcastically. He marches back over to Rory and says, "You hear all that?"

"She might not be there."

"It's worth a shot," Jess says. "She might be. Can you believe it? Cutting class, doing God knows what..."

"Jess, don't elaborate," Rory says feverishly. "I can imagine." She focuses on going to the car and starting it up. All she can think about is her mother's voice in her mind, gleefully saying it's karma. Now Rory knows how Lorelai felt when she was out all night. _Please God_ , Rory begs silently. _Please don't let me know how she felt if Charlotte tells me she's pregnant._

She doesn't voice any of this to Jess. Rory drives to the field, a vague memory emerging of Charlotte describing the place as somewhere the cool kids went. Rory didn't think her daughter had ever gone there. She's aware of Jess trying to call Charlotte again, letting out a sound of frustration as she doesn't answer, and then she is pulling up. Some cars are dotted around, teenagers jumping guiltily as Rory and Jess get out and walk past where they're parking. None of them are Charlotte and Tyler and Rory can't tell if it's a relief or not. There's some smoke in the air, suggesting the end of a bonfire, but no one seems to be around it now. Rory is looking over at the field, wondering if she should just run in and start looking when a girl approaches them. Looking a little closer, Rory can see it's Ivy, and the girl starts, a guilty expression shading her face.

"Ivy!" Rory says loudly. "I've been trying to call you."

"I wasn't looking at my phone..."

"Ivy, is Charlotte there?" Jess demands. "Did she come here with you?"

Ivy doesn't say anything and it's too dark to see if she's blushing. Rory pleads, "This is important. I'm not trying to get you in trouble, I just need to know where she is. Did Charlotte come to the field?"

Ivy gives the very slightest of nods and Rory and Jess stare at each other, letting out a sigh.

"I asked her to come," Ivy says desperately. "Please don't be mad at her."

"It's okay, Ivy," Rory says, trying to sound calm. "Thanks."

Ivy hesitates and walks away and Jess says, "That's it. I'm going in there and finding her and when I do -"

"Jess, wait." Rory puts a hand on his arm as two figures start running towards them. Rory waits a moment and then can see it's Charlotte, Tyler behind her. Rory is utterly weak with relief, an emotion which is replaced almost instantly with fury, and she says to her daughter, "Get in. We're going home this second."

Rory doesn't trust herself to talk to Tyler. She can't imagine what she would say. Rory looks at Jess to check he's not doing anything stupid, but her husband is going to the car, his movement sharp and silent. They ride home without a word and it's Jess who tells Charlotte, "I've never been so disappointed in you."

Now they're in the light Rory can see her daughter properly. There are red splotches on her cheeks and her hair, so beautifully arranged, is tangled and half the stars have fallen out. Her dress, Rory's dress, is covered in grass and Rory's fears come flooding back in an instant. It does not look like an innocent trip to the field and Rory doesn't know where to begin. She has never been so angry with Charlotte, so worried, and her daughter is just sixteen. She's too young for all of this. Charlotte protests she didn't have sex and they shout back and forth until finally Rory sends her to bed. After Charlotte has gone up Rory looks at Jess he says, "Do you believe her?"

"I think so," Rory says honestly. "I don't know. I can't think."

Jess goes over to her, hugging her tightly, and says gently, "She's safe now. It's okay."

"It's not," Rory says, her voice shaking. "But she's home."

"I said we'd find her," Jess says, kissing her cheek. "We'll ground her tomorrow. It's late. We're too wiped to figure anything out now, or I am, anyway."

"No, me too," Rory says, trying to smile. "Let's just go to bed."

Rory is exhausted but she can't sleep. Her mind is still on alert and she tosses and turns, unable to settle. It seems like longer than a few hours ago that she and Jess were enjoying having the house to themselves. Finally, at five, Rory gives up and gets up. She tiptoes down to the kitchen, making some coffee, and then jumps as her daughter wanders in.

"Oh," Charlotte says guiltily. "Sorry."

"That's okay," Rory says. "Sit down."

Charlotte does so, gingerly accepting the cup of coffee Rory gives her. Her mother sits down besides her and says seriously, "Did you have sex?"

"Mom, I told you I didn't!"

"Are you sure?" Rory presses. "I won't get mad if you tell you did. I just need to know it was safe. Because if you weren't -"

"Mom, I didn't have sex," Charlotte says, looking up at her. "I promise."

Rory lets out a long breath of relief. "Okay. I believe you."

"Good."

"I'm guessing you weren't just strolling around the field though," Rory says shrewdly. "Not from the way you had grass all over you."

Charlotte goes red but she just says, "I didn't have sex. It was only kissing."

"Only kissing, huh?" Rory is still mad but the biggest weight of worry has lifted for now. She and Charlotte drink their coffee is silence but as they finish Rory says, "I don't know what to say to you about the rest."

"You said you wouldn't get mad!"

"I said I wouldn't get mad if you had sex! I'm mad at you for everything else!"

Charlotte opens and closes her mouth and Rory is thinking of where to begin when the kitchen door opens and Jess comes in, stopping in surprise.

"You're both up."

He pours a cup of coffee and then sits opposite Charlotte. "We need to talk about last night."

"I'm sorry."

"I know you're sorry. That doesn't make up for lying to us and not coming home."

"I meant to, I just...I lost track of time."

"You shouldn't have gone to that field in the first place," Rory snaps. "We told you not to do anything stupid!"

"I didn't drink anything or smoke or -"

"Not the point," Jess says angrily. "I haven't even got started on what your teacher said."

"What?" Charlotte whispers. She looks a little white and Rory says, "We ran into Miss Anderson when we were looking for you, and she told us you skipped class. And you haven't been doing your work properly."

"I was doing my work properly!"

"No you weren't!" Jess exclaims. "Not if your teacher had to say that to us!"

"It's not that big a deal!"

"Yes it is!" Rory shouts. "It is a big deal! It might not feel like it, but you need to study, you need to learn and cutting class for some guy -"

"Some guy?" Charlotte shouts back. "You think I cut class for Tyler? That just because I have a boyfriend I can't think for myself? He didn't even know about it!"

"Then why did you?"

"Because it was just a dumb study group and I wanted to have fun! Don't you remember what that feels like? Of course you don't, you don't care!"

"Don't you ever speak to your mother like that," Jess says, his voice low and angry. "And it's not some dumb study group. It's your education! You need to finish school and not drop out like I did!"

"I'm not going to drop out!" Charlotte sinks back in her seat, her face red, and some tears leak from her eyes. She wipes them angrily away and Jess sighs heavily, rubbing at his temple.

"Okay," he says eventually. "Here's what's going to happen. You're grounded until Christmas. You're going to come home from school, do your homework and go to bed. No TV on schoolnights. No Tyler."

"What?" Charlotte shrieks, sitting up. "You can't ban me from seeing him!"

"You can live without him for a few weeks," Jess says callously. "You can see him in school and by school, I mean at lunchtimes only. Maybe you can see him at weekends."

"Maybe?"

"I would not try and negotiate right now," Rory warns. "You know it's not the moment."

"Please don't make me break up with him."

Charlotte looks ready to cry and Rory looks at Jess.

"We're not saying that," Rory says eventually. "But we want you to focus on school. And you messed up last night, and even if you didn't cut class with Tyler, you didn't come home because you left with him. So you need to work on being responsible."

"You don't understand."

"So tell us," Jess says and after a pause he says, "Right. The parent-teenager gulf is just eternal."

Charlotte doesn't say anything to that but stares at her coffee cup, her cheeks red.

"Okay," Rory says. "We won't say anything else about it now. How about some breakfast?"

"I don't want any," Charlotte says, sniffling. "I'm going to take a shower."

She furiously rinses her cup and Rory sighs as she strides out. "I think that went pretty well, don't you?"

"She's sixteen. She's bound to hate us now and then. Do you want some bacon?"

After breakfast and a shower Rory calls Lorelai. Her mother answers brightly, "Hey sweets, you're up early. Did Charlotte have a good time?"

"Mom," Rory says and then she starts crying. Lorelai says sharply, "What is it, what happened? Talk to me, Rory!"

"Charlotte didn't come home," Rory says. "We found her, she's fine..."

"What do you mean, you found her? Where was she?"

"In a field. This place teenagers go to hang out."

"Hang out?" Lorelai says suspiciously. "Are you telling me Charlotte was having sex there?"

"No," Rory says, heart beating. "But we had a fight and I was so scared, Mom, and now she hates me because we grounded her and said she couldn't see her boyfriend."

"Oh Rory. Oh, jeez. But she's okay, and you're okay?"

"Yeah, though my heart's been through the wringer. I think I get it now, how you felt when I didn't come home. I'm sorry."

"I knew that would haunt you someday," Lorelai chuckles but she sounds perturbed. "Are you sure nothing happened?"

"Yes, I'm sure. I'm just freaked out about the rest."

"Honey, she's sixteen. She's going to hate you for a little while but she'll get over it."

"I hate fighting with her. But I'm so mad at her."

"She's your daughter," Lorelai says gently. "Sometimes you're going to fight."

"I guess," Rory sniffles. "How was your night? How are my children who don't hate me?"

After hanging up, Rory goes and lies down. Jess is in the shower, Charlotte is sulking in her room, and Rory closes her eyes. She falls into a deep sleep, her dreams filled with dance studios and running home in the snow and Rory is saying _you can't do this_. The girl is Charlotte, but then turns to Rory's young self and says coolly, _don't you think it's a little too late?_


	27. Chapter 27

**Thanks for the feedback!**

The rest of the weekend passes slowly. Charlotte lies on her bed, looking at her mother's dress, ripped at the back. She can't think of a way to fix it and is too afraid to tell Rory. Richie and Annie come home from Lorelai's on Sunday afternoon, and when Charlotte goes back to her room after the bathroom, she finds her sister trying the dress on and staring in the mirror.

"Take that off!"

"It's not your dress," Annie retorts. "It's Mom's!" The dress drapes comically over her, slipping at the shoulders and Charlotte snaps, "It doesn't even fit!"

"Like you'll ever be allowed to wear it again," Annie says, putting a hand on her hip to keep the dress in place. "You're in so much trouble."

"You don't know anything."

Annie sticks her tongue out and Charlotte says, "It's my dress." She feels slightly tearful though she doesn't know why, and jumps when Jess looks around the door.

"What's going on here?"

"I tried on the dress and she got mad at me," Annie says, pouting, and Charlotte protests, "She came in my room without even asking!"

"Girls, cool it," Jess says. "Annie, leave your sister in peace. Charlotte, she was just trying it on. It's no big deal."

"She's going to wreck it!"

Charlotte bites her lip, remembering the rip, but her father just says, "No one's going to wreck it, but it's going to get wrecked if you don't hang it up."

Annie steps out of the dress, thankfully not noticing the tear, and leaves it on the bed. She rolls her eyes but walks off to watch television. Jess looks over at Charlotte.

"Want to join us?"

"No thanks," Charlotte sulks and he shrugs. "Suit yourself. I know you've got schoolwork to finish."

The rest of the weekend drags and on Monday Charlotte finds Tyler at lunch. He kisses her but Charlotte pulls away and, frowning, Tyler asks, "What? Were you parents mad about the party thing?"

"Pretty mad. I got grounded until Christmas."

"It was just a party," Tyler says. "They need to chill."

Charlotte shrugs and he puts his hand under her chin. "But we can hang out here, right?"

"That's right," Charlotte says, feeling a little brighter. "And it's just a few weeks"

Tyler kind of grunts and Charlotte says, "It's not too long, right?"

He makes a face and Charlotte sighs, it feels long to her as well. "I also screwed up some school stuff. So now they're talking about focusing more."

"Focus on what? Following the system and becoming a slave to society?"

"Tyler, come on," Charlotte says. "You're being kind of dramatic."

She laughs but he doesn't smile and says seriously, "School is a means of control."

"Tell that to my parents," Charlotte teases. She leans over to kiss him quickly and says, "At least I can talk to you here."

After lunch Charlotte has an English class and, before the other kids get there, arrives at the classroom early. Miss Anderson is sorting through some books but she stops when she sees Charlotte and says, "Hi Charlotte. Can I help with something?"

"You talked to my mom and dad," Charlotte says, her throat feeling tight. "You said you wouldn't."

"I said I wouldn't if you brought your grade up," Miss Anderson says, straightening up. "You gave in another bad essay and missed the study session I expressly told you to go to. And you were doing badly before that."

"But I wrote two good ones. You said -"

"Charlotte, I said I was worried about your grade and I still am," Miss Anderson says, looking her in the eye. "And I didn't talk to your parents to be unkind or unfair. I talked to them because I wanted them to be aware of how your work's going. And it didn't seem to me that they were."

"It was a big help," Charlotte mumbles sarcastically and her teacher's eyes narrow slightly, and she sounds sharper as says, "I'm your teacher, Charlotte. That's my job."

Charlotte folds her arms and Miss Anderson sighs. "I want you to reach your potential, because I know you can do well. And now you need to sit down because I have to start class."

After school, Charlotte goes to her room early. She's not tired but wants some space. Richie and Annie kept fighting over the television and Charlotte feels awkward around her parents. They keep looking like they want to say something, but don't, and are pretending to act normal. Charlotte texts Tyler, relieved that she at least didn't get her cellphone taken away, but he doesn't reply and Charlotte drops it on the bed. Bored, she logs onto her computer and tries starting some homework but she soon gets distracted and starts clicking through dance pictures. It had been such a perfect night. The dress is hung up behind Charlotte like a guilty secret and she swallows. She doesn't want to bring even more trouble by admitting it's torn. Her cellphone rings, shaking Charlotte from her thoughts, and she eagerly snatches it up, expecting to be Tyler.

"Hey!" she says gleefully and a random voice says, "Charlotte?"

"Who's this?" Charlotte frowns. She'd picked it up without looking and then bites her tongue when the guy says, "It's Logan. Sorry, I thought you had my number saved."

"I do - I'm sorry, I didn't look at who was calling."

"Oh. Well, it's me."

Charlotte pauses for a moment and then says, "Hi."

"Hello," Logan says, laughing a little. "How's it going?"

"Um, okay, I guess..."

Charlotte settles on the bed, unsure of what to say. Logan never calls her. "How's Paris?"

"It's cold. Odette's happy that she's seeing her family. How'd your dance go?"

"It was fine," Charlotte says coldly. She's still hurt about being told not to send photos and Logan sighs. "I do want to hear about it."

"You didn't want to see my pictures."

"I still want to hear about it," Logan insists. "Did you have a good time?"

"Mostly."

"Mostly?"

"I went to a party afterward," Charlotte admits. "I stayed out too late and Mom got really mad."

Logan coughs and then is laughing, of all things, and says, "Was the party fun?"

"Yeah."

"Sounds worth it then. It's all part of the school experience."

"Really?" Charlotte asks, smiling a little, and Logan says, "Definitely mine. Most of mine, if I'm being honest. That's the best part of being young."

"Could you tell my mom and dad that?"

"I don't think they'd want to hear it from me," Logan says sympathetically. "So what was the damage?"

"Grounded for three weeks."

"Ouch."

"Yeah. So now I can't see my boyfriend outside of school. They said maybe on the weekends."

"Take it as a challenge. You'll need to get more creative with seeing him."

"How, exactly?"

"That's for you to figure out. But you've got some of my genes so I know you will. I did a lot with fire escapes, there's a start."

Charlotte laughs but feels weird at being reminded that she shares his genetics, especially as he adds, "I think I sat through maybe one quiz my entire school career. I wasn't great with studying and I wanted a more fun use of my time. And I got it."

Charlotte smiles slightly, curling her legs up, and Logan says, "You have fun too. Your mom can be kind of uptight but I'm sure she gets it. We partied a lot."

"I can't imagine Mom partying."

Logan laughs and says, "Look, don't take it too seriously. Her, school...I'd give anything to be sixteen again. Party all you want."

"My teacher is at me about keeping my grade up. Did you have teachers like that?"

"A few. But I'd crack a few books the night before a big exam and still do well. So they couldn't say a lot...the ones that didn't kick me out anyway."

Logam chuckles some more and says, "Enjoy where you're at."

Charlotte sighs and starts to say, "I just..." when she hears a woman's voice in the background and Logan says quickly, "I'll talk to you later. Bye."

He ends the call abruptly and Charlotte stares at the phone in her hands. His wife came in, she guesses, but it's still pretty abrupt. She puts the phone down and tries going back to her homework but she can't concentrate. So much for sharing his genetics, she thinks. She can't write an assignment on the spot. Charlotte stares and tries to write and finally gives up after a few sentences.

The next day Charlotte thinks about what Logan said, about being creative, and remembers that the next period is Chemistry, but it's with a substitute this week. She smiles, thinking, and when Ivy asks what the joke is Charlotte just shrugs. She finds Tyler in the hallway and says, "Hey, do you want to get out of here?"

"Anywhere in mind?" Tyler asks, grinning, and Charlotte grins. "How about the fire escape?"

It's cold outside but they kiss and kiss and Charlotte is warm all over. She cups Tyler's cheek in her hand, feeling happier than she has all week, and fondly says, "Hey."

"Hey back. We should do this, like, all the time."

"Agreed." They kiss some more and Tyler says, "You know what I like about you?"

"What?"

"You don't just do what everyone tells you. You're the smartest girl here. And the hottest."

Charlotte doesn't know what to say. She kisses him in response and, when they stop for breath, Tyler says,"So can you come over to my place soon?"

"Um, I don't know how soon. Not this week anyway."

"I hope you figure something out," Tyler says, leaning over. "I want to be with you properly."

Charlotte feels herself flush but he just smiles and kisses her some more before getting up. Holding out his hand, he pulls her up and they slip back into the throng of students together. Tyler holds her hand all the way to History class and, all through the lesson, Charlotte glances up to see him smiling at her. She smiles back, a longing for him warming all through her, and doesn't take in one word of history.

After school Jess asks if she can go and pick up some more milk and a few more groceries, and although Charlotte has a feeling this is some kind of attempt to make her feel less stuck in the house, she doesn't argue. After paying for it all her eyes slide over to the pharmacy section and, after walking back and forth three times, Charlotte picks up a packet of condoms, marches over to the counter and drops them on the counter. Her cheeks are bright pink but the new sales clerk sounds bored as she scans them and announces the price. Charlotte digs into her own purse, finds some money, and pushes the box deep into her jeans pocket, mumbling, "Thanks."

Charlotte feels almost in shock as she leaves the store. She just bought condoms and it was no big deal! Not to the clerk, anyway, but Charlotte guesses she sells them all the time. But still. She wanders home in a daze, puts the groceries away, and jumps as Rory comes in.

"Hey, thanks," she says. "Want to sit down for a second?"

She knows, Charlotte thinks. No, she can't. Then her face feels hot and before Charlotte looks guilty, she says, "Sure. Just one second."

Charlotte walks to her room, shutting the door firmly behind her, and buries the condoms at the very back of her underwear drawer. She walks out and if she looked guilty Rory doesn't remark upon it. She's made some coffee and says, "I know it hasn't been the best week."

Charlotte sort of shrugs and her mother says, "I know Dad and I got mad at you, but it's because we were worried. We love you."

"I know," Charlotte says. She stares at her hands and Rory says, "You know you can talk to me about school and stuff, right?"

"You'll just get mad."

"No I won't. Is the work harder this year? Is -?"

"Mom, I don't want to talk about school," Charlotte says angrily. "I just don't."

Rory looks hurt and Charlotte says, "I'm sorry, I just..."

"It's okay," Rory says quietly. "We can talk about something else."

Charlotte doesn't want to talk. She has this feeling that if her mother looks her in the eye she'll wind up admitting what she just bought and, before that becomes a possibility, she asks, "Didn't you party in school?"

There's a stunned pause and then Rory exclaims, "What?" She laughs a little as she asks and Charlotte adds, "In college, I mean, didn't you party and stuff?"

"I went out more after freshman year," Rory says slowly. "When I started seeing Logan, I went out more because I was with him. Why?"

"No reason." Charlotte doesn't want to talk about Logan calling. She suspects her mother might freak out. Rory looks at her curiously and says, "I was never a big partier, if that's what you mean."

"Did you have fun?"

"Most of the time," Rory says. "I don't think you shouldn't go to parties. But you can't sneak out that way."

Charlotte focuses on her drink and Rory sighs. She looks ready to say something else but then the door opens and they look up as Jess comes in.

"Hey, gang," he says. "Operation Grocery Pickup successful?"

"I believe it was," Rory says, smiling. "I'm going to check if that Brady Bunch marathon is still on."

"Man, how did I wind up marrying you?" Jess groans and Rory says, "Hey, me and Mom want to mock it. You can't mock our mocking."

She leaves Jess shaking his head. Charlotte is about to go too but Jess pours a cup of the last of the coffee and says, "Good day at school?"

"I guess."

Jess nods and says, "I wasn't a big fan of high school."

Charlotte's heard some variation on this hundreds of times but she lets her dad go on, "Seemed like a real waste to me."

"Do you think it was?"

Jess looks surprised. Charlotte usually says something about not thinking that and he says thoughtfully, "I don't think the schools I went to were that great. But I could have worked harder."

"But are you sorry about how things turned out?"

"Wow, you're going for the real philosophy bent, huh?" Jess says, leaning over to ruffle her hair a little. He looks pensive for a moment and says, "In a way, no. When I dropped out I went to California and that made me figure a lot of stuff out. I don't know if I would have ended up on the same road that led me to Truncheon, led me to working out things with your mom. But I'd lie if I said I never regretted anything. I wish I hadn't left your Grandpa Luke like that. I wish I hadn't left your mom without saying goodbye to her - that was one of the dumbest things I've ever done - and I wish I'd let her help me. Repeating a year wouldn't have been the worst thing. And maybe we'd have figured things out earlier. But you can't work out life that like. Maybe we wouldn't have because we were so young, and maybe I'd make more mistakes because I was mad about everything still."

"I'm confused," Charlotte says and her father bursts into laughter. "Me too, kiddo. I guess all I can say is, I regret the things I could have done better, but I don't know if I would do them over. Because I like where I am now."

Charlotte smiles and he says seriously, "I want you to work harder than I did because I know I could have got a decent grade, if I hadn't thought I was better than the place. I'm not saying you think that, but I know you're smart. You don't have to love school - you don't even have to like it - but I want you to try. And you can talk to us if it's hard."

Charlotte nods and her father kisses the side of her head. "I'm going to go mock your mother a little."

Jess gulps the rest of his coffee before going out and Charlotte walks slowly to her room. She can't help wondering, despite what her father said, if he ended up where he wanted to be, does it really matter so much? And her mom worked hard all through high school and ended up quitting college. Sometimes it seems Logan is the one who understands, and he's not even her real father. Charlotte picks the phone up, considers calling him, and the drops it. Besides the cost of calling France, there's no point. His wife would probably be there anyway.


	28. Chapter 28

**Thanks for the feedback!**

The next few weeks snake by, slowly at first, and then suddenly the schools are stopping for break and Christmas is around the corner. On her last day of school Rory and Jess tell Charlotte she's no longer grounded and her squeal of joy echoes all around the house. She can't go and see Tyler, as he's gone to visit relatives until New Year's, but is joyful all the same. Rory and Jess try to hide their happiness over that. The house becomes a bustle of activity and, although Rory always plans far in advance, she is still exhausted as she wraps presents and decorates the house, almost taking a tumble on the ladder as she hangs some paper chains.

"Whoa!" Jess exclaims as Rory descends, somewhat dizzily. "I said you shouldn't go up on that. Not with your balance, or lack thereof."

"Hey, Mariano, you stick to your corner of the room and I'll stick to mine."

"I'm done with the tree, and you swore not to get too high on that thing."

"That's just my sense of danger," Rory says, sticking her tongue out and making Jess laugh. "I'm assuming Annie did the majority of the tree."

The Christmas tree is mostly decorated in decorations Annie, Richie and Charlotte made throughout their school careers, with a few more traditional ornaments dotted here and there. On top is a rather lopsided fairy, her wand drooping onto the branches. Rory bites her tongue over how crazy it looks. It makes the kids happy and besides, Lorelai will have a more tasteful tree to look that. They're going there on Christmas Day, as is the routine each year.

On Christmas Eve Richie and Annie go to bed early for once. Neither of them believe in Santa anymore, though Rory suspects her youngest still wants to, but are still excited over hanging up their stockings. Rory insists that a plate of cookies still gets left out, ignoring Jess's laughter. Charlotte goes to bed later but Jess still tells her to go to sleep or Santa won't come, and she rolls her eyes, shaking her head. "Don't you mean you?"

"Hey, if you keep talking like that, Santa won't come at all," Jess teases and Charlotte laughs. She gives him and Rory a kiss goodnight and heads to bed. The house suddenly seems quiet and Rory and Jess look at each other.

"I can't believe she's sixteen," Jess says. "Seems like last year she was running around in those Santa pyjamas and too excited to go to bed."

"We've got a video of that," Rory says, smiling. "But it makes me sad to watch it because she's not that little kid anymore."

"Jeez, Gilmore, don't set me off," Jess mumbles and Rory says quietly, "What about that Christmas where you came to Stars Hollow and I was pregnant? And you gave me the books for Charlotte?"

"I said not to set me off," Jess says, putting his arm around her. "It can't have been that many years ago."

"I was so sad," Rory remembers. "I felt so lonely. I was still freaking out over being pregnant and you showed up with that wonderful gift and we drank hot chocolate from the van...do you remember?"

"Of course I remember," Jess says, hugging her to him. "Like I'd forget that. I wanted to fix everything for you."

"You couldn't fix it for me," Rory says, laughing sadly. "No one could have done that. But you made me feel a lot happier. It was a better Christmas than I imagined. I remember I thought it would be quiet, because I wasn't showing yet, and I didn't think anyone knew, but Mom had gone and stuck that sonogram on her refrigerator so the whole town found out. I was so mad at her."

"I remember that too," Jess says, kissing the side of her head. "And Charlotte looked smart already."

Rory laughs, wiping at the side of her eye where a tear has started to form. She doesn't say it, but the memory enters her mind of going to tell Logan, giving him the sonogram and him turning down the copy. All he'd said was that Charlotte looked small.

"Hey," Jess says, looking at her. "I know it was a long time ago, but we've got three amazing kids now. And that's pretty good too."

"I know," Rory says, sniffling. "I'm going to go check on them."

Richie and Annie are already asleep, or trying to be. Their rooms are dark and they're lying still in their beds, their breathing even. Rory tiptoes out and sees the light is on in Charlotte's room. She knocks and when her daughter says she can come in, Rory says, "Hey, you know what Dad said about Santa."

"Not you too," Charlotte groans. She closes the lid of her laptop and seems a little sad.

"What is it, sweets?"

"Logan hasn't emailed me," Charlotte says, after a pause and Rory momentarily closes her eyes. "It's not Christmas yet, but..."

"Oh, honey," Rory says, going to sit beside her. "I bet he'll email you tomorrow, or text you. He's probably just super busy."

It sounds terrible as soon as she says it - like Logan's too busy to care - and she hastily adds, "He has Odette's family in Paris, and he probably hasn't had a free second."

This was supposed to be comforting but Rory knows it's worse. How is reminding her daughter of Logan's other life going to help? Rory bites her tongue but Charlotte nods and tries to smile. "I know. It's okay."

"We're going to Nana's right after you guys open your stockings," Rory says, trying to sound upbeat. "And I'm sure as soon as we're back, he'll have messaged you."

Charlotte nods again and Rory falls silent. She knows how fake it all sounds. It's how Lorelai talked to her when Christopher let her down. "I'm sorry," she says eventually. "I know it's hurt you."

"It's okay, Mom," Charlotte says, but she smiles and lets Rory put her arm around her. She looks around her daughter's room, softly glowing with the small string of fairy lights Charlotte strung up, and then her eyes land on Charlotte's dress. Rory's dress.

"I'm glad you had a good time at the dance," she says, making Charlotte look up. "I wanted you to have a good time."

"But you and Dad were so mad at me."

"We were mad because you stopped off at the party and came home late."

"I didn't mean to come home late."

"You shouldn't have gone there," Rory says. "But I know. I know how it's easy to get caught up in things."

She strokes Charlotte's hair and her daughter seems sad. "Mom," Charlotte says hesitantly, "I have to tell you something."

Oh God, Rory thinks. Charlotte did have sex. She had sex at the party and is telling her now and - Rory screams at her mind to shut up. Charlotte gets up, goes over to the closet and lifts up the dress.

"I tore it," she says, sounding ready to cry. "I'm sorry, Mom, I'm sorry. It ripped at the back."

Charlotte places the dress in Rory's arms, pointing at the tear. Rory runs her fingers over it. It's a big, jagged rip. She doesn't ask how it happened. Rory feels angry for a moment, then tearful, but when Charlotte asks, "Mom?" her voice is quavering.

"It's okay," Rory says slowly. "I'm sure Mom can fix it."

"Really?" Charlotte asks in a small voice. Rory isn't entirely sure but she says, "She's a genius with the sewing machine. If anyone can fix it, Mom can. She puts Donna Reed to shame."

Charlotte looks a little brighter and Rory goes on, "We'll take it back tomorrow. Mom can work magic."

"You aren't upset?" Charlotte asks and Rory says, "It's only a dress. Mom can fix it, I'm positive."

Her daughter is hugging her and saying again, "I'm sorry." Rory hugs her tightly, her sweet girl, and says, "It's okay. But you should get some sleep soon - we both should."

"I will," Charlotte says, kissing her cheek. "Merry Christmas Eve, Mom."

"Merry Christmas Eve, angel."

The next morning they get up early. Annie and Richie are clamouring over their stockings and Charlotte, for all she pretends is too old for it, is excited as well. She laughs at the reindeer antlers Jess has bought for everyone, telling him he's dorky, but wears them all the same. After a late breakfast they pile into the car and drive to Stars Hollow. The traffic is horrible but Rory forgets it as she sees Lorelai outside, running to greet them. Luke has cooked an incredible dinner and after fourth helpings of everything, they tear into their gifts. Afterwards, they go for a walk around town. It's freezing and everyone nearly slips at least once, but they make it to the square where half the town is congregated, building a snowman.

"Hey, Luke, get in the diner!" Babette shouts. "This calls for cocoa!"

"You're all crazy," Luke retorts but, after a few grumbles, he opens the diner to make some drinks.

"He's a good man," Babette says fondly. "And so are you, Jess."

"Thanks," Jess says awkwardly and coughs as Babette says, "You know, none of us were sure about you at first. You were a real hoodlum, you know? But just look at you now! A writer! They say writers can be kind of volatile, but here you are marrying Rory and having kids! And raising her kid by that piece of a man, why I could just -"

"Definitely," Rory says loudly, trying not to glance at Charlotte. "Are you and Morey having a good Christmas?"

"A great Christmas," Morey says, looking up momentarily from the snow, and Babette says, "Thanks, kittens. Speaking of - we're building a snowcat! Want to make some ears?"

They all help for a while until the urge for caffeine overwhelms Rory, and she ducks into the diner. Luke, who already brought out the hot chocolate ten minutes ago, is one step ahead of her and has the machine fired up, making Rory release a sigh. "Bless you."

"I'm prepared when you and Lorelai are together," Luke says, pouring out a mug. "Or either of you, for that matter."

Rory sips gratefully and Luke asks, "So have you forbidden Charlotte to see that punk?"

"No," Rory says. "I did her ground her though."

"Should have added that to it," Luke grumbles and Rory gives him a look. "I'm just calling it like I see it," he says and Rory says, "Yeah, well. You probably don't want her to date at all."

Luke focuses on cleaning the counter and Rory says, "I was just thinking about how she's grown up so fast. Remember when she was a toddler and you'd sit her on the counter?"

"I'd let her take orders," Luke says, smiling. "She had that little apron and notepad."

"But that was Mom," Rory laughs. "She wanted cute pictures."

"Went kind of awry when she got hold of the ketchup bottles."

"Yeah," Rory says, wrinkling her nose. "Then it looked more like something from _The Exorcist_."

They chuckle a little and Luke muses, "You know, it doesn't seem so long that you were a kid either. How you'd come in with all your books and dress up like an angel..."

"Okay, that was one time," Rory says. "And you're getting that look on your face!"

"What look?"

"The look Jess had yesterday when we were talking about Charlotte being little! I had it too, I know I did, and now you've got it! Christmas is supposed to be a happy day!"

"So sue me for being sentimental," Luke says, spreading his hands, and Lorelai comes in, laughing at the last part. "Did you just say _sentimental_?" she asks fondly, going around the corner. "Gruff Luke Danes?"

"You know he's a softie," Rory smiles and Lorelai says, "Well, he did make me a Santa burger that time. Got any of those, Luke?"

"I wouldn't get too excited," Luke says but he smiles before groaning as Lorelai says, "The hordes are hoping for more hot chocolate. Christmas spirit and all that."

"Do they know where they can stick the Christmas spirit?" Luke says, but he finishes the drinks anyway, and adds marshmallows without prompting. Lorelai cajoles him into coming back outside and Luke sips some herbal tea, even smiling a little at all the snowmen created by the town.

When they get back they watch a movie and, as they argue over the next one to watch, Rory slips away to call Logan. He answers on the third ring and says, "Hey, Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas," Rory says. "Have you gotten anything for Charlotte?"

Logan groans and Rory sighs. "Well, have you messaged her?"

"I'll do it now...I've just been so busy, Rory. I totally forgot Christmas was happening."

"Even today?"

"I've been with Odette's family all day. Between talking the little French I know and have Odette translate the rest, my head is spinning."

Rory is silent and Logan says, "I know it's not an excuse. I'm sorry, Rory."

"It's not me you should be saying sorry to."

"I'll be seeing you guys in a few weeks," Logan says. "I'll make it up to her, I promise."

"Logan you need to remember these things," Rory says. "If you forget her birthday -"

"That's not til summer, right?"

"You know when it is," Rory says angrily and Logan says, "Of course I do! I know when my daughter's birthday is."

"So when is it?"

"It's in June," Logan says firmly. "Quit trying to test me."

"I'm not trying to - Logan, I just don't want her getting hurt. I reminded you about Thanksgiving, I'm reminding you now..."

"But I haven't forgotten her birthday," Logan says irritably. "It's not for another six months. I said I was sorry and I'll make it up to her. Just relax."

"You didn't see her face when she told me you hadn't said anything to her."

Logan sighs down the line and says, "Look, I'm sorry. I'll say sorry to her. Rory, it's Christmas. I don't want to fight."

"Me neither. But -"

"It's fine," Logan says. "Anyway, I've got to go. We're supposed to go to dinner with Odette's sister."

"Right," Rory says awkwardly. "Well, have fun."

There's a snort and then Logan says, "See you, Rory. Merry Christmas."

"Yep," Rory says quietly. "Merry Christmas." She puts the phone away and stares out the shimmering white, her eyes blurring at the light.

When she heads back inside, Lorelai is making some coffee with Charlotte. Rory tries to smile and pours herself a cup.

"There she is," Lorelai says. "Charlotte said there's something wrong with the dance dress?"

Charlotte looks appropriately guilty as Rory finds it and brings it into the kitchen.

"I'm sorry, Nana," she says, nervously glancing at Lorelai. "I tore it and it's bad, I know it's bad, but Mom said you could fix it and you can do anything with a sewing machine and..."

Charlotte's voice trails off as Lorelai examines the damage and sucks in her breath. "I'm sorry," Charlotte says, sounding tearful this time. "I really messed it up."

"I might be able to do something with it," Lorelai says eventually. "It's okay."

Charlotte goes over to hug her and Lorelai kisses the top of her head. She takes her coffee to the living room and Rory follows Lorelai upstairs with the dress.

"I'm going to have to handsew this," Lorelai ponders out loud. "But I think I can salvage it."

"You're a genius," Rory says fervently and Lorelai smiles, raising her eyebrows. "So how did Charlotte tear it?"

"I don't know and I'm not asking."

"Good plan," her mother remarks. "How's it going with you guys?"

"Better, I think," Rory says, perching on the edge of the bed. "I just spoke to Logan."

"Oh yeah? How is he?"

"He forgot to send Charlotte anything for Christmas," Rory says and Lorelai drops the dress, going over to her. "Oh, hon."

"He said he'll send something now. But..."

"I'm sorry, sweets."

"It's Charlotte who's hurt by it," Rory says and Lorelai goes over and gives her a kiss. "I just wish I could make it better for her. Or make Logan better."

"There's only so much you can do," Lorelai says gently.

"Yeah," Rory says quietly. She sips more coffee and watches as her mother examines the damage of the dress.

After dinner, Rory slips outside for a moment. She's just talked to Emily and after passing the phone to Luke feels the need for some air. She sips her coffee, looking up at starry sky. It's a perfectly clear night and she jumps as Charlotte comes out, cellphone in hand and a bright smile on her face.

"Guess what, Mom?"

"What?"

"Logan sent me two hundred dollars!"

"That's a lot of money," Rory says uncertainly and Charlotte says, "It's my Christmas present, he just sent it! He said I should splurge!"

"Well, I don't know about splurge," Rory cautions. "But I'm glad he gave you a gift."

Charlotte grins, her eyes shining, and Rory tucks some hair behind her ear. She remembers travelling to London, all those winters ago, and Logan not appreciating her news. And going to Stars Hollow with Charlotte just a whisper inside her, and not wanting to celebrate Christmas at all. Rory had never felt so lonely.

"Mom? What are you thinking about?"

"I was remembering the Christmas I was pregnant with you," Rory says. "I went to London right before to tell Logan."

"What happened?" Charlotte's voice is casual but she sounds curious and Rory is unsure what to say.

"He was surprised," she says honestly. "It was a shock. I showed him my sonogram."

"What did he say?"

"He said you looked small." Charlotte laughs a little and Rory doesn't add that he didn't want a copy of it. "And I was busy trying not to be sick because Christmas trees were making me nauseous."

"What? It's like the best smell ever."

"That's pregnancy - it sucks."

Charlotte laughs again and asks curiously, "So what else happened?"

"Not a lot else," Rory says vaguely. "I went home soon after."

"What did Logan say? I mean, was he happy?"

Charlotte is hesitant and Rory struggles for a means of story.

"He was surprised," she says again. "He said he'd support me...we weren't together anymore. He cared about me though. He even said we could get married."

"He did? Why'd you say no?"

"I didn't love him anymore," Rory sighs. "It would have been for the wrong reasons."

She decides not to elaborate on Logan's engagement to Odette. Squeezing Charlotte's hand, she says, "I went to Stars Hollow a little while later and guess who was there?"

"Dad?"

"You didn't need to guess then," Rory says and Charlotte laughs. "That's right. I was feeling sad and not into Christmas that year at all, and your dad cheered me up. We took a walk and he got me hot chocolate and doughnuts from a van."

"Something wrong with the diner?"

"Everything was shut!" Rory exclaims, laughing. "No Charlotte, it was perfect. We went down to the Gazette office, where I used to work, and he listened to me ramble for a while."

"Not much has changed," Charlotte teases but she asks seriously, "Did Dad know about me?"

"Yes," Rory says quietly. "He already knew. He was already there for me - there for us. He made me feel better about everything. I showed him the sonogram of you and he said you looked smart."

Charlotte looks happy at that but she doesn't say anything. Pulling up her sleeve, Rory shows Charlotte the green bracelet on her wrist and says, "Dad gave me this that Christmas. He said I should have something for myself, so he gave me this, as well as a beautiful notebook. I always wear this bracelet at Christmas. And your storybooks - you remember Dad gave you those before you were born? That was that Christmas too."

"Dad wrote those notes in the margins," Charlotte says, smiling. "Did you start dating Dad then?"

"No, that was later. I didn't know what was going to happen."

Charlotte nods, pauses and then asks, "Did you ever regret it?"

"Regret what?"

"Saying no to marrying Logan."

"No," Rory says, looking at her daughter. Charlotte is staring straight ahead but she looks around as Rory says firmly, "I always knew it was the right decision. I was scared, and I wasn't sure about everything, but I was sure about that."

Charlotte smiles faintly and Rory puts her arm around her. Falling silent, mother and daughter look out at the Christmas night.


	29. Chapter 29

**Thanks for the feedback!**

The week after getting back from Lorelai is blurred. It is the liminal space between Christmas and New Year. Charlotte counts down the days until Tyler gets back, spending most of her time eating Christmas candy and watching movies. She hangs out with Ivy one afternoon and the girls get hot chocolate, blowing the steam across the cups and their cheeks pink with cold. They describe the gifts they've gotten each and Charlotte admits she still hasn't found anything Tyler would like.

"What do you get guys?"

"I don't know...what did you get your dad?"

Charlotte gives Ivy a look. "I am not getting my boyfriend the stuff I got my dad, or my brother."

"They're guys."

"And Tyler's my boyfriend!"

"Look online."

Charlotte makes a face but decides to do so later, and coughs on some hot chocolate as her friend says, "I bet being with you would be enough."

"Are you saying I should have sex with him?"

"I'm just kidding," Ivy says, but she nudges Charlotte, who doesn't admit that she bought condoms a few weeks before. She changes the subject to new year's plans and buries her face in her cup.

Charlotte's own new year's plans are pretty uneventful. There's a small celebration at Truncheon each year and everyone gets a sparkler. This year, as she drinks too-sweet punch and looks at the clock, Charlotte thinks about how Tyler will be home the next day and feels a surge of excitement. She texts Tyler to say 'happy almost new year' and helps herself to another handful of chips. As the clock nudges towards midnight there's a bustle of excitement and everyone moves outside, passing sparklers around and glasses of champagne to the adults. Then an uncertain, cheerful chorus of Auld Lang Syne breaks out as fireworks go off in the distance. Charlotte stumbles over the words, smiling at her parents, and everyone cheers as the clock strikes.

"Happy New Year!"

Charlotte cheers it with those around her and then her mother is there, hugging her, and saying, "Happy New Year, angel."

"Happy New Year, Mom."

Charlotte and Rory smile at each other, hug again, and Charlotte silently decides her new year's resolution is to give her mom more of a chance. She doesn't want to tell Rory every single thing, but she's going to talk to her more. They break apart and then her father is there, handing her a glass of champagne, and when Charlotte looks at him in surprise Jess says, "It's just one glass, and it is New Year's."

"That's right," Rory says, smiling. "It's New Year's."

Charlotte takes a long sip and coughs a little, making her parents laugh.

"I want some!" Annie exclaims and Jess says, "Give it a few more years, Annie-girl. Here, have some lemonade."

"It tastes better," Charlotte tells her, making her parents laugh again. They stand out on the street a little longer, the sparklers lighting their circle, until everyone drifts back inside and the sparklers sputter out. Tyler doesn't text her back but Charlotte is only mildly disappointed. It's a whole new year after all.

The next day Rory and Charlotte arrange to go to Logan's. It's a long drive, the roads clogged with holiday traffic, and Charlotte's resolution not to be in a bad mood with her mother already feels tested. Rory is stressed, tapping her fingers on the steering wheel, and she constantly checks her phone when they're stationary in a lane before dropping it guiltily in case they suddenly move. She babbles to Charlotte in more of a monologue, peppered with references Charlotte only gets from so many movie marathons at Lorelai's, and finally she says sharply, "Mom!"

"What? Oh, sorry," Rory says, shaking her head. "I got kind of carried away."

Charlotte bites back an agreement. Silently, she hands her mother the flask of coffee they brought and Rory drinks it gratefully, letting out a deep sigh. Finally they arrive. It's a murky, grey day, with the kind of cold that seeps through you, and they gratefully hurry into Logan's building and into the elevator. Charlotte's heart leaps when she sees the fire crackling in the apartment as Logan opens the door with a wide smile on his face.

"If it isn't the Gilmore girls."

"I thought that was Mom and Nana," Charlotte says, taking off her coat and Logan waves a hand. "Next generation and all. There's two sets now."

"Mom's said that since you were born," Rory tells Charlotte and Logan says, "See?"

She turns to Logan and smiles, taking a breath. "Happy New Year, Logan."

"Same to you, Ace. And Charlotte."

They stand mutely for a moment before Logan says loudly, "Hey, sit. You guys need a drink. Soda good?"

"Isn't Lucia around?" Rory calls as Logan goes over to the drinks trolley and he says, "I gave her a break until tomorrow. She's with her family. 'Tis the season and all that."

He hands them their drinks and adds, "Speaking of the season, Charlotte, I got you this."

"Oh - you already gave me something though," Charlotte says, glancing at her mother who is frowning, and Logan hands her a jewellery box. "Something extra."

Charlotte opens it and gasps. Inside is a beautiful diamond necklace and as she lifts it out Logan says proudly, "Those are real diamonds. Only the best for you."

"Logan, that's too much," Rory cuts in. "You already gave her two hundred dollars."

"She's my daughter," Logan says, his tone terse. "I want to give her a good gift."

"You already gave her one," Rory says, raising her voice a little. Charlotte looks back and forth, cupping the necklace in her hand, unsure what to do.

"It's Christmas," Logan says angrily and Rory says, "Charlotte is my daughter too, Logan. Two hundred dollars was too much money to start with, but a diamond necklace? She doesn't need one!"

"I can afford it. And I seem to remember you liking yours."

"She's sixteen years old!" Rory exclaims, her voice almost a shout. "Where is she going to wear it? High school?"

"She can keep it for when she's older. First you say I don't do enough and then -"

"Stop," Rory says, breathing heavily. "Not like this."

"Not in front of me?" Charlotte interrupts, making them look round. The necklace is tight in her hand, the gems cutting her skin, and she says, "I'm not a little kid."

"Charlotte -"

"Look, just take it back," Charlotte says, her voice tight. "Don't fight over it."

"Honey -" Rory starts to say and then Logan's phone rings. He looks at them, looks at the phone and then goes into the bedroom with it.

"I'll just give it back," Charlotte says again. "You don't need to fight over it."

"I don't want to fight with him," Rory says. "I shouldn't have said all that in front of you. But -"

Before she can finish Logan strides back in, his mouth in a line. "You need to go."

"What?" Rory demands. "We just got here. We arranged this."

"You need to go," Logan says. He picks up Charlotte's glass and practically snatches Rory's from her hand. "Right now, you need to leave."

"Logan, what's going on?" Rory asks, standing up. "And don't talk to us like that."

"Odette is coming home early, that's what's going on," Logan snaps. "And I'm sorry, but you have to go before she gets here."

Rory looks at him for a moment and says, "Fine. Come on, Charlotte."

Silently, Charlotte goes to get her coat. She doesn't say anything but as she looks over at Logan his expression saddens a little and he says, "Charlotte, you can come back another time. I do want you here."

"Right," Charlotte mumbles and Rory tucks her arm around her. "I'll tell you when we want to see you again," Rory says angrily. "We're leaving." Charlotte looks back at Logan, back at her, and walks out, stuffing the necklace in her pocket.

Her mother has a tight, cold expression on her face all during the walk back to the car and through the traffic in New York. They have crawled almost halfway in almost gridlock traffic when suddenly Rory bursts into tears. They are loud and childlike and Charlotte stares at her, unsure what to do. Her mother never cries like this.

"I'm sorry," Rory says, her voice catching. "Charlotte, I'm sorry."

"Mom," Charlotte says, struggling for the right thing to say. "Mom, I love you."

"Oh, angel," Rory says, turning to hug her. "You're the only good thing to come out of this whole thing."

Charlotte doesn't ask what she means. She squeezes her mother's hand and holds it until the traffic moves again.

When they get back Jess is surprised to see them. He said he expected them later, sees the look on Rory's face and goes over to her, making her burst into tears again. Charlotte doesn't want to talk about any of it. She goes upstairs, takes out the necklace and puts it in the music box Logan gave her so many years ago. She doesn't want to look at it but somehow doesn't want to give it up. Stretching out on the bed, she takes her phone and sees some messages from Tyler, and instantly Charlotte's mood lights. _I'm back,_ his text reads. _Come over here, I missed you._

There is a knock on the door and Charlotte quickly puts the phone away. "Come in!"

It's Jess. He goes and sits on the bed and asks, "Are you okay?"

"I'm okay," Charlotte says. "Is Mom?"

"Mom's sad," Jess says, after a pause. "She'll be okay though."

Charlotte nods and Jess asks, "You want to talk about it?"

Charlotte shrugs and Jess puts a hand on her shoulder. "It helps to talk," he says. "It always helps."

"I feel a little weird," Charlotte admits. "But I want Mom to be okay. She was really upset."

"Yeah, I know," Jess says quietly. "Logan's a jerk - sorry," he says and then laughs when Charlotte says, "Are you?"

"Not really, but I shouldn't badmouth him in front of you."

"Why not?"

Jess laughs slightly but then is serious when he says, "Because he's connected to you. I don't want to feel like you have to hate him or something."

"I don't hate him," Charlotte says. "I don't know what I think."

Her father pats her shoulder and says, "You don't have to."

Charlotte nods, looking down and says, "Dad, can I go out?"

"Where?"

"Just...out," Charlotte says vaguely. "I might see Ivy."

"Okay," Jess says, after a pause. "Will you be back for dinner?"

"Maybe."

It's not really a lie, Charlotte tells herself, She is going out and she might see Ivy. She could bump into her on the street. She could have been more truthful about where she was going, she knows, but it feels private. She can have her own life too, anyway. She is sixteen and a half years old. Charlotte walks quickly against the cold, pushing her hands into her pockets for warmth, and feels the condom she took from her drawer.

Tyler kisses her as soon as he opens the door. Charlotte moves inside, still kissing, and laughs as Tyler tries to take her coat at the same time. She breaks apart from him to take it off herself and Tyler says, "Come on, I want to show you something."

They walk into the living room, footsteps echoing, and Charlotte asks, "Isn't your mom here?"

"No, she's been away the past two days."

"Oh." Charlotte doesn't know what to say. She puzzles over why Tyler didn't bother telling her earlier but then he goes over to the table, picking up a decanter and says, "Want some brandy?"

"Okay," Charlotte says. She's never tried brandy before. Tyler pours her a generous glass and Charlotte takes a long sip. The brandy burns the back of her throat but she manages not to cough. She drinks a little more but doesn't finish it. The brandy leaves a sickly taste at the back of her throat and Tyler glugs down the rest of his.

"I've got something for you."

They head upstairs and Tyler hands Charlotte something wrapped. She opens it to find a biography of Any Rand.

"Something for you to learn about," he says, smiling and Charlotte feels embarrassed with her gift. Stuffing the book in her purse, she hands him some cologne she found reduced in a store.

"It's not much," she apologises but Tyler says he loves it, spraying it all over himself. It makes Charlotte's eyes water and as he moves to kiss her the scent makes her cough. Tyler takes her hand and leads her upstairs, the scent training the whole way. Charlotte thought maybe they could sit and talk for a while, but conversation doesn't seem to be on Tyler's mind and, as she kisses him, Charlotte doesn't want to talk either. She wants to stop thinking about all of today.

Inside Tyler's room, they lie on the bed and start kissing. As they kiss harder and harder Charlotte moves her hand under Tyler's shirt to feel his skin, hot and taut, and she gasps as he puts his hands on hers, tugging at her top. "Take it off," he pleads and Charlotte slips her shirt off, blushing as it gets caught on her ear and then blushing again as she lies there in her bra. Then they're kissing again and his hands are at the back of it, struggling with the clasp until finally Charlotte sits up and takes it off herself.

"I could have done it," Tyler argues, but then he's smiling and kissing her again, pushing his chest roughly to hers. It feels so strange, his skin to hers, and Tyler senses her hesitation. "It's fine," he murmurs in her ear. "I know what I'm doing."

Charlotte isn't so sure that he does. He's rubbing his hand against her breast but it feels more awkward than enjoyable. She puts her hand around his back, closing her eyes as he kisses her neck, and then says, "Hold on," as he tugs at her jeans. Sitting up slightly, she takes the condom out from her pocket and Tyler laughs a little. "You brought one?"

"Look what we're doing."

"The girl doesn't have to get them."

Charlotte frowns at that. She's always been taught it's both people's responsibility and says, "So have you got one?"

"Hold on," Tyler groans, but he leans over her, awkwardly squashing her breasts, and reaches into the bedside table, coming out with one in his hand. "Wait."

Charlotte looks away as he unbuttons his jeans. She wonders why they couldn't have just used the one she brought and, as she waits, she suddenly feels cold.

It feels a lot, lying there in his bed, and she says, "Tyler, I don't know."

"What don't you know?"

"I don't know if I want to have sex."

"Are you serious?" Tyler exclaims. "We said - you came here with a condom."

"I know. I thought I wanted to, but I just - I want to slow down."

Tyler looks at her angrily and then says, "Whatever." He pulls his pants up, throwing the condom down and Charlotte's voice shakes as she says, "You're mad? You're mad I don't want to have sex with you?"

"I'm mad because I thought we were going to."

"I'm not saying never," Charlotte argues. "Just not now. I'm not ready."

"Why not?"

"I'm just not."

Tyler looks at her and silently picks up his shirt and Charlotte says, "So you're not going to talk to me?"

"What do we need to talk about?"

"You haven't even asked how my Christmas was. How my day was."

"I didn't think it was the point of you coming over."

"If it's all you care about, maybe you should date someone else," Charlotte says. She waits for him to say he doesn't think that and, when he doesn't, she silently gets dressed and leaves. Halfway home, she drops the Ayn Rand biography in the trash. Did they just break up? Once home, she doesn't know what to do with herself. The house is empty and a note reads that Annie and Richie are staying the night with friends and her parents have gone to see a movie. Charlotte feels weird about everything. She wants to cry but she can't. She just feels numb. Going into the living room, her eyes wander across the shelves and land on Rory's book. Charlotte bites her lip, makes some coffee and then gets the book off the shelf. She goes into her room, closes the door and sits on the bed. Taking a sip of coffee, she opens the book and begins to read.


	30. Chapter 30

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Rory feels a little brighter on the way out from the cinema. Jess said it was what she needed to get her mind off things and, though she didn't really enjoy the film, it felt good to get out of the house for a while. She keeps replaying the conversation with Logan in her mind, the awful fight they had in front of Charlotte. Fighting in front of her was something Rory vowed never to do. She guesses she could call Logan and try and smooth things over, but Rory is still furious with him. It hurt to be just thrown out of his apartment like that. Despite so many years of knowing the arrangement, it still stings, and Logan has never dismissed them like that before. Maybe she and Jess shouldn't have gone out. Maybe they should told Charlotte to stay home too and try and talk things through, though Rory still doesn't know where to start. She lets out a sigh and Jess looks at her.

"Talk."

"So what did you think of the movie? I thought it was a little too long. Way too much exposition and -"

"Rory."

"Okay, I keep thinking about how I screwed everything up so much."

"Hey," Jess says, taking her hand. "It's going to be okay."

"I really messed up."

"Maybe," Jess says. "But you'll make it up to her."

"I hope I can. Do you think I should let Charlotte keep the necklace?"

"It's up to you," Jess says. "But I don't think it's the main issue here."

Jess kisses her cheek and Rory doesn't voice the rest, how she felt like she'd stepped back in time and turned into Lorelai fighting with Christopher, only worse. It's a strange and disconcerting feeling. Things never got so ugly with her own parents.

When they get home the house is dark. Rory frowns. "Did Charlotte say what time she'd be back?"

"Maybe she decided to stay over."

Jess opens the front door, turning on the hall light, and they both jump as Charlotte walks down the stairs, a figure illuminated as she descends from the dark. There's a book hanging loosely from her hand.

"Jeez," Jess says. "You almost gave us a heart attack."

"We didn't know you were back," Rory adds. Charlotte ignores her. There's an odd expression on her face and she looks as haunted as when she emerged from the shadow, her hair hanging over her face.

"Charlotte?" Jess asks and this time she looks up.

"You lied to me," she says to Rory. "Everything, all my life - you've been lying."

"What?" Rory exclaims. "What are you talking about?"

"You know what I'm talking about!" Charlotte shouts, lifting the book up to the light. "You didn't tell me but you put it all in this!"

The world seems to slip into slow motion. Rory stares at the book and a wave of heat seems to pass over her, her heart thudding. It thuds faster and faster yet Charlotte's voice grows fainter. Rory is aware of her talking, Jess trying to say something, and she sways on her feet.

"Rory!"

"I'm fine," Rory says. For a moment she thought she was going to faint. The room is brought back into focus and Charlotte's voice rings as she says, "You're fine? I'm not fine. Is it true? It is, isn't it? Logan was engaged."

"Yes," Rory says, her voice a whisper. "He was engaged. And he was married when you were born."

"And - and - you slept with Dean when he was married?" Charlotte exclaims. "You did it _twice_? You tell me what to do and say all this junk about smart choices and you dated guys when they were married! You're a hypocrite, you're a liar and I hate you!"

"Charlotte!" Jess shouts. "Take that back!"

"Why should I?" Charlotte demands. "She's lied to me my whole life!"

Rory has lost her voice. She knows she has to say something, do something, but she just stares at her daughter, struck dumb. This is worse than when Lindsay's mother called her a monster. Worse than when Jess left. Worse than when she stopped talking to Lorelai. Rory never imagined anything could feel worse than that, but here she is.

"I hate you too," Charlotte says to Jess, her voice shaking. "You lied to me too. I hate both of you."

"Hey," Jess says, putting his hand on Charlotte's arm, who instantly throws it off. "You hate us. Okay. Let's go and sit and talk about this, so we can at least figure out some conversation."

"No," Charlotte says, her eyes starting to fill. "I don't want to talk to you. I don't want to talk to you and I definitely don't want to talk to Mom. I wish she wasn't my mom."

Rory gasps and then she is crying too, without even feeling she was about to start. She was numb and now tears are flowing fast down her face, blurring her vision. Her nose is dripping too but Rory doesn't make a move to wipe either.

"Charlotte," she sobs. "I'm sorry."

"I don't care," her daughter says. Her voice is tight and angry. "Don't talk to me."

"Hey -" Jess starts to say and Charlotte cries, "Leave me alone! Both of you, just leave me alone!"

She rubs angrily at the tears on her cheeks, throws the book at their feet and runs upstairs. Jess makes to go upstairs but Rory takes his arm.

"No," she says. "Leave her."

Jess looks upstairs, looks at Rory and nods. He bends down to pick up the book and Rory's breath comes out in juddering gasps.

"Oh my God," she says, her words catching. "Oh my God."

Jess silently puts his arms around her and Rory cries hard, her whole body shaking. They stand like that for a while until finally Rory steps away, wiping her face. Jess leads her into the kitchen, pouring out a glass of water and hands it to Rory as he makes some coffee. Rory silently drinks, both hands tight around the glass as though she's a little kid. All her arguments rise up to mock her - that it was better to wait, that Charlotte was too young to hear it - and Rory almost starts crying again. So much for any of it. So much for protecting her daughter.

Jess puts a steaming cup of coffee on the table and sits down opposite her.

"We'll get through this," he says and Rory roughly shakes her head.

"How?" she demands. "How are we going to get through this? She hates me."

"She said she hates me too."

"She doesn't hate you. Not as much as me anyway."

"She doesn't hate you either," Jess says seriously. "Not really. She's angry, but she doesn't hate you."

"How do you know that? She's so mad at me. She sounds like she hates me and I don't blame her."

"Come on," Jess says. "You made some mistakes but you're a good mother."

"No I'm not."

"Yes you are. You love her. You try and do what's best for her."

"I wanted to protect her," Rory says, starting to cry again. "Everyone said I should tell her. But I didn't want her to feel like she was a mistake, or deal with what we did."

Jess is silent and Rory says tearfully, "I didn't want to deal with it. I didn't want to deal with her being hurt, and now look. She's hurt and she hates me. I should have told her."

"Maybe," Jess agrees, reaching over the table to take her hands. "But you'll work through it. We'll work through it together. She's going to be mad for a while - she might always be mad - but she still loves you."

"I don't know if it's enough." Rory's eyes film over with tears and then Jess is by her side, holding her to his chest.

"I love you," he says gently. "And I promise we'll get through this."

Rory smiles but can't say anything in response.

That night, before bed, she knocks gently on Charlotte's door. There's no answer but Rory slowly opens the door to see Charlotte lying still on the bed, fullydressed. Rory walks over, leaving the light off, and sits beside her. Her daughter doesn't move but Rory knows she's awake.

"I'm sorry," Rory says, looking at her. "I know it's not enough. I know it doesn't make things right. It's all I can do, right now. I'm sorry."

Charlotte lies rigidly still and Rory bites her lip.

"I know you're mad at me. I didn't tell you because I didn't want to hurt you...I know I made a mistake."

Rory lets out a breath, resisting the urge to turn the light on and make Charlotte look at her.

"I love you," she says finally. "I love you and I'm sorry."

Finally her daughter says, "I'm trying to sleep."

Wordlessly, Rory gets up, goes to her own room and gets ready for bed. She lies still, sleepless, until light insists through and it's dawn.


	31. Chapter 31

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Charlotte feels like a fool. Her entire life has been a joke, everyone around her hiding the same lie. No wonder Logan never wants his wife around when she's there. Why has she never thought about him being married before she was born? She knew Rory broke up with Logan right before she told him she was pregnant, but Charlotte never thought how it was weird he got married so soon. She never thought about it once. _Idiot._ Her mind keeps looping back to the sentences she read. _When I was with him, the rest of it didn't matter. We jumped. We had our own world - a world where he wasn't engaged, I wasn't dating someone and we only mattered to each other. It was only the now. Until I finally understood, one beautiful fall morning, that our worlds were colliding and they couldn't be colored by him anymore. I chose my own future and stepped out alone. Less than two months later I discovered I was pregnant._

Charlotte had read the words over and over until she felt sick. The blood in her veins felt like ice and for a few seconds Charlotte thought she might faint. She had read on, having a crazy hope that the next lines would say _just kidding!_ or _he wasn't really engaged_. But he was, and Rory wasn't kidding. Charlotte knew that. She knew Logan was engaged, he'd got married right in the middle of her mother's pregnancy and everyone had lied. It feels fitting. So what if her mother broke up with him before she knew she was pregnant? Her conception happened in the whole sordid affair. Somehow it feels logical. All her flaws, all her mistakes suddenly seem fitting. No wonder she's a screwup.

Charlotte thought she'd been mad at her mother before but now she feels truly angry. She can hardly look her in the eye. Rory keeps pleading with her, saying she's sorry and Charlotte blocks it out. It doesn't change anything. Jess tries talking to her but Charlotte ignores him as well. She's mad at him too- not as much as with Rory, but he lied along with her. And as well as all her anger, Charlotte feels this horrible, aching sadness. Her dad was always her dad, but now there's this kind of gulf between them. All Charlotte can think of is that her good parts aren't from him. Her brother and sister are the kids they really wanted and she's just part of mom's mess.

Richie and Annie know something's up. They ask what's going on but Charlotte doesn't tell them anything. Her mom and dad can explain how they've been lying her whole life. Charlotte doesn't know what they tell them, and she doesn't care. She feels mad at her brother and sister too, though she knows it's not their fault. Charlotte's angry that they don't have to deal with this, that they were always happy news. Suddenly the _half_ part of their being siblings seems bigger.

Over the next few days Charlotte spends most of her time holed up in her room. She blasts music so she doesn't have to think but it doesn't work. One day she goes to the shop and comes home with a big bag of candy, and for an hour she simply sits and eats, but it doesn't make her feel better. Charlotte just feels sick afterwards. She sits on the floor and cradles her stomach, not wanting to go downstairs for water, and then a big tear falls down her cheek. Charlotte's aching. She wants someone to hold her and make her feel better, and in that moment she really misses Tyler. Whenever she was mad at her family he'd back her up, and more than anything, she felt special with him. Right now Charlotte feels lonely and sick, both in stomach and soul, and she curls up on the floor, until a knock on the door shakes her. Charlotte straightens up and scowls as her mother says, "Honey?"

"I'm busy."

Rory comes in anyway. She takes in the scene of candy wrappers scattered everywhere and raises her eyebrows, before lightly saying, "Sugar blowout, huh? A true Gilmore cure."

Charlotte has always loved sharing her last name with her mother but now it feels like a curse. She doesn't want to be a Gilmore. She doesn't want to be tied to Rory like that and she yells, "Leave me alone!"

"Charlotte!"

"I don't want to talk to you!"

Rory looks hurt but she says evenly, "I'm worried about you. You've been sitting up here for three days. You don't have to talk to me but you should talk to someone."

Her mother bends down slightly and Charlotte can see her locket winking in the light. It's a twin to hers, with a picture of Charlotte inside as a baby and a wisp of her hair. Rory showed her once but said she was afraid of the little curl falling out. Charlotte looks away from it, her own locket heavy against her chest.

"If I go downstairs will you leave me alone?"

"Charlotte -"

"Forget it," Charlotte snaps, getting up. "I'm going out."

"Where?"

"Ivy's. Now you've got more fodder for your next book!"

Charlotte storms past her before she can see Rory's reaction. Shoving her phone in her pocket, she grabs her jacket before marching to her friend's house. It's a freezing day, where the cold physically hurts, but Charlotte likes it. It makes her feel the other stuff less. It's a good two miles to Ivy's house but Charlotte only stops stride to text her friend, and when her friend opens the door she exclaims, "What's going on?"

"Coffee first," Charlotte says and then, once both are curled up in Ivy's room with a cup each, she tells her the whole story.

"And she lied to me my whole life," Charlotte finishes. "She wrote it all down in her book but she never told me a thing."

"I'm sorry." Ivy sounds like she doesn't know what to say and Charlotte scrunches up her nose, which is threatening to run.

"No wonder she didn't want me to read it. God, I'm such an idiot."

"How come you never read it before?" Ivy asks curiously. It's a question Charlotte's been asking herself endlessly and, feeling tired, she shrugs and says, "I guess I didn't think it would be that interesting. She said she didn't want me to read it because I wouldn't understand it, and I always figured she was talking about sex. I didn't want to read about her doing that."

Ivy nods sympathetically and asks, "So how come you did read it?"

Charlotte swallows a burning sip of coffee to put off answering. "I had a fight with Tyler."

"What?"

"I think we kind of broke up."

 _"What?"_ Ivy echoes. "What happened?"

"I...I was going to have sex. And then it felt weird and we got in a fight over it."

"A fight?"

"I mean, not a real fight. He got annoyed, I guess, and I said if it was all he cared about he should date someone else."

"Did he say he only wanted that?"

"No. He hasn't called or texted me since though."

"But...did he say you were broken up?"

"No..."

"Then -"

"I don't want to talk about it," Charlotte says fiercely. She's afraid she's going to cry on both counts now. "The point is, I came home and I didn't want to think about it and I saw my mom's book and just picked it up and read it. And then I found out my whole life is this gross lie."

Ivy is quiet for a moment and then says, "Are you sorry you read it?"

Charlotte shrugs and then she can feel the tears coming, and before she can stop them they're rolling down her cheeks. Ivy puts her arms around her and Charlotte sobs, "I hate her. I hate that she lied to me and I feel like an idiot. Like I couldn't figure out Logan being married before I was born and why his wife can't see me...why didn't I think about it? I never even thought about the date he got married. I hate that I was lied to for so long. I feel so stupid."

"It doesn't make you stupid."

"Yes, it does. And my mom just told me all this crap about breaking up because they weren't right for each other. They broke up because he was getting married, and then there was me."

Ivy bites her lip and Charlotte says tearfully, "She wouldn't tell me the truth but she told everyone else who buys her book. And all the other stuff she screwed up...she didn't tell me half of it. Did you know she lost her virginity to a married guy?"

"No way!"

"Yes! He was her ex-boyfriend but he'd gotten married. And then she turns around and tells me to make good choices and work hard - like she didn't drop out of college. I'm never going to talk to her again."

Ivy doesn't remark on the logistics of this and instead says, "You can hang out at my place tonight, if you want."

Charlotte considers this. She almost accepts the offer but then imagines seeing Ivy's family later, a family who hasn't lied to their daughter for years, and it hurts. Charlotte shakes her head.

"Thanks, but I'm going to head back. I should work on my assignments."

Charlotte hasn't touched a single assignment and knows she won't later, but the excuse works. Ivy gives her a hug and says, "It'll be okay."

"It won't. But thanks."

"Maybe you should call Tyler," Ivy says tentatively. "Maybe he wants to get back together."

Charlotte can't even think about that. She walks the two miles back, the distance seeming considerably further this time, her thoughts echoing in her mind with each step. How all of her mom's mistakes are hardwired in her genes. And Logan's, too. Charlotte hates them both. She hates Logan slightly less, somehow. For most of her life he just sent gifts now and then. As well as the newest necklace her mom freaked out over there's one he gave her as a baby, made of something called moon diamonds. They're supposed to change colour with the light, though Charlotte's never seen a difference. Most of the time it's put away safely, as well as the book. Charlotte feels another spurt of anger. Maybe she does hate Logan as much after all. He definitely never wanted his secret coming out. He doesn't even have one baby picture of her, and Charlotte wipes angrily at her eyes.

Jess is waiting when she gets back and says, "Have you got ready for Nana's tomorrow?"

Charlotte forgot about that. She folds her arms and says, "I don't want to go."

"Charlotte, we're all going. Next week you're back at school and we're going for a few days."

"I want to stay home."

Jess pauses and says gently, "I know you do. But we've planned this. Lorelai wants to see you, and you're not sitting it out for three days. You've already sat up in your room that long."

"Maybe I don't want to spend time with people who lie to me!"

"Hey," Jess says sharply. "Come on. I want to talk to you."

He gets his own jacket and opens the door and, after hesitating for a moment, Charlotte walks out with him. For a while they walk in silence and finally Jess says, "I know you're mad at me. At me and your mom and everyone, and I get it. You've got a right to be mad at us. But the solution is not to sit up in your room until college."

"Worked for Emily Dickinson."

"Charlotte, you are not becoming a recluse," Jess says, nudging her arm. "No matter how great a poet you might be. Though you'll have to ask your mom about that, poetry was never my strong suit."

Charlotte doesn't smile and says, "Don't make jokes, Dad. I don't feel like it."

Jess exhales and says, "So let's talk seriously then."

"I don't want to."

"We made a mistake," Jess says, moving to look her in the eye. "I'm not going to make an excuse for it. I'm not going to get into why. But you have to talk to us. You're our daughter."

Charlotte looks away and walks ahead. She doesn't tell him the sneaky fears that are snaking around her head, like how maybe he wished she had always been his biologically. That he lied too because he thinks the story was too awful and shameful to tell her. Because it is - there's no other way around it.

"Hey," Jess says, walking to catch her up. "Listen to me. I love you. You know that, right? None of this means I could love you any less. Not possible - you're my kid."

It helps, but doesn't wash her worries away. Charlotte knows Jess loves her, nothing shakes that, but it feels more complicated than before. She silently lets him hug her and they walk slowly home.


	32. Chapter 32

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When Rory wakes up she feels normal. For a brief moment she feels happy and then it hits her. Last night Rory dreamt Charlotte was a baby again. Rory played with her little girl, enjoying the serenity, but something was nagging her in the dream. She had to tell Charlotte something and didn't know what, and then Rory woke up. She never told Charlotte what she had to know. Instead, her daughter read her book, won't talk to Rory and probably will never forgive her. Rory lies still on the bed, aching from the dream, and Jess shifts, waking up.

"Hey," he says sleepily, rolling over to kiss her. "Good morning."

"Right," Rory says quietly and, under the covers, Jess takes her hand. He kisses her shoulder and Rory knows they've got time to make love if they want. Instead, she sits up and says, "We should get the kids ready."

"And coffee," Jess says, letting go of her hand and Rory nods. "Coffee," she says a little too enthusiastically. "Yes."

As Jess heads to the kitchen Rory slowly gets out of bed. They're visiting Lorelai for a few days. Rory doesn't particularly want to go but on the other hand is relieved at getting out of the house for a while. It's felt suffocating, her daughter sequestered in her room when she isn't slamming out of it for food and water. Charlotte won't look Rory in the eye and Jess isn't having better luck. Rory is starting to worry but has no idea what to do. Maybe getting away for a while will do them all good.

An hour later Rory is doubting that theory. They are halfway there, Jess beside her and the kids in the back. Richie is in the middle, determinedly playing some kind of video game, Annie is chattering enough for both and Charlotte is on the other side, staring out of the window plugged into her music. Rory decided to drive, if only to distract herself from twisting around the entire time to check on her daughter, but it's not really helping. As she glances in the mirror she takes in the sight of Charlotte, who hasn't looked up once, and her hands tighten on the wheel.

"Hey," Jess says loudly. "How about a game?"

Annie is the only one to respond with any enthusiasm. Charlotte steadfastly ignores him and Richie says, "I'm already playing a game."

"I'm talking about a real game."

"This is a real game!"

"Richie, put that thing down and humour your old man, okay?" Their son sighs but does so, putting his hands up, and Jess says, "Great. I'm thinking an alphabet of Strokes songs."

"You got me to stop playing for this?"

"Hey, it's a game that requires skill. And there's a dollar in it for the winner."

"A whole dollar," Richie says sarcastically but he says, "How can I refuse with those odds?"

"Just the spirit I was looking for. Charlotte, you in?"

Charlotte doesn't look round. Rory doesn't know if it's if she can't hear or doesn't want and Jess shrugs. They wait a moment and Jess says loudly, "Okay, I'm going first. _All the time_. Richie, you're up!"

Richie looks at his sister for a moment but goes right into the game without asking. Rory told him and Annie Charlotte was mad about something private that happened before she was born, but it was Charlotte's business. Rory gets an uncomfortable feeling at lying more, but she doesn't know how to start that conversation, and all she wants to do is work on things with her older daughter. That's true at least.

Some excruciating hours later they reach Stars Hollow. A pit in Rory's stomach grows as she pulls into her mother's drive. She hasn't told Lorelai what happened - it didn't feel like something to spill on the phone - but now it feels worse, seeing her mother out waiting on the porch. Lorelai hastens down the steps as everyone gets out of the car, giving everyone a hug and leading them inside where Paul Anka is already barking and says happily, "Tell me everything! I want to hear all the news, leave nothing out!"

"Mom," Charlotte says loudly. "Don't you have something to share?"

Everyone looks at her in surprise and Jess says, "Hey," in a warning tone. Rory opens and closes her mouth and Charlotte looks back and forth from her to Lorelai.

"You know, forget it," she says with a bitter laugh. "You knew too. Everyone in this whole damn family is a liar!"

"Charlotte!" Lorelai exclaims, going over to her. "What are you talking about?"

"You know!"

"No, I really don't! And you've stumped your grandmother who wins the award for never-stumping and yes, that's a weird sentence, but you get my drift!"

"Ask her!" Charlotte shouts, looking at Rory. "And then you can lie even more!"

Before anyone can respond she storms out of the kitchen, slamming the door and it's only when they hear her footsteps echo away that Lorelai says, "Okay, will someone tell me what is going on?"

"Charlotte," Rory says weakly. "Someone needs to go after Charlotte."

"Daddy?" Annie asks, eyes wide and Jess seems to shake himself.

"You and me are going for milkshake," he says to her, and glancing at Richie, "You too, bud."

"Charlotte," Rory says again but Jess says, "Rory, it's Stars Hollow. Make three right turns and she's back where she started. Let her blow off some steam. Come on guys."

Rory folds her arms as Jess leads Annie and Richie outside and slowly looks up as Lorelai says, "Rory, what the hell happened?"

The waves are coming over her again. The feeling of heat and sickness are washing over Rory, and she grips the back of a kitchen chair. "Rory?" Lorelai asks, sounding worried, and Rory takes a deep breath. "Charlotte read my book," she says eventually. "She read everything about me and Logan."

"Oh, Rory," Lorelai says quietly. "Oh God."

Rory pulls the chair out and sinks into it, her mother following suit. "How did she read it?" Lorelai presses. "I mean, obviously she can read, but why did she read it?"

"I don't know," Rory says with a hollow laugh. "She never said anything about wanting to read it before. It was like she didn't care I had a book. And then one evening Jess and I got back from the movies and she'd read it. She threw it down at my feet and hasn't talked to me since. That was three days ago."

"Oh, Rory."

Rory waits and when she looks up her mother is staring at her with this awful expression of half pity, half horror and finally says, "I told you."

"Mom, _don't_ ," Rory snaps. "Don't say _I told you so_!"

"But I did tell you so!" Lorelai exclaims. "I knew this would happen - not this specifically, but I knew not telling her would be bad!"

"Good for you!" Rory shouts. "Good for everybody! What do you want me to do? Grab my time machine and jump back sixteen years?"

"You said you thought it through!"

"I screwed up, okay? I didn't think of this! There's not a damn thing I can do about it now, not a single thing I can do to fix it and Charlotte hates me!"

"Rory," Lorelai says, her face softening. "She doesn't hate you."

"Yes she does," Rory says, feeling herself beginning to cry. "And I don't blame her. She won't look at me or talk to me. I'm scared - I'm -"

Rory's voice falters and Lorelai takes her hands. "I really, really messed up," Rory chokes and Lorelai nods, but her eyes are kind. "I can't make it right."

"Honey."

"No, I can't. And it made sense at the time. Charlotte was so little, and I didn't know how to explain the whole thing to a kid. And then she was starting middle school and high school, and I had the other kids too, and it just felt wrong to tell her. I didn't want to tell her. I was such an idiot."

"You should have told her," Lorelai agrees. "But you're not an idiot."

"Everyone else knew!" Rory exclaims through her tears. "Everyone else knew I should tell her, but I'm her mother. I didn't want to hurt her. And I didn't want to drag it all up either, but I really, really didn't want to hurt her, Mom."

"I know, angel."

"And now she's so hurt," Rory sobs. "She's hurt in the worst way. And if I'd just - I didn't even put the book away. I asked her not to read it and figured it would be enough. And now I've ruined her life."

"You haven't ruined her life," Lorelai says and when Rory looks away she bends to reach her eyes. "Look at me. You haven't ruined her life. It's going to be hard and Charlotte might not forgive you for a long time but you haven't ruined her life."

"She'll never forgive me."

"You don't know that."

"No, I can't promise, but Charlotte loves you. She's mad at you but she still loves you, and maybe one day she'll understand why you lied."

"She's a Gilmore," Rory sniffles. "We're known for our grudges. Have you and Grandma ever got past what happened when you were sixteen?"

Lorelai looks sad and Rory adds, "I'm sorry," but her mother shakes her head. "No - it's okay. Oh, Rory, I don't need to tell you how complicated it is with us. I don't think it's ever going to be uncomplicated. But - listen, _but_ \- we are in a much better place than we were. And it took a long time and some of that therapy Mom dragged me to, but we are not in that place we were in when I left. Do I want to go to her place every weekend for a mother-daughter sleepover? No. But I love her, and I even enjoy spending time with her. Kind of. Even some of those Friday Night dinners were good."

"Grandma lives too far away for sleepovers," Rory jokes but something twists in her stomach. She doesn't voice her own fear, that one day she's going to come home to a note too, and manages to smile. Lorelai smiles back, reaching over to wipe her tears, and says, "I believe this is the longest conversation we've had without coffee. In a long time, anyway."

Rory watches Lorelai brew the pot and says heavily, "It's so hard being a mom."

"You're just noticing?" Lorelai teases, but as she sets the cups down she kisses the top of Rory's head and hugs her tightly for a moment. "You're going to be okay."

Rory nods silently and as she sits, Lorelai asks cautiously, "Have you told Logan?"

"No," Rory says quietly. "It seems like it should be Charlotte's call. But right now we're not talking and I had fight with Logan before, so..."

Her voice fades and Rory stares into the black liquid in her cup. So much for being the girl who always thought things though.

"What do you think Logan'll say?"

"I haven't even got that far, Mom," Rory says feeling tired. "I can't." Lorelai nods and briefly they sip in silence.

"I'm worried about Charlotte," Rory says eventually. "She's been locked up in her room ever since she found out what happened."

"It's only been a few days. She needs time to process."

"I know she needs space," Rory says slowly. "But it's so much to deal with..."

"Charlotte's like you," Lorelai says. "She needs to be on her own for things. Dad was like that too."

"I miss Grandpa," Rory says and her mother smiles sadly. "I miss him too."

"He always knew what to say." Rory stops there, knowing her mother severely disagrees, but for her it's true. Even if he couldn't fix it, her grandfather made her feel better, and right now Rory misses Richard more than ever.

As they finish the coffee Rory scrapes her chair back, saying, "I'm going to go look for Charlotte."

"Rory. Jess is right - she needs to blow off some steam."

"I know, but she's been gone for a while now. Plus I need the walk."

"Okay," Lorelai says doubtfully and then laughs, making Rory frown. "It still feels weird to say Jess is right about things."

"Talk about holding a grudge," Rory remarks. "I don't know which of you is worse."

"Me! No, him! Wait, who I do I want to win?"

"It's not exactly a contest," Rory says, smiling. "Bye, Mom. Wish me luck."

"Wait," Lorelai says and Rory turns around. "How mad do you think she is at me?"

"Mad, but not as angry as she is with me. It wasn't your idea," Rory says, sighing. "That was just me, and I'm the one she's most mad at."

"You don't think I should check my sheets before going to bed?"

"Make Paul Anka do it," Rory teases. He lets out a loud bark, Lorelai laughs and Rory heads out into the cold.

It's a miserable, freezing day. There's a low bank of cloud but rather than insulating it seems to make the day extra chilled, like being in a freezer. Rory stuffs her hands in her pockets and walks around the town. For once, she doesn't want to bump into Lane or Miss Patty or anyone she knows and Rory is in luck. She even misses seeing Taylor. Lane must be at work and Miss Patty is leading a class at the dance studio, the studio, Rory realises with a jolt, her daughter has read about. The innocent time she fell asleep with Dean and the less innocent time after that. Rory quickens her pace, staring at the ground. It's unnerving to think her daughter now knows such illicit things about her.

Rory hadn't planned on making any detours but is so cold she slips into Luke's. Closing the door, she looks around, and jumps as Luke says, "They left about ten minutes ago. Jess wanted to peruse the bookstore."

"So he'll be gone all afternoon then," Rory says, only half joking, and Luke lets out a laugh. "Sit down, I'll get you some coffee."

The diner is almost empty. There are few tables full, buzzing with low conversation, and Rory sinks down on a stool at the counter. Luke pours her a cup and says, "Jess told me what happened."

"He did?"

"Some of it. Extreme cliff notes version, but I got the picture."

Luke's expression is unchanged as he slides the cup over and Rory takes a long sip before saying, "I should have told her."

She waits and Luke says, "You should've," but it's not judgemental. Somehow that makes Rory feels worse. At least with Lorelai she could focus on anger as well as hurt.

"I should have told her," Rory says again. "There were a million chances to tell Charlotte - her whole life - and it always felt wrong. I wanted to protect her. I know it sounds stupid now - it _really_ sounds stupid now - but I didn't want to hurt her. I didn't want her to have to deal with what Logan and I did."

Rory lets out a breath. Normally she would never imagine talking this way to Luke but it helps, just talking like this and she says, "I thought of never telling her anything. Not telling Logan anything. But it felt wrong, like I was lying because the truth was too much. I know how it sounds. I told her half and that went as badly as a thing could - the worst, I -"

Rory stops talking as Luke looks at her and to her horror she can sense the tears building up again. "I never wanted to hurt Charlotte," she says, knowing the tears are going to fall. "I love her so much and I wanted to keep her safe. I told myself it would be better to wait until she was eighteen, and to get her through growing up. I wrecked it."

"Rory," Luke says gently, "There's no damn person in this world who doesn't wish they could do something over. Not one."

Rory sniffles, and Luke pretends not to notice she's dabbing her eyes with a napkin. "You want to talk about screwing up as a parent," he says. "I threw Jess out when he dropped out of school."

"You didn't throw him out," Rory argues but Luke shakes his head. "I said he had to go. I didn't mean it - and I'd wager Jess didn't mean the junk he said back - but I was too mad and proud to try again, and then he was gone and I didn't go after him."

"It was different," Rory insists and Luke says, "I know. And I was his uncle, but I was responsible. And then I let him go to his dad's."

"Jess was eighteen."

"I should have gone after him," Luke says. "I didn't think that jerk who abandoned him deserved to be his father - still don't, as it happens. I was proud."

Rory is silent for a moment and then says, "I was ashamed. I didn't want to tell Charlotte about the mistakes I made. I didn't want to hurt her - but I was scared to tell her how I messed up. And I wish she'd never read that book, but I still don't know how I'd have told her. Not that it matters now. I ruined everything."

"You can't fixate on what you wish you'd done," Luke says, more serious than before. "You do that, you'll spend your whole life stuck in the past. You've got to deal with what you've got now."

"I don't know how to," Rory protests. "Charlotte won't talk to me."

"You keep trying," Luke says simply. "You'd do anything for that kid of yours and that's where you start. Listen to her - even when she's not talking, listen."

Rory stares at him and Luke coughs, sounding embarrassed.

"Had no idea you were so wise," Rory says and then quickly adds, "Wow, that came out really insulting," but her stepfather laughs.

"I'm not, believe me. That stupid self-help book and tapes - guess it stuck."

"Right," Rory teases, making Luke blush. Jess told her that story years ago. Rory goes around the counter and gives Luke a tight hug. "It's you too," she promises, and Luke smiles, slightly abashed.

"I don't know how wise I'll sound when I tell you I invited April over for dinner."

"What?"

"I figured it could get awkward and April likes to yak, she can rival your mom, and I figured if the rest of us weren't talking..." Luke coughs again but Rory smiles.

"It was a good idea."

"It was?"

"We haven't seen April in months. I'm looking forward to it."

"Good," Luke says, relaxing, and Rory says, "I'm going to head back unto the breach."

"You're what?"

"Go back outside," Rory translates. "Maybe see if I can find Charlotte."

Her lightened mood dims but she nods as Luke says, "Listen to her, Rory."

Rory walks back through the town and then her heart stops. Charlotte is sitting alone on the gazebo and tentatively Rory climbs up and asks, "Can I sit?"

"I can't stop you," Charlotte says. She stares straight ahead as Rory joins her on the bench, leaving some room, but as Charlotte looks ready to get up Rory says, "Charlotte. I'm sorry."

Charlotte folds her arms tightly and Rory wonders which is worse, silence or a snarky comment. She'd rather take the latter for now.

"I'm sorry," she says again. "If I could do it over, I would."

"You can't," Charlotte snaps and Rory winces. "I know. I wanted to protect you. I was wrong and I - Charlotte, I can't change it. All I can do is be sorry."

Charlotte is quiet for a moment and then says angrily, "You just didn't want to tell me about all the stupid things you've done."

"Maybe a little," Rory concedes. "You're my daughter."

"Exactly!"

"Charlotte, I'm human," Rory tries to say. "I've had a past - I'm not proud of all of it, and I didn't want to put any of it on you. I'm ashamed of some things but you have to know I was never ashamed of you."

"Then you should have told me," Charlotte says, eyes flashing and Rory bites her lip.

"I can't change any of it," she says eventually. "And I won't excuse what happened. But I had you and fell in love with your dad and those were some of the happiest moments in my life."

Charlotte looks at her and says, "I bet Dad only stayed with you because he felt sorry for you."

Rory sucks her breath in. Charlotte has never been so cruel to her, deliberately or otherwise, and for a moment she stares at her. Her daughter's eyes are angry and bitter and Rory finally says, "That's not true, Charlotte."

Charlotte's expression is unreadable and Rory takes a deep breath.

"I know you're mad at me. I know you don't want to talk to me. I love you, if you forgive me or not."

"I don't," Charlotte says simply. She gets up, not looking back, and disappears into the deepening dusk.


	33. Chapter 33

**Thanks for the feedback!**

Charlotte is glad to be away from the house but Lorelai's isn't much better. Everyone is so uncomfortable and pretending not to be. Rory tried talking to Charlotte earlier that day but Charlotte isn't interested. She lashed out, saying Jess only stayed with her because he felt sorry for her. Charlotte knows that's not true, but in the moment she wanted to hurt her mother. She wanted to make her stop talking and feel as bad as she does. Charlotte's conscience twinged a little at seeing her mother's face after she said it, but not enough for her to take it back. Charlotte is still too angry and everyone talks with forced politeness.

April comes over for dinner afterwards. Charlotte wasn't that excited of the thought of adding another guest to the group, but it turns out well. April talks all through the meal about her new experiment and funding and her girlfriend so no one else has to make conversation at all. Charlotte digs her fork into her potatoes, listening to how April's girlfriend Mona is the first person to actually challenge April on her experimenting.

"No pun intended," April adds, laughing to herself, and then, looking round at the continued silence, she says, "Hey, I worked on that joke!"

"Sorry, sweetie," Lorelai says, shaking herself. "I guess we got distracted."

"Experimenting?" Luke echoes. "But you told me you weren't experimenting! You were very firm about it!"

"Dad, it's just a joke," April assures him. "Relax."

April isn't the most socially aware in the family but she quietens down, finishing her food. Everyone keeps sharing awkward glances and it's enough to make Charlotte want to throw her plate on the ground. _Just say it_! she wants to shout. _Stop pretending nothing happened!_

Charlotte goes to the bathroom after dinner and bumps into Lorelai on the way out.

"Hey kid," Lorelai says, trying to smile. "We were thinking of watching a movie. Want to pick one?"

"I don't care what we watch," Charlotte says flatly. She doesn't try to sound polite. Lorelai's face falls a little but she nods and says, "I'll go make some coffee while they decide."

She looks at Charlotte and adds, "If you want to talk -"

"I'm going to get some water," Charlotte says loudly, cutting her off. Part of her does want to talk, but she's so mad it swings out the rest. Lorelai lied to her too. Every adult in her family lied to her, and it makes Charlotte so incensed she doesn't want to talk to any of them about anything ever again. The anger inside her feels like a clenched fist. Part of her at least wants to talk to Lorelai about her fight with Tyler, but her hurt wins, clenching tightly inside her, and it aches twice over. Charlotte used to tell Lorelai everything. Charlotte walks through the living room and looks away from the pictures of the mantelpiece, especially the one of her and Rory when she was born. A big part of Charlotte wants to smash it. Instead she goes to get her glass of water and, despite it being so cold, steps out on the porch and almost collides with April.

"Sorry," Charlotte says, surprised. "I didn't expect anyone to be out here."

"I always go out after dinner," April says, sounding guilty, and Charlotte frowns. "Do you smoke or something?"

"No," April says awkwardly. "I tried once, but it tastes gross and it's bad for you anyway. Kind of like when I smoked weed. I just got super paranoid and none of the fun stuff happened. Anyway - turns out I don't like smoking but I like taking a break outside after dinner. So that's what I'm doing."

Charlotte smiles but it fades as April says, "Dad told me what happened."

"Did you know?" Charlotte asks quietly and April says, "Some."

"Did you read Mom's book?"

"Not all of it. I tried once but honestly, I've never done too well with books that aren't about science or math. I knew some of what happened."

Charlotte folds her arms, unsure how angry she is, and April says, "Hey, you want to get some fries?"

"We just ate dinner."

"Has that ever stopped you before?"

"No," Charlotte admits. "Okay."

It's better than sitting around watching a movie and acting like everyone's happy. April goes inside to get their jackets and tell Luke and then they're walking across the square, puffs of breath clouding in and out with the cold. Charlotte spies Lane but keeps her head down. She doesn't want to have to talk to anyone. It's only until they're in the diner and ordered their fries that Charlotte looks up. April sighs, looking around.

"This place has never changed, has it?"

"Not since I was little."

"Or before that. Or before when I was little, even." April smiles, adding, "Not that I came here then. But I know my dad."

Caeser hands them their fries and April and Charlotte take a table in the corner, away from everyone else. For a little while they eat silently and finally April says, "It has to suck that you found out like that yet."

"Yeah," Charlotte says drily. "That's one way to put it."

She eats a fry and says, "I wish I could go forward two years. Get to college, get away from all of them. It doesn't even have to be college - just somewhere where I'm not home."

It feels good to say it out loud to someone. April looks at her sympathetically and asks, "Don't you want to go to college?"

"I don't know. Maybe. I just - I like learning, or I did, but I hate school. It all feels really fake."

"Sounds about right," April says. "I hated high school but I was such a dork I got permission to use the science laboratory in lunchbreaks and after class. And then I got to go to college and all the bad stuff about it went away, because I was there to learn without all those crappy people. I mean, college has its own crappiness, but it's not so bad. Not for me at least."

Charlotte chews a fry thoughtfully and April says, "I don't blame you for being angry. And I'd be really mad if I were you too. But -"

" _But_?"

"But I know your mom," April says carefully. "We've never been super close or anything, but she's kind of like my cousin. And she shouldn't have lied to you but she was trying to make things easier for you."

"I don't care why she did it," Charlotte flares up. "She shouldn't have done it."

"I know," April says quickly and Charlotte goes on, "She keeps telling me what to do when she had sex with a married guy - twice. One was engaged, but still. And she dropped out, and she fought with Nana for like six months and - and -" Charlotte loses her train of thought but ends it with, "She can't tell me what to do if she did all that."

April looks at her for a moment and says, "You know, when I was younger I thought I had everything figured out. And then I when I left school and had to think of the next step I realised I didn't know that much at all. I definitely didn't have it figured out, and I made a ton of dumb decisions."

"I bet you didn't have an affair though."

"No," April acquiesces. "And I know she really hurt you. But Rory really loves you too. And I know she didn't want to hurt you, and wanted to be a good mom. She worries a lot. I don't hang out with her that often but that's pretty clear."

Charlotte sulks a little, eating more fries, and April says, "I remember finding out about you."

"You talked to Mom?"

"No, I heard it from Dad, actually," April says. "He'd heard it from Lorelai. They'd just gotten back from their honeymoon, and Jess and I were over for dinner. And Lorelai told us and Dad was freaking out. He's not Rory's dad but he practically is - he's known her since she was a kid."

"What did Grandpa say?"

"He said a lot of stuff about how he couldn't believe it, how he was going to go find Logan and kill him and make him pay for it. And then Lorelai made some crack about how couldn't pay for it if he was dead and Dad kind of groaned."

April laughs a little but goes on, "He kept saying _what's Rory going to do? She can't do this on her own_. And Lorelai got kind of mad at that and said Rory could do anything she wanted. I said she could have an abortion."

"True," Charlotte says, smiling at April's bluntness. "Then what?"

"Then Dad got kind of flustered and said he knew that, but it wasn't fair that Rory was stuck with it and Logan wasn't. And Jess said she wasn't on her own. Lorelai got kind of weirded out and asked what he meant, and Jess said he'd be there for Rory, if she wanted him. Because she was his friend."

April eats more fries and Charlotte follows suit. She thought it was the end of the story but April says, "It was a long time ago now, but I remember. Jess said if she had you or not, she wouldn't be alone in it."

"Then what?" Charlotte asks quietly and to her disappointment April says, "Oh, I can't remember, Charlotte. It was seventeen years ago! We finished dinner and I bet Lorelai made us watch a movie. Only I had a ton of work to do and I think that was the time I stayed here and tried doing an experiment and lit Dad's curtains on fire. He wasn't very happy about that, and Lorelai told me he picked them out, and he tried saying his exgirlfriend Rachel did. That went on for a while."

Charlotte doesn't comment on how she wishes that had been the part April wasn't focusing her memory on, and instead finishes the fries. They get up to leave and April comments, "I do remember seeing your mom after, though. When she made up with Lorelai and came to visit. She was kind of scared but said she was happy, and then she came to stay when you were born."

"Really? What was I like?"

"You were a baby," April says unsentimentally. "There wasn't a lot to you. But your mom and Lorelai and Luke were totally in love with you, and so was Jess, and your mom seemed more confident. She said she was going to figure things out. I just remember her walking around and talking to you a lot, and I don't know what she expected. It's not like you could talk back."

Charlotte feels mad again. Her mother certainly didn't figure things out, and if she thought she did, she was seriously mistaken. As they approach the house April looks at her and says, "My mom kept me away from Luke for years. She was trying to keep me safe."

"She did?"

"Not because she thought Luke was dangerous or anything, but because she was so protective of me. And she couldn't let go. I love her but I'm still mad at her." April takes a breath, her mood more serious than Charlotte usually sees it. "She's never said sorry to me," April says tightly. "My dad is so great. We don't have too much in common, but he tries, and when I said I had a girlfriend he even read a book about talking to your gay kid. My mom has never apologised for keeping him away. And Rory is sorry - I know you're mad at her but she's sorry. And I don't think my mom is at all."

Charlotte doesn't know what to say to that. They go inside, April heading upstairs to call Mona, and Charlotte goes into her mother's room. The floor is squashed with extra beds for her, her brother and sister and Charlotte carefully climbs over them. She eases herself onto her mother's bed and lies still for a moment, only focusing on her breath. She hates her mother, she loves her mother. Both are true at once and Charlotte closes her eyes.

April goes home the next day and the rest of the visit passes excruciatingly slowly. It's almost a relief to get back to Philadelphia and have school the next day. Not that Charlotte has done any of her assignments. She looks at them and instantly puts them down again. They are due the next day and she doesn't care at all. Charlotte has more important things to think about. The next day her alarm goes off and Charlotte instantly rises and gets dressed, without hitting snooze as usual. She'd rather be in school that at home a minute longer. It's only when Charlotte is halfway there she that she thinks of Tyler.

She sees him in the hall and quickly ducks into homeroom. Ivy greets her, giving her a hug, and Charlotte slips into her seat. She answers rollcall and mindlessly goes through her classes until Miss Anderson asks for their assignments.

"I don't have mine," Charlotte says shortly and her teacher frowns.

"You knew they were due in the day after break."

"I don't have them," Charlotte says again, not even pretending to be apologetic. Her teacher looks at her, annoyed, and says, "Bring them tomorrow. Otherwise I'm going to have to give you detention."

 _Happy new year to you too_ , Charlotte thinks sourly. After class Tyler touches her elbow and she jumps. "Hey," he says under his breath. "Can we talk?"

Charlotte pauses, nods and follows him outside. They go around to the back of the building, behind some disuses classrooms, and Tyler says, "Are we okay?"

"What do you think?"

"I think you didn't call me."

"You didn't call either," Charlotte throws back and Tyler takes a breath. "I'm sorry."

Charlotte looks away and he goes on, "I'm not mad at you. I wasn't mad at you."

"You sounded mad."

"Just disappointed," Tyler says. "At the not getting to - I'm not mad at you or anything."

Charlotte nods, relaxing slightly. Part of her doesn't want to let it go but she's tired and she's missed him. And she knows Tyler won't try and defend her mother like everyone else.

"I don't want to be here," she says, looking around at the school. "I don't want to come in tomorrow."

"So don't then."

"I don't want to be home either. You don't know what happened."

"Let's just hang out tomorrow," Tyler says. "We'll talk."

"Okay," Charlotte says slowly. "I can do that."

The bell rings and she gets up. "I'll text you later. What do you want to do?"

"We'll think of something," Tyler smirks. Charlotte smirks back, feeling a flip of excitement, and as she goes back into the school she feels close to happy for the first time in weeks.

That night, after dinner, Charlotte waits for her parents to settle down in front of the tv. The coast clear, she ducks into the office where the computer is still logged on. Charlotte quickly sits down and writes a message to the school office saying she'll be out of school tomorrow for a dentist appointment. Charlotte knows there's a note from last time she'll be able to doctor a little. A reply comes in and Charlotte quickly deletes it. She goes back to her room feeling like she's won a victory against something - the horrible thing that's been haunting her for weeks. Charlotte turns to her closet, trying to think of something good to wear and doesn't sleep all night.

The next morning she drives to school with Rory, smiling secretly to herself the whole way. Her mother looks at her oddly, obviously wanting to ask but stopping herself, and smiles as Charlotte waves goodbye. Charlotte hasn't smiled at her for a long time. Waiting for her to drive away, Charlotte hurries down to the street corner where Tyler is going to pick her up and he arrives right on time.

"Hey, Gilmore."

"Hey," Charlotte says, already excited, and gets into the car beside him. He squeezes her hand for a moment before speeding down the street. They head to the marina, buy some coffee and the guy behind the counter frowns. "Shouldn't you kids be in school?"

"We're freshmen in college," Tyler says swiftly. The guy raises his eyebrows but turns his attention to wiping some cups. Despite the cold, they take their drinks outside and sit down on a bench outside.

"Hey," Tyler says, and Charlotte smiles. "Hey." They kiss properly for the first time and Charlotte feels the tension in her chest lessen a little. She leans onto him, closing her eyes, and feels something close to peaceful. The sensation ends almost as soon as it starts as Tyler says, "So tell me what happened."

"I found out my mother lied to me my whole life," Charlotte says, taking a sip of coffee. "And my dad, too, but I'm more mad at my mom. It was her idea."

Charlotte takes a long swig of coffee, welcoming the boiling all down her throat. Tyler looks at her, intrigued, and Charlotte goes on, "I read her book. And she wrote all this stuff about how she was seeing Logan even though he was engaged. His name isn't Logan in it, but it's obviously him. And that's how she got pregnant with me. She never told me," Charlotte says, her voice shaking. "She just let me think they dated and broke up. She lied to me and acted like I was some little kid."

"That's parents for you," Tyler says and Charlotte rolls her eyes. "I bet yours don't have a secret like that."

"They never talk to me."

"But they didn't _lie_ to you," Charlotte says angrily. "Both of mine did. I hate them - I hate my mom. And everyone is just saying that she wanted to _protect_ me. I don't need protecting!"

Tyler kisses her cheek and says, "Adults are hypocrites. All of them. I've decided to never be a hypocrite."

"But you'll be an adult," Charlotte challenges and he laughs.

"I've made that choice though. Everyone around us has bought into this cycle of lies, right? I don't have to. You don't have to. I'm honest about everything."

"That's what hurts most," Charlotte says, feeling tearful. "My mom has always said how she wants to be honest with me. But she never has - ever."

Tyler looks at her and Charlotte drinks the rest of her coffee so she doesn't have to talk. She's getting cold, here on the bench, and Tyler takes her hand, leading her back to the car. He drives her back to his place and pours them each a brandy and Charlotte sips it, too upset to think about how she doesn't like the taste. She looks around Tyler's living room. There is just one family photo, in contrast to hers, which has pictures everywhere, and it hurts even more. A house full of pictures of lies and one picture here which is true. Charlotte puts her glass down.

"Do you think bad stuff can be inherited?"

"Like what?"

"Lying - screwing up - stuff like that."

"Maybe," Tyler says. "But you can try not to do it."

Charlotte nods and decides not to voice her thoughts. That she feels she's got the worst from both sides.

"Are you going to go see him? Logan?"

"No," Charlotte says coldly. "Why?"

"He could give you more answers. You know, about you."

"I never want to see him again."

"But he's your father."

"I already have a father." Charlotte finishes the brandy, fighting the taste, and then goes upstairs with Tyler. They kiss hesitantly and then harder and as they move onto the bed Charlotte pants, "Wait. Wait, hold on."

Tyler stops and she says, "I don't want to do this. Not right now."

"Okay," Tyler says. "Can we kiss?"

"Yeah, we can kiss," Charlotte says, and does so. Apart from anything, when she's kissing him she isn't thinking about the rest. She's missed Tyler so much that she instantly forgives everything she was mad at him for, and in comparison, it doesn't feel so bad at all. They kiss for a while longer, and Charlotte doesn't mind when Tyler reaches under her shirt. It feels good, so good she almost rethinks her position, but she concentrates on kissing him back. They go downstairs for some food, kiss some more and then Charlotte reluctantly reminds Tyler of the time. She calls Rory to say Ivy is dropping her off and with a jolt remembers her mother doesn't know about what happened - that she and Tyler sort broke up and are back together. And she's not going to, Charlotte decides. She doesn't get to hear anything about her life. She quickly texts Ivy in case her mother checks with her and goes out to the car with Tyler. He drives her back, dropping her off at the end of the street and she as gets out he says, "I love you."

"You do?" Charlotte asks, and a warmth spreads all through her. "I think I love you too."

She kisses him and walks down to her house almost on air. The world is falling apart but she has something to hold onto.


	34. Chapter 34

**Thanks for the feedback!**

The days after getting back from Lorelai's are long and uncomfortable. Rory is relieved when the kids are back in school, as she doesn't have to think of Charlotte stuck in her room, handling the other kids at the same time, but the silence simply forces Rory to think of what happened even more. Charlotte smiled at her the other morning, as Rory dropped her off at school, but any hopes of reconciliation were dashed as she hasn't smiled since. Rory can't decide which is worse to listen to, the quiet of the house or Charlotte's pointed silence. On Friday evening, after dinner, Rory tentatively knocks on Charlotte's door.

"Can I come in?"

There's a pause and then Charlotte says, "Fine," and Rory goes inside. Charlotte is lying on her bed, tapping through her phone and Rory hesitates, unsure if she should sit on the bed or not.

"What?" Charlotte asks bluntly and Rory opts to sit on the desk chair.

"I was thinking of calling Logan – to tell him what happened."

"You mean how you lied," Charlotte says coldly and Rory bites her lip.

"I won't tell him if you don't want me to," she says slowly. "But I thought maybe he should know."

"Tell him whatever you want."

"I won't if you feel weird about it."

"Mom, I feel weird about everything," Charlotte snaps, dropping her phone. "You can tell him whatever you want, I don't care. I never want to see him again."

"Charlotte –"

"I don't," Charlotte says angrily and Rory backs up, getting a sense that her daughter wishes she didn't have to see her either. "And I don't care what you say to him."

Rory has said sorry so many times it now feels redundant. She gets up, pauses and asks, "How was school?"

"School was just great," Charlotte says sarcastically. "I'm going to jumpstart my homework right now."

Rory highly doubts this. She imagines her daughter is going to text her boyfriend all night instead, but lets it go. She and Charlotte are in such an awful place that Rory is afraid to push anything. She nods, leaves the room and closes the door, letting out a deep breath. She goes into her bedroom to get her phone and pauses, seeing the book that caused all the trouble. Rory flips through, finding the description of Logan, which reads _Close to Nick from Gatsby fame, he strolled into my life with a wide smile and teasing eyes. I wanted to know more, delve into his charm and see beneath his gleam. He told me to follow my fun and when I held his hand, we jumped into possibilities. We fell from great heights and when I looked up I lost the way._ Rory wonders how her daughter felt, reading her thoughts on how she used to love Logan, and later how she came back to Jess. She wonders if she read all the way to the acknowledgements. At the very end is the sentence _To my precious daughter, whom I birthed along with this book. She brings love, laughter and light to every day of my life._ Maybe Charlotte didn't read that far, or maybe she doesn't care. Rory puts the book down and picks up her phone. On the way downstairs she bumps into Jess.

"What'd she say?"

"She said she doesn't care," Rory says, glancing upstairs. "She said I can tell Logan whatever I want. She said she never wants to see him again either."

"Do you think Charlotte means it?"

"I don't know," Rory says quietly. "But she's seriously mad."

Jess nods and asks, "Are you going to tell Logan?"

"I think I should. Maybe now would be good – before I lose my nerve."

"Hey," Jess says, holding her hands. "It'll be fine."

"I don't know about that. But I should call."

"Do you know what you're going to say to him?"

"I'll figure something out. There's no great way to say it."

Rory slips down the rest of the steps, grabbing her car keys. She wants to talk to Logan uninterrupted so, after buying some coffee, Rory sits in her car and dials, clutching her cup for courage. It rings a few times and then Logan answers,"Hey." He sounds tired.

"Hi," Rory says, swallowing. "Sorry - am I interrupting something?"

"Nothing but work."

There's a pause and Logan asks, "What's up, Ace?"

Rory takes a deep breath. "I need to talk to you about something."

"You mean what happened?"

For a crazy moment Rory thinks Logan's guessed, but then she realises he means their fight.

"No – not that."

"Colour me intrigued."

"Logan," Rory says hesitantly, "Charlotte read my book. I didn't know she was going to, but she read my book, all of it, and now she knows about everything what happened. She knows everything."

There's a stunned second and then Logan lets out a sound of disbelief. "You're kidding."

"No, I'm not kidding. That line's not exactly on my list of pranks."

"Charlotte knows everything?" Logan asks, his voice now weak and Rory affirms, "Everything."

"She okay?"

"I'd say _no_ is a fair assessment."

"Is she going to say anything?" Logan asks sharply and Rory says angrily, "That's what you're focusing on? You're done with Charlotte not being okay?"

"This is serious, Rory!"

"Yeah, I kind of got that with my daughter telling me she hates me and wishing I wasn't her mother!"

"I'm sorry."

"I don't blame her for being so mad."

"Why did you let her read it?" Logan asks accusingly and Rory exclaims, "I asked her not to!"

"But you left it out on the shelf."

"Logan, Charlotte never seemed to care about it before. She hasn't asked about my book in years. I told her I didn't want her to read it until she was eighteen and she shrugged at me!"

"So why did she read it?"

"I don't know!" Rory shouts. "All I know is that she's mad and hurt and won't talk to me. She won't talk to me or Jess or anyone and it's been over a week."

"Is there any chance she'll tell Odette?"

"Logan, you need to figure out your priorities here!"

"This could mess with my marriage, Rory. This could mess with my _life_."

"Well, right now, it's messed with your daughter's life, and she's more important than your marriage or whatever it is you said or didn't say to Odette!"

Rory forces herself to breathe, her lungs taut, and adds bitterly, "I wouldn't worry though. She said she never wants to see you again. I guess that fixes everything, huh?"

"Rory –"

"The whole problem's gone away. That's all Charlotte is to you."

"That is not true," Logan says quietly. "I love her."

"You don't seem to care that her whole world's come crashing down."

"No, I just –"

"You care about your world more," Rory answers for him. There's another pause, a sigh and then Logan asks, "Do you think I should call her?"

"No, Logan, I really don't," Rory says with an unamused laugh. "Charlotte was pretty clear on not wanting to talk to you. She's only talking to me because we share a house, and she's avoiding so much as looking at me when she can."

"I'd ask if you're okay," Logan says. "But I'm guessing the answer's no."

"Gee, what gave you that idea?"

"Is there anything I can do," Logan says eventually and Rory sighs.

"No."

There's a long pause and finally Rory breaks it. "We really, really messed up. I should have told her the truth from the start."

"No," Logan says quickly and Rory says, "Yes. No matter what she thought, what she wanted to do – we should have told her. It's her life."

"It was working out."

"No, it wasn't," Rory says quietly. "And if you could see how much she's hurting you'd know that too. Goodbye, Logan."

"Bye, Rory." Logan sounds kind of dazed and then hangs up. Rory holds the phone for a moment, sits back against the seat and closes her eyes.

Rory is halfway home when her phone rings again. She's at a stoplight and haphazardly answers, "Hello?"

"Rory Gilmore, it's been weeks since you've called me."

It just figures that Emily would call now, especially on a Friday. Rory exhales and sits up as Emily says hotly, "Don't take that tone with me!"

"I'm not taking a tone – I'm driving, Grandma."

"Then you shouldn't be on your cellphone."

"I know," Rory says, biting back her amusement at remembering Emily's arrest over it. "I'm pulling over. Hold on."

Rory stops outside a ring of shops and says, "I can talk now."

"So enlighten me," Emily says. "What's going on in your life? I tried talking to your mother and she got terribly flustered and said she had an oven emergency. Something tells me she was brushing me off."

"Grandma-"

"Or hiding something," Emily says unsubtly. "Both of you. So besides the extreme bad manners of you not calling, and Lorelai's shadiness, I decided to cut to the chase. What's going on?"

Rory takes a deep breath. There's no point hiding it, she decides. Emily will find out somehow.

"Charlotte read my book," she says. "She read all about what happened with me and Logan and now she isn't talking to me."

There's a brief silence and then Emily says, "I see."

"Yes. Well, that's what's going on."

"And when did this happen?"

"Last week," Rory admits. She waits for the disapproval and is rewarded by Emily saying, "Last week? Last week, I can't believe you!"

"It's a lot, Grandma. I'm trying to focus on Charlotte right now."

"But you told your mother."

"We see Mom all the time."

"And I don't count?"

"That's not what I mean."

"I imagine you would have told your grandfather," Emily remarks. "But I'm unimportant. I just live off in Maine and get an update maybe every six months."

"Grandma –"

"After all, that's what your mother wanted. If I hadn't made those Friday Night dinners happened I wouldn't know a thing about you. Well, congratulations, you're getting that with your own children!"

"Grandma!" Rory protests. "Come on! I didn't know how to tell you!"

"What does that mean?"

"Just that you can be a touch…judgemental."

"I'm not judgemental!" Emily shouts and Rory winces.

"Okay, you're not judgemental."

"Just because I'm not a sweet old lady who bakes cookies doesn't make me judgemental!"

"You're right, I'm sorry."

"You're an idiot," Emily goes on in the same breath. "Keeping up this façade with Logan for so long."

Rory's been thinking the same for so long she's not even tempted to make a crack about Emily's judgement levels and she says wearily, "I know."

"Well, as long as you know," Emily says sarcastically. "Does that mean it can all come out now?"

"No, it doesn't," Rory says furiously and Emily demands, "What's the point? Charlotte already knows so now I don't have to polite around Mitchum Huntzberger for one more moment of my life. Maybe I can die happy."

"Grandma, it is not about you."

"I beg your pardon?"

"This is about Charlotte," Rory says fiercely. "This is about what's best for her. She's hurt and humiliated and fixing things is going to take a lot of work – I don't know if she'll ever forgive me – and the last thing she needs is more drama caused from this. It's my mistake, mine and Logan's, and I want us to move forward from it. And you meddling is the opposite of what she needs."

There's an angry silence and then Emily says, "Fine. You do it your way, as you always have. I daresay you'll mess things up even more."

"That's my choice to make," Rory says, forcing her tone to be even. "Goodbye, Grandma."

Rory is afraid Emily is going to insist the conversation isn't over but thankfully she says coldly, "Goodbye." Letting out a long breath, Rory drives home with no more distraction. Jess is reading a book when she gets back but throws it down as Rory comes in.

"So?"

"A mess. A mess with both of them."

"Both?"

"Emily called."

Jess makes a face and Rory tries to smile. "Talk about double hideousness. It was awful."

"What did Logan say?"

"He just cares that Charlotte doesn't say anything to Odette."

Rory sits down heavily in the couch and leans into Jess's arms. "How did I get here?" she muses. "How do I make this right?"

"Take it slowly," Jess assures her. "Focus on all you can do now."

"I don't know what I can." Rory sniffles, wiping her eyes, and adds, "Emily's furious. She practically said I was doing it to spite her – not letting her tell Logan's father, I mean. She's wanted to tell him for years. It's not what Charlotte needs."

"Definitely not."

"And she said I was an idiot. Can't argue with her there."

"I can," Jess says, making Rory smile. He gives her a kiss and Rory glances upstairs. "Has Charlotte emerged from her cave?"

"She has," Jess says, surprising her. "She's gone to Ivy's house. She said she wanted to stay the night, I said it was okay. I think she needs the space."

"Maybe she'll need space until college," Rory says tearfully. Jess holds her to him, kisses her cheek and Rory allows a little of herself to let go.


	35. Chapter 35

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On Friday at school Charlotte sneaks out with Tyler onto the fire escape. They pause between kisses and Tyler says, "You should come over later."

"Oh yeah?"

"My mom and dad are going to visit my aunt all weekend."

"You're not going with them?"

"No," Tyler says, smiling. "I see my aunt at Christmas."

"Oh." The metal of the staircase is digging into where Charlotte is sitting and she shifts slightly.

"Sometimes not even then."

Charlotte nods and Tyler says, "Anyway, you should come over."

"Maybe." Charlotte leans over and they kiss until the bell rings.

After school she and Tyler text back and forth, Charlotte's concentration only broken by her mother coming in. Rory says she wants to tell Logan what happened, and Charlotte says she doesn't care. She never even wants to hear Logan's name again. Charlotte is a little curious, at the back of her mind, how Logan felt when he found out Rory was pregnant, but she pushes it back. He didn't care enough to do anything about it. He just lied, like he and Rory do best. Rory asks about school and Charlotte sarcastically says it's great. She's skipped at least two classes already and had one detention. As her mother goes out Charlotte notices her fingers are absently touching her locket and she draws her hand back, annoyed. She hates that she still reaches for it whenever she feels nervous and getting up, she decides she's done. Reaching behind her neck she fiddles with the clasp until it slips off in her hand. Charlotte stares at the pool of gold. She takes the locket off when she's showering, or in gym class, but this feels different. Charlotte always puts the locket straight back on and now she doesn't know when she'll ever wear it again. Wrenching open a drawer in her jewellery box, Charlotte slams the locket away and tries to ignore the naked feeling on her neck.

Charlotte turns back to her phone. There's been a new message since Rory came in and Charlotte reads _Parental units have gone at last. Come over._

Charlotte's stomach does a few flips. She reads it and rereads, unsure what to say. She hears the front door close and climbs off the bed to get a drink. She's pouring some coffee, trying to put together a sentence to send, when Jess walks in, making her jump.

"Hey," he says, getting a beer from the fridge. "Didn't mean to startle you."

"I'm not startled." Jess smiles but Charlotte doesn't smile back. She's less angry with Jess than Rory, but is still mad. She sips her coffee and Jess hesitates. He seems to want to talk but just says, "Mom's gone to run errands."

"Good for her."

"Charlotte."

Charlotte doesn't apologise or argue. She drinks some water and says, "Dad?"

"Yeah?"

"Ivy's asked if I can go over. To watch a movie. Watch a movie and spend the night."

"And not in any other order," Jess teases. "Seems a little last minute."

"Well, she was busy before. With, um, stuff."

Her father nods, looking a little confused and Charlotte holds her breath. "Okay," he says, smiling. "Go have fun. You need a ride?"

"She's picking me up," Charlotte says quickly. "Thanks Dad." She tries to smile and hurries back upstairs. Charlotte decides to change her shirt and stares in the closet for five minutes, finally settling on the blue one she wore on their first date so long ago. Running a brush through her hair, she throws her pyjamas into a bag in case her father wonders why she doesn't have them and fresh underwear, and then her toothbrush, which Charlotte quickly retrieves to brush her teeth. She had pasta for dinner and doesn't want her mouth to taste of garlic. Quickly texting Tyler to ask him to pick her up, Charlotte dabs on some mascara, grabs a condom and shoves it in her pocket. She doesn't know if anything will happen but it seems like a good idea. As she goes downstairs she calls out, "Bye, Dad!" and Jess emerges from the living room before she can leave.

"Hey," he says. "Hold on." Charlotte stops, heart beating, but he simply smiles and says, "Have a good time. Don't stay up all night."

"I'll try," Charlotte says, opening the door. "See you later."

"See you, kid."

She buttons her jacket against the cold and hastens down the street, afraid of running into Rory. Fate is on her side and Charlotte gets to the corner without interruption. Tyler is already waiting and Charlotte gets in the car, reaching over to kiss him. Tyler absently kisses her back and then pulls the car away with a bump. They drive silently back to his house, and once inside Charlotte shrugs off her jacket. She takes a glass of brandy Tyler offers from the drinks trolley, but it's stronger than she recalls and Charlotte coughs.

"Too strong?"

"I'm fine," Charlotte says, wiping her mouth. Her eyes are streaming in what she knows is an unattractive way. "I just don't like the taste that much."

"Me neither," Tyler says, putting his glass down. Charlotte puts hers down too, smiling, and they kiss, hesitantly and then hard. Tyler takes her hand and they stumble up the stairs, kissing on every other step. They kiss even more deeply in his room, dropping down onto his bed, and Charlotte has to stop for breath.

"You okay? You want something? Tyler asks. Charlotte could actually use a glass of water - her mouth is getting tired from all the kissing - but it seems like it would spoil the moment so she shakes her head. Her body is pounding with excitement and Charlotte briefly wonders if the cup of coffee was such a good idea, but then Tyler's kissing her again and Charlotte's lost in it. He kisses and kisses her, slipping off her shirt, and Charlotte feels Tyler harden against her leg. He stops to pull his own shirt off and Charlotte sits up, taking off her bra. Tyler looks at her until she starts feeling shy and says, "What?"

"Nothing," Tyler says. "Just...wow."

Charlotte doesn't know what to say to that so she concentrates on kissing him again. He's running his hands all over her back but doesn't comment on her missing locket. Charlotte guesses it's not that interesting, but Tyler always complained about the metal knocking against his chest before. Her wondering is cut short as he kisses her breasts and Charlotte's breaths get shorter.

"Is that okay?" he asks and she nods, unable to say how good it is. It's so good she's no longer thinking about any of the terrible stuff that happened before, the issues with school, her distance from her mother and wishing she'd never been born into the family. All that matters right now is being with Tyler. Everything else feels like a million miles away. He reaches to unbuckle her jeans and Charlotte helps pull them off. Nothing in her wants to stop. Tyler moves against her, groaning slightly, and Charlotte closes her eyes, moving her hips against his. Her whole body feels lit up from within.

"Can we keep going?" Tyler says, looking into her eyes. "I really want to do this with you. Have sex," he clarifies, somewhat uselessly, and Charlotte nods. "You sure?" he asks excitedly and Charlotte says, "Yes. Let's just do it."

He kisses her again and then sits back up, fumbling with his jeans. Charlotte reaches over the bed where her jeans have fallen and finds the condom she brought. She hands it to Tyler, who takes it wordlessly, and curses under his breath as his zipper gets stuck. Charlotte stares at the ceiling. She's going to have sex. She's going to find out what the huge deal is everyone makes, and it's going to be perfect. Charlotte can't help wishing she'd worn better underwear though, and as she waits, a pungent smell of takeout hits her nostrils from a box in the corner. This isn't the thing to think about, she tells herself, and as Tyler leans back over her Charlotte forgets it again. He slides down her underwear and before he does anything Charlotte blurts out, "It's my first time."

"I know."

"Really?"

"You made it clear."

Charlotte doesn't know if that's good or not. She waits for a moment and then asks curiously, "Is it yours?"

"No."

"Oh."

Charlotte doesn't ask who it was with. She doesn't want to spoil things and it seems like Tyler feels the same way as he starts kissing her again, pulling the covers over them. Charlotte relaxes, closing her eyes, and they snap open as Tyler moves his finger inside her. "Is that okay?" he asks and she nods, moving against him. It feels pretty good. He takes his hand away and says, "Are you, um, ready?"

"I'm ready," Charlotte says, starting to feel impatient and wrapping her arms around his neck. "Do it."

It takes longer than she imagines for him to get started. Charlotte can feel Tyler nudge against her, twice with no success, and just as she's about to try suggesting they don't do it after all Charlotte feels something give. She gasps as she feels him inside her, thrusting slightly, and there's a sudden sharp pain. He thrusts again, asking, "This okay?"and as Charlotte starts to say, "Wait, it hurts," Tyler stops, groaning against her neck as he sinks onto her. "I'm done," he says and Charlotte nods. "I know."

He kisses her neck and slides out of her. Charlotte looks away as he takes off the condom, oddly embarrassed, and as he dumps it in the trash Charlotte reaches for her shirt and underwear and tugs them on before going to the bathroom. There are a few spots of blood but not as much as Charlotte's been told can appear. She wipes at herself and stares in the mirror as she washes her hands. Her mascara is smeared and her shirt is hanging off her shoulder. Charlotte will never be a virgin again but feels no different than she did an hour ago. She just feels kind of sore. That was sex? That was the thing people write songs about and movies and great literature? _That?_ If that's sex, Charlotte is severely disappointed. She doesn't know how to feel. The romantic atmosphere has gone.

She goes back into the bedroom where Tyler has the TV on. He pats the spot in the bed next to him but doesn't look at her as Charlotte climbs back into bed. She looks at him and then stares straight at the screen. Some stupid sitcom is blaring and every few minutes Tyler laughs loudly. Charlotte doesn't and finally he turns the tv off, looking at her.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"You're not smiling."

"I guess I'm just not in the mood for comedy." Charlotte tries to sound lighthearted and fails and Tyler frowns. "I just..."

It wasn't perfect, she wants to say. She imagined something better, something where she knew what she was doing and it wasn't awkward and the television wasn't on afterwards. Charlotte can smell the takeout again too, and it's not a pleasant odour.

"Never mind," she says quietly.

"The first time isn't good," Tyler says flatly. "You'll see."

Charlotte shrugs. He yawns, his breath not fresh, and asks, "Want me to make a snack?"

"Actually," Charlotte says, sitting up, "I think I might go home."

"What?" Tyler asks, sounding confused. "But my mom and dad aren't here...you can stay over."

"I appreciate the offer, but I want to go home. I feel kind of sick."

"Okay," Tyler says, getting up. "I'll drive you."

Charlotte doesn't feel sick, but she can't stay here. She just can't imagine lying there next to Tyler all night. She slowly gets dressed, picks up her bag, and when Tyler reaches her street she tries to smile. "I love you."

"Right," Tyler says. "I mean, I love you too."

Charlotte nods and he smiles properly. "I'm glad we did it."

Charlotte nods again and gets out of the car. She's starting to feel sick for real now. The coffee and brandy have congealed in her throat. As she goes into her house Rory looks up in surprise. She's in the living room, a blanket tucked over her, and some cheesy music is blasting from the movie she's watching.

"Hi," she says, pausing the film. "I thought you were spending the night at Ivy's."

"I don't feel too good."

"Sorry to hear that, honey."

Rory hesitates and says, "I talked to Logan."

"Oh." Charlotte doesn't want to know. "I'm going to take a shower."

Charlotte goes upstairs. She can hear her father talking to her brother and sister but doesn't go to greet them. Instead, she turns the shower on full blast and steps under it, washing everything away. Charlotte puts on her softest pyjamas, wrapping her hair up in a towel and pads back downstairs. There's a dull ache between her legs. Her mother is in the kitchen, making popcorn and says hesitantly, "I'm watching a movie if you want to join."

Charlotte almost declines automatically but finds herself nodding, to her surprise as much as Rory's.

"Really?" Rory says, sounding stunned. "Great. It's just this thing from the eighties I've seen a billion times, but I felt like watching something dumb."

"I know what you mean," Charlotte says quietly. She curls up on the sofa, feeling a sudden urge to cry. She wants to tell her mother everything, like when she was a little kid, and have her mom make everything better. Then she shakes herself. Charlotte is never telling Rory this - even if she weren't so mad at her she wouldn't share what happened. But even though Charlotte is mad at her, and holding her secret tight, she sits back against the sofa with her mother and lets her anger down a little.


	36. Chapter 36

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Rory sits at the kitchen table, taking bites of a poptart punctuated with gulps of coffee. Jess is still at work, Richie and Annie are in their rooms and Charlotte is at Ivy's house. Rory has just finished some editing she hasn't been able to get round to and is enjoying a moment of calm. The poptart makes it taste even better. This week has been a tentative improvement to before. Charlotte hasn't been in such a foul mood as the last couple of weeks. Rory noticed that she's taken off her locket, which sends a pang right to her heart, but hasn't asked Charlotte why. She's afraid that if she does, Charlotte will clam up even more and any chance of her putting it back on will be nixed. Despite this hurt, however, Charlotte's snapped at Rory less and even watched a movie with her. Rory is daring to hope that maybe they're getting to a point where they can start working on things, but right now she's still holding her breath. Rory knows it's a delicate time.

Rory's phone goes off, making her jump. Swallowing her poptart, she says, "Hello?"

"Rory Gilmore?"

"This is she."

"This is the school office. We're calling about Charlotte's absences."

"Charlotte's absences?" Rory echoes. "What absences?"

"She's missed several classes the past week, and two the week before that. I understand she had a dentist appointment but -"

"Wait," Rory interrupts. "Charlotte hasn't had - I've dropped her off at school every single morning."

"She's not going to school."

The penny hits Rory like an anvil. Fumbling for what to say, she comes out with, "I understand. I'll figure out what's going on."

"We'd appreciate it," the person from the office says testily, and with a click they hang up. Rory stares at the phone in her hand and then jumps again as the door opens and Jess comes in, grinning.

"I come bearing bags of takeout!"

Rory doesn't smile and Jess's grin drops. "What is it?" he asks, putting the bags down. "What's wrong?"

"Charlotte's not going to school. I just got a call from the school office."

"What?" Jess exclaims. "But - oh _man_ ," he groans. "Of course she's not."

"And I bet she's not with Ivy either," Rory says grimly. "How could we not figure this out? I pulled the exact same thing with Grandma! I'd tell her I was staying over with Paris when I really I was -" Rory's voice trails off, not wanting to finish her thought and Jess sighs.

"When's she getting back?"

"After dinner. But I want her home now."

"Maybe it's better that we wait," Jess suggests. "Give us some time to think of what to say."

"I don't know what I'm going to say!" Rory cries. "I'm mad at her, I'm mad at us and things are so bad right now anyway -"

"Hey," Jess says, putting his hands on her shoulders. "Let's take a breath."

"I can't take a breath!" Rory exclaims. "Charlotte's not going to school, she's probably not hanging out with her friend, and she's not home!"

"Give her a chance to explain."

"Explain what? I highly doubt she's been working at Walmart like you did."

"Won an award and everything," Jess admits, but he's serious as he says, "I'm freaking out too. But I think it'll be better if we cool down a little before she comes home, maybe eat some takeout."

"Maybe," Rory says grudgingly. "I'll check to see if Charlotte's actually at Ivy's. It's early for dinner though."

"When is it ever too early for takeout?"

"Okay, you have a point."

Jess gives her a kiss and starts unloading the bags. In the meantime Rory calls Ivy's mom. It turns out Charlotte is at the house, and Ivy's mom seems confused as to why Rory called. "Um, I thought maybe she'd forgotten her jacket," Rory flails. "But I see it now."

"Okay...do you want me to tell Charlotte you called?"

"No, but thanks." Rory is about to make an embarrassed goodbye when Ivy's mom adds, "It's fun having her here. She hasn't been over for a couple of weeks. Charlotte can stay over if she wants."

"Not tonight," Rory manages to say. "But thank you." She hangs up and takes a deep breath, trying to stop her thoughts going into overdrive.

"She's at Ivy's," Rory says, going into the kitchen. "But her mom said Charlotte hasn't been there for a couple of weeks."

"No prizes guessing where she has been," Jess says tightly. "I swear -"

"We're idiots," Rory says, shaking her head, and Jess says, "We're raising a teenager."

"We were teenagers. I thought I remembered better. Still, I did have to ask Mom where a sixteen-year-old would go when I lost the kid I was mentoring at Yale."

Jess laughs a little and comments, "Let's just eat for now. At least we know she's with Ivy."

"For now she is," Rory remarks. She doesn't want to think about the other times. Half an hour later they are sitting around the table, letting Annie and Richie do the talking. Every so often Jess and Rory catch each other's eye and Rory tries not to stare at the clock on the opposite wall.

"Mom, I can't find them."

"Huh?" Rory blinks and Annie says impatiently, "My markers."

"Oh. Well, when did you last have them?"

"I can't remember!" Annie exclaims. "That's why I can't find them!"

"Okay, okay," Jess says soothingly. "You were using them a couple of nights ago, right?"

"I used some of Charlotte's," Annie says and Rory asks knowingly, "Have you put them back?"

"She got mad at me when I went in her room to borrow them," Annie says sulkily. "She's the worst sister ever."

"Hey," Jess admonishes but Richie cuts in, "She's being kind of a jerk."

"Look, she's got some stuff on her mind," Jess says. "We'll talk to her."

"Has she got her period?" Annie asks seriously, making Rory cough on a mouthful. "No, honey," she says, drinking some water. "It's not that."

Charlotte gets back around eight. Wordlessly she goes into the kitchen to make some coffee and as she comes out Rory stops her in the hall.

"We need to talk to you."

Charlotte looks over her shoulder to see Jess in the living room and says suspiciously, "Okay."

She follows her mother into the room, sipping her coffee, and splutters it slightly as Rory says, "I got a call from your school today. They said you've been skipping class."

Charlotte puts her cup down and doesn't say anything when Jess asks, "What's been going on?"

They wait but Charlotte simply folds her arms, and finally Rory says, "What have you been doing if you're not going to school? Where you have you been going?"

Charlotte stays silent, her face reddening, and Rory says, "I spoke to Ivy's mom earlier. She said you haven't been over in a couple of weeks."

"You've been checking on me?" Charlotte says furiously and Rory exclaims, "You haven't been going there either! Tell us what's going on!"

Charlotte is mute but when Rory prompts, "Charlotte?" her daughter looks up and says, "I haven't been doing anything you haven't done."

"What does _that_ mean?" Rory demands but Charlotte doesn't answer. There's an expression on her face which is a peculiar mix of Logan's, Lorelai's and Charlotte's own. Rory can feel herself begin to freak out again, losing the mild composure she was keeping. Jess seems the same way as he goes over to her and asks, "What have you been doing? When I missed school I got a job in Walmart but something tells me you're not doing that."

"Have you been seeing Tyler instead of going to school?" Rory asks. "If you have -"

"So what if I have?" Charlotte shouts, making them jump. "Like you've got a right to be mad at me for that! You both dropped out and you're making out you were so perfect! Like neither of you screwed up!"

"Charlotte, you need to stop with this line" Jess says angrily. "You're mad at us so you're going to mess up your life? Grow up a little! You're hurting yourself with all this crap!"

"It's not crap!"

"Skipping school for some guy is a really stupid thing to do," Rory says and Charlotte retorts, "You'd know about that, right?"

"That's enough," Jess says before Rory can react. "You've got to stop with this. You can't throw back every thing we did wrong whenever you make a mistake. And this is a big mistake."

Charlotte glares at him and Jess takes a deep breath. "Okay. We're going to figure this out."

"I don't want to figure things out," Charlotte snaps. "I'm fine."

"No, you're not," Rory says. "None of us are. You're mad at us, you're lying to us and missing school. That's not fine."

"I don't care."

"I care," Rory says and Charlotte ignores her. Jess puts his hand on her arm and says, "This has been going on way too long and we're going to fix it."

"No," Charlotte says and Jess says, "Yes, we are."

"Charlotte -" Rory starts to say and her daughter yells, "It's none of your business! Both of you just leave me alone!"

"It is my business," Jess shouts back. "You're my daughter!"

"I have a whole other father!"

There's a stunned silence. Jess drops his hand from Charlotte's arm, stepping back. Charlotte looks at him and Rory, wordlessly goes out the room and runs up the stairs. Rory says, "Jess -" but her husband walks out into the hall. Following him, Rory sees him grab his jacket and say, "I'm going for a walk." Rory has never seen such hurt in his eyes.

"Can I come?" she asks quietly and Jess says equally quietly, "If you want."

They go halfway down the street before Rory says, "Jess, she didn't mean it."

Jess doesn't say anything and Rory goes on, "She's mad and just said it without thinking."

"I know," Jess says, stopping and looking at her. "I know why she said it. She's sixteen and angry and wanted to hurt me. I know that, Rory. But I need a moment."

His voice is aching. Rory nods and silently falls back into step with him. They walk without a word, all the way to the park and back, and as they approach their house Jess stops.

"She's right," he says. "She does have a whole other father."

"Jess -"

"I'd think that, when I was mad at Luke. I get why she said it."

"There's a difference between a father and a dad," Rory says gently. "You're her dad. Charlotte knows that."

"Yeah," Jess says heavily. "I know."

"Charlotte loves you."

"I know that too."

Jess gets out his key to open the door and they walk in silently. They decide to watch some television, giving everyone time to cool down. It doesn't do much to help with relaxing and finally Rory says, "I'm going to try and talk to Charlotte on her own. She might not listen but maybe if it's just me she'll feel less ganged up on."

Rory doesn't have a lot of faith in this but it feels better than doing nothing. She makes two large cups of coffee, goes upstairs and decides not to intervene in Richie and Annie's fight over who was first in line for the bathroom. Rory carefully puts the cup in her other hand and knocks on her daughter's door.

"Charlotte? Can I come in?"

There's silence. Rory waits and then opens the door, careful not to spill. Rory looks into the room and then drops both cups. Charlotte has gone.


	37. Chapter 37

**Thanks for the feedback!**

Charlotte feels a little weird after sleeping with Tyler. It had been built up to a such a big thing, and in the end it hadn't even lasted that long. Charlotte almost feels lied to. Everyone said sex was so important, so great, and it was nothing how she imagined it would be. She wants to ask someone about it but Ivy is her one close friend, and has never had sex. Charlotte skipped most of the chapter on her mother's first time in her book - who wants to read about that? - and she's still too mad at her to ask anything. Besides, even if she weren't, she can't talk to her mom about this. Charlotte briefly considers telling Lorelai, but she might freak out. Deep down, Charlotte knows her grandmother wouldn't, but she doesn't want to talk about it. She keeps thinking about how it could have gone better. Still, Charlotte thinks, she doesn't want to have an awkward first time again. Afterwards she wondered if anyone would be able to tell, but that seems to be a myth. No one is looking at her any differently.

On Wednesday she and Tyler duck out of study hall and go back to his place. They try doing it again, and it's a little better. Charlotte still doesn't get the major deal made over sex, but she feels less unsure than before. The leadup is better than the real thing, she thinks. Does everyone secretly think this too?

Ivy asks Charlotte to go her place on Friday. Charlotte is relieved to just hang out for a while but when she and Ivy are upstairs, lying on the bed with some snacks, she feels nervous when she says, "I've got something to tell you."

"What?" Ivy asks, putting a large chip in her mouth and Charlotte takes a deep breath.

"I slept with Tyler."

"What?" Ivy shrieks, spilling crumbs out of her mouth. _"When?"_

"Last week. And I did it two days ago too."

"I can't believe it," Ivy declares, wiping at her mouth. "You did it last week and you didn't _tell_ me?"

"I'm sorry."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Ivy demands. "You swore - we both swore we'd tell each other when we had sex. How was it? Was it amazing?"

Charlotte shrugs and glances away. Ivy waves a hand in her face. "Hello? Charlotte? Details, please!"

"It was..." Charlotte's voice fades and she clears her throat. "It was kind of awkward," she says eventually. "And sore."

"Oh."

"It didn't last that long either," Charlotte says, looking at her hands. "It's definitely not like in movies."

"Oh...well, maybe that's just because it was the first time."

"Maybe. But the second time wasn't great either."

Ivy looks sympathetic but disappointed, and Charlotte looks down. She suddenly has a terrible feeling she's going to cry.

"I don't know," she says, her voice tight. "The stuff before it was better. Maybe everyone just lies to you about sex being great to keep the human race going."

"A lot of people have sex without having kids though."

"Yeah," Charlotte allows, sniffling. "Maybe it's just me."

"Was it horrible?" Ivy asks quietly and Charlotte roughly shakes her head.

"No. Yes. No. I just...I just wish I'd known what I was doing. I think it could have been better."

"You used a condom, right?"

"Yes, I used a condom," Charlotte snaps. "Of course I used a condom!"

"Okay, okay. I'm just asking."

"Sorry," Charlotte says, wiping at her eyes that are starting to drip. "It just feels weird."

"Do you wish you hadn't done it?"

"No," Charlotte says thoughtfully. "I just wish I'd known what to do more. But I'm glad it's over with - the awkward part."

"I'm sure it gets better," Ivy says comfortingly. "No one would keep having sex if it didn't."

"Yeah," Charlotte says, giving her a quick smile. She changes the subject and they talk about movies until dinner.

When Charlotte gets back her mother is in the hall. She's wearing a serious expression as is her father, who's in the sitting room. Charlotte's chest tightens as she goes in. For a moment she's positive they know she's had sex, but it's not that. It's the school. Charlotte knew they'd call eventually but she stopped caring a while ago. Her parents do not share that sentiment. They start freaking out, demanding to know what Charlotte's been doing, but she doesn't answer. She wonders what they'd say if she told them _I've been sneaking out with my boyfriend. We've had sex twice._ Charlotte isn't bold enough to find out. She keeps her mouth shut, which makes her parents even angrier. Charlotte feels herself getting mad back. They lied to her until she read her mom's book, so Charlotte figures the scales are even. They can't tell her what to do. Jess starts saying she needs to grow up, stop messing up her life, and Charlotte can't take it anymore. She can't stand it, and she shouts _I have a whole other father!_

It works. Her dad stops talking. Everyone goes silent. The second the words are out of Charlotte's mouth she yearns to take them back. She has never seen such a devastated look on her dad's face before, and Charlotte put it there. She didn't even mean it. Charlotte can't be in that room, can't look at her dad and she runs blindly upstairs, resisting the tears that are about to fall. They pour incessantly once she's in her bedroom. Charlotte is afraid her parents will follow her up there and see, yet in a way it would be a relief. Charlotte is feeling exhausted from holding it all back. But they don't follow her and Charlotte can't go back down. She can't be there at all.

Charlotte grabs her purse and throws in her wallet. Picking up her phone, she calls Tyler and when he finally answers she says, "Can you come get me?"

"Huh?"

"Something happened," Charlotte says, her voice wobbling. "Can you come pick me up?"

"My mom and dad are having a party."

"Can you please pick me up?" Charlotte begs. "I don't care where we go."

There's a pause and then Tyler says, "Yeah, okay. I'll be at the end of your street."

He hangs up and Charlotte looks around her room. She doesn't want to pack a whole bag - all she knows is that right now she wants to be gone - but her eyes land on her dressing table and the ballerina music box. Charlotte opens it, making the tinny music play, and she gets out the diamond necklace Logan gave her for her birthday. Charlotte wants to wear it. She's not wearing that locket anymore and it's her necklace. Who says she can only wear it when she's older?

Charlotte fastens the necklace, snaps the box shut and grabs her purse and phone. She's lost in her thought of how to get out of the house with no one seeing when she collides with her brother.

"Ow," Richie says and then, "Where are you going?"

"Nowhere," Charlotte says and Richie raises his eyebrows. "None of your business."

"How come you never tell me stuff anymore?" Richie demands. "I'm not going to go blabbing. I'm not Annie."

"I'm busy."

"You've been a jerk," Richie says. "Maybe I'll tell Mom and Dad. Why should I cover for you anyhow?"

"Wait," Charlotte says. "I'm sorry. I'm going to see Tyler, okay?"

Richie raises his eyebrows and Charlotte reaches into her pocket, coming out with a two dollar bill. "I'll give you this if you don't tell Mom and Dad."

"For two measly bucks?"

"I can't give you more," Charlotte pleads. "Can you just help me out?"

"They've gone out," Richie says. "You were yelling downstairs and Mom and Dad just went out, I saw them."

"Oh. Well, I guess I'll go too."

Richie nods and Charlotte smiles. "Thanks, Richie."

"Sure," Richie says and he stuffs the money in his pocket.

"I thought you said it wasn't enough!"

"It's not. But it's still money."

Charlotte rolls her eyes. "I'll talk to you later, okay?"

"See ya."

Charlotte hurries down the stairs, picks up her jacket and is out the front door and down the street after a glance both ways. Tyler shows up after five chilled minutes and Charlotte gratefully gets in the car. He drives away and, after he doesn't ask, Charlotte says, "I had an awful fight with my mom and dad."

"Yeah?"

"It was horrible," Charlotte says, getting upset again. "The school called and they found out I wasn't in class and we yelled all this stuff and.." her voice trails off. Charlotte doesn't want to repeat what she said to Jess.

"Sounds rough," is all Tyler says and Charlotte nods, sniffling. "I said the worst thing to my dad. I told him I have another father."

"So?" Tyler asks, looking at her. "You do, right?"

"He's not my father," Charlotte says, her voice wobbling. "I know he is genetically, but I didn't mean it. I was just really mad. And now I can't take it back."

"He's your genetic father...maybe you said it because he is. His side in you coming out."

Charlotte feels even more awful than before. There's a big lump in her throat and she stares straight ahead. If Tyler wonders why she's wearing diamonds he makes no comment, and Charlotte runs her hand over them. They feel rough against her fingers, and it upsets her all over again. They drive in silence for a while and finally she says, "Where are we going?"

"The field."

"The field?" Charlotte echoes. "Why?"

"I thought we could make out," Tyler says simply and Charlotte's eyes widen.

"You want to go _park_?"

"Don't you?"

"No!" Charlotte wails. "I want to talk to you! I want some advice!"

"I don't know," Tyler says. "I thought making out was what we're doing. That and the other stuff."

Charlotte sits back in her seat. For a moment she can't even reply to that.

"I don't want to go to the field," she says eventually and Tyler says, "I guess we can park here instead."

"I don't want to park, period."

"Then should I take you home?"

"No!" Charlotte exclaims. "I can't go home!"

"What do you want me to do then?"

Charlotte is silent for a moment and then says, "Take me to the train station."

"Okay," Tyler says, turning the car around. "How come?"

"I want to go somewhere...see about that genetic stuff."

"Huh?"

"Never mind," Charlotte says. "Please can you take me?"

"Okay," Tyler says, and he does so, not bothering to stop the car fully. He gives her an absent kiss as Charlotte gets out and she says, "I'll call you when I'm there, if you want."

"If you want," Tyler agrees, but he doesn't sound too concerned. "Talk to you later."

"Bye."

Charlotte forgot to say _love you_ but it seems Tyler did too. She goes into the station and straight to the desk and says, "One ticket to New York, please."

Charlotte pays with her card, reasoning that the money she got at Christmas will cover it, and the man behind the counter says, "There's one leaving in five minutes - you can get it if you hurry."

"Oh - thanks."

"You going somewhere fancy?"

"Huh?"

"You're wearing a diamond necklace," he remarks. "You doing something special?"

"No...it's just a gift. I'd better go. Thanks."

Charlotte takes the necklace off in case it falls, shoving it in her purse, and runs for the train. She jumps on in the nick of time and sinks onto a seat, breathing hard. The train starts up and Charlotte looks out of the window. She reaches into her purse, turning off her phone and taking out the necklace for a moment. She stares at the gems for a moment before letting them go, and gazes through the glass at the night running past.


	38. Chapter 38

**Thanks for the feedback! Happy New Year!**

"Jess!" Rory shouts. "Charlotte's gone!"

"What?" Jess is upstairs in an instant and Rory cries, "Charlotte's not here! I came up and she's gone!"

"Maybe she's just in the bathroom," Jess says but Rory shakes her head. "I saw Richie go in a second ago. She's not up here. She's gone. I don't know what to do."

Rory starts breathing hard. There's a pressure on her chest, a strange loss of focus, and she sits on the bed. She hasn't experienced this since the time Paris told her she was having a panic attack, and this is ten times worse.

"I can't breathe," she manages to say. "I'm freaking out."

"Look at me," Jess says, putting his hands on her shoulders and looking straight into her eyes. "We're going to find her. We're going to bring her back. It's okay."

"It's not okay," Rory whispers, but she feels a tiny bit calmer. She breathes in and out, looking into Jess's eyes, and is able to get up from the bed. She almost trips over the cups she dropped, the coffee creating a deep stain on the carpet, but Rory doesn't care. Jess starts looking around the room.

"Her stuff's gone," he says. "Her purse and phone."

"Her pyjamas are on the bed," Rory says. "Her overnight bag is still there. If Charlotte didn't pack a lot..." she doesn't even want to voice the words _running away_. Rory pulls open some drawers, desperately trying to find any kind of clue, and when she opens the top one her heart stops. Rory picks up an open box of condoms and can see a few are gone.

"What?" Jess asks, going over, and when Rory shows him the box his jaw sets.

"If she gets pregnant I swear to God -"

"Let's not even go there," Rory says, dropping the box back in the drawer. "I can't freak out about that as well as this."

Jess takes a deep breath, nodding and Rory says, "Maybe she's with him. Maybe that's where Charlotte went."

"She couldn't have gone that long ago," Jess says and Rory exclaims, "She might not even be with him. She could be anywhere."

 _Don't freak out_ , she tells herself. _Don't freak out_. It doesn't work. Rory calls Charlotte's cellphone, as does Jess, but Charlotte doesn't answer either call. Rory sends a frantic message, saying _Come home. We love you, just come home_. Rory puts her phone in her pocket, knowing every second she spends seeing a reply not come is going to destroy her even more.

"What if Charlotte's not with him?" Rory asks desperately. "What if she's gone somewhere else?"

"Where?"

"I don't know, Jess! Maybe Mom's - I hope Mom's...or Ivy's, or maybe she's run away -"

"No," Jess says sharply, making her stop. "She hasn't run away. She's with her boyfriend. She's got to be."

"But -"

"Rory, I can't freak out more than I am," Jess says, his eyes anguished. "And we're going to find her. But right now I can only deal with thinking she's with Tyler."

"Okay," Rory says gently, and Jess puts his arms around her. She lays her head on his chest and her sigh becomes a sob. Rory looks up, wiping her eyes, and takes a deep breath. Charlotte's fine. They're going to find her and she'll be fine. Rory quickly calls Ivy just in case, but to her non-surprise Charlotte isn't with her.

Rory and Jess head into the hall and Rory catches sight of Richie looking around his door.

"Richie," she says, running over to him. "Charlotte's gone out somewhere."

"Did she say anything to you?" Jess asks, going over. Richie shakes his head but it doesn't look convincing and Rory says desperately, "Richie, this is really important."

"Bud, you're not in trouble," Jess says gently. "We just really need to find your sister. Did she say anything to you?"

"I said I wouldn't tell," Richie says and Jess takes a deep breath. "It's okay to tell us, Richie."

"Did Charlotte say anything?" Rory asks, trying to keep her tone even. "Did she say she was going to see Tyler?"

Richie gives a small nod and Rory looks over at Jess, and then turns to give her son a hug.

"You did the right thing, sweetie."

"We just want your sister home," Jess adds. "You okay to hang out in your room for a little while?"

Richie nods, going back in and Rory and Jess look at each other.

"We're going to go get Charlotte," Jess says. "And when I see that punk -"

"Jess," Rory says. "Slow down. We can't both go. Someone's got to stay and watch the kids."

Jess lets out an angry breath and Rory gets out her cellphone. Charlotte hasn't replied but Rory pushes her hurt back. "I've got Tyler's number saved," she says. "Maybe if I call him I can get Charlotte to talk."

"You call him," Jess agrees. "I'm not feeling exactly reasonable right now."

Rory does so, waits, and to her relief Tyler answers after several rings.

"Who's this?"

"This is Rory Gilmore, Charlotte's mom."

"Oh."

"Yeah. Put Charlotte on."

"Charlotte's not here."

"I know she is," Rory says, looking at Jess. "I know she went to see you."

"Like I said, she's not here."

Jess takes the phone from Rory and says angrily, "Listen kid, I know my daughter went to see you, and if you don't put her on this second we're going to come over and personally collect her. Your choice."

"She's not here," Tyler says impatiently and a sudden understanding runs through Rory's mind. She says desperately, " _Was_ she with you, Tyler? But she's gone now?"

There's a pause and then Tyler says, "Yes."

"Where is she?" There's another pause and then Rory says, "Tyler, tell us. We're worried sick. Where did you last see her?"

"I took her to the train station," Tyler admits and Rory's eyes widen. "Why? Where was she going?"

"She didn't say. She was kind of upset, I guess."

"And you just left her there?" Jess demands, grabbing the phone again. "You're lucky to be on a phone, kid, because I could -"

"Jess," Rory says, taking the phone back and Tyler protests, "Charlotte said she wanted to go there."

"Did she tell you anything?" Rory pleads. "Did she say anything about where she was going?"

"Something about genetic material," Tyler says and Rory's mouth sets in a line. "When? When did you drop her off?"

"I don't know...maybe a half hour...maybe more..."

Rory resists the urge to do a little yelling herself, and with extreme restraint, says "Thanks," hangs up and looks at Jess. "I know where she is."

"So do I," Jess says. "Do you think we can find her before she goes?"

"Jess, at least two trains will have gone by now," Rory says. The panicky feeling is hitting her again. "She's not answering her phone."

"So we're going to New York."

"I'm calling Logan." Rory gets her phone and calls. Logan doesn't pick up. Rory tries twice more, in disbelief that Logan is for once not looking at his phone and leaves a voice message and text saying _Charlotte is going to your place. Call me, this is urgent._

"What if something happens to her?" Rory says, losing her breath again. "What if she gets lost or someone does something to her or -"

"That's not going to happen," Jess says roughly. "Look - she might turn around and come back."

"I don't think she will," Rory says quietly and a big tear falls down her cheek. "How did I let this happen?"

"It was my fault too. I yelled at her."

"No...don't do that, Jess. I started this whole mess."

"We can't get caught up on this," Jess says, his voice shaking. "We've just got to find her. Call Lorelai, call Luke, and then we're going to New York."

"What about the kids?"

"You go," Jess says after a strained pause. "I'll stay here."

"What? But -"

"One of us has to stay here and she might come back. You should go."

"She's more mad at me."

"She's mad at both of us," Jess says. "But one of us has to go right now, and I think you should. I wouldn't want to accidentally kill Logan or something."

Rory weakly smiles at the joke and leans over to kiss him. "Okay, I'm going," she says, taking a deep breath. "I'm getting our girl."

"I'll be right here," Jess says, squeezing her hands. "And later you'll both be here."

"Yes," Rory says, trying to smile. "Kiss the kids for me."

"I will."

Rory is about to run down the stairs when Richie comes back out of his room. He's upset and asks, "Is Charlotte okay?"

"I'm going to get her right now," Rory says, stopping. "Dad's going to stay with you guys."

Richie has something crumpled in his hand and he drops it on the floor. "She gave me this so I wouldn't tell you," he says, starting to cry. "But I don't want it. She said she was going to see Tyler but she's not there, right?"

Jess and Rory give each other a look and Richie yells, "I'm not a little kid!"

"She went somewhere else," Jess says carefully. "But we know where she is. It's okay."

"I don't want her stupid money," Richie says, angrily rubbing at his eyes. "I'm sorry."

"Buddy, it's not your fault," Jess says, hugging him tightly. "You didn't know. It's okay."

"I'm mad at her."

"I know."

"But I want Charlotte to be okay," Richie sniffles and Jess kisses the top of his head, ruffling his hair. "Us too, Richie. And she will. Mom's going to get her right now."

"I'll call as soon as I get her," Rory says, giving Richie a quick hug as well. "Dad's going to stay with you and Annie for now."

"I want to go too!"

"No, bud," Jess says gently. "You guys have to wait with me. Sorry."

Richie nods, stepping back, but he says quietly, "You don't have to tell me it's all okay. It's not."

Jess puts his arms back around him and Annie slowly comes out of her room too, runs over and Jess puts his arm around her as well. Rory gives her a quick kiss and says determinedly, "I've got to go find Charlotte. I'll call as soon as I know."

Rory grabs her jacket and keys and runs out, dialling Lorelai's number as she goes. She's struggling with the car door when her mother answers, "Hey, Rory."

"Mom," Rory says frantically, "Charlotte's gone."

"What? Gone where?"

"I don't know. I think she's gone to New York."

 _"What?"_

"Dammit!" Rory shouts, dropping her keys. She bends to get them, balancing the phone between her ear and shoulder, and her mother asks again what she means as Rory finally gets the door open and flings herself into the car.

"Rory!" Lorelai shouts. "Tell me what's going on!"

"Charlotte went out," Rory says, breathing hard. "We had a massive fight, Jess and I took a quick walk and she left. Then I saw she was gone and I thought she was with her boyfriend but she's not, and he took her to the train station and she was saying something about genetics and I think she's gone to New York. So I'm going there right now. Logan's not answering his phone."

"I'm on my way."

"Mom, stay where you are."

"What? No!"

"She might come to you," Rory says, closing her eyes. A pounding headache is throbbing behind her brow. "I don't think she will - I think she's going to Logan's - but if there's any chance you need to stay there."

"I can't just do nothing!"

"Mom, it's what I need you to do. And could you call her? She's not answering me or Jess. Maybe she'll answer you."

"Okay," Lorelai says and Rory doesn't add that she doubts Charlotte is going to answer calls from anyone. There's that tightness in her chest again and she says, "Mom, I think I'm having a heart attack."

"Rory, you are not having a heart attack."

"I'm almost definitely having a panic attack."

"Rory -"

"Mommy, I'm scared," Rory says, starting to cry. "She's sixteen years old and she's run away and anything could happen to her."

"Rory, stay calm," Lorelai says, gently but firmly. "Keep breathing, keep focused. She knows where Logan is. She knows how to get to his place. You might even wind up getting there before she does."

"She's having sex," Rory says. "I found that out too. What if she gets pregnant? What if she already is?"

"Rory, don't freak out," Lorelai says. "Don't cross over into panic mode."

"I'm already there."

"Step back. Right now the main thing is getting to New York and getting Charlotte. You can find her."

"Do you promise?" Rory asks childishly and Lorelai says softly, "I can't promise. But I can promise you can go to New York and she will almost definitely be at Logan's apartment. And then you can bring her home."

"And freak out about all the rest," Rory says, half-crying and half-laughing hysterically. "Oh Mom..."

Rory remembers the time she ran away to Richard and Emily's without a word when she was sixteen. How did her mother bear it?

"I love you, angel."

"I've got to go," Rory says, wiping her eyes. "I need to be on the road."

"Go get her, Rory."

"I'm on it. Love you, Mom."

"I love you too."

Rory hangs up, drops the phone on the seat beside her and takes a deep breath. Keying up the engine, she starts to drive and eases out onto the road. _Breathe in, breathe out_. She's going to bring Charlotte back.


	39. Chapter 39

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As the train picks up pace Charlotte clenches and unclenches her hands. She wants to listen to music, but doesn't want to turn her phone on, and she didn't bring anything to read. All she can do is stare out of the window, but as it's night there's not a lot to see. Water splats against the glass, so it must have started raining. Charlotte wonders if her parents know she's gone yet. That makes her conscience prick a little. They must be worried, but Charlotte decides that this is more important. They wouldn't be worried if they hadn't started lying in the first place. Charlotte settles back against her seat. She thinks of what Logan will say when he sees her. That makes Charlotte worry too and she concentrates on putting the diamond necklace back around her neck.

Some time later the train pulls into New York. Charlotte had been bored but now that the train is here the journey felt too quick and she gets up on wobbly legs. Grabbing her jacket, she tugs it back on and follows the rest of the passengers off the train.

Charlotte knows it's not far to Logan's from the station but she can't remember the way. It's dark and the rain is sheets of water streaming into her eyes and drenching her all over. Charlotte's jacket doesn't even have a hood and soon she's soaked through. Everyone around is her is running, jostling their umbrellas and jumping into cabs and as Charlotte moves towards one the car drives through a puddle, sending the water straight up and over her legs.

Charlotte jumps back too late and almost falls, and jumps again as a voice says, "Hey kid, you alright?"

"I want a cab," Charlotte says, "and I got soaked."

She has a horrible feeling she's about to cry, out of nowhere, and the man whose voice it is says, "If you need a cab you need to call for one! Haven't you ever been to New York before?"

Charlotte nods, shivering slightly, and his face softens. The man steps forward, calling the cab approaching, and says, "Take that one. I'l grab the next one - you'll be here all night if you just stand there like that. You know where you need to go?"

"Yes," Charlotte sniffles. "Thank you."

"That's alright. Now jump in before the driver gives up and goes to the next person. Go on."

Charlotte nods, trying to smile, and gets into the cab. When she's asked where to go her mind blanks for a moment but thankfully the address shoots back into Charlotte's mind. She turns around to try and see the man who helped her but he's already gone.

"Horrible night," the driver declares as he pulls up to the apartment building. "You're lucky to go in and get warm."

"Right," Charlotte says softly. She digs into her purse, getting the money from her wallet and pays and thanks him. Charlotte gets out, staring up at the building. Despite the rain, she goes over hesitantly, having that shaky feelings in her legs again.

To her luck, a couple are just going into the building. Charlotte waits for a moment and then dives for the door, getting it just before it closes. The doorman is greeting the other couple but narrows his eyes at her. "Hey," he says. "I didn't let you in."

"I've been here before," Charlotte says, trying to sound confident. "Remember?"

The doorman grunts and she says, "I went to see Logan Huntzberger with my mom."

"He didn't tell me you were coming."

"He knows," Charlotte says quickly. "It was a last minute arrangement."

"If you say so," the doorman replies. He turns back to the other couple and Charlotte releases a deep breath, going over to the elevator. She punches in the floor number and stares at herself in the elevator mirror. Charlotte looks a complete mess but there's nothing she can do about that. Her nerves are the main focus anyway. The diamonds catch the dim rays of light here and there.

The elevator pings as it reaches Logan's floor and Charlotte steps out, trembling slightly. She doesn't have to do this, she thinks. She could just turn around and go home and get killed by her parents, but Charlotte takes a step forward, and then another. She's here now and she wants to know what Logan will say. Charlotte takes the last few steps to his door, pulls in her breath, and knocks on his door.

Logan opens it a few seconds later. He stares at her, stopping, and says, "Charlotte?"

"Hi."

"What are you doing here?" Logan asks, rubbing a hand across his head. "It's late. Is your mom with you?"

"No."

"Did we arrange something I forgot about?"

"No. I'm just here."

Logan stares at her and finally says, "Come in, you're soaked."

Charlotte follows him inside. The apartment is empty, aside from a few beer and wine bottles knocking around. Logan is wearing a crumpled shirt and jeans, looking considerably more casual than the few occasions Charlotte remembers.

"Lucia is visiting family," Logan says with a nervous laugh. "I need to fix up the place a bit."

Charlotte wraps her arms around herself and Logan asks bluntly, "What are you doing here, Charlotte?"

"I wanted to see you," Charlotte says. "That's okay, right? I'm wearing the necklace you gave me and everything."

"It's not a good time -"

"You said you wanted me here," Charlotte challenges him. "Remember? When you made us go before?"

Logan squirms slightly. "Here - let me get you a towel or something."

"I don't want a towel or something," Charlotte says loudly. "I want you to tell me what happened."

"What's going on?" Logan demands. "Why have you come here? Did you Rory send you?"

"Mom doesn't know where I am," Charlotte says. "I decided this on my own."

"Your mom doesn't know you're here?" Logan echoes, eyes widening. "Does she know you've come to New York?"

"No."

Logan lets out a groan and stretches out his hand. "Give your phone."

"What? Why?"

"Because mine is broken - of all the damn days - and your mom will be going out of her mind."

"Good," Charlotte says spitefully and he looks at her. "Are you here because you read that book of hers?"

"What do you think?"

"You should go home."

"No."

Charlotte folds her arms. Logan looks at her and glances back at the door.

"Listen, you can't be here," he says urgently. "Besides Rory not knowing where you are, my wife is going to come home any minute."

"I don't want to go home!" Charlotte shouts, making him jump. "I don't care if your wife comes back!"

"Hey -"

"I'm sick of everyone lying to me!" Charlotte cries. "Why is it my problem if you haven't told your wife? I just want to know why you did it!"

"Did what?"

"Had an affair with Mom," Charlotte says. "Lied to everyone - kept me secret."

Logan looks away and Charlotte says, "Don't you want to know me? Didn't you ever care about me?"

"Of course I cared about you," Logan says, going over to her but Charlotte shakes her head, her eyes stinging.

"No. You kept me secret. Even if you didn't stay with Mom, you never told your wife."

"I wanted to stay with your mom," Logan says angrily. "Did she tell you that? I loved her. I didn't want her out of my life."

"Mom said you asked her to marry you," Charlotte says, sniffling. "But you didn't want to have a baby."

"I didn't," Logan agrees. "But I was willing to try. When she told me she was pregnant I offered to get married."

"Then why didn't you try harder?"

"She'd stopped loving me," Logan says, his voice hurt. "And I'd already agreed to marry Odette."

"You didn't have to marry her," Charlotte argues and Logan laughs, making her frown. "What? Did you love her more than Mom?"

"No, I didn't love her more than Rory. Not then, anyway. But it was arranged. I couldn't just back down from that."

"Why not?"

"Because it was the plan," Logan exclaims. "The plan was to marry her and have heirs - kids."

"I know what an heir is," Charlotte says quietly and Logan goes on, "My whole life was arranged for me. I knew I'd only marry someone pre-approved. And it wasn't all bad. I like my life - took a long time to admit it, but I do. I like being rich, I like being able to do anything. Anything I can afford, which is almost everything. So when your mom turned me down I went with the plan."

"You don't have other kids," Charlotte says slowly and Logan shakes his head. "Odette can't have them."

"Oh."

"We didn't know that when we got married."

Charlotte doesn't know what to say to that. She assumes no one else in his family knows he has a child, not that Charlotte thinks she's any kind of heir. The water from her jacket is steadily dripping onto the carpet and Charlotte watches it make a pattern. She's got mud on there too. Appropriate, she thinks.

"Your mom didn't want that life," Logan says. "Not in the end."

"She told me that. But she liked it, I know she did. I read about how much she liked it."

"Rory loved it at first. She was so young and pretty innocent."

"I don't know," Charlotte remarks and Logan says, "She seemed that way to me. Rory was sheltered. She was so young, we both were, and she loved everything about my life. We had a lot of fun but she got to see the dark side of it eventually. She said it was shallow - and she's right, it is. It's shallow and trapping but I like the other stuff more."

A lump is growing in Charlotte's throat. "More than me, right?"

"No," Logan says quickly but Charlotte shakes her head, starting to cry. "I bet you wish I'd never been born."

"That's not true."

"If it's not true then why have you kept me secret?" Charlotte cries. "Why didn't you tell your wife about me? I hate my mom for lying but she's still my mom. Why didn't you ever want to be my dad?"

"It's complicated -"

"No it's not!" Charlotte shouts. Tears and snot are streaming down her cheeks. "It's not! Mom had me and you pretended she didn't. You pretend I don't exist! You just send me stuff now and then and only talk to me if your wife's not around!"

"Charlotte -"

"Why don't you care about me?" Charlotte asks, hiccuping over her sobs. "Why don't you want to know me?"

"I do," Logan argues. "That's why I asked to see you whenever I was here. I do care about you, I love you."

"Only when it's a good time for you," Charlotte says, wiping her eyes. "It was like that with Mom, right? You'd see her when it was a good time for you."

"No, Charlotte. It was nothing like that."

"If it was nothing like that, why didn't you tell Odette about her? Why'd you offer that house for Mom to stay in? I read all of it!"

"You don't know anything about this!" Logan shouts, making her jump. "You're just a kid. You don't know how my family works. I took your mom to my parents' house, when we were in Yale, and they dismissed her right away. She was never going to be good enough for them. There wasn't any point trying. But I loved her."

"Why?"

"What?"

"Why did you love Mom?"

"I loved her because she was funny and smart and I had adventures with her. She wasn't part of that stifling world I grew up in. I didn't want to let that go."

"Nana left that life. You could have tried."

"I could have," Logan agrees. "But I was happy with my arrangement. So was Rory, when it comes to that. She wasn't complaining. She wanted that house, I know she did."

Charlotte starts feeling sick. She stares at the carpet until her visions blurs and Logan says, "Hey, come on. Sit down, let me get you a drink. You're shivering."

"No," Charlotte says, her voice ringing. Her hair is wet and matted against her head and she pushes it back. Charlotte catches sight of the piano in the corner and resists the urge to go and bang on the keys. "I don't want to sit. I don't want a drink."

"I'm sorry it all happened this way," Logan says gently. "This is why Rory didn't want to tell you. She didn't want you to be hurt by all of it either."

"You should have told me," Charlotte says, looking up. "I already knew you didn't want to be my dad. I could have dealt with the rest."

"Your mom loves you more than anything, do you know that? I came to see her, when she had you. And she was very fierce about what we did never hurting you."

"Too late for that," Charlotte says quietly. Logan looks at her and says again, "Give me your phone, Charlotte. I need to call her."

"No," Charlotte says, stepping back. Logan tries to laugh. "You're as stubborn as she is, that's for sure. Come on."

"No," Charlotte says loudly. "I'm not going until I'm ready to go."

"I said you can't be here," Logan says angrily. "And your mom needs to come get you."

"I don't want her to come get me," Charlotte spits out. "I'm not leaving."

"I don't have time for this!"

"I'm here!" Charlotte says furiously. "You can't pretend I'm not here!"

"I'm saying it's a bad time -"

"I don't care!"

"Hey, don't talk to me like that!"

"Why?" Charlotte demands, her eyes flashing. "Because you're my father?"

Logan folds his arms and Charlotte starts feeling a rush of tears again. "When's my birthday? When did I start talking? What was my first word? When did I learn to read?"

"Charlotte -"

"If you're my father, you should know these things, right? Why don't you? Why does Mom have to tell you to email me and send me Christmas cards? Why don't you just do it because you love me?"

Before Logan can answer the front door opens and they look round to see a woman come in, the woman Charlotte recognises from Logan's wedding photo as Odette. She puts her umbrella in the stand by the door and startles at the sight of Charlotte.

"Hello," she says curiously. "Logan, who is this?"

Logan doesn't answer. Odette stares at Charlotte for a moment and then laughs.

"I'm sorry," she says. "You look a lot like someone I saw once - someone my husband knew."

"I'm Rory's daughter," Charlotte says. "If that's who you mean. My name's Charlotte Gilmore."

"Yes," Odette says curiously. "Why are you here? Logan, this girl is dripping water everywhere and doesn't even have a drink. This child should be sitting down and given some dry clothes."

Charlotte and Logan both stay silent and Odette says loudly, "I don't understand."

She looks at Charlotte and asks, "How old are you?"

"I'm sixteen and a half," Charlotte answers. She looks at Logan, and Odette does so too. She doesn't say anything but her eyes narrow. When it's clear Logan isn't going to say anything Charlotte answers for him, "He was with my mom around then. Right before you were married."

Logan closes his eyes and then jumps as Odette shouts, _"What?"_ She jumps into a stream of French, English interspersed here and there, and Charlotte catches the words _your daughter?_

"Odette," Logan says weakly, "It was a long time ago. It was a big mistake."

Tears fill Charlotte's eyes. She wrenches off her diamond necklace and throws it at him. It hits Logan on the arm and he stares at her.

"I'm your mistake," Charlotte sobs, "but I don't want to be. I hate you. I have my mom and my dad and I don't need this stupid necklace you gave me. I want my real dad."

"Charlotte -"

Charlotte flings the front door open and runs out. She can hear Logan and Odette call after her but she ignores them. Tears are running so hard down her cheeks Charlotte can't see properly. It's like being in a nightmare. Charlotte finds the elevator, runs inside and cries the whole way down. Every time she thinks of Jess shouting _you're my daughter!_ it hits her all over again. He knows all the answers to the questions Charlotte demanded of Logan. And Charlotte said she had a whole other father. What kind of a father is Logan? One who couldn't even tell his wife who she is and calls her a big mistake. She automatically lifts her hand to touch her locket but that's gone too, making Charlotte's heart ache again. Charlotte is still crying when she gets out of the building, the rain pouring all around her. She was wrong before she was even born.


	40. Chapter 40

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Rory hits traffic halfway to New York. "No," she moans, banging her hands on the steering wheel. "Move!"

No cars are moving. Everyone is inching forward immensely slowly and Rory takes a deep breath, trying to quell her panic. She briefly checks her phone again and sends Charlotte another message, though Rory knows it's no use. She snatched her phone up when it had pinged with a message before, but it was just Lorelai saying she'd got no answer either.

Rory can't bear it, but this is all she can do. She tries reminding herself she's not going to get there any faster by abandoning the car and running, and she can't turn around. All she can do is sit and wait and hope the traffic lifts. Rory won't allow her imagination to stretch to Charlotte and what she's doing. If she does that she knows she'll have a full-blown panic attack.

Some time later - Rory forces herself not to check how much - the cars move faster and she can drive properly again. Rory turns the car towards Manhattan, driving as fast as she dares, and stops the car down the street from Logan's apartment. Grabbing her phone, Rory runs out of the car and pelts down the street. She knows she's parked horribly but doesn't turn around and doesn't care. Heart in her mouth, Rory runs to the apartment building and hammers on the front door. The doorman opens the door a crack and says coldly, "What seems to be the problem?"

"Let me in," Rory pants. "My daughter came here - I think she did, I'm sure she did - and I need to find her."

"Who's your daughter?"

"Charlotte - she's sixteen, she looks like me - she's here to see Logan Huntzberger."

"A popular man tonight," the doorman remarks and Rory exclaims, "So you've seen her? She mentioned him?"

"I remember you," the doorman says. "She said she came here with her mom before. I remember both of you now."

"Great," Rory says impatiently and then more politely, "Is she still here?"

"I don't know. I just took a coffee break."

"Please let me in," Rory says, taking a deep breath. "I need to talk to Logan. I need to talk to my daughter."

The doorman looks hesitant but then nods, opening the door and Rory runs in, calling, "Thank you!" as she heads for the elevator. It seems to go almost as slowly as the traffic and Rory taps her foot, staring at herself in the mirror. She looks terrible but then, Rory thinks, she feels terrible. So it works out.

The elevator reaches Logan's floor and Rory stumbles out and down the corridor. She can hear shouting, and as she hurries, can tell it's Logan shouting and whom she assumes is Odette. As Rory reaches Logan's apartment she sees the door is wide open and Logan and Odette are screaming at each other in French and English. A horrible feeling seizes Rory's throat, which tightens as they stop and notice her.

"You're here," Logan says roughly. "Charlotte said you weren't here."

"Where is she?" Rory demands, her voice shaking. "Why didn't you answer your phone? I told you she might come."

"My phone is broken," Logan says tightly. "Believe me, I didn't know."

"Is she still here?" Rory asks desperately. "She just left without saying anything - I hoped she was here."

Rory catches sight of the diamond necklace lying on the floor by Logan's feet and Odette says icily, "Your daughter just informed me of her existence and ran out."

"What? Ran where?"

"I don't know," Odette says. "I'm a little busy thinking about how you and my husband kept a secret child from me."

She glares at Rory and Rory swallows, looking at Logan. He won't look her in the eye.

"Odette," Rory manages to say. "I'm sorry."

"Oh," Odette says, laughing bitterly. "Wonderful. That makes me feel so much better."

Rory looks down. She feels, once again, the awful sense of dislike and shame it brings from hurting someone's partner. She'd never planned on this again.

"We have an open marriage," Logan tries saying and Odette rounds on him. "We went into this marriage agreeing we could see each others outside of it. We did not agree to seeing previous girlfriends and children we had with them! You forgot to mention your ex was pregnant when we got married! How could you have that secret from me? I'm your wife!"

"I wanted to keep it separate from you," Logan says weakly. "I didn't want you to know about my mistake. I wanted to start over with you."

As Logan says it, Rory hears how pathetic it sounds. The hurt Charlotte must have felt hits her all over again and she says once more to Odette, "I'm sorry. I know it doesn't make up for what we did."

"No, it doesn't," Odette tells her. "I am in this marriage, along with Logan. I should know if he has a child and receiving secret visits."

"I don't see her that often," Logan argues and Odette retorts, "But she's your daughter."

"Yes," Logan says quietly. "She's my daughter."

"Where did she go?" Rory breaks in. "Please - did she tell you where she was going?"

"No," Logan says angrily. "She threw her necklace at me and tried wrecking my marriage instead."

"This is not Charlotte's fault!" Rory shouts. "This is your fault, Logan, and my fault! We should have told her! We should have told Odette!"

"You said you wouldn't interfere, remember?"

"Oh!" Odette says furiously. "So I shouldn't get a say?"

"It happened before we were married," Logan says and Odette yells, "You got her pregnant when we were engaged! How long was this going to go on?"

"I was going to tell Charlotte when she was eighteen," Rory says and Odette says angrily, "But no one was going to tell me."

"I'm sorry," Rory whispers. She was going to say, if this ever came out, how she broke it off before they got married, that she turned down Logan's offer of a house, but Rory knows it's all too small. It was a mistake to begin with.

Odette sort of sniffs at her and says evenly, "Charlotte ran down the hall about ten minutes before you got here. She didn't say where she was going and all I can think about is getting a divorce."

"A divorce?" Logan echoes. "No, Odette, come on - please. It was a mistake."

"Stop calling Charlotte a mistake!" Rory cries. "She's not a mistake, she's my daughter! She's a funny, beautiful, incredible girl and she's the only good thing to come out of what we did. We were wrong, Logan - everything we did, every way we handled it was wrong - but Charlotte's not a mistake. And you don't know how lucky you are to have her. If you did, you'd be looking for her. But you just let her leave!"

"I asked you if she'd mess things up and you said she wouldn't," Logan says and Rory exclaims, "I don't care if she messed things up! I care if Charlotte's okay! She's not! She's hurt, and we did it. I have to find her and I have to make things right!"

"You go with Rory, if you want," Odette says quietly. "You know, Logan, I wondered. Your father told me he saw you with Rory, back when we were engaged. I had a feeling you were sleeping with her. And then I knew she had a baby. I saw pictures of her with it, on your computer, but I told myself you were just keeping in touch. That you'd stopped sleeping together when we got married. You told me she was with her old boyfriend, some writer you really disliked, and I told myself it was his baby. I think I did know, but you never mentioned Rory after that."

"Odette -"

"You should have told me."

"Would you still have married me?" Logan asks quietly and Odette shrugs. "I don't know. But I should have been told."

Rory doesn't know what to say. She has a feeling whatever she does say won't make things any better, and resigns herself to it. She feels horrible. She knows there's no way to right this and take the look from Odette's eyes. Rory takes a deep breath.

"I have to go find my daughter," she says. "I'm sorry - it's all I can say. I have to go."

"I've got to work things out here," Logan says tightly and Rory says, "It's better if you don't come with me. You never really wanted to anyway."

Rory turns around, running back down the hall. The elevator, mercifully, is still on Logan's floor and Rory gets in, slamming the button and praying no one summons it on the way. Rory is in luck. It goes smoothly back to the bottom floor and Rory runs out of the building without a backward glance. It's still pouring with rain and Rory can feel the panic hit her again, thinking of Charlotte out in this. She could be anywhere. She doesn't know the city.

"Charlotte!" Rory shouts, running down the street. "Charlotte!"

Some people look at her as they pass and Rory stops, exclaiming, "Please, have you seen a teenage girl? She's sixteen, about my height -"

They are already shaking their heads, walking away and Rory can feel tears mixing with the rain. She goes to the end of the street, runs back and checks the other side. There is no sign of her daughter anywhere. Rory goes around in a circle, feeling her heart painfully drum against her chest. What will she do, if she can't find her? What will she do if Charlotte never comes home?

Rory lets out a small cry and refuses to entertain that thought any further. Charlotte has to be somewhere. It's pouring with rain so she's probably finding shelter. All the shops and cafes are closed, their windows black and empty. Rory goes up and down, wondering when would be the time to call the police. Now? But Charlotte only left Logan's ten minutes ago. Then again, isn't every second crucial? Rory stops, her breath staggering, and sees a coffee cart. If this were any other time she'd be gladly lining up. _Wait._ Charlotte loves coffee as much as she does. Maybe she came here. Rory can see she's not in the queue of people but the cart backs onto a park. Desperately, Rory runs through the open gate. The rain has washed out her teary eyes and, as she stares around, Rory's eyes land on a bench. There is a figure huddled on it, trying to stay under the umbrella of the tree the bench is beneath, and Rory knows without even fully looking it's her girl.

"Charlotte!"

Rory is over at the bench in an instant and Charlotte sits up. She's soaked through, shivering, her coffee cup lying on its side beside her, and Rory starts crying again. "Charlotte. Oh, I've got you. I've got you."

"I don't want to go home," Charlotte says, starting to cry herself. "I don't want to go with you."

"I know," Rory says, sitting down beside her. "And you can hate me. But I can't leave you here. I love you. I love you more than anything in this world, next to your brother and sister, and I'm taking you home. Your dad and I have been worried sick."

"Dad," Charlotte says, choking on the word. "Dad won't want to see me."

"What? Of course he will."

"I said I had a whole other father," Charlotte says and she cries in earnest. Rory tentatively puts an arm on hers, and when Charlotte doesn't flinch, she puts both of them around her.

"Dad knows you were just upset."

"He didn't even say who I was," Charlotte cries and Rory doesn't need clarification on who. She rocks her daughter, rubbing her back, and says, "Let me take you home, angel. Come on, let's go home."

Charlotte cries a little longer but finally lets her mother get her up. They walk slowly back to Rory's car and once inside Charlotte starts a fresh flood of tears start. Rory squeezes her hand, picks up her phone and calls Jess.

"I've got her," she says, and hears Jess let out a sound of relief. "We're coming home."

Rory quickly calls Lorelai to relay the news and then hangs up. She puts her hands on the wheel and looks over at her daughter. Charlotte has buckled her seatbelt but is sitting motionless, the water streaming onto the seat and floor around her.

"We were so worried," Rory says. Rory doesn't want to get mad, not now, but she could start crying again. Now that the adrenaline rush is over Rory can feel herself tearing up. "How could you leave like that? Not let anyone know where you were going?"

"I wanted answers," Charlotte says quietly. She doesn't say anything else. Rory gets the sense a conversation isn't going to happen, not now, and she feels too tired to force it. All she wants is to get Charlotte home.

They drive in silence for the whole way. Rory doesn't know if Charlotte is still as mad as she was, but if so, she can't blame her. As she parks the car, Jess comes running out and sweeps Charlotte into a hug as she gets out, burying a kiss into her hair.

"I'm sorry," Charlotte sobs and Jess says roughly, "Never do that to me again. God, Charlotte - I love you so much. Do you know how scared we were? How could you do that to us?"

Charlotte cries harder and Jess kisses her head a few more times before leading her up the path. Richie and Annie are waiting inside and when Charlotte comes in Richie says angrily, "You can keep your money. I'm never covering for you again. You're the worst sister in the world."

"Hey," Jess says, but Richie looks less angry as his sister doesn't say anything. Her eyes just fill with tears.

"It's been a long night," Rory says. "I say we go to bed and talk about it in the morning. Charlotte, you need a shower before you catch pneumonia."

Charlotte nods but she doesn't let Rory hug her again. She walks slowly up the stairs, dripping water, and Jess says quietly, "Guys, you need to go to bed."

"But -"

"Now," Jess says and his tone doesn't allow discussion. Richie and Annie let him give them a hug and kiss and they go upstairs too, looking behind them at their parents. Once they've gone down the hall Rory looks at Jess and finally she lets herself cry.

"You got her back," Jess says gently, giving her a kiss. "You did it."

"I was so scared," Rory says through her tears. "I went to Logan's and she was gone and I thought -"

"It's okay. It's okay."

"She's not okay," Rory says. "And Odette knows - she was there, Charlotte told her."

"I bet that went down well."

"They were talking about divorce," Rory says. "But Logan didn't even care where Charlotte was. How could he not care?"

Jess doesn't say anything but he holds Rory closely and she sobs, "What if I hadn't found her?"

"You did. It's going to be okay."

"I hope," Rory says, wiping her eyes, and Jess says, "It is. I was so - I could kill her for scaring us like that."

"She's sorry," Rory says quietly, "about what she said."

"I know," Jess says gently. "I'll talk to her tomorrow."

"I guess we should go to bed too," Rory says, voice shaking. "I'm exhausted but I don't even know if I can sleep."

"Let's make some coffee first."

After the coffee Rory goes upstairs to take a shower. Charlotte's room is quiet but Rory gently opens the door after there's no response to her knock. The light is on but Charlotte has fallen asleep, Luke's old shirt snuggled beside her, and Rory watches her for a moment, her precious girl home safe. Charlotte's chest rises and falls and clutched tightly in her hand is her locket. Rory allows herself some hope and switches off the light.


	41. Chapter 41

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The next morning Charlotte wakes, blinks, and it all comes flooding back. Her body is horribly stiff and her locket is held tightly in her hand. Charlotte rolls over and jumps as she sees Annie standing in the doorway.

"Haven't you heard of knocking?" Charlotte asks, voice blurry with sleep. She sits up, dislodging her grandfather's shirt she'd had on the pillow, and Annie says, "Mom and Dad told me not to bother you. But I was scared you'd run away again."

"Oh," Charlotte says guiltily. "Well, I'm here."

She drops the locket onto the bedside table but Annie doesn't leave. Instead she asks, "How come you hate me?"

"What?" Charlotte exclaims. "I don't hate you."

"Why'd you run away?"

Charlotte is quiet and then says, "Sit down, if you want."

Annie shuts the door and runs over to the bed, getting under the cover next to Charlotte, who says, "I went to see Logan in New York."

"How come?"

Annie looks at her, the locket she was given gleaming in the morning light. Charlotte glances away, trying to find an answer. Seeing Annie's locket makes her feel slightly bereft again.

"I was mad at him," Charlotte says slowly. "I was mad at Mom and Dad too."

"You had a big fight. I heard you."

"Yeah."

"You're mad at me too."

"What? No I'm not."

"You are," Annie says, looking her in the eye. "You're always mad at me. You're always yelling at me."

"I'm not - I'm sorry," Charlotte says, feeling a hot flush of shame. "I'm not mad at you."

"So why do you yell at me?"

"You bug me sometimes," Charlotte tries to say. "And sometimes I'm a jerk. I'm sorry."

"Sometimes I bug you on purpose," Annie admits cheerfully, "but not all the time."

"Yeah, I know."

Charlotte looks at her little sister. She's had this kind of frustration with her ever since she was born - ever since Rory told her she was pregnant, so many years ago. She gets frustrated with Richie too, but it's different. Charlotte can't really remember him not being there, and with Annie, it was like they got another girl who was better. Not that they've ever said that to her. Charlotte knows it's not Annie's fault, and it's not like she doesn't love her. She remembers holding her for the first time, and how tightly Annie had wrapped her hand around one of Charlotte's fingers. _You're her big sister_ , Rory had said proudly. _She knows._

"I don't hate you," she says again. "I'm sorry for being a jerk."

"Okay," Annie says. "Do you promise not to run away?"

"Yeah, I promise."

"Dad said running away never solved anything."

"Dad's right."

"I've only run away to the end of the street," Annie adds. "Maybe someday I'll go further."

"Don't you ever run away," Charlotte says, giving her sister a quick kiss on the top of her head. "Promise."

"I promise," Annie says, linking her little finger through Charlotte's. "Pinky swear."

"Pinky swear."

They sit quietly for a moment and Annie asks, "What did you do in New York?"

"Nothing that great," Charlotte says quietly. "Come on, let's get breakfast."

They all eat rather quietly, conversation stilted. Richie and Annie are going to friends' houses for the day. Rory said she wasn't sure if today was the best timing, but Jess argued it would do them good to have space. Charlotte heard that when she went back for her water glass, and her parents were talking in the kitchen whilst clearing up. Later, Charlotte waits for her mother to finish brewing coffee and sits uncomfortably at the table. Her father is sitting beside her and Charlotte feels somewhat ambushed. Rory brings the mugs over and sits down on Charlotte's other side.

"So we need to talk about last night," she says.

"I don't want to talk about it," Charlotte says quietly and Jess says, "You ran away to New York!"

"I didn't run away!"

"Yes you did. You left without telling us and went straight there."

"Not straight away," Charlotte says weakly and Rory says, "We know you went to see Tyler. That's how we found out where you were - Richie told us you went to see him and when we called him, he told us."

"He told you?"

"Probably the only sensible thing that punk has done in his life," Jess says angrily. "And speaking of -"

"Jess," Rory says, giving him a look Charlotte can't decipher. Her father sighs but doesn't say anything else and Rory says, "Thank God he told us, Charlotte. What if he hadn't? Anything could have happened to you! We were scared to death!"

"I'm sorry!"

"You've got to think about other people when you decide stuff like that," Jess says angrily. "You can't just take off. And getting your brother to lie for you -"

"It's not okay to ask Richie and Annie that," Rory says and Charlotte retorts, "I only asked Richie and I only told him because he saw me!"

"That's not a reason!" Jess exclaims, staring at her. "That doesn't make any of it better! You owe your brother and sister an apology."

"How could you run out like that?" Rory demands, staring at Charlotte. "We were worried sick - me, your dad and your brother and sister. They were scared too."

"I had to get away," Charlotte says. She can feel herself starting to cry and says, "You always care more about Richie and Annie."

"Charlotte, you know that's not true."

"Yes it is," Charlotte chokes out. "They're the kids you should have had."

Rory and Jess stare at her, looking numb, and her mother gasps, " _Charlotte_."

"How can you think that?" her father asks roughly. "How can you think we believe that?"

Before Charlotte can answer Richie opens the door and says, "Joey's mom can't come get me. She wants to know if someone can take me over there."

"Oh," Rory says, sniffling. "Richie - it's a really bad time."

"Annie got to go," Richie argues. "Why can't I go?"

"Maybe you should take him," Jess says to Rory. "I'll go out with Charlotte."

"You sure?" Rory asks, after a pause and Jess says quietly, "Go."

Rory looks at Charlotte, who won't look at her, gets up and goes out with Richie. Once the door's closed Jess gets up abruptly and says, "We're going out."

"Where?"

"The marina. Come on, we need some air."

They don't say anything on the drive there. Charlotte looks at Jess now and then but he's focused on the road, frowning. They get out at the marina and Jess walks over to the coffee shop, Charlotte following uncertainly, where her father gets two coffees. He hands Charlotte her cup and sits down on a bench facing the water. After a moment's pause Charlotte sits down with him.

"I've been your father since before you were born," Jess says, looking at her. "How can you say Richie and Annie are the kids I was supposed to have?"

"You didn't want me," Charlotte says, tearing up again. "You had to have me."

"What?"

"You wanted to be with Mom," Charlotte sniffles, "and she was pregnant. But you didn't want it that way."

"Charlotte. No."

"You don't have to pretend," Charlotte says, looking away. "I know it's not how you wanted me."

"Look at me," Jess says seriously and reluctantly Charlotte turns her tear-streaked face to his. "I always wanted you. I felt you kick in your mom's stomach. I held her hand when she gave birth to you and I held you as soon as you were born. I was up all night with you when you cried and I took care of you when you got sick. I always wanted to be your father and I've always been your father."

"But I'm not enough," Charlotte sobs. "That's why you had Richie and Annie. You wanted your own kids."

"Charlotte," Jess says, his own voice starting to break a little. "I wanted more kids because I loved having you so much. But if your mom didn't want more, or couldn't have more, I wouldn't have loved you any less. That's not possible. You're my girl."

"Annie's your girl," Charlotte says through her tears. "She's your real daughter."

"No. _No_ ," Jess says fiercely. "You're both my girls. Both my daughters. Annie was a surprise, and we love her more than anything, but not more than you. You both made my life better. And you're my first daughter and nothing can ever change that. You're my first kid, period, and nothing could ever change how much I love you."

"Dad," Charlotte says, crying, "I know you love me. But didn't you ever wish Mom wasn't pregnant when you met her?"

"It doesn't matter," Jess says roughly. "When you were born I knew how much it didn't matter. If I was ever sad it was only because I didn't think Logan deserved to have a daughter like you. Richie and Annie aren't my do-overs. I had them because you made me know how much I love being a father. If your mom had asked me to adopt you I would have done it in a second."

"Why didn't she?" Charlotte sniffles and Jess pauses. "She wanted everything to be open," he says. "She thought it wouldn't be fair to Logan for him not to know about you, and not fair for you to find out later. She was scared you would feel ashamed that she hid the truth."

"That's ironic," Charlotte says coldly and Jess sighs. "She made a mistake. I made a mistake too. But it never affected how much I love you. How much I'm your dad. And if you ever run away again I'm going right after you, no matter how far you go. Because I couldn't go on without you."

"Dad, I'm sorry," Charlotte says and she bursts into more tears. Jess holds her tightly, kissing her cheeks, and she can feel him crying too.

"When I was eighteen I ran away," he says, sitting back. "I've told you about that. I got in a fight with Luke and decided to find my father. My mom wasn't so great and I'd been screwing up and Luke and I kind of lost it with each other. So I thought I'd find my dad."

"It went badly, didn't it?" Charlotte asks, wiping her eyes and Jess nods.

"He didn't want me to stay with him. He came to see me before, in Stars Hollow, but didn't stick around. Same as when I was born. That was partly why I fought with Luke - I found out my dad, Jimmy, had come and Luke hadn't told me. Anyway, I took a bus all the way to California and had to convince him to let me stay. And I think half the reason he finally said yes was because his girlfriend agreed."

Jess still sounds sad so many years later and Charlotte asks, "What happened with him?"

"Jimmy was a good guy, kind of. I figured out where I got some of my personality, and he filled in some of the blanks about his relationship with my mom, Liz. But we didn't have a lot in common. He told me he bailed because he was scared, but he wasn't sorry. And he was basically a kid - he and my mom were hardly out of high school when I was born - but he didn't feel bad about leaving us. He just said he couldn't be my dad."

Charlotte squeezes Jess's hand and he gives her a quick smile. "What I found out from going there is that there's lots of ways to be a father. And it takes more than just donating some sperm - sorry to get graphic," Jess adds as Charlotte wrinkles her nose a little. "It's being there as much as you can, and loving your kid more than anything, and never giving up. I think my dad got there in the end. His girlfriend had a kid, Lily, and she was like his too. He worked things out with her what he couldn't with me and Liz. And I figured out Luke had been more of my dad in the year I'd lived with him than the eighteen years Jimmy'd bailed on with me."

"I know you're my dad," Charlotte says, feeling teary again. "I've never thought Logan was my dad. I'm sorry I went to him."

"No - I'm not mad at you for wanting more from him. I understand. And it's okay for you to get mad at us about how it is. We should talk about stuff like this."

"I said I had a whole other father," Charlotte says, wiping her eyes. "I didn't mean it, Dad. I'm sorry. I wish I could take it back."

"You don't have to wish it," Jess says, hugging her again. "I'm only sorry that you ever thought I could love you less than Richie and Annie. That I would love you more if it were official. Because you've always been my girl."

They sit together, drinking the coffees that have started going cold, and then Jess gets up. "Guess we should be heading back."

"Maybe," Charlotte agrees. "But we can we check out that bookstore first?"

Jess grins at her. "I'd love to."

Charlotte smiles back, and though she doesn't say it out loud, she remembers their special phrase - _the father-daughter bookteam_. Charlotte's ready to try again.


	42. Chapter 42

**Thanks for the feedback! I'm so glad everyone enjoyed the chapter!**

On Sunday evening Rory's phone rings. It's Logan and he says, "It's me. I got my phone fixed."

"I deduced that."

"I got your email."

"I know. I saw your reply."

Rory had messaged him after getting back from New York and Logan had sent the simple sentence _Glad you're both safe_.

"Pretty succinct," Rory adds and Logan sighs. "I didn't know what to say. That's why I'm calling."

"To say you've got nothing to say?"

"Rory..."

"Fine," Rory says. "There's not a lot to tell you. Not a lot you'd be interested in."

"Come on, that's not fair."

"You didn't even want to go look for Charlotte."

"I was in the middle of a fight with Odette!"

"I thought finding Charlotte would have come first," Rory says angrily. "What if I hadn't found her?"

"But you did."

"Anything could have happened. It's scary enough that Charlotte ran away. She's still so hurt, Logan."

There's a long pause and then Logan says, "I don't know what to say. I can't do much here."

"No, you can't," Rory agrees quietly. She's silent for a moment then asks, "How did things end up with Odette?"

"She's staying with her friend and then she's going back to Paris."

"Oh - Logan. You're getting divorced?"

"Separated is the preferred term," Logan says with a hollow laugh. "I'm trying to talk her out of a divorce. She agreed not to tell our parents yet, but assured me it was simply due to not ever wanting to talk to my father. I can't exactly blame her."

"Maybe it's what has to happen. Odette was right - she should have known about Charlotte. Maybe it's better this way."

"Losing my wife is not what has to happen," Logan says sharply. "I didn't tell her because I didn't want to screw things up. And we were happy. We _are_ happy."

Rory bites her lip. She's not entirely convinced but says, "Maybe things will work out. You never know."

Logan snorts and says, "Right." There's an awkward silence and then Logan asks, "How's Charlotte doing?"

"I told you she's hurt. She's still not talking to me. She let me take her home and that was it."

"She's not going to come back here, is she?"

"No, I don't think so," Rory says bitterly. "You can relax. The daughter you also know as your mistake isn't going to want to see you. How could you call her that?"

"This is all your fault."

"Excuse me?"

"If you'd put that book somewhere she couldn't read it this mess would never have happened."

"If we hadn't lied this mess would never happened," Rory argues, gripping the phone. "If we hadn't slept together when you were engaged this would never happened."

"So you think it's a mistake too."

"What we did was wrong," Rory says, "but Charlotte's not a mistake. And she's not someone you can just acknowledge when it works for you."

"We agreed -"

"That was a mistake too. We messed that up."

There's a silence and finally Logan says, "I love Charlotte. That's never changed. I just have my own life."

"It's not enough," Rory says. "And I'm trying to hold all of it together, and I'm going to be real with you, it's not going terribly well. She said -"

But Rory stops herself, not wanting to share Charlotte's pain, and Logan asks, "What?"

"Forget it. It's between me and her. Her and her dad."

Logan doesn't argue and simply sighs. "Fine."

"I should go," Rory says heavily. "I've got to try and fix this some more."

"Okay. Rory, I care about you and I care about Charlotte. I might not be there but I want you guys to be okay."

"Yeah, I know," Rory says quietly. "Bye, Logan. Good luck with Odette."

"Thanks."

Rory hangs up, pockets her phone and pours herself a glass of water. Taking a long drink, she walks into the sitting room where Jess is reading on the sofa.

"I just talked to Logan."

"And?" Jess asks, putting his book down and Rory shrugs.

"I don't think he's ever going to change."

Saying it hurts. Rory knew that - she's known for years - but part of her always wanted Logan to be better, try harder for Charlotte. But while Rory knows he loves Charlotte, Logan's personal life will always come first. She feels stupid for ever hoping differently.

Rory sits on the sofa beside Jess, who wraps an arm around her. They sit silently for a moment, Jess kissing her cheek, and Rory asks, "Where's Charlotte?"

"In her room still. I think she wants some space."

Rory nods. Charlotte hasn't spoken much to either of them since going out with Jess yesterday. Rory cried when Jess told her what Charlotte had said, and she tried talking to her daughter. She told Charlotte how she couldn't love her any less, and how Richie and Annie weren't loved more. Charlotte nodded, smiling slightly, but Rory can still feel this wall between them. She wants to sit and talk with her properly but is afraid to push it. And there's that other fear Rory has since finding the condoms in Charlotte's room. Rory has already had to talk Jess down from confronting her and freaking out.

"Maybe I should talk to her," Rory says. "Try, anyway."

"You should," Jess agrees. "And tell her about that new convent listing I saw."

"Jess, enough with the jokes on that."

"Who says I'm joking?" Jess says, but he grins and then sighs. "I'm just scared. If she tells us she's pregnant -"

"Don't," Rory says, closing her eyes. "You don't know that'll happen."

"She's too young to be having sex."

"I think so too, but she's our daughter. She's always going to seem too young."

"She's only sixteen."

"How old were you when you first had sex?"

"Sixteen," Jess admits. "But I remember being sixteen! I wasn't exactly vigilant."

Rory groans and says, "I'll talk to her. I just don't want to panic. I already am, I can feel it."

"When I see that punk boyfriend of hers -"

"And this what I mean about freaking out," Rory says sternly. "Cool down."

Jess rolls his eyes and Rory gets up. "Wish me luck."

Rory goes upstairs, knocks on Charlotte's door and goes in. Her daughter is lying on the bed with assignments spread around her.

"How's it going?"

"It's dull," Charlotte says. Rory smiles but Charlotte doesn't smile back. "I wanted to -"

Rory's voice trails off. _I know you're having sex_ , she wants to say. _Tell me you're being safe. Tell me it was okay_. Charlotte looks at her and Rory loses her courage. She sits on the edge of the bed and says gently, "You know how much I love you."

Charlotte nods, looking down, and Rory goes on, "You're the most important thing in the world to me. You always have been, Charlotte."

"I know," Charlotte says quietly. "Mom, I've got a lot to do."

"Oh - okay. Do you need any help?"

"I'm fine."

Charlotte looks back up and Rory nods. She decides not to try and make Charlotte talk. Rory has a feeling the assignments aren't getting done either, but at least she knows Charlotte's not wasting time on her phone. It got rained on so hard in New York it's sputtered to a total halt, and Charlotte is staying home this weekend anyway.

The next morning Rory drives Charlotte to school and walks in with her. She goes all the way to the office with her, despite Charlotte's protests, and the two sit down with the principal. After some uncomfortable smalltalk she gets right down to it - if Charlotte doesn't make up all her work and misses any more school she'll have to repeat at least one class.

"Understand?" the principal asks sternly and Charlotte swallows, nodding.

"It's been a hard few days," Rory says quickly. "We're going to make the work up."

"I hope so," the principal says. They shake her hand, walk out and Charlotte explodes, "How could you say that?"

"What?" Rory asks, taken aback, and Charlotte exclaims, " _It's been a hard few days_! It's bad enough that you came in with me and then you went and said that!"

"It has though! It doesn't hurt for the principal to know!"

"It's none of her business," Charlotte says furiously. "I don't want the whole school knowing."

"I only told your principal, and I didn't say what happened. I was only trying to help."

"Well, don't," Charlotte snaps. Rory frowns at her and says, "Fine. You know Dad's picking you up later."

"Yeah, I know. Good."

Rory decides to ignore the last part. "I love you," she says, forcing her tone to be even. "I'll see you tonight, okay? Have a good day."

"Unlikely," Charlotte says and she flounces off down the hall. Rory watches her for a moment and then walks out and back to her car. Rory sits still for a moment before starting the car and, instead of heading home, she turns towards the highway. Without thinking for a moment Rory heads straight for Connecticut and turns towards Stars Hollow. Rory doesn't call Lorelai. She's loathe to stop and explain and, she decides, if her mother is at work Rory can let herself in. If it's a bad time she'll go to the diner. Rory just knows she can't be home right now. The newspaper office is closed because of a burst pipe and her own work is small today. Rory can't stand the idea of doing it and then sitting around the house, stewing. Jess is finishing early today and taking the kids for icecream, and somehow that hurts even more.

It's a bright, dazzling day and sparkling cold. Rory has to shield her eyes when she gets out of the car. She texts Jess to let him know she'll be home late and her hand feels iced through just from writing the message. Stars Hollow is shining under a fresh shower of snow and Rory accidentally steps into a large drift as she walks up her mother's path. Feeling the snow melt all down her sock, Rory gets out her key and stops as the front door opens. Lorelai is standing there with a concerned frown. "Rory? Did we make plans?"

"No," Rory says, shaking her shoe on the step. "I just came."

Lorelai looks at her and says more cheerfully, "Get inside, it's freezing."

Rory follows Lorelai inside. It's a lot warmer in the house. There's a blanket on the couch Lorelai has just vacated and a cup of coffee with a plate of gingerbread cookies beside it.

"You're in luck," Lorelai tells her. "Just made a fresh pot."

She pours Rory a cup, handing her a cookie, and settles back down on the sofa. Rory sits beside her, taking a bite of gingerbread. Now that she's here she feels awkward. She and Lorelai talked yesterday but Rory didn't tell her the full story, and now her mother looks at her knowingly.

"Just felt like an impromptu trip?"

Rory shrugs and Lorelai adds, "Not that I'm never happy to see you. But you're a busy lady these days."

"Not so busy today," Rory says, trying to sound light and failing. "Mom..."

"Yeah, honey?"

"I talked to Charlotte a couple of days ago, with Jess, and she said Richie and Annie were the kids I was supposed to have. And when Jess took her out, she said she didn't feel loved in the same way."

"Oh, Rory."

"She knows we love her," Rory says, feeling the tears strike up again. "But she doesn't feel as wanted."

Lorelai takes her hand and Rory says tearfully, "How could I not see it? I'm a bad mother."

"No, you're not. It's a hard situation."

"I thought she was happy. Happy for a teenager, at least. Before she read my book. But now - how long has she thought that? Maybe she's thought it ever since Richie was born."

"Maybe she has," Lorelai says quietly. "But now you can work on fixing it."

"How could this happen?" Rory exclaims. "I screwed everything up. And I tried so hard - I read all the books, I took her out without her brother and sister and so did Jess, and I told her she was our special eldest kid. Our big girl. But she just felt unwanted."

"You don't know that. Did she say that?"

"No. But she feels like an accident. And I didn't plan her, but she wasn't my accident," Rory says, wiping at her eyes. "She's the best thing - she's my girl. And I don't know if she believes me. Logan kept saying she was a mistake, when she went to New York. I could kill him."

Lorelai bites her lip and Rory lets out a shuddering breath. "Mom, I've never been so terrified in my life. I'm sorry."

"For what, angel?"

"For going to Grandma and Grandpa's without telling you, when we had that fight. I should never have done that."

"No," Lorelai agrees, stroking her hair. "But you were only sixteen."

Rory stiffens slightly, remembering Jess's comment - _she's only sixteen_ \- and Lorelai asks, "What?"

"Charlotte's having sex."

"You told me," Lorelai says. "How do you know?"

"I found condoms in her drawer," Rory says. "I don't know what to do or what to say."

Lorelai is quiet and Rory looks at her. "You don't seem surprised, Mom."

"Well," Lorelai says haltingly. "Charlotte sort of told me she was thinking about it."

 _"What?"_ Rory exclaims, staring at her. "When?"

"At Thanksgiving."

"And you didn't _tell_ me? Mom!"

"She told me in confidence," Lorelai protests. "And Charlotte said she was only thinking about it."

"What did you say?"

"I said she might not be ready for it," Lorelai says. "And she shouldn't do something she wasn't ready for."

"Well, she decided she was ready," Rory says, clutching her cup. "I don't know when. I found the condoms in her drawer but I don't know how long she's had them."

"Are you sure she didn't just have them in case?"

"The box was open," Rory says, feeling slightly sick. "Some are gone."

"Well," Lorelai sighs, "at least she's being careful."

"What if she forgets to use one?" Rory demands. "What if it breaks? What am I going to do if she tells me she's pregnant?"

"You don't know that will happen," Lorelai says, echoing Rory's advice, but her daughter shakes her head.

"I don't know what to do. Should I confront her on it? Should I tell her she can't see Tyler anymore?"

"Rory, that won't stop her having sex. That will just mean she sneaks out and has sex. My parents tried to stop me having sex, and we all know how that turned out. The result is talking to me right now."

"Didn't work so well with me either," Rory admits, looking down. "Mom, I'm sorry I never talked to you about it. I said I would."

"That was a long time ago," Lorelai says quietly and Rory says, "I'm still sorry. I didn't plan it that way."

Lorelai nods and Rory says, "I hope Charlotte's okay. I want to talk to her about it but she won't want to talk to me."

"Not many kids are desperate for sex talks with their parents."

"I know. But she's barely talking to me anyway. I'm scared she won't tell me anything , get mad and do something stupid."

"Rory, Charlotte's smart. And she knows about being careful."

"I know - but she's my daughter. I can't stop worrying."

"Do you want me to talk to her?"

"I don't want Charlotte to feel ambushed," Rory says. "I don't know. I don't know what I should say either. I don't want us to fight over it."

"Don't freak out," Lorelai says seriously. "Just listen to her."

"I went to her principal today and she said Charlotte might have to repeat at least one class. It's all such a mess and I don't know where to start. Charlotte won't talk."

"Listen to her anyway," Lorelai says, squeezing her hand. "You'll figure it out."

"She's taken off her locket," Rory says and then she starts crying properly. Lorelai holds her, kissing her hair, and for a moment Rory feels like a little girl again. Finally she sits up, takes a deep breath and wipes her eyes.

"It's going to take time," she says. "I know. But it doesn't stop it hurting."

Rory and Lorelai go to Luke's after that. They eat a burger each and Rory remembers, so many years ago, Luke walking in on her and Logan at the wedding and yelling for Logan to get his hands off her. Rory had felt so embarrassed. She still feels mildly so at the memory, only now, Rory feels, she understands Luke's worry. Not that she would act that way with Charlotte, Rory hopes. Part of her wants to. Rory finishes her burger and Luke asks gently, "You okay?"

"Not really," Rory says honestly. Luke knows part of the story and she says, "It's hard, this parent thing."

"Yeah, I know," Luke says and smiles when Rory says, "Thanks for being there, Luke. Now, but the rest of the time, too."

"I know, Rory. But thanks for saying it."

Rory smiles back, accepts the cup of coffee he offers, and relaxes a little. The sun starts dipping on the way home and Rory stares straight at the road ahead, driving through the dark.


	43. Chapter 43

**Thanks for the feedback!**

Charlotte is nervous as she walks into school on Monday. After meeting with the principal, and the unpleasant knowledge of how much work she has to do, Charlotte has a whole new anxiety when she thinks of seeing Tyler again. Her phone isn't working so Charlotte used her parents' ancient landline to call him. "I'm okay," she'd said. "Sorry I didn't call like I said I would."

Tyler had kind of grunted and said, "No big deal. See you next week."

Now she's going to see him. As Charlotte enters English class she sees Tyler sitting in the corner and gives him a nervous smile. Tyler gives her a lazy grin back but Charlotte feels shy talking in front of everyone so waits until lunchtime to talk to him properly.

"Hey."

"Hey," Tyler says, brushing some gravel off the wall to sit on it and sending a shower of stones at Charlotte's feet. "Everything okay?"

"Sort of. It was crazy. I went to New York and had a major fight with Logan and then my mom found me."

"Right," Tyler says. "Sorry I ratted you out to your parents."

"Oh...that's okay." Charlotte doesn't want to say that she was actually relieved Rory found her. Charlotte doesn't know how long she'd have stayed crying on the park bench if Rory hadn't.

"You get in a lot of trouble?" Tyler asks, breaking Charlotte's thoughts, and she shrugs. "They were more upset than mad. But my mom came into school with me right before class and I've got so much work to do. She and my dad aren't letting me off the hook over that."

Charlotte waits to see if Tyler will say it's too bad that her phone's not working, or when she's getting a new one, and when he doesn't she adds, "My phone got totally wrecked in New York. If you tried calling me it wouldn't show up."

"I haven't."

"Oh."

"Well, you said it wasn't working."

"Yeah."

Charlotte runs her feet through the pebbles and says, "I sort of got grounded. I'm not allowed out after school, at least not until I get my schoolwork done. I'm not allowed a new phone until it's done either."

Tyler grunts a little but doesn't say anything else. Charlotte waits and says, "I should go see Ivy before the bell goes."

"Cool."

Charlotte was going to tell Tyler about what she said to her parents, the conversation she'd had with Jess, and now she doesn't want to. She has a horrible feeling he'd just grunt again. Either way, Charlotte turns and goes to find her friend.

The day goes slowly by. Charlotte feels in a better place with Jess but things are still awkward with Rory. Part of Charlotte wants to start over but then she thinks about the book and gets mad all over again. Her whole conception got put in there without her knowing, and not only that, Charlotte wasn't even told the whole story. How can she ever forgive her mother for that? Her anger is dimmed though, and Charlotte doesn't feel the same kind of rage that was burning before. Everyone is quiet. Jess takes her, Richie and Annie out for icecream after school, reminding his eldest daughter that her homework starts the minute she gets home, and adds that Rory will be back late as she's gone to see Lorelai.

"Without us?" Annie asks indignantly and Jess says, "She just wants some time with her mom."

"But Mommy's a grown-up!"

"You don't grow out of that," Jess says, tweaking her nose, and then smiles at Charlotte, who concentrates on her sundae. She guesses her mother is talking about her.

That evening, Charlotte can see her parents giving her looks, like they want to sit down with her. It's the kind of look that signals a talk, but one doesn't come, and Charlotte's not going to ask. She assumes it's about what she said about Richie and Annie being the kids they should have had.

Right before Annie is supposed to go to bed she announces she doesn't feel good and vomits all over the rug. Her parents exclaim, going over to her, and no sooner have they cleared up the sick Richie throws up too, only he manages to get it in the sink.

"Oh, guys," Rory says, holding them to her. "Do you think it was the icecream?"

"Icecream wouldn't be so mean," Annie sniffles and then is sick into the bowl Jess hastily placed in front of her.

"Charlotte's not sick," Richie points out and reaches for the glass of water that has just been topped up.

"Maybe you caught something at school," Jess says. "Let's get you in bed."

He carries Annie, Rory hugging Richie to her side, and they head slowly up the stairs. Charlotte doesn't feel the same kind of ache she used to, or rather, she can let the ache disappear. She picks up a textbook and started to read from where she left off, her mind only slightly distracted by her mother's trip to Stars Hollow.

It seems Jess's theory of the bug being from school is correct. Charlotte doesn't get sick at all. She's relieved but also a little disappointed not to miss school though, as her parents repeatedly point out, she's missed enough. Both of them concentrate on taking care of Richie and Annie and on Wednesday night Charlotte wakes up suddenly. She needs the bathroom, now she's awake, and after trying to ignore it for a moment Charlotte gets up and goes. She's a little thirsty so tiptoes down and almost gets the fright of her life when she sees Richie sitting at the table.

"What are you doing?" Charlotte hisses as he blinks in the sudden light. "Why are you sitting down here in the dark?"

"I got thirsty," Richie says, sounding tired. "No one's up so I tried getting some water, and it took me like ten minutes to get down the stairs."

"You shouldn't be out of bed."

"What was I supposed to do?"

"I'll get you some. Go back to bed."

Charlotte pours Richie a glass of water as he gets up, but she catches him halfway up the stairs to his room. Waiting for him to get back in bed, she hands him the glass and he drinks deeply.

"There. You want some more?"

"Maybe," Richie says gratefully. "Thanks Charlotte."

"That's okay," Charlotte says awkwardly. She hesitates and then says, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have got you to lie to Mom and Dad."

"It's what brothers are for, right?"

"I shouldn't have taken off the way I did," Charlotte says, sitting on the bed. "I said I was just going to see Tyler and I shouldn't have scared you. I'm sorry. And I'm sorry for being such a jerk."

"That's okay," Richie says. He smiles, to show she's forgiven. "I can be a jerk sometimes too."

"I was a jerk more." Charlotte smiles back and says, "I'll go get you more water."

She tiptoes back down to the kitchen but when she gets back Richie has fallen asleep, his dark curls damp against his head. Charlotte carefully puts the water by his bed, waits for a moment, and then goes quietly back her room.

Annie and Richie's fevers break the following morning but they stay home the next two days to recuperate. On Friday they go back to school under much duress and Rory says, "You both have a field trip to the museum. Aren't you excited?"

"No," Annie says flatly and Richie says, "I don't want to hang around with a bunch of kids. Why does her school have to come along?"

"You can show your sister around," Rory says and when he makes a face Jess says, "Hey, try a little enthusiasm please. It's what being a brother is all about, or so they tell me."

They won't be back until four but Rory reminds them to call her if they get sick again.

"And remember, if you do, you'll have to stay in bed all weekend. So think of that if you try getting out of going."

"Don't know what you're talking about," Richie says innocently and Jess snorts. "Have a good day, guys. You too, Charlotte."

Charlotte's day is pretty dull until there's an announcement that afternoon classes have been cancelled due to some teachers being sick. Charlotte picks up her books, wondering how she's going to get back, when Tyler goes over to her.

"I'll take you home."

"Thanks." Charlotte gratefully follows him to his car but he misses her street, and at her looks Tyler says, "I thought we could hang out at my place for a bit."

"I don't know..."

"Your mom and dad won't know. Come on, just for a little while. We haven't hung out all week."

This is true. Charlotte smiles, sitting back, and takes Tyler's hand as they go into his house. It's empty and echoing and Charlotte takes the glass of brandy he offers. She sips it but soon puts it down on the desk in his room. It doesn't taste that great. Tyler kisses her and Charlotte kisses him back, but when they move over to the bed Charlotte stops. "Wait," she says. "I don't have a condom."

"I've got one. It's cool." They kiss some more but Charlotte can't relax and finally she sits up just as Tyler tries undoing her bra.

"What?" he groans and Charlotte says, "Sorry. I'm not in the mood."

He looks at her and Charlotte elaborates, "I just feel all mixed up. All that stuff in New York and then with my mom and dad..."

Tyler sighs and Charlotte asks, "Aren't you interested?"

"Um...sure..."

"No you're not," Charlotte says quietly. "Forget it."

"Don't be like that."

"How am I supposed to be?" Charlotte flares up. "You left me at the train station!"

"You asked me to!"

"I know but I said I'd call you, and I didn't, and you didn't ask what'd happened or if I was okay or anything! And I wasn't okay! I had a major fight with my mom and dad and Logan and I wound up lost in the city!"

"You're home now," Tyler says flatly. "So what's the big deal?"

"The big deal is I'm going through all this stuff! And I've got a ton of schoolwork and if I don't do it I'm going to have to repeat a class!"

"It's just school," Tyler says like he's talking to a child. "Forget it."

"I can't forget it! I don't love it but I want to finish it, otherwise I could drop out or something!"

"At least you wouldn't be a slave to the system."

Charlotte looks at Tyler and suddenly feels immensely impatient with him. "You talk about being a slave to the system," she says. "But don't you only get away with missing so much class because your parents are friends with the principal?"

"I can't help who my parents are," Tyler says, sounding a little surprised, and Charlotte says, "No, but did you ever think some of us have more to do than others?"

Tyler snorts at her and Charlotte glares. She thinks about everything he says, how much he praises people like Ayn Rand, and Tyler just seems pretentious.

"You know, I don't want to fight," Tyler says, trying to smile. "It's not what you're here for."

"Oh?" Charlotte says coldly. "What does that mean?"

"It means - hey, don't get all mad. I just mean you're my girlfriend. We should be doing different stuff."

"You mean have sex," Charlotte says bluntly and Tyler says, "Well, yeah."

"You can forget it," Charlotte says, getting off the bed. "I'm not having sex with you."

"But -"

"In fact, I'm never having sex with you again. I don't want to see you anymore."

"You don't mean that," Tyler says, his voice shaking. "You're my girlfriend."

"A girlfriend is more than someone you can just have sex with, but I guess you never bothered reading that."

Tyler gives her a look, the same look Charlotte remembers from when she wouldn't sleep with him the first time, right before she read her mom's book. It feels like a million years ago now.

"What are you saying?" he asks angrily and Charlotte says, "I'm saying it's over between us."

"You can't decide that. You can't break up with me!"

"I just did," Charlotte says simply. She picks up her purse and walks back downstairs. Tyler waits for a moment and then, when she's down the stairs, he goes into the hall and shouts, "You were no good anyway!"

Charlotte walks all the way home. It's a cold day and her footsteps ring on the sidewalk. No one is home when she lets herself in and Charlotte goes straight to her room and into bed. She doesn't even bother making coffee. Once under the covers, Charlotte lets herself cry, and her tears howl out inside the empty house.

Some time later Charlotte hears the front door open but she's too miserable to get up. She can deduce from the footsteps that it's Rory and, though she tries lying still, her mother opens her door and says in surprise, "Charlotte? What are you doing home?"

Charlotte doesn't say anything and hears Rory go over to her. "What is it? Are you sick?"

"School got cancelled," Charlotte explains, sitting up. Her voice is thick from crying and Rory exclaims, "Sweetheart, what happened?"

"Tyler," Charlotte says. She bursts into tears again and her mother's arms are around her. In that moment Charlotte forgets how mad she is, how she isn't talking to Rory. She just wants her mom. Rory hugs her, rocking her back and forth, and says, "Tell me, Charlotte."

Charlotte sniffles and her mother says again, "Tell me." Rory sounds afraid though Charlotte can't figure out why and she says in a wobbly voice, "We had a fight." Then she lies back down on the bed and Rory lies down with her, putting her arm around her. She squeezes Charlotte's hand and, after a moment, Charlotte says, "I slept with him, Mom."

Charlotte can sense her mother stiffen but then she says quietly, "I know you did."

"What?" Charlotte asks. She turns over, rubbing her eyes and stares at Rory. "How did you know?"

"When you ran away I tried figuring out where you'd gone and I opened some of your drawers. I saw you had condoms." Rory is calm but Charlotte could die from embarrassment.

"You've known since then? You didn't say anything."

"I was waiting for the right moment. You dad and I -"

" _Dad_ knows?" Charlotte asks, her voice ending on a screech. "Dad knows I had sex?"

"He was with me when I found the box."

"You both knew and didn't say anything?"

"I was going to talk to you, but it's been such a rough few days and then your brother and sister got sick - I was actually going to talk to you today, before they got home. But I'm glad you told me." Rory squeezes her hand again and asks seriously, "Were you careful?"

"Yes, I swear."

"Every time? You definitely used a condom?"

"Yes."

"If you're having sex you should go on the pill."

"It doesn't matter," Charlotte says, starting to cry again. "We broke up."

She sobs and sobs and Rory holds her, kissing away her tears and stroking her hair. "Oh, sweetheart. I'm sorry, angel."

"I loved him," Charlotte sobs. "I really did. I do."

"I know. I know."

She and Charlotte fall silent and then Rory hesitates. "Was it okay, Charlotte? It's a big step."

Charlotte sniffles. Normally she would be vague to halt the conversation but she says honestly, "It was kind of awkward."

"Did he talk you into it?"

"No. It wasn't that."

Rory waits and Charlotte says slowly, "I just...the whole world makes such a big deal about sex. I don't get it. I don't understand."

"Charlotte," Rory says gently, "when you're with the right person it all makes sense. And sometimes it is a little awkward, at first. It's normal to feel that way."

"No one tells you that."

"I guess it doesn't sound romantic. But sex can be awkward, especially the first time."

"Tyler said I was no good."

"He said _what?_ I'm going to kill him!"

"Mom -"

"I'm going to go over there and kill him!"

"Mom, don't," Charlotte begs and Rory sighs. "So it's not...it's not me."

"Oh angel, of course not. He's just a jerk. You'll meet someone better. Maybe not for a little while, but you will, I promise. And then..." Rory pauses and muses, "I don't know how to put this to you."

"Mom, just tell me."

"Okay. You might feel awkward, but with the right person it'll be better. And you are only sixteen. You're so young - you've got high school to finish and college and your whole, wonderful life. My point is, you don't need to ever worry about guys, but when you do meet someone new, and they're better, the entire thing will be better. You can have a first time with them and it'll be wonderful."

"Mom, don't get graphic," Charlotte mumbles but she smiles, and does feel a little better. "I know it's gross, hearing it from your mom," Rory teases. She strokes Charlotte's hair and after moment says, "I felt awkward too, my first time. It was a little scary. I didn't write all about that."

"I didn't read that part," Charlotte tells her. "It felt weird."

"I get that. Well, Mom came in -"

"When you were -?"

"No! We heard her come in and got dressed but she saw us and she knew."

"That's why you had the big fight and went to Europe? I thought it was because she was mad at you, you know, because Dean was married."

"Well, it was both." Rory is silent and then says softly, "I'm so sorry, Charlotte. I'm sorry about the book. I'm sorry that I wrote all about you and that I never told you the truth."

"It's okay," Charlotte says slowly, and it is. She's upset but not as angry and, talking with her mom right now, Charlotte is ready to try forgiving her. "It's okay, Mom."

"It's not okay."

"Yeah, but I love you, Mom. I'm sorry too. I'm sorry I was such a jerk and I'm sorry I ran away and I'm sorry I lied about school and going to see Tyler."

"Oh, angel," Rory says, and she hugs Charlotte tightly. "It's okay. And I'm not mad at you for having sex, you know that, right?"

"I thought you'd freak out more," Charlotte remarks and Rory laughs. "I did a little. But I was more scared for you. Scared you weren't ready and scared you wouldn't be careful."

"I was," Charlotte promises, and then her face crumples. "But now it's over."

"I know, sweets. I know how it hurts."

"You wrote about that too," Charlotte sniffles. "Mom, how come...?" her voice trails off and Rory prompts, "How come what?"

"You talked more in your book about stuff than you do to me. I mean, you never talk to me about like when you were my age. You just say how your mom was your best friend and that you screwed up now and then. You want me to be honest but you never tell me things."

Rory is silent for a long minute. Charlotte wonders if she's stopped the conversation but finally Rory says, "My mom and I were best friends. It was wonderful, but she told me everything. Almost everything, anyway, and I liked that she did but sometimes I felt like I had to fix things. Or like how because she got pregnant with me, my dad left, and then I kind of felt like it was my fault."

"How could it be your fault? You were a baby."

"I felt like if I was enough for my dad he'd see how great it would be to come back to my mom," Rory says bitterly. "And my mom's relationships never worked out until she married Luke, and I think it was because she wanted my dad to come back to her. She didn't say that but I knew. And I didn't want to put that on you, that feeling. I didn't you to deal with my stuff. It was my mess-up - mine and Logan's - that got me pregnant, and I was scared that if you knew the whole story you'd be hurt by it. I just wanted you to enjoy being a kid."

Rory pauses and then says, "I'm sorry, Charlotte. I should have told you. I didn't want to tell you because I didn't want to deal with it either."

"But you wrote it all in your book."

"I know. But I didn't think you wanted to read it. I thought, when you were eighteen, I could go through it with you. I know that's not enough." Charlotte is quiet and Rory asks gently, "What made you read it? You never talked about wanting to."

"I had a fight with Tyler," Charlotte says, feeling her tears run again. "Ages ago - I didn't want to have sex and we fought."

"He got mad at you for not wanting to have sex?" Rory says darkly and Charlotte says, "Kind of. He said he wasn't mad, but - anyway, we had a fight. I thought maybe we'd broken up. When I got home I just wanted to stop thinking about it and no one was here so I read your book."

"Oh, sweets. I'm sorry. I'm sorry you were so hurt and I'm sorry you read it that way."

Charlotte shrugs and says, "I'm sorry you had to have me."

"Charlotte, what are you talking about?"

"You got pregnant and you didn't want to."

"That's true," Rory says, staring at her. "But I didn't have to have you. I chose to have you."

Charlotte looks away and Rory bends to reach her eyes. "Charlotte, no one made me have you. I decided to have you."

"Why?"

"Because I was curious," Rory says thoughtfully. "I wanted to know who you'd be, if I had you. And I'm so glad I did."

"You said it was hard in the book."

"It was hard - Charlotte, I can't begin to tell you how hard it was and lonely it was - but I'm still glad I had you. You weren't a mistake. You changed my life but in the most amazing way. I got my girl, and I love you so much. I didn't want Richie and Annie more than I wanted you. I'm happy every day I'm your mom."

"Every day?" Charlotte asks in a wobbly voice and Rory promises, "Every day. I can't imagine not being your mom."

"I'm happy you're my mom," Charlotte says and she hugs Rory tightly. "I love you."

"I love you too, angel," Rory says, her voice tight. "And I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't tell you the whole story and I'm sorry I didn't tell you more, period. I'm going to, I promise."

"You don't have to tell me more about sex," Charlotte says, making a face, and she and Rory laugh. They laugh and laugh and finally Charlotte wipes her face.

"You want some coffee?" Rory asks and Charlotte nods vigorously. "Definitely."

The front door opens and Charlotte hears her father's feet on the stairs. He looks around the door and says in surprise, "Hey."

"Hey, Jess," Rory says. Jess smiles at them and asks, "You girls okay?"

"We're fine, Dad," Charlotte says and Rory says, "I'm just going to make some coffee. Jess, put the poptarts on."

"Yes, ma'am," Jess says. He rolls his eyes at Rory, sticks his tongue out at Charlotte and follows Rory downstairs. Charlotte giggles, gets up and goes to wash her face. She goes back into her bedroom, puts her locket on again and runs downstairs.


	44. Chapter 44

**Thanks for the feedback!**

That evening, Rory gets into bed with Jess after the kids have gone to sleep. He smiles at her and says, "You made up with Charlotte, huh?"

"I think so," Rory says, hardly daring to voice it. "We had a good talk."

"She put her locket back on."

"I know." Rory is so happy at that she feels like she's flying, as it is, she snuggles closer to Jess who asks, "What did you talk about?"

"Charlotte broke up with Tyler."

"She did?" Jess asks and can't hide the giant smile spreading across his face. Rory gives him a gentle hit with her pillow. "Do me a favour and don't grin like that at your daughter. She's devastated."

"How come they broke up?"

"She didn't say."

"Huh. Did you ask if she's been careful?"

"She promised she was."

Jess frowns slightly and says, "I still don't like it."

"I'm hardly thrilled either, but Charlotte promises she was safe each time. And she's broken up with Tyler anyway."

"Good." Rory smiles and adds, "She freaked out when I told her we knew."

"Does she think we're cool for not freaking out ourselves?"

"I think so. But she was mostly just embarrassed."

"Think Charlotte'll look me in the eye tomorrow?"

"I wouldn't bank on it."

Jess chuckles a little and Rory lies back against her pillow. "I tried telling her why I never explained the whole thing. In the book. I think she understands."

"That's a start."

"Yeah. I need to talk to her more though."

"We'll get there." Jess squeezes her hand, kisses her arm and then her neck. Rory smiles, kissing him back and holds him closely to her, breathing him in. Jess's whole presence is comfort.

The next morning Charlotte doesn't get up. Rory and Jess let her stay in bed all morning but later, after lunch and Richie and Annie have gone out with Jess, Rory goes up to her daughter's room.

"Charlotte, it's after one," Rory says, putting her head around the door. "You've missed breakfast and lunch. It's time to get up."

"It's Saturday."

"You still need to get up," Rory says, going into the room. Charlotte buries herself more under the covers. "Come on. You still have work to do for school and it's a whole new day."

"I don't care," Charlotte says miserably, voice muffled. "I don't want to get up."

Rory pulls open the curtains, making Charlotte groan, and goes and sits on the bed. "Hey. Want to talk about it?"

"No," Charlotte says, peeking out. "My heart hurts. I want to be alone."

"You mean because of Tyler?" Rory asks gently and Charlotte nods. "Oh honey. I know how it hurts."

"I don't ever want to see him again. I can't go to school on Monday."

"Yes you can. It hurts, but you can do it."

"No."

"Charlotte," Rory says, lying down on the bed with her. "What happened?"

"I don't want to talk about it." Charlotte's chin wobbles and Rory sighs. She strokes some of her daughter's hair, which is slightly ratty from being in bed so long, and says, "I think you need today to wallow."

"What?"

"A day where you just hang out at home, don't get dressed, eat tons of junkfood, watch a sad movie and have a good long cry. You'll feel better."

Charlotte considers and Rory adds, "Just for today. You still have to go to school on Monday."

"What movie?" Charlotte asks cautiously and Rory says, "You pick. Something sad usually helps."

"Nothing with love in."

"Got it."

"Good."

Charlotte slowly gets out of bed and, once she and Rory are settled on the couch with a blanket and snacks, she asks, "How did you come up with?"

"Actually, Mom came up with it. I was so heartbroken when Dean broke up with me - well, I was with everyone, but that was my first love and first heartbreak - that Mom told me I should wallow. I didn't want to - I hated just sitting around - so I insisted on this really busy day, so I couldn't feel anything, and then I went to a party and kissed a guy and ran home crying. And then I finally let myself wallow."

"Wait, what?" Charlotte exclaims. "What party and what guy?"

"The party was held by a girl in my class called Madeleine. She always went around in a pair with this other girl, Louise. They were Paris's friends too, but after high school we bumped into them on spring break and Paris couldn't believe she hung out with them." Rory laughs to herself and goes on, "The guy was this boy in my class, Tristan. He kind of had a thing for me but I didn't see it, or I guess maybe I did. We kissed at the party, after all."

"Spring break?" Charlotte echoes, her mouth open. "You went on _spring break_?"

The shock on Charlotte's face wipes out the surprise from before and Rory laughs.

"Just in my freshman year. Did I not write about that?"

"I would have remembered if you had."

"Oh wait, I remember why. Paris said it was too humiliating and she didn't want any part of a future biography to make her puke, so I left it out. Okay, well, it was a really cold winter and spring and Paris and I had had enough. This girl in our dorm had offered us a ride to spring break and we were so cold and miserable we took it. We just went for the sun and the beach. Paris and I spent most of the time reading or watching _The Power of Myth_ , but we bumped into Madeleine and Louise who were actually living there, and we all went out one night and got drunk. That was the first time I got drunk, appropriately enough."

Charlotte laughs, seeming a little disconcerted, and Rory feels a slight pang at the memory.

"I got talking to Dean again after that night. Madeleine took my phone and Dean's number was saved so she called him, and I left this ridiculous, drunk message. He called me back and we started hanging out again."

It feels oddly good to be talking like this with Charlotte. Rory hardly discusses this time in her life with anyone, and it mostly lies dormant in memory. Charlotte looks at her and asks, "Are you sorry about it?"

"Being with Dean again?"

"Yeah."

"Yes," Rory says slowly, "but it was all so long ago. I was so young. Maybe I had to make that mistake, I don't know. It's hard, thinking about what you'd leave and what you'd keep."

"Dad said something like that."

"He did?"

"When he told me about how he left, after high school. He knew it hurt you."

Rory is quiet but nods. That memory hurts, all these years later. "It did," she says eventually. "But he was just a kid too. It's strange, thinking about these choices when you're older."

It's Charlotte's turn to be quiet. Rory looks at her but she's not budging, willing to discuss what happened with Tyler, and finally she says, "I want to watch _My Girl_."

Rory nods, putting the movie on. She puts an arm around Charlotte and they watch silently for a while, moving only to reach for snacks. It reminds Rory of when Charlotte was a little kid, home sick from school, and they'd have a movie day. That too, was Lorelai's creation, calling sick days a stay at 'Hotel Gilmore' and Rory smiles, thinking of all she's put into motherhood coming from her mother first.

Towards the end of the movie Charlotte starts crying. She cries long after the saddest scenes are over and finally Rory turns the film off. Charlotte lies down in her lap, crying some more, and Rory kisses the top of her head.

"I miss him. It's only been a day and I miss Tyler."

"I know, sweets."

"I don't want to be with him again," Charlotte sobs. "But I really miss him. Does that sound crazy?"

"No, of course it doesn't."

"He didn't really care about me," Charlotte says tearfully. "That's why I broke up with him."

"Oh, angel."

"I know he didn't. I tried telling him what happened and he didn't care!"

Charlotte starts a fresh spurt of sobs and Rory runs her hand over her daughter's hair and back. "He said he loved me. I said I loved him too."

Rory is quiet, letting her talk, and Charlotte lets out a shuddering breath.

"It was like every time I saw him he just wanted to...you know," she finishes awkwardly. "Do you think we'd be together if we hadn't?"

"Nothing would have changed about him," Rory says gently. "If you'd still been together, I don't think he'd have wanted different things. Sex changes a relationship but not who you are."

"I don't want to see him on Monday," Charlotte says miserably. "But - no, I do, and that's what sucks. I miss him. He made me feel special."

"You are special," Rory says fiercely. "Don't let anyone make you feel like you're not special."

"I know. But..."

"I know," Rory says gently. "I know, sweets. But you've got so many people to meet, so much of life to look forward to. And someday you might fall in love again, maybe even more than once."

"I don't want to," Charlotte cries. "Not if I have to break up with them. I never want to feel like this again."

"Oh, Charlotte." Rory's heart breaks too. She wants to tell her how young she is, how it won't always hurt this much, but Charlotte can't understand. Rory doesn't know what to say. She kisses Charlotte's head again and finally says, "Your first love is intense. Your first heartbreak is even more intense."

"So it won't hurt this much again?"

"It will," Rory says honestly. "But it won't be such a shock, these feelings. You'll know them."

"I don't _want_ to know them."

"Charlotte, this is part of life," Rory says softly. "If you fall in love, you have to take the risk. I know it's scary, I know it's hard. But it's what you have to do. Trust me, you can't run out on your feelings. You'll be scared and alone."

"But it won't hurt like this."

"No, but you'll miss out on all the great parts of love too. It's worth it."

Charlotte is silent, tears rolling down her cheeks, and Rory says gently, "You're only sixteen. I promise what you're feeling right now won't last. You might be sad at the memory, but you'll move on. You've got school and friends and college. There's so much life ahead of you."

"But it hurts right now," Charlotte sobs and Rory nods, holding her closer. "I know it does, angel."

"I don't know if..." Charlotte's voice trails off and Rory asks, "What, sweets?"

"If it stops hurting, that means I didn't love him."

"It doesn't mean that, Charlotte."

"But it means I don't love him anymore," Charlotte says tearfully. "I broke up with him but I still love him. It doesn't feel real that I won't."

"Charlotte, love can change when you get older. It doesn't mean you never loved him when you move on. And you will. One day it won't hurt so much, one day it'll be part of a story about high school. And the hurt will be memory."

Charlotte sniffles, sounding disbelieving, and Rory says, "You know how I talked about Dean? It ended up a mess between us, mainly because we tried not moving on. Things ended later than they should have the first time, in high school, but he got married too young and I was so hurt when your dad left. We both made up a picture of what we had together that was better than it actually was. We tried having that again. It didn't work out; he was married, for a start, and we were older anyway. But it hadn't been what we'd ever really wanted. And we finally broke up for real after that, and even though I was sad, it felt like it was supposed to be over. And then years later, I bumped into him at Doose's. He got married and had a ton of kids, and we talked and it wasn't even awkward. It was like who we were back then were two kids we used to know. I feel a little sad, when I remember all that hurt when I was sixteen, but I don't feel it anymore. And the hurt I do still feel, from other things, isn't so strong. It's just part of my memory."

"Is it going to be okay? When I see Tyler?"

"You'll be sad, but you'll be okay. I promise."

Charlotte lies still for a moment and says, "Sometimes I wish I was a little kid again."

"Me too. But think of all you have to experience, Charlotte. There's so much life ahead."

"It's scary. What if I mess it all up?"

"You'll mess some things up - that's like with love, you have to. But there's lots of things you won't mess up as well, and good stuff comes from screwing up too. I promise."

"Really?"

"Really. Even if it doesn't seem it at the time. When I broke up with Logan I still felt in love with him but I knew it was right."

"He said he had a house for you," Charlotte says, and Rory stills slightly, imagining Logan telling Charlotte that. "He said you wanted it."

"I considered it," Rory says honestly. "But I knew it wouldn't be right. None of it had been. It was time to move on, and then I found out I was pregnant. I moved on with you."

"Was it okay, moving on?"

"It was hard, but I did it. And you will too, you'll see."

Charlotte smiles, a little doubtful, and Rory smiles back. She can be strong enough for both of them."


	45. Chapter 45

**Thanks for the feedback!**

Charlotte can't remember the last time she had such a bad week at school. Walking in and seeing Tyler on Monday morning is like a punch in the heart. Charlotte steels herself, thinking at least it won't be as a bad now that the first meeting is over, but every time she sees him it punches her over and over again. It hurts so much she wants to go home sick but Charlotte knows her parents wouldn't be impressed by that and besides, she'd only have to see Tyler the next day. And there's still all that work to do. Mainly, Charlotte thinks, she doesn't want to give Tyler the satisfaction of sending her home.

Tyler doesn't say anything to her but gives her angry looks and at lunchtime she can see him talking to his friends and smirking at her. Charlotte's stomach clenches slightly but she ignores him and tries to focus on her food. When she finally does get home it's like letting out a steam valve. Her mother gives her a hug and her father a kiss on the top of her head. The rest of the week inches by, unpleasantly peppered by stares from Tyler which Charlotte tries to ignore. On Saturday, Charlotte goes to Lorelai's with Rory. Jess is working all morning and Annie and Richie are going to a birthday party. Her mother looks over at her as she drives.

"You're quiet."

Charlotte shrugs and she asks gently, "I know it was a tough week."

"Kind of."

"Well, I'm very proud of you for going to school."

"I kind of had to."

"I know it wasn't easy for you to go though. I'm proud of you, sweets."

Charlotte looks over, smiling. "Thanks, Mom."

When they get to Stars Hollow Rory heads over to Lane's after greeting Lorelai. Lane has a gig and Rory wants to catch her before she hits the road. Charlotte and Lorelai give her a wave and then head into the house. Lorelai makes them both some coffee while Charlotte settles on the couch and smiles at her.

"Hi kid."

"Hi."

Charlotte looks at her cup. Suddenly she feels awkward. She hasn't seen her grandmother since before running away and Charlotte doesn't know what to say. She hopes Lorelai isn't too mad at her.

"There's been some drama, huh?" Lorelai says and Charlotte nods. "I'm sorry, Nana."

"You can't scare us like that, Charlotte."

"I know. I'm sorry. I just -"

"I know," Lorelai says gently, and she puts her arms around Charlotte. "I understand, kid."

Charlotte sniffles into her arms and Lorelai says, "I know what it's like, having to get away. How are things at home?"

"I think Mom and I are okay," Charlotte says slowly. "I'm still mad about the stuff in the book, but not so badly, I guess. I don't want to fight with her. I guess I understand why she did it."

"That's great, Charlotte."

"I put my locket back on," Charlotte says, lifting it up, and Lorelai smiles widely.

"That must make your mom so happy. I know how sad she was when you took it off."

"I was mad at her but I didn't want to scare her and dad," Charlotte says quietly. "When I left. I just had to get out of there and I didn't think."

"I know that feeling."

Lorelai's smile is sad this time and she asks, "Do you want to talk about New York?"

Charlotte takes a wobbly breath and Lorelai adds, "You don't have to."

"No, it's okay. Well, I took a cab, or this guy got one for me - he didn't ride with me, but he got the cab to stop for me - and I went right to the apartment. And Logan was there and he kept trying to make me give him my phone so he could call Mom but I wouldn't."

"He knew your mom would be worried," Lorelai says but she sounds uncertain, and Charlotte says, "It wasn't that. I mean, it was, but he wanted me to go anyway. And I made him tell me why he was with Mom when he was engaged and why he doesn't care about me."

"Oh, Charlotte."

"He said he does. He says he loves me and he's my father. But fathers don't forget to send their kids Christmas cards, right? I asked him when my birthday is and he got mad. I bet he doesn't know."

"Honey. Oh, angel."

Charlotte angrily wipes at her eyes and goes on, "He got mad at me because I wouldn't let him call Mom. And then his wife came in and she figured things out and they got mad at each other, like seriously screaming, and Logan called me a mistake."

Lorelai's mouth has set in a tight line. "You weren't a mistake, Charlotte. Logan was the mistake."

"I threw my diamond necklace at him and it hit his arm."

"Good."

Charlotte giggles slightly but is serious as she says, "I couldn't stay. So I ran out of there and got lost."

Lorelai is quiet and Charlotte is grateful that she isn't reminded, again, of all the things that could have happened. She takes a breath and says, "There was a coffee cart and I had some money left, so I bought a cup."

"Of course."

"There was a park next to it and some benches so I went in there to drink it. And then I didn't know what to do so I kind of lay down, and then Mom was there and she took me home."

"You were lucky she found you," Lorelai says quietly and Charlotte's throat goes tight. "I know."

"I know you know," Lorelai says, looking into her eyes. "And I hope you know how much she loves you."

"I do," Charlotte says quietly. "I told Mom I hated her, when I read her book, but I didn't mean it. And I didn't mean the stuff I said to Dad either."

"What stuff?"

"I told Dad I had a whole other father," Charlotte says tearfully. "But I don't, not really. I just said it because I was mad, but I don't think Logan wants to be my father at all."

"Angel. Logan has totally failed you but he does love you."

"Yeah, but he doesn't want to be my father."

Lorelai is quiet and then Charlotte says, "I told Mom and Dad Richie and Annie were the kids they were meant to have."

"Rory told me something about that. She's upset you could ever think it."

"It's not that I think they love me less. It just always felt like I was something they had to deal with. I was an accident."

"You were a surprise, not an accident," Lorelai says fiercely. "You were a shock, but the best kind. And I know that even if your mom hadn't fallen in love with Jess again, she'd never see you as an accident. She wanted to have you."

"It's what she told me."

"It's the truth, and don't ever let anyone tell you differently," Lorelai says, holding her tightly. "Did you you see what your mom wrote the acknowledgements of the book?"

"No. I got too mad to read that far."

"Read what she wrote," Lorelai says, slipping some of Charlotte's hair behind her ears. "Promise."

"Okay. I promise."

Lorelai smiles and then says, "Dare I ask how school's been?"

"Horrible. It's been horrible anyway because I have to make all this work because I sort of didn't do any."

"Sort of?" Lorelai asks knowingly and Charlotte blushes. "Okay, I didn't do any, period. And I missed a lot of classes. And I have to see Tyler and we broke up."

"Oh sweets."

Charlotte feels her eyes well up without warning. Leaning against Lorelai's chest, she cries a little, and her grandmother runs her hands through her hair, murming comfort. When the worst of her tears are over Charlotte says quietly, "We had sex."

Lorelai is quiet and Charlotte looks up. "Nana?"

"I knew," Lorelai says uncomfortably. "Your mom told me."

"You knew, Mom knew and Dad knew. God, does anyone not know?"

"Charlotte, don't be too mad at her. She just wanted some advice."

"I guess," Charlotte says, rubbing her cheeks. "She didn't freak out. That was pretty cool of her."

"Of course she's cool, she's my daughter," Lorelai teases but she asks seriously, "Were you careful?"

"Nana, I went through this with Mom."

"I still have to know."

"Yes. I promise. I didn't take any chances."

"Good," Lorleia says, letting out a breath. "Are you okay?"

"Not really," Charlotte says, feeling herself getting upset again. "I broke up with him because he didn't care about what happened in New York or if I was okay or anything. And I'm mad at him but I still miss him. On Saturday I had a wallowing day with Mom -"

"Hah, she did learn something from me!"

"Huh?"

"Never mind, honey. Sorry. Go on."

"I felt better after that. But I had to see him every day this week and it hurt so much. And he's giving me these looks."

"What?" Lorelai demands, eyes flashing. "What kind of looks? Is he saying anything to you?"

"No. I just feel awkward."

"Have you told your mom and dad?"

"He hasn't really done anything. But I don't want him saying stuff."

"This isn't the most mature advice," Lorelai says, after a pause. "But you could tell everyone he was bad in bed."

 _"Nana!_ "

"I said it wasn't very mature. But you do have to tell your parents if he does do something, okay?"

"Okay," Charlotte sighs. She lays back down on her grandmother's lap and Lorelai asks, "Was it okay? When you slept with him?"

"It was weird...I didn't know what to do, I guess. Do you think I shouldn't have done it?"

Lorelai pauses and then says, "I don't think he deserved to have sex with you. But I don't think you did anything wrong."

"Everyone says it's such a big thing. But I don't feel too different."

"It's a big step, but it's not going to change who you are. Of course, I got pregnant, so I did feel different." Lorelai laughs a little and adds, "I think it took ten minutes to conceive your mother."

"Gross."

"Five minutes for the actual act, the next five for getting dressed and putting on my lipstick."

"Nana, too much information!"

"Sorry," Lorelai giggles and Charlotte says awkwardly, "I guess I don't see why it's made out to be so amazing. Mom said it's better with someone else but I don't know."

"It is. You'll see. Someday you'll date someone better. Someone who'll really love you."

Charlotte nods and finally says, "I'm mad at him, Nana, I really am, but I can't stop feeling sad. How come I still feel like that?"

"Because you loved him. Your heart doesn't always listen to reason."

"When will it?"

"I don't know," Lorelai says sadly. "All I can tell is that it will. And that's a promise."

"Does it really get better?" Charlotte asks hesitantly. "Being with someone? Loving them?"

"It does," Lorelai tells her. "Sometimes it's not easy, but it does get better, with the right person. That's a promise too."

Charlotte believes her. She snuggles up close to Lorelai, folding up the squares of her baby quilt under her hand. Charlotte remembers looking at it as a little girl with Rory, the quilt seeming endless, and her mother knowing the story behind each piece. Lorelai looks down at it with her and remarks, "Seems like only last week I was sewing that quilt. Or that you were still so small you were wearing the clothes from it."

"I miss being a little kid."

"Why, sweets?"

"I miss not having to think about big stuff. Like school, guys...it all feels more complicated."

"Hon, that's growing up."

"I don't want to."

"Sometimes it feels like that," Lorelai says. "But you wouldn't want to be a little kid forever and not experience new things. It's hard but it's worth it. And you're still only sixteen."

"That's it, though. Everyone tells me I'm not a little kid anymore and then they say I'm only sixteen."

Lorelai smiles and then looks a little guilty. "You're at an awkward age," she finally says. "You're not a little kid but you've still got a lot of life ahead of you. Years of screwing up."

"Gee thanks."

"Just being honest. And not just screwing up - you've got college to think about. If you get all this sucky high school work done you can go there. I always wanted to go to college."

"Nana," Charlotte says slowly, "sometimes I feel like I have to go. And I don't always know that I want to."

"I felt like that sometimes."

"You did?"

"It was very important to my parents," Lorelai says. "Especially my dad - we fought a lot but he was very proud of smart I was - though sometimes he said I was too smartmouthed - and he wanted me to go to Yale. I wanted to live life a little first. I still wish I'd been less stifled, but later I wanted to go to college too. My dad came to community college graduation and it meant a lot."

"Mom talks about Grandpa a lot," Charlotte says quietly. "Your dad, I mean."

"Yes, I know. She was very close to him. They had a beautiful relationship - I was jealous of it sometimes."

"You were?"

Charlotte can't imagine her grandmother being jealous but Lorelai laughs at her.

"Of course I got jealous. I still feel jealous sometimes. It's not something you grow out of, unfortunately. Rory was the apple of his eye. She could do no wrong in his eyes. When she found out she was pregnant she was upset just thinking that it would have disappointed him."

"Do you think he'd have been disappointed?"

"Maybe at first," Lorelai says cautiously. "But not when you were born. It was like that when I had Rory."

"She talks a lot about how much he'd have loved me. How much she misses him. And it makes me feel bad."

Charlotte looks away as Lorelai asks gently, "Why, angel?"

"Because I never knew him. And I'm sad she misses him, and you miss him, but I can't miss someone I don't know."

Charlotte looks at her grandmother, slightly nervous, and after a pause Lorelai says, "My dad was so big. Literally and figuratively. He was so much to us, and to our lives, that I guess we forget what it must be like not to know him."

"I'm sorry."

"No - don't be sorry. It's actually kind of fitting that my dad is still causing conflict in death."

Charlotte doesn't know if she should smile but Lorelai does and she says, "You should talk to your mom about it. All of it."

Charlotte nods and adds, "It's not that I don't want to hear about him. I just don't know him."

"I understand."

The front door opens as Charlotte thinks about this and she looks up to see her mother coming in.

"Hey," Lorelai says fondly. "There's my girl. How was Lane?"

"Fine. Are you guys okay?"

"We're okay," Lorelai says, looking at Charlotte. "I was just catching up on everything."

Rory smiles, going over to the couch, and sits down with them.

"It's been a long week, hasn't it?"

"Yeah," Charlotte says in a small voice. "And Mom, Tyler's giving me looks at school."

"He's what?"

."It's not that big a deal...he hasn't done anything, but I feel weird. Weirder than normal."

"You tell me if he does or says anything, okay?"

"He sounds like a real jerk," Lorelai says firmly as Charlotte nods. "And I can deal with jerks, you just give me the word. Then tomorrow's headline can be about your amazing grandmother shaking up the school."

"I don't know if that's the headline they'd use," Charlotte comments, "but thanks."

Rory sighs and says, "When I was in school this guy called me Mary. As in, Virgin Mary."

"Shows how stuffy Chilton was," Lorelai remarks. "That was going around when I was at school too. I never got called it though."

"I bet you didn't," Rory says, nudging her, and Lorelai says, "They should have added _Magdalene_ to it."

"Ironically, that was the guy I kissed at Madeleine's party," Rory says, shaking her head. "Talk about some bad taste."

"Well, you got that from me," Lorelai says brightly. "Movie time?"

On the way back, Charlotte says, "Mom, I'm worried about school and stuff. Like college - I can't imagine going. I don't know if I want to go."

Rory takes a deep breath but she's calm as she asks, "Because you don't want to study or because you're afraid?"

"Kind of both."

"College is totally different from high school," Rory says. "It's a lot of work but it's not like high school assignments. And you're treated more like an adult."

"Did you drop out because it was hard?"

"I dropped out because it was a bad year," Rory says after a moment. "I'd been very lonely and made some crappy choices. And then this guy who ran a newspaper, Logan's dad actually, gave me an internship and then told me I didn't have it. It completely crushed me."

"I read about it," Charlotte said. It makes her shiver to think she shares some of his genes.

"Yeah. Well, that was why I dropped out. I was feeling so aimless in general. Mom always wanted me to do what she didn't, go to Harvard and then to Yale, and I was onboard because I wanted that too. I loved learning. But then I got there and it was harder than I expected and I didn't know how to deal with it. I didn't want to admit it. And when I left I didn't mean to be gone for so long - it just kind of happened. If I'm hard on you about school, it's that I worry about you making those mistakes."

"But it's my life, Mom."

"I know it's your life." Rory lets out a breath, pulling over and stopping the engine so she can look at Charlotte properly. "I want you to be you, not me."

"It doesn't always feel like it."

"I know. I'm sorry. I worry, and then I freak out. I should trust you more."

Charlotte is stunned into silence and her mother goes on, "I remember being a teenager - actually, I was a little older, but my point is, I remember being young. And messing up without really meaning to because right then it didn't feel like a huge mistake. I don't want you to feel like you have to go to college, but I also want you to have the best education and be able to take care of yourself. But you're only sixteen, I know. I don't want to make you feel like you have to know everything all the time."

"Sometimes I feel like I'm letting you and Dad down if I don't like school. Or your grandpa - you always talk about him. But I can't even remember him, Mom."

"I wish you could. Charlotte, I miss him so much that sometimes I forget he isn't the same person to you. He would have loved you."

"I feel bad for not missing him."

"Oh, honey. I'm sorry I made you feel that." Rory looks away for a moment, eyes bright, and then says, "I'm sorry if I've made you feel like you have to love school too. Sometimes I forget you're not that little girl who used to assign herself homework on weekends."

"I was such a weirdo," Charlotte giggles and Rory vehemently shakes her head. "No, you were wonderful. Still are."

"I might change my mind," Charlotte says. "Maybe I will want to go to college. I guess I don't know right now."

"Well, that's okay," Rory says. "Sometimes I wish I'd admitted I didn't know more. Let people help me."

Charlotte knows that isn't easy. She finds her mother's hand and for a while they sit still while the world rushes past them. When they get home, Charlotte gets out her mother's book. Flicking to the acknowledgements, she reads _To my precious daughter, whom I birthed along with this book. She brings love, laughter and light to every day of my life._ Charlotte smiles, her heart full, and goes to find Rory. She puts her arms around her and Rory hugs her back, surprised. "I read your acknowledgements," Charlotte tells her. "You really meant it?"

"I still mean it, Charlotte. Every day."

Her mother holds her tightly and Charlotte feels the light run through.


	46. Chapter 46

**Thanks for the feedback!**

Charlotte is quiet during the following week, but it doesn't concern Rory as much as before. It's a calm quietness, rather than the anger she could sense before. Her daughter smiles and talks about her day, sometimes without prompting, and though Rory knows school hasn't been that enjoyable, Charlotte seems to be doing okay. She says Tyler hasn't done anything other than give her dirty looks, and while Rory doesn't like that, at least he isn't doing anything else. On Thursday Charlotte announces that she's caught up with her all her work and proudly presents it to her parents, who give her a big hug.

"I'm proud of you," Rory says and Jess says, "I'm more proud." Rory raises her eyebrows and he laughs, kissing Charlotte's cheek and then hers. "I'm equally proud," he acquiesces. "How's that?"

"I'm allow that," Rory says. "Because I'm so proud I could burst!"

"It's only homework, Mom," Charlotte says, but she blushes, smiling with some pride of her own.

"It's not just homework," Jess counters. "You had work to do and you did it. It's easy not to do it at all -"

"That's kind of how I got in this mess, Dad."

"But that's what I'm saying. You messed up and you put the effort in to finish your work. I know it wasn't easy, and I know school wasn't easy this week either. I'm very proud of you."

Charlotte smiles, going a deeper shade of pink, and lets Jess kiss her cheek again.

"This calls for celebration," he says. "How about we do something this weekend? I'd crack open the champagne but we're out."

"Because we so regularly keep a bottle," Rory deadpans and Charlotte says, "Actually, I don't have school tomorrow. There's teaching conferences all day."

"We could go out for lunch or something," Rory muses. "I could probably miss work tomorrow. We've finished the main articles for the week."

"You know, I could take tomorrow off too," Jess says. "I've got a vacation day lined up. We could get you a new phone as well, Charlotte."

"I was thinking," Charlotte says shyly, "that maybe we could go to New York for the day."

Rory exchanges a quick glance at Jess, who looks slightly hurt. "Oh...well, Logan will be working, honey. I don't think his schedule lets him take a day off."

"No," Charlotte says quickly. "I don't want to see Logan. I just want to go there with you guys. We haven't gone to New York together in ages."

"That's right," Rory says. They often all used to go to New York for days out, every few months. "It sounds good to me. Jess? What do you think?"

"I'd love to," Jess says sincerely. "Richie and Annie are going next month with their schools anyway, so I'm sure it's okay that they can't come. I say it's a plan."

Richie and Annie do mind a little, but are mollified with the reminder of the school trip and promise of another family trip there soon. They don't seem to mind at all when Rory tells them Lorelai has offered to drive up, collect them from school and have a movie night with them. The next morning, after they've left, Rory fills a big flask of coffee and calls, "Come on already!"

"Jeez, so impatient," Jess remarks, buttoning the top of his shirt and straightening the collar. "How many cups of coffee have you had today?"

"One."

"Plus?"

"Three, but that's why I'm getting impatient. I don't have time for another cup and the sooner we hit the New York, the sooner I get coffee."

"Didn't realise it was such an emergency," Jess grins. "Charlotte? You ready?"

"Coming," Charlotte calls and wrinkles her nose when she sees her parents giving each other a kiss. "Making out before nine in the morning?"

"That's not making out," Jess argues. "I'll kiss your mom again and then you'll see us making out."

"Pass," Charlotte says quickly. "Come on, lets go."

They play The Clash in the car and Jess tells Charlotte, "This is the music of our romance."

"No, that was The Shags," Rory says and Charlotte asks, "What are you talking about?"

"Your mom had to tutor me," Jess grins. "Only there wasn't a lot of tutoring going on."

"Gross."

"Not that," Rory says, laughing. "You know this story, Charlotte. It was when Luke asked me to help your dad with his work and then we went for icecream."

"In cones," Jess adds. "And before that, I gave your mother a quiz on the lyrics from a Clash song and asked her to guess which song it was."

"Did Mom pass?"

"Guns of Brixton," Rory says proudly. "I certainly did."

"Sounds like Dad was the one doing the tutoring," Charlotte remarks and Jess chuckles. "She was a model student."

"Not like your dad," Rory comments and Jess laughs a little bashfully. "He distracted me with magic tricks."

"You wouldn't get distracted. Not by that, anyway."

"Nope, you got me with the Clash quiz and icecream."

"Best combination," Jess says. "You know Charlotte, when you were born and wouldn't stop crying, I sang The Clash to you. Your mom had finally fallen asleep and I was holding you, and you started crying, so I sang The Clash. That did the trick. Great taste from the start."

"You cried a lot," Rory says with feeling and Jess adds, "I'd always say you were trying out for the band. You had a real pair of lungs."

"That's why you took that dorky picture of me, right?" Charlotte asks. "Where I'm in the leather jacket and sunglasses."

"It's not dorky, it's adorable," Jess corrects. "And you cried right after it was taken, showing off your volume skills."

Charlotte smiles, seeming oddly embarrassed, and Rory looks back at her. "You wanted to get your voice heard. Even then."

"I'm sorry I cried so much."

"Oh, you were a baby. Besides, I liked that my daughter was so vocal. I liked it in retrospect, anyway," Rory says. "It wasn't so great at the time. Your dad usually got you to calm down."

Rory feels a little sad still. She know it was a hard time and her daughter was picking up on her stress, but Rory still wishes she could have calmed Charlotte down more. It still stings a little. She takes a swing of coffee from the flask and Charlotte goes back to the story from before. "How long did you drive around for? You know, after you got icecream?"

"We kind of lost track of time," Rory says, feeling a little embarrassed all these years later. She looks over at Jess who gives her a grin. "Your dad asked me if I wanted to go straight back to the diner..."

"And I said I could turn right, and we would just be driving in circles for a while," Jess finishes. "We drove in a good few circles before I crashed the car."

The conversation reaches an awkward halt. Rory bites her lip and says, "It was so unfair. It was a total accident."

"Long time ago now," Jess says quietly. "And no one in Stars Hollow liked me that much. I guess I didn't give them much reason to."

"But you were just a kid."

"Small towns," Jess says with a sigh. "And you were their darling."

Rory blushes, unable to argue, and Charlotte asks, "Dad, how come you went back to New York? Did Grandpa Luke make you?"

Rory looks over at Jess. She's never even asked him that in all these years later. Jess is quiet for a moment and then says, "I wanted to go. No one made me."

"But why did you want to go?"

"I didn't like Stars Hollow," Jess tells her. "The townspeople might have been jerks to me but I was a jerk to them too. They might have taken it a little far but I wouldn't have been crazy about a surly teenager pulling pranks either."

"They didn't give you a chance," Rory protests and Jess shrugs slightly. "Maybe. But I wasn't wild about living there, in spite of all that. There was nothing to do. No music shop, not when I moved there anyway, and the shops they did have mainly sold unicorns. If there hadn't been a bookstore I would have gone crazy. Everywhere you went, people noticed you, and I couldn't just go and be somewhere without being taken note of. When I wasn't in the diner, I was smoking and reading and that was what made it bearable. Not that I condone smoking..."

"Dad, I don't need a PSA," Charlotte says and Jess says, "Well, it wasn't a good habit, but anyway. Besides reading and smoking, the main thing making it bearable was knowing your mom." He smiles at Rory and goes on, "When we got in the crash, all I could think about was how I messed up. How I could have really hurt her."

"But it was an accident," Rory protests. "If it was anyone's fault it was mine. I asked you to keep driving. It could have happened to anyone and I didn't get hurt. I had a hairline fracture to my wrist - it was no big deal."

"You didn't see the look on your face when you hurt your wrist," Jess says. "You were so white and trying not to cry and it was all my fault."

"Jess -"

"I kept thinking that it could have been worse. And how I was better off not being in Stars Hollow - everyone thought I was a screw-up and I kind of believed them. Plus I thought your mom would never let me see you again."

"She was pretty mad," Rory says. "But I couldn't believe it when I heard you'd gone."

She looks at Jess and Jess nods. He can tell she means the other time too and both are quiet for a moment. Their thoughts are interrupted by Charlotte asking, "So how come you did move back, Dad?"

"Your mom came to see me," Jess says proudly. "Right here in New York."

They're driving into the city now and Jess adds, "I figured she must miss me if she came all the way here."

"I did," Rory says, almost shy. "Though I wouldn't admit it to myself."

She smiles at Charlotte and sits back in her seat as they arrive in New York. They drive around finding somewhere to park and when they get out Jess says, "Where to first?"

"Coffee," Rory and Charlotte say together and Jess bursts out laughing. "Should've known. Okay ladies, let's grab a cup."

They settle on a coffeeshop a couple of streets away and, as they sip their cups, Rory thinks about how it's a far cry from her previous trip here, finding Charlotte with a cup from the cart in the park. She smiles across the table at her daughter, feeling gratitude flood her heart again. Charlotte finishes her coffee and asks, "So where did you go, Mom? When you came to see Dad? What did you guys do?"

"Tell you what," Jess answers for her. "I'll show you the grand tour of our day in New York. Sound good?"

"Sounds great," Charlotte beams. They finish their coffee and Jess remarks, "We should have gotten the bus for the true experience."

"I had a guy spit in a can all the way home," Rory says with revulsion. "Charlotte doesn't need to experience that!"

The three of them make their way over to Washington Square Park. The winter is starting to lift and there's almost a springlike feel to the air. There's a scent of flowers on the breeze and Rory breathes it in as they walk through the park. She cries out happily as she sees Jess's bench still there and she says to Charlotte, "That was the bench I found your dad on."

"I always read on that bench," Jess adds. "I was reading Tom Wolfe, minding my own business, when this voice says _hi_ from behind me and I looked up to see your mother just grinning at me."

"You were the one who called me the night before," Rory points out.

"Yeah, but I didn't expect you to make a whole trip over here."

You didn't look surprised," Rory says and Jess laughs. "I wasn't. It wasn't like I was expecting you, but it didn't feel weird either. It felt totally normal that you were just there."

"In my Chilton uniform," Rory says, laughing as well, and Jess says, "I thought it was cute."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah."

Rory raises her eyebrows at Jess who grins mischievously and Charlotte says loudly, "Okay, I get it. What was so great about this bench, Dad?"

"Come sit," Jess says and Charlotte sits next to him. "See - you get a great view of the park but you're not in the middle of everything. And the sunlight was the perfect angle for reading."

"Huh," Charlotte says. "You weren't interested in Central Park?"

"This park is cooler. It's where David Lee Roth got busted."

"Who?"

"How are you my daughter?" Jess teases. He puts an arm around Charlotte and they sit back contentedly. Rory sits with them and for a moment they sit still, enjoying the gentle sun. Rory smiles over at Jess and Charlotte asks, "Then what did you do?"

"We had lunch at a hotdog stand," Jess says, getting up. "But something tells me it won't be there anymore."

The stand is gone, as Jess predicted, but a very similar one is nearby and Jess suggests they try it. Each has a hotdog and Rory giggles, getting mustard on her mouth when Jess tells Charlotte, "Your mom asked if hotdogs were allowed on the subway."

"They wouldn't in Stars Hollow," Rory protests over her daughter's laughter. "Not that they had subways, but..."

"This is the Big Apple, as you called it," Jess teases. "Anything goes. Come on. I doubt that music store is still there but it's worth a shot."

"But they do allow hotdogs on the subway, right?" Charlotte asks in mock-concern and Jess laughs, kissing the top of her head. "Find out for yourself."

The store is gone. Rory stares at the empty building where it stood, a bitter disappointment washing through her. She knew it was unlikely to still be there after all this time but is sad all the same. Jess squeezes her hand and says, "It's too bad."

"Yeah," Rory says softly. "Charlotte, you'll just have to believe us when we say how awesome it was."

Charlotte smiles, trying to look sad for her parents. Rory gazes inside the dark window for a moment, the vision of their younger selves pawing through the records bright in her mind. Jess kisses Rory's cheek, shaking her out of it, and they wander around the corner.

"Hey, is that a music store?" Charlotte points at a shop up ahead and curiously, Rory walks over to it. It looks almost identical to the shop from so long ago and excitedly she pushes open the door.

"Wow," she exclaims. There are boxes of records everywhere with the occasional stand of CDs and music books and a glance at Jess shows a slow, happy smile spread across his face. "This is almost as good as the other place!"

"What other place?" comes a voice from the corner, making Rory jump. A woman in her forties or fifties emerges with buzzed purple hair and Rory says, "Oh - sorry. I came here years ago, when I was a kid, and I remember this great music store around the corner."

"It was awesome," Jess adds. "I was with her."

"That was my dad's place," the woman tells them, smiling at their expressions. "He had to close it in the recession but I always swore I'd open a new one for him. And I did."

"That's so great." Rory doesn't know what to say but she can't stop smiling. The woman smiles back and says, "So this is your daughter?"

"Yes," Jess says, putting his hands on Charlotte's shoulders, and the woman says, "That's sweet, that you've been together so long."

"It got a little complicated," Rory tells her. "But we figured it out."

"I can see," the woman says. "I'll be by the register if you have any questions on the music."

"She's got the entire music collection in her head," adds a fellow customer, tapping his mohawk, and the woman chuckles. She settles down with a newspaper, resting her feet on a stool and Rort tries not to giggle. Jess coughs, covering up a laugh, and he and Charlotte turn to the boxes and start to browse.

Rory already has three records she wants to buy when she lets out a squeal, making Jess and Charlotte run over.

"What is it?" Jess asks and Rory says with joy, "The Go-Gos! Remember, the record I bought Mom?"

"You left it on the bus," Charlotte remembers and Rory nods, holding the record out in disbelief.

"I always said I'd find another signed copy and look, it's signed! I can't believe I found it, after all these years. I could never find it online."

Cradling it protectively in her arms, Rory takes it over to the counter and can't help jumping up and down a little. Jess laughs fondly, buying a pile of records himself and one for Charlotte, which was more his idea than hers. Charlotte laughs at both of them, shaking her head, but she smiles with no trace of sarcasm. Stepping outside, Jess says, "Well, this pretty much concludes the tour."

"Apart from the bus station," Rory says. "Remember that guy, Jess? He asked me for directions and took me for a native."

"You sent him the wrong way."

"It was still cool," Rory says defensively. "I was so proud."

"I know you were. It was cute."

"And then you asked why I came back," Rory reminisces. "I got on the bus and you asked through the window."

"It felt safer than asking you right in front of me," Jess says shyly. "I nearly didn't ask you at all."

"And I said it was because you didn't say goodbye. I wanted to stay longer, that day. I didn't want to get on the bus - not for a few more hours, anyway."

"I wanted to kiss you," Jess says bluntly. "I kind of wished I had. But you kissing me out of nowhere at Sookie's wedding made up for it."

"How about now?" Rory asks, and she moves towards Jess and kisses him passionately, right in the middle of the street. Jess kisses her back and they giggle like teenagers when they're done, especially as Charlotte exclaims, "Unnecessary!"

"Very necessary," Jess argues. "Now _that's_ making out."

Charlotte groans again and then asks curiously, "Hey Dad, where did you live? Before you moved to Stars Hollow?"

"I lived all over the city, Charlotte."

"Can we see one of the places?"

Jess is silent for a moment and then says, "Yeah, we can. Come on, we need the subway."

The three of them emerge in a much more rundown area of the city. There are dark alleys and teenagers huddled together on stoops. One woman sits alone on a stoop, blowing out a ring of smoke at them, and Rory can smell it's not tobacco. Trying not to cough they walk along the broken sidewalk and Jess says, "We always lived in places like these."

"What was it like?" Charlotte asks quietly and Jess says honestly, "Cold. Liz usually forgot to pay the heating bill. Or she did, but she'd shack up with some new guy who'd usually rob us at some point. I preferred it when it was sooner because at least that meant he was gone sooner."

Charlotte's mouth has gone very small. Jess puts an arm around her and says, "I spent most of my time in the library. Firstly it was warm but I got to really like the books. I was allowed to stay there all day and I did, some of the time."

"Did you ever miss New York?" Charlotte asks and Jess sighs, looking around him.

"I missed the library. I missed the anonymity - though sometimes that wasn't great either."

Jess looks pensive and lapses into silence, letting his arm drop. Rory and Charlotte follow him a few streets along, stopping by an apartment.

"That's the last place in New York I lived. I moved here after staying with Jimmy."

Rory stares up. It looks bleak and ugly and she can see some sheets hanging out of the window, the voices of teenagers arguing over some loud music within.

"How long did you live there?" Charlotte asks and Jess shrugs.

"A year, more or less. I ran errands for people and then I washed dishes in a restaurant. Luke came to see me here and he wasn't too impressed with the place. You can guess why. He made some comment about borrowing crack instead of sugar."

"Was it terrible?" Rory asks quietly and Jess looks over at her. "It wasn't the greatest, but I've lived in worse places. I missed you and Luke though."

He stares up at it, lost in his own thoughts, before shaking himself and smiling at Rory and Charlotte. "Let's get out of here."

Rory was going to make a quip about not needing to go up to see the squalor, but she feels ashamed of the unspoken joke. She kisses Jess's cheek and remembers how he asked her to go away with her, on her last night at Yale, saying they could live together and make money, start a new life together. Did he imagine here? Rory can't picture either of them affording somewhere better. She looks up at the building, envisioning her younger self leaning out of the window. It feels impossible, but part of her had always wondered. It was better not to have gone, she knows, but Rory has to tear her eyes away.

They take the subway and wander back to the coffeeshop for a drink before they go. As they wait for the coffee, Rory says, "We could get you a new phone, Charlotte. You've done all your work now."

"I didn't miss it as much as I thought I would. It was kind of nice."

"Charlotte Lorelai Gilmore doesn't want a phone?" Jess teases, pretending to faint. "Now I've seen it all."

"I didn't say I don't _want_ one," Charlotte groans over her parents' laughter. "Just that I haven't been dying without it."

"When you measure it that way...!"

They take the cups over to a booth and Charlotte says, "Actually, there is something I want."

She sounds nervous and Rory looks at Jess and then back at Charlotte. "What is it, sweets?"

"Mom, Dad...can Dad adopt me?" Charlotte asks in a rush. "I want to stay a Gilmore, but I want Dad to adopt me. Is that okay?"

Rory is stunned into silence. She stares at Charlotte and then Jess, who is looking bright around the eyes.

"I mean, we don't have to make it official," Charlotte says nervously, absently twining her fingers around her locket. "I know you're my dad anyway, and I want to keep my name. But...what do you think?"

"I would be honoured to adopt you," Jess says hoarsely and Rory finds her voice.

"Charlotte, I would love that more than anything in this world. If you do want to change your name, that's okay too."

"I want to stay a Gilmore," Charlotte says, smiling. "I like being one. I like having your name. But I want Dad to be my father legally too. Is that okay?"

"That is more than okay," Rory says and then she and Jess around around the table with their arms around Charlotte, and all three of them are laughing and crying at once. Rory thinks back to what she said to the woman in the music store. Her family is messy and complicated and wonderful and they figured it out in the end. Rory wouldn't have it any other way.


	47. Chapter 47

**Thanks for the feedback!**

The rest of the weekend is pleasant. Lorelai stays until Sunday afternoon, going into raptures over the Go-Gos record Rory found. She and Rory keep hugging and laughing, inbetween exclamations over Charlotte being adopted by Jess. They plan to have a party in Stars Hollow after it's finalised. That night, they have their own mini-party of watching movies and eating the cake Jess whipped up.

"Jess, I didn't know you were such a great baker," Lorelai says admiringly and Jess says, "I'm just full of surprises."

"You think I'd know that by now," Lorelai teases, finishing her slice. "Wow, this rivals Luke's."

"I just put in double the amount of coca powder. Luke always does that when he makes you guys brownies."

"Wise man."

Charlotte smiles at them. It always seems surprising to her that her father and grandmother didn't get along when Jess was her age. She can't remember a time when they weren't teasing each other fondly and cracking jokes. Jess told her it's because they're too alike.

"We got off on the wrong foot," he explained when Charlotte asked. "We weren't great at apologising or starting over, and then there was a whole other complication when I broke up with your mom."

"But you and Nana are like best friends now."

"That's because they're so alike," Rory put in. "And after it was long enough to still be mad at each other...which had already been pretty long."

"We were good at the whole grudge thing," Jess admits. "Once we let it go we started over and actually liked each other's company."

"How could you not like a Gilmore?" Rory asked, pretending to pout, and Jess had put his arm around her and Charlotte. "Beats me."

Charlotte finishes her cake and Lorelai goes over to her, picking up the record.

"Look at it, Charlotte!"

"I have."

"Look again, little granddaughter. This is a marvel, a piece of wonder. The Go-Gos were my favourite band when I was your age, the soundtrack to my rebellion."

"You started rebelling when you were two," Rory remarks, joining them, and Lorelai laughs.

"True. Anyway, this was the music to my _teenage_ rebellion. I used to turn up the volume to that song about burning rubber and giggle over how dirty it was."

"Classy," Rory says, grinning at her. "Bet Grandma and Grandpa loved that."

"They didn't listen to the lyrics most of the time. But then Mom came into my room and read the back of the record once and made this whole speech about depravity and lack of taste. She let me keep it but I wasn't allowed to blast it anymore."

Lorelai fondly traces her fingers over the signatures on the record and says, "It's so amazing that you found this."

"I couldn't let it go a second time," Rory says and Lorelai kisses her cheek. "I can't believe it was actually there."

"It was waiting to come back to its rightful home!"

She and Rory laugh and Jess walks over to them. "Hey. How are the Gilmore girls?"

"We're fine," Rory says and Lorelai adds, "This Gilmore girl is thinking of playing the Go-Gos record."

"Jeez," Jess says but he's grinning, and Charlotte knows he's just trying to tease her grandmother a little. Lorelai says hotly, "This is for the education of your children, expanding their cultural horizons a little!"

"Really?"

"Yes! Plus, it's fun," Lorelai says, making Jess laugh. "Come on, you can play this, right?"

"The record player was probably the first thing Jess insisted on when we moved on," Rory says and Jess retorts, "Mostly for someone whose music collection is as generous as mine!"

Taking the record, he puts it on and Lorelai runs over, turning up the volume as loudly as possible. She grabs Rory's hand who grabs Charlotte's who grabs Jess's, who then grabs Richie's and Annie's and Lorelai takes hers. In a wobbly circle, they dance around for the song and Lorelai shouts the lyrics out loud. For a moment, she looks as young as sixteen, and giggles in the same way as the song finishes. Lorelai looks around, her eyes shining.

"What would Mom say to all that?"

"Shall we call her and ask her?" Rory asks innocently, holding up her phone, and Lorelai squeals, lunging at it. "Don't you dare!"

They start chasing each other around the room and Charlotte grins at her brother and sister. The whole thing is crazily normal.

On Monday Jess drops Charlotte off at school. "Have a good day, kid."

"Thanks." Charlotte lingers a little, getting her backpack, and Jess asks, "What's up?"

"Nothing..." Charlotte isn't wild about having to spend a day in her ex-boyfriend's vicinity. She's grateful to have all her work done but is missing the distraction it brought. Jess waits and then says, "Today will be crappy."

"Gee thanks." Charlotte is surprised into amusement and Jess smiles at her. "It most likely won't be great. But it'll also be okay."

"Thanks, I guess."

Charlotte feels better than if her father had just told her it would be fine, all the same. She slings her backpack over her shoulder and Jess leans over to give her a hug. He gives her a quick kiss on the top of her head and says, "Okay, go on. Hope that wasn't too embarrassing."

"Just embarrassing enough," Charlotte teases, but gives her father a real smile. "Thanks, Dad."

Jess smiles back. Calling him Dad feels more emotional than it did before. Jess lifts his hand in a half-wave and gets back in the car, waiting for his daughter to get inside the school before driving away.

Charlotte walks slowly inside, kicking some pebbles out of the way. She wonders how Logan will take her wish for Jess to adopt her. Maybe he'll be mad, or maybe he won't care. Charlotte suspects he will lean more to the latter. She doesn't know how she feels about that. There is also the uncomfortable realisation Charlotte got last night that her period was due at the weekend and hasn't started yet. She tries not to think about that.

Charlotte is broken from her thoughts as she reaches her locker. In ugly black marker are scrawled the words _Charlotte the Harlot_ across the metal, and the students surrounding it are giggling. Cheeks burning, Charlotte looks around her, and can see Tyler walking away towards a classroom. Breaking into a run, Charlotte catches up and demands, "What the hell did you just write on my locker?"

"What are you talking about?"

"You know!" Charlotte exclaims, her voice shaking. "Charlotte the harlot. Real witty!"

"I didn't write that but it's a good one."

"I know it was you," Charlotte says, trying not to cry. "Why would you write that?"

"Maybe some guys don't like being humiliated," is all Tyler says. "But you don't know it was me anyway."

He saunters into the classroom. Charlotte knows she's going to cry and barricades herself in the girls' bathroom. She has a good sob in a cubicle and is splashing water over her face at the sink when another girl emerges.

"Oh - I didn't know anyone else was in here," Charlotte mumbles. "Sorry."

"Are you okay?" the other girl asks and then laughs. "Dumb question. Sorry."

Charlotte recognises her from a class she took with her last year, but never talked to her. She thinks her name is Amy.

"I'm fine," Charlotte says automatically and then chuckles at herself. "Well, no I'm obviously not. This guy I used to date wrote stuff on my locker."

"Like what?"

"Charlotte the harlot - that's my name, Charlotte, I mean."

"You could report him for harassment."

"I can't prove it was him."

"Who's the guy?"

"Tyler...he's in my homeroom."

"I used to date that guy. God, he was an ass. My name's Amy, by the way."

"I'm beginning to see that in that him," Charlotte says drily and Amy says, "We lost our virginity to each other. He made this big deal about how special it would be and how we'd always share that and then he dumped me a week later and started going out with this girl from another school."

"That sucks." Charlotte doesn't know what to say. "How long did you date him?"

"Three months. He offered to cheat me through our next math test. He always does that - he has a key to the office where they keep the answers."

"He didn't tell me that." Charlotte wipes her eyes and says, "I broke up with him. I figured out what a jerk he was."

"Smart thing on your part." Charlotte gives her a watery smile. She thinks of mentioning that her period is late but decides it would be too weird. She's only know this girl for five minutes. Charlotte focuses on wiping her eyes when Amy says, "Hey, that's it!"

"What's it?"

"Tell Tyler if he doesn't clean off your locker you'll mention his little secret to the principal."

"You think that'd work?"

"Trust me. He only showed me right before we slept together. He kept going on about how there'd be no secrets between us and he made me swear not to tell. He keeps the key in his locker."

"I guess it's worth a shot," Charlotte says slowly. "Hey, thanks."

"You're welcome. I'd love to see that smirk wiped off his face."

"Me too," Charlotte admits. "Okay. I'm going to try it."

They go out together and just as Charlotte steels herself to go back into class she sees Tyler drinking at a water fountain.

"Hey," Charlotte says, her voice trembling. "Wipe that stuff off my locker."

Tyler straightens up, raising his eyebrows. "Hey, it's Charlotte the harlot."

"And what are you compared to her?" Amy asks on Charlotte's behalf and Tyler snaps, "None of your business. Didn't I dump you like a lifetime ago?"

"Last year, but close enough."

"Wipe it off," Charlotte says, trying to keep her tone even, "or I'll tell the principal about your secret to passing tests."

"The principal is friends with my parents," Tyler says, folding his arms. "So it doesn't matter when I screw any up."

"Not that. I mean the key."

"What key?" Tyler demands, looking quickly at Amy. "What did you tell her?"

"The key in your locker," Charlotte says. "For getting the answers to quizzes."

"If I did have a key it's gone now."

"Well, I've still got proof," Amy says brightly. "Doesn't matter."

Tyler scowls at them and Charlotte adds, "Or you could wipe that stuff off my locker and we'll forget the whole thing. Your call."

"Whatever," Tyler snaps. "It was just a joke."

He stamps into a bathroom, emerges with some wet tissue and starts scrubbing. The ink won't budge and Amy reaches into her purse, handing him a facewipe. "That should do it."

She and Charlotte watch him, trying not to laugh, and Amy says, "If you ever call Charlotte names again I've got a ton of more dirt to spill. So don't try it."

"Whatever," Tyler says again. He cleans the last of it up, straightens up, slams past them and Amy looks at Charlotte. "Guess we'd better get to class. Relax, I'll cover for you being late."

"Thanks." Charlotte smiles at her, and her worry is lifted a little. It seems that she's made a friend.

Rory picks Charlotte up after school. Richie and Annie are at soccer so they are alone in the car. Rory starts it up and asks, "How was your day, sweets?"

"Interesting."

"What does that mean?"

"Nothing...I fixed it."

Rory gives her a look but Charlotte doesn't feel like talking. She's afraid that if she does she'll admit to being scared that her period hasn't shown up yet, and that would really freak her mother out. Charlotte makes a deal with herself, if she doesn't get it tomorrow she'll tell her.

When they get home Rory puts on a pot of coffee and Charlotte heads to the bathroom. She looks down, starts in shock and then stares again. She has her period and Charlotte starts crying. She cries because she's relieved, grateful and also because it's over. All of it feels over, completely final. Charlotte wants it to be but she cries all the same. There is a knock on the door.

"Charlotte? Are you okay in there?"

"One minute," Charlotte manages to say. Rory waits and then Charlotte hears her walk back down the hall. Fetching a pad, Charlotte finishes in the bathroom and slowly walks into the kitchen where her mother is waiting.

"Hey," Rory asks gently. "Tell me what's going on."

So Charlotte does. It's a relief to tell Rory what's on her mind. Charlotte gives her the edited version, but Rory is furious all the same. "I still want to report it."

"Mom, it's okay. He won't do anything like that again. If he does, I will, but I really think he won't."

Rory sighs, sipping her coffee, and Charlotte remarks, "Worse than being called Mary, huh?"

"Absolutely. What a creep."

"You were right about him," Charlotte admits. Rory smiles at her but sounds a little sad when she says, "I didn't want to be as right as that."

Charlotte shrugs and Rory reaches over to squeeze her arm. "You'll date someone so much better in future."

"That won't be hard," Charlotte says and they both laugh. "I can't believe I loved him."

"The human heart is a mystery."

They lapse into silence again but Charlotte smiles and, for now, she feels at peace.


	48. Chapter 48

**Thanks for the feedback!**

On Monday, after work, Rory takes a deep breath and dials Logan's number. He picks up after a few rings and says, "Hey, what's up?"

His voice is pleasant but curious. Rory swallows and says, "I need to talk to you about something."

"Shoot."

"Logan, it's important."

"Important, huh? I'm all ears."

Contradictory to his words, Logan's tone is distracted. Rory can picture him wandering around the apartment with a newspaper or device in his hand, half-listening to her. She remembers that from when they were dating, but Logan could keep track of conversation so charm her into thinking she couldn't be mad about it.

"Logan, listen."

"I am listening," Logan says wearily. There's a slight shuffle which Rory takes as him laying down whatever else he was doing. "Talk."

"It's not something I want to say over the phone."

"So you called to tell me you can't tell me whatever it is over the phone?"

"Logan," Rory says impatiently. "I called to say I need to talk to you. But it's not phone conversation."

"Email me then."

"It's not great for that either."

"Rory, would you just tell me?" Logan says in exasperation. "This could take all day at the rate we're going."

"I was thinking we could meet for coffee. I could come over one afternoon."

"No can do," Logan says simply. "I'm in LA for work until Friday."

"Oh."

Rory had counted on seeing Logan this week. Charlotte agreed to going over the following weekend to talk about it, all three of them, but Rory wanted to break the news to Logan first. Somehow this feels more of a curveball than expected.

"Rory, just tell me," Logan says firmly. "Are you sick?"

"No."

"Is Lorelai sick?"

"No."

"Is Charlotte pregnant?"

" _No_ \- God, don't say stuff like that."

"Then what the hell is it?" Logan exclaims. "Whatever it is, I'm sure I'm up to hearing it."

Rory hesitates and then says, "Charlotte wants Jess to adopt her."

There's a long pause. Rory waits and then asks softly, "Logan?"

"I heard you." His tone is stoic and Rory can't gauge Logan's reaction. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

"I really didn't want to tell you over the phone."

A low chuckle. "Well, I asked you to tell me. It's fine. I'm not too surprised."

"Logan..."

"It makes sense, right? Remember when you told me you were pregnant and I asked you to marry me, and you said no? You said I couldn't be a family man. Guess you were right."

"It wouldn't have been right for us to get married," Rory says gently. "Our lives were too different. And..."

Her voice trails off. Rory doesn't want to add how Logan has had to be reminded to send Charlotte gifts and cards, how he let her down even before she want to see him in New York on that terrible night. But Logan seems to know anyway.

"I get your point," he says. "I was never around much...was never much of a father. I guess it's for the best."

"Logan, Charlotte knows you love her. That hasn't changed."

"Right," Logan says. There's an uncomfortable silence and finally Rory breaks it by saying, "I thought maybe Charlotte and I could come see you on Saturday. Talk about what she wants to happen. But if you don't want to, I can put it in an email for now. Or I can see you alone. Whichever."

"You guys can come over," Logan says. "I'll put it on my calendar - deal with separation in the morning, adoption in the afternoon."

"Logan. Are you getting divorced?"

"Not yet anyway. There might be hope for that. Who knows? I didn't know I was going to get a phonecall telling me not be a dad."

Rory doesn't know what to say. She pauses a little longer but after Logan doesn't say anything else she tells him, "I'd better go. Are you going to be okay?"

"Don't worry about me," Logan says, evading the question. "I'll see you Saturday. Bye."

"Bye," Rory starts to say, but Logan's already hung up.

Rory feels sad as she goes out into the hall, in contrast to everyone's mood. Her family and herself until an hour ago had been in a dizzy kind of happiness since Friday. Rory had been less happy when Charlotte told her about what Tyler had done - she had felt how she imagines Lorelai had the time she told Rory she wanted to beat Logan with a rock - but Charlotte really did seem okay, and Rory is utterly grateful that her daughter is talking to her and letting her in. Charlotte admitted that her period had been a couple of days late and Rory had to seriously battle a freakout. She made Charlotte promise that the next time she starts seeing someone she'll go straight on the pill. Rory doesn't know what she would have done if Charlotte had got pregnant, but she suspects a first step would have been fainting. She also suspects she'll still freak out about this for the next several years. Still, for now, Charlotte's fine and Rory takes a deep breath. She's going to work on being less panicky with her daughter, and her other children, for that matter.

Rory bumps into Jess as she approaches the stairs and he takes her arm. "Hey. You okay?"

"I talked to Logan," Rory says, smiling sadly. "I told him about Charlotte wanting to be adopted."

"Wow," Jess says, frowning sympathetically. "I thought you were going to tell him in person."

"I was. But Logan's going to LA for work this week and he insisted that I just tell him, so I did. Maybe I shouldn't have."

"At least he knows now."

"I guess."

"How'd he take it?"

"I don't know," Rory says honestly. "He was upset, I think, but I don't know how much."

"Do you think he'll try and fight it?" Jess asks quietly and Rory shakes her head.

"No. He's sad but not against it. He said he was never much of a father."

Jess looks at her and Rory sighs. "I guess I'll see how it goes on Saturday."

"Are you okay?" Jess asks, looking into her eyes, and Rory shrugs. "Yes and no. I'll be okay once it's done."

"You want coffee for now?"

"Coffee for now sounds perfect."

Rory sleeps badly all week. This is the right decision, she's sure, and she's excited for the adoption to be set, but Rory is nervous to see Logan. She doesn't know which would be worse, him being sad or him being angry, and Rory imagines there'll be a mixture of both. All she asks is that he direct it at her and not Charlotte, who doesn't deserve any pain in this at all. Rory started this, she'll fix it, and she tosses and turns between sleep.

Charlotte seems nervous herself on Saturday. Jess has hustled the kids out of the house in the morning so they can get ready in peace and, as they wait for him in the car, Jess gives them a hug and kiss goodbye.

"It'll be fine," he says firmly and Charlotte smiles at him. "No, it'll suck. But it'll be okay."

Her voice quavers on the end and her father hugs her tightly. "It'll be okay," he repeats and Charlotte nods, exhaling a deep breath. "Bye, Dad.

"Bye, kid. Love you."

Jess relinquishes Charlotte who goes to get her purse, and puts his arms around Rory.

"It'll be okay," he promises and Rory glances down. "Will it?"

"Yes," Jess says firmly, putting his hand on her chin and tilting her face up. "I swear. And if it's not, I'll talk to Logan."

"Yeah, I'm not sure how well that'd go," Rory says wryly but it makes her laugh. "Thanks, Jess. I know it'll be okay...I'm just a little freaked."

"I know," Jess says gently. "But you'll be okay. I promise."

"I'm glad you're so sure," Rory says. She smiles, leans up and kisses him and sighs. "Guess we'd better hit the road."

"I'll be here the minute you guys get back."

Rory watches him go out to Richie and Annie and waves as they head off. Then she waits for Charlotte who, although only takes a few minutes, seems to be an eternity. They both smile unsurely at each other and Rory takes a deep breath. "Okay, let's do this," she says. Rory can be strong enough for both of them.

They are quiet on the ride there. Charlotte plays some music to try and fill the silence but then ten minutes later, leans over and turns it off. Rory looks at her. "Do you want to listen to something else?"

"No..."

Rory understands. She can tell Charlotte doesn't feel like talking, and nor does she. It's an anxious silence but it seems necessary, in an odd way. When they arrive in New York, Rory pulls over on a side road, and Charlotte looks at her in surprise.

"Angel," Rory says, "I just want you to know that if this is too much today, you can tell me. I'll understand. I can talk to Logan for you."

Charlotte swallows and asks, "Do you think I should do that?"

Rory is quiet for a moment. "I think it might help if you talked to him," she says. "But if you don't want to, I totally understand. This is about what's best for you."

Charlotte looks out of the window for a moment and then turns back to her mother. "I want to see Logan," she says decidedly. "I want to tell him what I want."

"We can go whenever you're ready to," Rory assures her and Charlotte smiles. "I know, Mom. Let's go."

Rory starts the engine back up and, smiling back at her daughter, drives straight the rest of the way.

Rory feels nauseated all the way up to Logan's apartment and a glance at Charlotte suggests she feels the same way. Their faces are pale in the elevator mirror. Rory is thrust back to her last visit here, the manic race to find Charlotte and the awful fight with Logan and Odette. She has an urge to turn straight back round and run away, like when she had her first kiss, like her automatic instinct is always to do. Rory summons all the stale air from the elevator into her lungs and slowly releases it. She is not going to run. They are going to do this together.

Charlotte by her side, Rory walks down the hall to Logan's apartment. The door opens almost before Rory has finished knocking and Logan gives them a wan smile.

"Come on in."

Rory and Charlotte follow Logan inside. The apartment is empty and there's a sadder environment to it than before. Rory doesn't know how much is her projection, or how much is simply due to the dim light inside. Logan hasn't opened the blinds fully and there's a slight scent of alcohol and takeout, though no bottles and boxes are in sight. Logan offers them a drink and Rory and Charlotte say they'll take a soda, although Rory strongly considers a glass of wine. Logan pours himself a beer and then they all sit down. The couches are comfortable but Rory struggles to sit back and relax. Logan looks tense too, leaning forward and clutching the drink in his hand.

"So," he says eventually. "Charlotte wants to be adopted, right?"

"Yes," Rory says, looking at her daughter and Charlotte nods. "That's right," she says, looking at Logan. "I want Jess to adopt me."

Nobody says anything for a moment until Rory asks nervously, "What do you think, Logan?"

"It sounds like your minds are made up."

"I still want to know what you think," Rory says gently. Logan takes a long drink of beer.

"I'm not going to stand in your way," he says eventually. "You wanted that family unit from the start."

"Hey. I never said you couldn't see Charlotte. I said you could be as involved as you wanted."

"Jess was always my dad," Charlotte says, making Logan turn to her. "I just want it to be official."

Logan nods and then says carefully, "You know I love you, right? I don't know you very well. I know I've screwed up some stuff. But I do love you."

"I know," Charlotte says quietly. "I'm not saying you can't be in my life. You can still send me emails and stuff, if you want. It's just that I have my own dad."

Logan nods, looking sad. "Can we still talk sometimes?" he asks. "I get it if you don't want to talk to me. But if it's okay with your mom, I'd still like to know you a little."

"I'd like to know you a little too," Charlotte says. "But don't do it because you feel like you have to or something. I don't need you to do that."

"I know," Logan says. "Charlotte - I'm sorry that I hurt you. I'll be honest with you. I wasn't happy when your mom told me she was pregnant -"

"Logan!"

"No, Mom, it's okay," Charlotte says calmly. "I want to know."

Logan exhales slightly, switching his drink to his other hand, and continues, "I wasn't happy. I was scared. I hadn't planned on being a father, I didn't know how to be a father, and I was just about to get married to Odette. But I'm not sorry you were born. You're a great kid, and I want you to have a great life. I'm sorry I wasn't a good father. But if you want Jess to be your father officially, I'm not going to argue anything. I want you and your mom to be happy, and I know he's been a good dad to to you."

"He's been the best," Charlotte says softly. Logan nods.

"I'll sign whatever you need me to sign. I just want you to know that I do love you, and I do want to know you, and not because anyone expects me to. I have to tell you that."

Charlotte smiles and her voice is thick as she says, "I know. Thanks, Logan."

There's a heavy silence and Logan says, "Hey, can I have a minute alone with your mom?"

"Um, sure," Charlotte says, looking at Rory. "I'll, uh, be out in the hall."

"I'll come get you," Rory tells her and Charlotte walks out. They wait a moment and then Logan says, "I wish things had turned out differently."

"Like how?"

"Like...I don't know," Logan says. He puts his beer down and gets up, spreading his palms. "Not in a way that wound up with my daughter asking if she could be adopted by another man."

"But you didn't want her to be your daughter," Rory says, trying to keep her voice low in case Charlotte is in earshot. "You said so yourself."

"I said I was scared. But I offered to marry you."

"And what, you think that would have solved everything?" Rory asks angrily. "Come on Logan. We both know how that would've ended up. A miserable marriage and probably a horrible divorce! Besides, you said you still wanted to marry Odette!"

"That option worked out, huh?" Logan deadpans and Rory sighs. "You don't know you'll get divorced."

"Maybe I shouldn't have married her. Maybe I should have at least given it a shot. I loved you."

"Logan, I told you us not being together wouldn't affect you seeing her," Rory says, getting up as well. "I said you could see Charlotte as much as you wanted. You chose not to be around much."

"I couldn't be around much because of my life!" Logan retorts. "I have to travel, you know that!"

"And does that affect remembering her birthday and Christmas?" Rory has forgotten about volume. "And just asking how her life is going without being reminded?"

Logan scowls and Rory closes her eyes. "I don't want to do this. I don't want to get into a fight over who did what to whom."

"This sucks."

"Yes, it does. But we have to do what's best for her. And Logan...we should never have kept Charlotte a secret. I agreed not to tell Odette because it was your marriage, but it affects her too. And if you wanted to be Charlotte's father, it shouldn't have been on terms. That's not how it works. It's all the time."

Logan lets out a long sigh, closing his own eyes for a moment. "You're right," he says, sounding tired. "I messed it all up, just like I messed up my whole life."

He sounds hurt but not self-pitying. Rory bites her lip. "It'll be okay, Logan."

He lets out a hollow laugh and Rory says, "It will, I'm sure. It just takes work."

"I'll need to hire a construction crew."

Rory smiles but it doesn't seem funny. "Logan, for what it's worth, I'm not sorry about how things turned out."

Logan looks at her, disbelieving, and Rory elaborates, "I'm sorry we screwed things up. But I'm not sorry I met you and we fell in love. I have Charlotte. And we had some good times."

"Some great times," Logan agrees. "And you're lucky to have Charlotte."

Rory doesn't remark that he missed out. There's no point. Logan drinks more beer and says, "My father is coming over later. That should be a treat. He wants to talk about what happened with Odette."

"You told him?"

"Odette's mother did."

"Yikes."

"Yeah."

"Does he know everything?" Rory asks carefully and Logan says, "Some. He knows about Charlotte but no other details."

"Oh." There's an uncomfortable sensation spreading through Rory. Mitchum Huntzberger is on her list of people she never wants to see again, along with Odette, Lindsay and the ballet girl she wrote the unflattering review about at Yale. But Mitchum is far, far above the rest. Rory tries to put him out of her mind.

"I guess we should go," she says, slipping her hands into the pockets of her cream blouse. "Is it okay if I send you more information? I haven't started anything official yet."

Logan nods and Rory asks, "Is there anything else you want to say before we head off?"

"No," Logan says, sounding tired. "I'll just say goodbye, I guess."

"I'll get Charlotte."

Rory goes into the hall and finds her daughter staring at some paintings on the wall opposite.

"Charlotte?"

"Mom, did you know there's a mini-bar down the hall?" Charlotte exclaims. "This place is insane!"

"Sounds it," Rory says, trying to laugh. "Logan wants to say goodbye."

Charlotte follows her mother back into the apartment and Logan smiles at them, raising his hand in farewell. "See you guys."

"I'll call soon," Rory promises. Charlotte smiles and Rory says, "I'll give you guys a minute."

She slips out into the hall and moves to examine the paintings her daughter was admiring before. Rory is so focused on looking at the detail that she doesn't hear footsteps approaching and when she hears the unwelcome voice say, "Well, well," she nearly jumps five feet in the air.

Rory turns to see Mitchum Huntzberger looking at her with a sneering smile. Everything in Rory wants to run. It's like stepping into a nightmare. Seeing Mitchum is like going back twenty years in time and, while being an editor and a mother, Rory suddenly feels like the naive young intern whose dreams were crushed all over again. She tries to keep composure.

"Hello," she says and Mitchum laughs loudly. _"Hello!"_ He echoes mockingly. "What a way to greet the father of the man you had a child with! How Rory Gilmore it all is, if that's still your name. Logan told me you were married, when I dragged some story out of him."

"It is," Rory says stonily. "I'm still a Gilmore."

"Of course you are. You were so proud of that name and it hardly meant a thing."

"Don't talk about my name."

"Relax, Rory, I'm not here to talk about your name. I'm not here for you at all! I'm here to see my son who, it seems, lacked the sense to use care when he was sleeping with you. Well, Logan was never the most cautious, but I thought you might be."

Rory can't speak. She's frozen to the spot and Mitchum drops his voice an octave. "I'll let you in on a secret, Rory," he says, glancing around. "I knew about you and Logan. Do you remember visiting my son, years ago in London? I was visiting him too. I turned the street corner and what did I see? I saw you, escorting a small child, fast in the opposite direction. I'm an intelligent man, I did the math. I remembered seeing you with Logan at our family restaurant when he was engaged to Odette, and I got the sense that you weren't simply enjoying each other's company. Well, I suppose you were. Enjoying it so much that that little brat came out of it."

"Don't you dare talk about my daughter!" Rory shouts, finding her voice. Mitchum looks at her, momentarily surprised, and Rory says furiously, "Don't you ever talk about her. You don't have the right to. Say whatever you want to me but leave my child alone."

"Well,"Mitchum says, straightening up. "Seems I awoke some protective pride. Now where was that when I told you you didn't have it? Did you need to squeeze a kid out for it?"

"Leave me the hell alone."

Mitchum raises an eyebrow. Their conversation is broken by the door opening and Logan and Charlotte emerging. They look up and Logan shouts, "Dad! What is going on?"

"I was having a chat with the mother of your child," Mitchum remarks. "I got here a little sooner than planned." He looks at Charlotte and says, "I assume this is the child?"

"Yes," Logan says weakly. "This is Charlotte."

"Well," Mitchum says, staring at her. "You're certainly your mother all over again. We'll see how that turns out."

Rory moves over to Charlotte and stands in front of her. "Don't talk to her," she says furiously. "Don't even look at her."

"She's my granddaughter, isn't she? Not in the plan, of course. Logan, I daresay this would have killed your mother. You always were making mistakes, but this is something else. I'll handle it, like I always do for you."

"No, you won't," Charlotte says firmly. She walks around Rory and says to Mitchum, "I'm not your granddaughter."

Mitchum lets out a surprised laugh. "That's sweet of you, little girl, but I know the whole story. Your mother and Logan here didn't use a lot of discretion and, well, it resulted in you. And I thought him getting shipwrecked and stealing yachts were the worst I had to put up with."

"You don't have to put up with me," Charlotte spits. "And I don't want to put up with you. We don't have to, because my dad is adopting me. Logan won't legally be my father."

"I don't understand," Mitchum says and Rory feels a flicker of pleasure at that.

"My husband has always been Charlotte's dad," she tells him. "Even before I married him. Charlotte and I have decided to make it official. Jess will legally adopt Charlotte and Logan won't be her father on paper anymore."

"Well," Mitchum says. "I'm in shock. Rory Gilmore, that's actually smart. I thought you had potential. I suppose my business here isn't needed, if the mess is taken care of."

"Get out," Logan says quietly and Mitchum stares at him. "Excuse me?"

"You don't come here and talk to Rory and Charlotte like that," Logan says furiously. "Maybe I made a mistake, but Charlotte's not a mess. She's an amazing kid and you're a jerk. You always were. I don't know why I spent so much time and effort hiding it from you."

"Yes, you do," Mitchum says jovially. "Because you didn't want to ruin what you had with Odette. Well, here we are. I'm trying to help you, son! Trying to salvage everything you ruined!"

"I don't want your help. Get out, right now, and apologise to Rory and Charlotte."

Mitchum snorts. "We'll see you badly you do alone with this," he says. Turning to Rory and Charlotte, he says, "I'm sincerely sorry for any insult."

Rory can see the sarcasm in his eyes. Gripping Charlotte's hand, she says, "I don't think you mean it, and I don't care. You'd better listen to Logan and get out."

"Too bad you let her go, Logan," Mitchum calls, as he starts down the hall. "She's got spunk!"

Rory waits for him to go in the elevator before releasing her breath and shuddering. She puts her arms around Charlotte, hugging her tightly and burying a kiss in her hair. "I'm so sorry, angel. You shouldn't have had to see that. He's an asshole."

Charlotte chuckles a little but when Rory releases her she says seriously, "Mom, even if I weren't being adopted, he would never had been my grandfather."

"No," Rory says, looking into Charlotte's eyes. "He wouldn't have."

"I'm sorry," Logan says quietly. "I never wanted him near you."

"Thanks for standing up for us," Rory says, smiling, and Logan shrugs. "I should have done it years ago."

Rory and Charlotte say goodbye again, suddenly awkward. They ride the elevator in silence and Rory stares at her reflection in the mirror. Her cheeks, so white on the way up, are now red with rage. Her heart is throbbing painfully in her chest but Rory feels strangely calm. It feels good to have said all that to Mitchum, like cleansing a wound. Charlotte is quiet, her cheeks pink. Rory can't read what she's thinking.

"So," Rory says, once they're outside. "I guess we should go back."

She takes in welcome breath of fresh air. The wind feels soothing, like it's ridding all the horror of before as it passes through her. Charlotte hesitates for a moment and then says, "Mom, you know how we went round New York with Dad?"

"Yeah..."

"We didn't see where we lived," Charlotte says. "Can we go see it?"

"Sure," Rory says, after a moment's pause. "We can go right now."

They are silent on the subway but it's a peaceful quiet. Every so often they glance at each other and smile. Charlotte takes her mother's hand when they step off at Queens and holds it all the way to the apartment, like when she was a little kid. Rory stops at the building, squeezing it, and pointing up with her spare.

"There. That was where we lived."

The building is nondescript. There's nothing different about it but it's harder being there than Rory imagined. She can already feel a lump forming in her throat. Rory is willing to turn back now but Charlotte breaks away from her, walking over and asking excitedly, "Can we go in?"

"Oh - I don't know, sweets. I expect someone else lives there now."

As she says it an older woman goes over to the building, looking at them as she gets her key for the door.

"Are you visiting someone?" she asks pleasantly and Charlotte answers for both of them, "We used to live there when I was a baby. I wanted to go in and see."

"Charlotte, that's okay," Rory starts to admonish but the woman smiles and says, "Which apartment?"

"4 B," Rory tells her and she says, "That's my friend Melinda's apartment. Come on."

Unsurely, Rory follows her inside, putting an arm around Charlotte. They go back into the apartment and walk up the stairs, as the woman, whose name is Nancy, tells them the elevator is broken. This doesn't surprise Rory. Once at the apartment, Nancy reaches up and gets a spare key from the toy dog by the door.

"Melinda's on vacation and I'm looking after her plants," she explains. "Come on in."

Rory hesitates for a moment and then slowly walks inside. Nancy smiles and says, "I'll be outside when you're done. Give me a holler."

She leaves the door open, making the holler unnecessary, and Rory slowly takes in the apartment. There's lots of plants along the windowsill and in hanging baskets but otherwise it looks the same. She can fill in the blanks of her old life.

"Where did I sleep?" Charlotte asks excitedly, making Rory start.

"Oh - right through here," Rory says, blinking. "Though you didn't do a lot of sleeping."

Charlotte laughs and Rory adds, "I had your crib against that wall and there was a bunny picture on the wall. The changing table was there - well, it was a dresser I used as one. I couldn't afford a real one."

"Mom, this place is tiny," Charlotte says, walking around, and Rory nods.

"It is." She thinks back to her younger self, pregnant and alone and moving in and how scared she was. How proud and uncertain and lonely it had all been, how independent, and Rory walks around, touching the walls. She stares out of the window and suddenly feels like she might cry. Rory remembers the view, all through her pregnancy and nursing Charlotte and when she tried to write, taking breaks and looking out to clear her mind. It's all so much smaller than she remembers and she'd had a whole life here. Rory wonders if places have memories.

"Mom?" Charlotte asks gently and Rory tries to smile. "I'm okay. It's just hard, seeing it all again."

"Were you happy here?"

"I was. I was unhappy too."

"Mom," Charlotte asks curiously, "how come you didn't move out right away? When I was born, I mean? How come you didn't move to Dad's place?"

Rory lets out a long sigh. "I was very uncertain," she says. "I was a new mom, so my hormones were crazy anyway, but I was also figuring things out. I felt like I'd never done anything alone. I think I was scared that if I moved in with your dad right away, it would be like admitting I couldn't do it."

"But you lived here alone before."

"Not with a baby. But it wasn't just that. I was afraid of us breaking up, that taking a chance wouldn't work out, so I held off."

"Was Dad okay with it?"

"Probably not as much as he made out. He was very patient."

"What about you - was it okay?" Charlotte asks and Rory stares out of the window some more.

"It was and it wasn't. It was very hard. I was scared and stressed and having a new baby is hard anyway. I wish I'd been less proud. But I learned a lot about myself here, and the memories I have of just us are very special. So I'm not sorry about all of it. It was a very strange part of my life."

Charlotte finds her hand to hold and Rory smiles at her. "I used to hold you right here, and we'd look out of the window together."

"Really? Did it stop me crying?"

"Not really," Rory says honestly and they both laugh. "Jess could usually stop you crying. But when I did, it felt so incredible and when we'd look out of the window together, it was special. It was a very special time."

She smiles at Charlotte, squeezing her hand. They walk around the apartment a little more and then head back out, thanking Nancy and going back down the stairs.

"You ready to go?" Rory asks and Charlotte nods. "Ready to go."

Rory takes one last look at the apartment. She whispers a gratitude and then turns to follow Charlotte. At the car, Charlotte asks, "Mom, can I drive?"

Charlotte has her licence but usually Rory does the driving. She hesitates and then smiles, handing her the keys. "Yes. You can drive."

Charlotte squeaks joyfully and gets in the driver's seat. Rory gets in beside her, makes all the usual reminders and looks out of the window as her daughter steers them home.


	49. Chapter 49

**Thanks for the feedback! One chapter left!**

The next dew weeks pass quickly in a whirl of school, forms and appointments with lawyers. Rory and Jess were told the adoption process would be straightforward but it doesn't seem that way to Charlotte. There's a million things to do. When it's all done and approved they are going to celebrate in Stars Hollow at the party Lorelai's throwing.

"We'll celebrate by ourselves too," Rory said. "A week long party!"

"Just a week?" Jess asked. He put his arm around her and Charlotte and added, "Celebrating my girl calls for more than a week."

Logan comes to Philadelphia one day to sign a few things and meet the lawyer. Despite swearing that he's fine and there's no hard feelings, he seems sad, and Charlotte is sad too. Neither of them know what to say to each other and settle for quick smiles and smalltalk. The week he comes over seems particularly long and by Friday Charlotte is wrung out. She doesn't know how she makes it through school that day, barely staying awake in class, and has to clap her hand over her mouth to trap a yawn more than once. Charlotte could weep with relief once the final bell rings. Slinging her backpack over one shoulder, she trudges out of the room, accidentally making eye contact with Tyler. Neither has said a word to each other since the incident with the locker. It doesn't hurt quite as much to look at him now but Charlotte still ducks her glance, hurrying ahead and out of the school. Charlotte can't see her mother's car and slows her step, frowning, and then sees her father waving. He's leaning against his car and Charlotte grins, going over and accepting his hug.

"What are you doing here?" she exclaims and Jess laughs. "Some greeting!"

"Mom didn't say she wouldn't pick me up."

"Mom had to run over to the office. That a good enough excuse?"

"It'll do," Charlotte says. She smiles, getting into the car and Jess follows suit, starting up the engine. "Good day?" he asks, backing out of the carpark, and Charlotte shrugs heavily. "Long day. Long, long, long."

"Something happen?"

"No. I'm just tired."

"It's been a big week," Jess says sympathetically. He turns onto the main road and says, "Straight home or turn right?"

"Aren't we picking up Richie and Annie?"

"They're on a playdate. Sorry, Annie's on a playdate, Richie's hanging out. Very important distinction."

"Well, obviously."

"I made the mistake of telling Richie I'd pick him and his sister up from their playdates and I got lectured for half an hour. Isn't it supposed to be the other way round?"

"Not when you mess up something that important," Charlotte says seriously and Jess nods. "Right, right. So what do you say, Charlotte? Home to crash or something else on the way? We could grab a coffee."

"Let's do coffee," Charlotte decides. She's tired but it's a bright afternoon and she hasn't hung out with her dad all week. Spending time with her parents doesn't seem stifling as it did before. Jess smiles, turning towards the marina, and then the two walk slowly to the coffee shop and over to the benches overlooking the water. The weather is starting to warm up and there's a hint of spring in the air.

For a moment they sit in silence, Charlotte enjoying the heat of her coffee and soft breeze, and Jess looks over at her. "How was school? Besides it being long. Did you have a good week?"

"It was okay," Charlotte says shortly. "I had lunch with Amy a few times...she's really cool. And I saw Tyler just now. That was less fun."

"Did he say anything to you?" Jess asks quietly and Charlotte shakes her head. "I don't think he's planning on talking to me again."

"Good. I'd love to punch that punk."

"Dad!"

"Relax, I won't. I just want to."

"Me too," Charlotte admits. "I wish I'd never met him."

She cradles her cup in her hands and Jess asks, "Do you?" His voice is quiet but not angry like before. Charlotte thinks, staring at the cup until her eyes blur.

"I liked being with him," she says eventually. "He made me feel good. But then he was such a jerk, and I was so unhappy when we broke up. It wasn't worth it."

"I don't think he was worth you," Jess says, taking her hand. "I can't say I liked you being with him."

"I feel like such an idiot," Charlotte says, voice trembling slightly. "Why did I like him so much?"

"Hey."

"I thought he was so great. He was just a total loser."

"Loser, yes, but you didn't know that. You're just sixteen. You're going to meet a ton of losers."

"Gee, thanks, Dad!"

"I didn't mean -" Jess stops, laughing. "That came out wrong. I mean, you'll probably date a few people, I don't know. And people usually seem great at first. All you think about is the good stuff. And then you start seeing them for real - losers or not - and sometimes it doesn't work out. You shouldn't worry about that stuff like that."

Charlotte tries to smile and Jess puts his arm around her. "It doesn't help how you feel right now, I get it. But one day you'll think, _Tyler?_ And laugh at what a loser he was."

"I will?" Charlotte asks disbelievingly and Jess nods. "Listen...maybe it's something you shouldn't wish away."

"You think it was good I dated him?"

"No, I - look, I'm your dad. I really didn't like that kid, not for anyone and especially not for you. But it's your life. You had a relationship with him, you learnt from it, and it's your experience. If we only did stuff we felt good about we probably wouldn't learn much."

Charlotte mulls over this and Jess adds, "One day you won't even think about him much at all. But when you do, you'll be in a better place, and he'll just be part of everything you went through at sixteen. Stuff you learnt from. I don't think you should wish that stuff away."

Charlotte looks out at the water for a moment and asks, "Do you ever think about the relationships you had before Mom? Before you got back together, I mean. And maybe before that too."

"I didn't have too many," Jess says and Charlotte gives him a look. "Hey, I'm serious!"

"So you slept around?"

"What a charming way to put it," Jess remarks. "I didn't date a ton of people, I'll just leave it at that."

"But do you think about them?" Charlotte presses and Jess sighs. "Sometimes. Not much. When I was eighteen, I went out with a girl called Shane. I basically used her to make your mom jealous, which I'm not too proud of, and she used me to - well, you can guess."

"Real nice."

"Your grandpa wasn't too impressed. I didn't even know her last name. He yelled at me for not treating her right and I said she didn't treat me right either, and the girls I did like didn't care about me."

Jess coughs, sounding a little embarrassed, and Charlotte asks, "So what happened to Shane?"

"I broke up with her after Dean broke up with your mom. We were together for a while, I guess, but there was nothing to it...I hardly knew her and she hardly knew me. Sometimes I wonder what she did with her life."

"Do you ever think about finding out?"

"No," Jess says, sounding amused, but is sincere when he says, "No, Charlotte, I don't. I hope she's happy, wherever she is, but that's enough. I don't need to know what happened to her. We were kids - a pair of bored, frustrated kids - and it was a lifetime ago."

"How'd you meet her?"

Jess drinks the last of his coffee and puts the cup down, thinking. "She was in the market and had just moved to Stars Hollow. Your mom was away for summer. She kissed me at Sookie's wedding -"

"The one you gatecrashed?"

"The very one. Rory freaked out, ran away, and then she took it further by going all the way to Washington with Paris for the summer."

"She wrote about that."

"Right. Anyway, she was gone, and I was pretty mad at her. No phonecall, no letter, nothing. She didn't try once. And I wasn't going to sit around all summer just waiting for her to get back, so when I bumped into Shane at the market I asked her out. By which I mean I bought her a packet of cigarettes and then we smoked them near the lake and made out. Set the scene for our whole relationship. We'd go to our respective workplaces, meet up and hook up."

"What did Mom say?"

"She wasn't too happy," Jess says, shaking his head and chuckling a little. "I pointed out the lack of communication all summer and Rory couldn't say anything to that, so she didn't. But she glared at me and we both made snide comments at each other. God, we were such kids."

"Do you think about doing it differently?"

"I wish I'd bothered to find out Shane's last name," Jess says. "I feel embarrassed when I think back to it, but it's like how I said - it's my experience, it's my life. And all those stupid choices led to good choices. It's the same for your mom, it's the same for you and it's the same for just about everyone. And whenever I think of something I'm really embarrassed about I just think about making a good story."

Charlotte laughs a little and Jess tousles her hair. "I've got a ton of good stories."

"Yeah, me too," Charlotte admits. "I just feel dumb for liking Tyler so much. I can't believe I loved him, I can't believe I -"

Her voice trails off and Charlotte mumbles, "Never mind."

Jess looks at her and Charlotte can feel her cheeks go red. She focuses on swallowing the last of her coffee and Jess says, "You can tell me."

"I, um, slept with him," Charlotte says in a rush. "Mom said you knew."

"I did," Jess says shortly. Charlotte looks at him awkwardly and then says, "No lecture?"

"I was going to talk to you," Jess says. "But then you broke up with him. I guess I should talk to you anyway."

"Dad, please don't," Charlotte begs. "I went through it with Mom and anyway, it's over with Tyler. So it's okay."

"I should talk to you," Jess says firmly. He looks over at the marina for a moment and then looks back at Charlotte. "Never have unprotected sex," he says. "Ever. And don't ever listen to anyone who says junk about doing it to show you love them, or that they'll break up with if you don't. Someone who values you won't say crap like that."

He looks seriously at Charlotte who nods and then asks carefully, "Is that it?"

Jess laughs a little. "I don't know what else to say to you," he says honestly. "Part of me wants to say you can't date guys until you hit a retirement village but that's a little extreme."

"Just a little?"

"Right." They both laugh nervously and Jess says, "I want you to be safe and I want you to be with someone decent. So that's all I can tell you to do...if you have sex, use protection, and anyone trying to pressure you isn't worth it. That's it. Promise me you hear that?"

"Okay," Charlotte says quietly. "I promise."

They look at each other and Jess lets out a long breath. "How'd do I? Was that okay? Luke's idea of a talk was for me to sit at an opposite side of the room to your mom."

"What?" Charlotte laughs and then groans when Jess says, "I suggested hanging a sock on the door. That didn't go down too well."

"Gross, Dad."

"Yeah, well. I never actually did it - the sock thing, I mean."

"You really don't need to elaborate."

"I'll just say Luke's talk didn't do a lot of good," Jess remarks. Charlotte rolls her eyes and they lapse into a pleasant silence. They watch the boats on the marina for a while and finally Charlotte says, "You know what you said about learning from screwing up?"

"Yes?"

Charlotte swallows. "Do you think it's genetic?"

"What do you mean?" Jess asks, turning to look at her, and Charlotte says, "Tyler said this stuff about Logan being the other half of my DNA. And I guess I...do you think when I mess up, I'm being like him? Him and Mom?"

Jess is quiet for a long moment and sighs. Charlotte is about to try and take the whole thing back, suggest they just go home, when Jess eventually tells her, "I'm sorry you ever thought that."

"You don't think anything about it is true?"

"I think maybe there's a tendency in personality," Jess says thoughtfully. "I see all the great parts of your mom in you. And when my dad came to see me, and when I went to his place, I saw we had some stuff in common. In fact, when he told me he was a screw-up I yelled that the apple didn't fall far from the tree. In that moment, I honestly thought I was headed down the same path. If I wasn't a flake like my mom I was going to be a drifter like him, going from place to place and never settling down, not because I didn't want to but because I thought I couldn't. Because it wasn't in me, the bad stuff was."

"Dad..."

"That's what you're saying," Jess says and Charlotte falls silent. "You think it might be true for you. It's not. I'm like my dad, but I'm not my dad. I made different choices. I was lucky, I had Luke, and I had a love for books, and those things got me through. In fact, when your mom didn't want to be with me after the summer I stayed with my dad that gave me the push to change things. I didn't know where I'd end up but I wasn't going to just wander round New York and ramble about the book I could've written and prove right all the people who thought I was going nowhere. I did something about it. If I hadn't...I don't know where my life would be, but I do know that it's not my genetics that determined it."

Charlotte looks at him and Jess takes her hand. "You're my girl," he says firmly. "You might not have my DNA, but I raised you. And even if I hadn't...even if you have another guy's genes, which you do, neither of those means you'll be like him. You're you, you're Charlotte. You might screw up, make some mistakes like his and Rory's, but you don't have to act the same way. You can decide what to do next. You write your own story, Charlotte. It's yours. Don't let anyone tell you it's decided."

Charlotte reaches to hug him and Jess kisses the top of her head. "I love you," he says. "You're my daughter, no matter what, and I can't wait to see what you do with your life."

"I don't know what I'm going to do," Charlotte admits and Jess smiles. "You'll figure it out. Mom and I are here every step of the way."

They get up to go and Charlotte muses, "I keep thinking about going to see the apartment Mom and I lived in when I was a baby."

"Yeah? Any thoughts in particular?"

"Just weird to think we lived there. Mom seemed kind of sad but she said it was special."

"It was special to her," Jess says quietly as they walk over to the car. "It was hard for both of us but it was important to her. The days I drove up there and stayed with you were the best ones. If I didn't have Truncheon I would've moved in."

"Are you sad about it?"

"I was sad not to see you all the time," Jess says. "But I knew your mom was going through something and I tried being patient. I loved you both so much. And now I'm walking here with you and I have two more kids...we got to where we needed to be."

Charlotte is quiet and Jess adds, "Your mom knows how she felt more than I did. But she was finding it hard."

Charlotte looks at Jess and asks, "Who am I like? Mom, Logan, you?"

"Charlotte," Jess says, stopping to put his hands on her shoulders. "You've got a lot of your mom, some of Logan's expression, some of me - probably too much sarcasm - but you're most like you. No one else. You're most like Charlotte."

They smile at each other, drive home, and when Rory asks where they've been Charlotte tells her, "Dad talked all about when you were eighteen."

"He did?" Rory asks suspiciously. "Should I be concerned?"

"Nothing shameful, I swear," Jess says just as Charlotte berates, "Mom, you didn't write to Dad the whole summer you were gone? Not even an email?"

"I thought you said nothing embarrassing!" Rory protests, blushing slightly, and Jess adds, "Charlotte, I didn't have an email address. But I missed the lack of letters."

"I wrote you letters," Rory says and Jess stops, staring at her. "You did? I never got any."

"I never sent them." Rory sounds shy, looking away and Jess says, "You never told me."

"I was embarrassed."

"You did write to me?" Jess asks again and Rory nods. "I wrote that I missed you, when I got into real sentences, but most times I'd get stuck past your name...I didn't know what to say. I didn't regret kissing you, but it was wrong. And wrong to ask you to be quiet about it."

Charlotte suddenly gets the sensation that she's not in the room. She eyes her parents. Jess takes a step closer to Rory and says gently, "I wish I could have read them."

"Read just your name?" Rory tries to laugh and Jess says, "Wish I knew you were thinking about me."

"Jess..."

They start kissing and Charlotte quickly backs out and goes into into the backyard, where her mother was reading, her cup of coffee empty and abandoned by the book. They wish things were different, but do they when it comes to it, Charlotte wonders to herself. Maybe this mistake is part of what her dad was talking about. Or maybe they're simply sorry. It's too confusing, Charlotte is still sixteen, and she closes her eyes in the afternoon warmth.


	50. Chapter 50

**This is the last chapter. I want to thank everyone who read and supported the story and I hope everyone enjoyed Charlotte and Rory's journey as much as I did writing it! This chapter will share Charlotte and Rory's perspective together.**

On a sunny Saturday morning a few weeks later, Rory, Jess, Charlotte, Richie and Annie go to court to have the adoption finalised. The judge asks Charlotte if she is willing for Jess Mariano to be her legal father and, beaming, Charlotte loudly says, "Yes, I am." She is sitting between her parents who squeeze her hands as the judge declares it done. Charlotte looks up at Jess who is bright around the eyes, smiling back at Charlotte and hugging her. He wipes his eyes as Rory hugs Charlotte too, her own eyes teary. They step out into the bright morning, the breeze shimmering around them, and hug again, laughing. They stand together as a lawyer takes their photo, capturing the moment. Jess is legally Charlotte's father. Nothing has changed and everything has changed all at once.

They go for coffee before driving to Stars Hollow, where Lorelai has a party waiting. Rory stops on the sidewalk, giving Jess a kiss. He kisses her back, eyes shining as they step apart.

"Well," he says. "I'm her dad."

"You were always her dad," Rory says, wiping at her eyes which are wet again. "But now it's on paper."

"And no one can try and tell me I'm not," Jess says proudly. "Not that I let them before - but it's so good seeing it legally. That it's written, that Charlotte's my daughter."

"Me too," Rory says. She kisses Jess again and then Richie hollers to stop the holdup and they hurry to catch up with the kids.

Charlotte slides into a booth beside Jess, smoothing down her dress. She and Rory picked one out a couple of weeks ago. It's pale blue with little white daisies and Charlotte wasn't sure about it until she tried it on, and then fell in love with it. She and Rory had spent a long afternoon shopping, but although they were tired, neither wanted to go home. When Charlotte looked at the dress in the mirror her mother gasped and said, "Charlotte, it's beautiful. You're beautiful."

"Do you really think so?" Charlotte asked, but she thought so too without Rory's affirmation. She had turned slightly in the mirror and the skirt swung around her hips. Any worry that it looked a little babyish had evaporated once Charlotte tried it on. If anything, she looked more grown up.

"It's perfect," Rory promised and they'd bought it and then treated themselves to a sundae, and then a trip to the bookstore. Charlotte picked up a copy of _Lady Susan_. She'd tried some Jane Austen on her bookshelf and it was actually pretty good, and funnier than she remembered. Her father teased her when he saw her reading, saying she'd be carrying books around in her bag next, but Charlotte rolled her eyes. She's excited to read more of it later though.

When the waitress brings the coffee over Jess lifts up his cup. "I'd like to make a toast."

"Dad, it's with coffee," Charlotte protests and Jess laughs. "I can't think of a better drink to toast with," he retorted and Rory smiles, feeling a tug of love as she moves closer to her husband. Jess clears his throat and they all lift their respective coffee and colas.

"A toast to my daughter, Charlotte Lorelai Gilmore," Jess says proudly. "The day I became your father was the happiest day of my life, but that day isn't today."

Charlotte frowns, surprised, and Jess elaborates, "That was the day you were born. I was your father then. Today is just the day it was made legal. It's a very close second. Charlotte, it's a privilege to be your father in every way, so I want to raise my coffee to you. I love you."

"I love you too, Dad," Charlotte whispers, feeling her throat get tight as she drinks the coffee. They all look a little misty-eyed and giggle as Jess adds, "I guess I should toast your mom too for making you happen."

"Oh Dad, don't be gross," Charlotte groans and Rory teases, "Hey, there's nothing gross about it." All her kids groan as she and Jess kiss and Annie throws a sugar packet at them. They break apart, laughing, and Rory jumps as her phone beeps. It's Lorelai.

"Mom wants to know when we're hitting the road," Rory says. "I don't want to imagine how big this party's going to be."

"A Stars Hollow extravaganza," Jess remarks, and Annie jumps up and down in her seat with excitement. "Can't wait."

Rory chuckles as she finishes her coffee. She knows Jess does want to go but there's still that trace of old sarcasm from when they were kids. She hears it in Charlotte's voice sometimes, and it amuses her or doesn't, depending on her mood. Months, years before the adoption was decided, Rory would look at Charlotte and think, _she's Jess's daughter_. Logan never entered her mind in those moments.

They decide Jess will drive there. Usually the kids all cram in the back on family drives but when Charlotte asks if she can sit up front no one argues. Rory sits in the middle, as a kind of buffer for Richie and Annie's bickering, but they seem calm as they get into the car. Charlotte sits on the passenger seat next to Jess and grins at him. She doesn't get her music out this time and Jess grins back as he starts up the car. He puts on a Clash CD and they all sing, out of tune but hiccuping with laughter all the way to Connecticut.

There are balloons all over the town before they even get to Lorelai's house. Charlotte peers out of the window, exclaiming, "Oh my God!"

"They did the same thing when you were born," Rory tells her. "And there was a banner on the gazebo saying that I'd had a girl, and flowers everywhere."

"What about when I was born?" Richie demands. "Did they do that with me?"

"No one wanted a boy," Charlotte teases and Richie sticks his tongue out at her.

"I didn't stay in Stars Hollow when I had you," Rory tells him. "But they put up banners when I had a baby shower, and the same when I had Annie. And when I first came to visit."

"I bet they just used the same stuff when you were born," Richie says meanly to Annie and Rory admonishes, "Don't wind your sister up. Anyway, it was all new because I didn't expect another kid."

"You were an _oops_ ," Richie says and Annie says indignantly, "I was not! What's an _oops_?"

"You were a surprise," Rory corrects, glaring at her son and Jess adds, "That's right, Annie-girl, you were a surprise. One of the best surprises I've ever had."

Annie smiles and Charlotte smiles too. Hearing about that surprise hadn't made her so happy, she remembers, but her sister's not so bad. She'd say so if she didn't think it would sound sappy. Either way, Charlotte doesn't get that old feeling of being irritated anymore by it. She knows she wasn't a surprise in the same happy way, but she also knows her parents are glad she happened. That awful, nagging kernal of doubt has gone. Charlotte settles down in the seat for the rest of the ride.

Lorelai comes running down the path as Jess parks the car, and even before it's fully stopped Charlotte jumps out, running to meet Lorelai. "Nana, I'm adopted!" she shouts as Lorelai swoops her into a hug. "It's done!"

"I'm so happy!" Lorelai exclaims, laughing. She kisses Charlotte hard on the cheek and then opens her arms for Richie and Annie. Once the group hug is over Lorelai turns to Jess and Rory and, after hugging Jess tightly, hugs Rory and holds her a little longer.

"Jess adopted Charlotte," Lorelai echoes and Rory nods, heart tight in her chest. "He's legally her dad. It's so..."

She can't finish the sentence but her mother smiles. "I know, angel. It feels right."

"It feels perfect."

Lorelai smiles, clutching Rory's hands and they look over at Charlotte who's talking to Jess.

"Doesn't she look grown up?" Rory whispers and Lorelai nods. "She's a young woman. She's not a little kid anymore."

"I don't know if I'm ready for her to be an adult yet," Rory admits and Lorelai squeezes her hand. "You've got still got a few years. She'll need you to bring beer in, stuff like that."

"Naturally."

"Among other things."

They laugh and then laugh harder as Annie suddenly calls, "Can we have cake now?"

"Well, you've still got one little kid," Lorelai remarks and Rory tries to keep her face straight as she says, "Annie Mariano, where are your manners?"

"It's absolutely cake time," Lorelai says, clapping her hands. "Let's get this party started!"

They follow Lorelai into the house and then stop still. Emily is at the counter, flicking through a magazine and sipping a martini.

"Grandma," Rory exclaims. "What are you doing here?"

"What a kind welcome," Emily says coolly, putting the magazine down. "A grandmother can't be invited to her great-granddaughter's adoption party?"

"No, of course - I just didn't know you were coming."

"Well, would you like me to leave?"

"Of course not."

"Because if I'm not wanted -"

"Grandma, I'm thrilled you're here," Rory says firmly. She puts her arms around Emily, giving her a kiss, and Emily looks surprised but pleased. "I suppose I'll stay then," she allows. "Congratulations, Charlotte."

"Thank you," Charlotte says. She goes over and lets her great-grandmother give her an awkward hug. Emily always seems uncomfortable showing affection but she adds a kiss to Charlotte's cheek before stepping back and smiling at Jess. "I suppose I should congratulate you, too."

"Thank you," Jess says. He's smiling widely but Charlotte can tell he feels a little awkward as well. Most people do around her great-grandmother. "It's definitely cause for celebration."

"I'll tell you what's cause for celebration," Emily says, putting her glass down. "Seeing Mitchum Huntzberger be humiliated over knowing he has a granddaughter, with a Gilmore, no less!"

Emily's cheeks are flushed with animation, her eyes bright, and Lorelai says warningly, "Mom," but Emily ignores her and goes on, "His perfect son had a lovechild! He thought he was so high and mighty, king of his circle of cronies, and then this came out! He's a joke! I can tell you, Mitchum Huntzberger is shutting up now. I said to him, you dared tell me a Gilmore wasn't good enough for your son? You forced him to marry someone else and he had a child out of wedlock, and now he's most likely getting divorced! Oh, the look on his face!"

"Mom, that's enough!" Lorelai exclaims but Emily adds, "Like he didn't marry trailer trash. But he's lost any kind of standing now. It serves him right and now I can die happy."

"Grandma, you shouldn't be talking like this," Rory says sternly. She can't deny feeling satisfied over Mitchum's comeuppance but Rory hates that world, that kind of meanness, and today is about starting over. "And I don't want to think about you dying."

"Oh, I'm not planning on that soon," Emily says brightly,lifting her glass. "I'm just thrilled the truth came out. Cheers!"

Before anyone can acknowledge the nature of the toast the door opens and Luke comes in carrying bags of takeout.

"Luke!" Rory says in relief, going over to him. Her stepfather puts the bags on the counter and wraps Rory into a hug. "Congratulations," he says fondly, and then look up. "Charlotte, get over here!"

Charlotte hurries over and her grandfather hugs her tightly, kissing the top of her head and and ruffling her hair. "You're adopted," he says and Charlotte nods, too happy to talk. "So that means I'm your grandfather legally too, huh? Not just through marriage."

"You're my grandfather in every way," Charlotte promises him and Luke nods, coughing a little and rubbing his eyes.

"I think there's onion in those bags."

"Luke, you old softy," Rory teases and Luke says, "Just something in my eye. You want to help me with these bags?"

They move the food and drinks out onto the tables Lorelai has set up in the yard and enjoy a little cake before the guests arrive. Lane comes with her boys who each give Charlotte a hug, making her laugh. Her old crush on them feels funny now.

"I used to be so in love with you," Charlotte admits and Steve and Kwan laugh along with her. "Who did you like better?"

"I couldn't decide."

"Well, we are lovable," Steve comments and Kwan grins. "Congratulations, Charlotte!"

"And not on the adoption, on loving us," Steve says seriously. Charlotte rolls her eyes and then none of them can stop laughing until Lane interrupts, asking if they can set up the drums and cymbals. Between the food and drinks and endless toasts Lane plays a set with her husband and sons and Brian, after he arrives a little late with Gil. Everyone cheers and encores and, after the band takes a break, Rory says fondly, "I still remember Hep Alien's first gig."

"You do, huh?" Lane asks. "The party?"

"I had to introduce you and you didn't have a name yet."

"And then that massive fight broke out."

"That's right," Rory remembers. "And you got drunk."

"The police came."

And Jess left, Rory thinks but doesn't voice. Instead, she says, "I can't believe how long ago it was."

"Doesn't it feel like a million years ago?" Lane muses and Rory says thoughtfully, "It does and doesn't. Sometimes I still feel like that girl. But I have my own girl now - two girls."

"And a boy," Lane adds and Rory agrees, "And a boy. Three kids. The oldest one's nearly the same age we were."

"Does it scare you?"

Rory looks over at Charlotte who's laughing with Jess, taking a large mouthful of cake. "Yes and no," she says, remembering the past few months. "We've been through some stuff this year but we're okay. I think we're closer now."

"That's great."

"Yeah," Rory says, a smile lighting her face. "It is. I know we've got more stuff to go through before she grows up, probably after that too, but we'll be okay. I know we will."

And she does. Rory doesn't feel like she's saying it out of uncertainty anymore. She doesn't pretend to know what they'll go through, or how easy or hard it will be, but Rory knows she and Charlotte will make it through. She thinks she knows her a little better these days. She loves her girl.

After talking to Lane they all stop to take photos. Endless shots are taken and, after what seems like hundreds later, Charlotte steps aside and checks her phone. There are some texts from Amy and Ivy congratulating her but nothing from Logan. Charlotte tries not to be disappointed. She guesses it would be weird for him to congratulate her today. They haven't talked much since Charlotte asked him to let Jess adopt her and she guesses it must still be weird for him. As she's about to put her phone away it beeps with a message and it's Logan after all.

 _Hi Charlotte, I know today is a big day for you. I want you to enjoy it. If your mom is okay with it I want to send you $500 as a gift. Don't worry about thanking me. Love, Logan._

Charlotte reads it over a few times, unsure how to reply and if she should. Is it weird to accept it? She shows Rory and says, "Should I take it?"

"It's up to you," Rory tells her. "I think he's trying to be nice."

"Is it weird to take it?"

"You don't have to accept it," Rory says, "but I don't think he's trying to make you feel bad either way."

"I guess gifts is how Logan tries to show he cares."

"Pretty much," Rory agrees. She sounds a little sad but says, "Charlotte, if you take it, it doesn't mean you're betraying Jess or anything. But you don't have to accept it if you feel weird about it. It's your call, hon."

Charlotte thinks and then decides to take it. She still wants to know Logan a little better and this feels like a peace-offering before seeing him again. In a way, it feels easier now. They don't have the pressure of trying to be father and daughter. Charlotte sends a quick message thanking him, despite the note saying she doesn't have to, and goes to find Jess. He's swinging Annie around the yard and then drops her hands, letting her run away in a jagged fashion to Steve and Kwan.

"Hey, kiddo," Jess says, sounding a little out of breath. "Having fun?"

"Yeah." Charlotte pauses and then shows Jess Logan's message. "Are you mad?"

"Of course I'm not mad," Jess says, and his voice is sincere. "It's not a contest, Charlotte."

"You don't mind if I still talk to him?"

"I only mind if someone says he's more your father than mine," Jess says. "But they're not, and he's not."

Charlotte hesitates and then says, "If could change it, so I was your biological daughter, would you?"

"No," Jess says gently. "Because I love you how you are. The biology doesn't make the difference."

"No," Charlotte agrees, leaning into his arm. "It doesn't."

They stand silently together for a moment and then Jess says, "Wait here."

He goes into the house and emerges with something wrapped. "I was going to give it to you later but now feels like the right moment."

Charlotte unwraps the gold paper to find two books. One is her father's novel _The Subsect_ and one is a scrapbook and Jess explains, "That's my first novel - one of the very first editions. I gave one to your mom, one to Luke and that one's for you."

"I love it," Charlotte says, hugging him and looking at the scrapbook. "What's this?"

"Those are notes...notes I made living here, living in New York and then when I moved to Philly. I used it for that book, before the book was even in my mind. I want you to have it. When I look at it I always think about how I was creating something without knowing where it was going to take me. I want you to have that same feeling."

"Dad," Charlotte says, hugging him again. "It's perfect."

"My daughter should have it." Jess's voice is a little ragged and Charlotte feels like she might cry too. Instead they hug some more and then smile as Rory goes over to them.

"I'm going to put this in my purse," Charlotte says, after showing her mother the books, and goes inside. Rory smiles at Jess. "She liked the books?"

"She loves the books."

"I knew she would."

"Charlotte asked me if I wanted her to be my daughter biologically."

"What? She's still upset?"

"No...I think she was just curious." Jess pauses and Rory's heart beats as she says, "What did you say?"

"I said no," Jess says, taking Rory's hands. "Because she wouldn't be Charlotte that way. She's my girl."

"She is," Rory says softly. She looks at Jess and thinks about all the choices and mistakes that led her to here, this party, this joy today. For a moment all the years wash away and Rory feels like the young sixteen-year-old accepting her copy of _Howl_ with notes in the margins. Jess smiles at her and then they're kissing until a voice says loudly, "Jeez, get a room!"

"Maybe later," Rory says and Lorelai screws her nose up. "That joke backfired."

Laughing, Jess picks up some empty plates to take into the kitchen and Lorelai asks, "How's the party going?"

"It's good."

"You sound pensive."

"Just thinking."

"So pensive, then."

"I was just thinking about how things didn't work out how I planned. They got messed up and I have regrets, but I'm so happy today. I'm so happy with everything that I wouldn't change it. But I still feel sad at the same time."

"Well, I felt that a lot," Lorelai says, sitting on the porch where Rory joins her. "I was so happy, having my life with you and then I got my dream job of running the inn. But I was such a smart kid and I wanted to do the whole college thing, even with the issues of my parents' world, and then I didn't get that. I got pregnant. I didn't get to have a youth. That still makes me sad."

"Mom."

"No, it's okay. It's what I'm saying. I'm sad but I had my life with you, then I had the inn and then I married Luke. I would never trade any of that. I'm sad but happy and I think most people feel the same."

"I wonder about the stuff I'd do over. Not dropping out, not wasting time with Logan...but then I wouldn't be here." Rory thinks about her life, the stupid decisions which taunt her in bouts of insomnia, and muses, "If I think about do-overs I worry about not having the life I do now. And I love it...I do."

"I know you do," Lorelai says, taking her hand. "And I love it too. And my grandkids...I wonder where life's going to take them."

"I can't overthink that or I won't think at all," Rory remarks and she and Lorelai laugh. She looks over at Charlotte, her heart full, and the mood is broken by Miss Patty announcing that she wants to sing a solo in honour of the day. Morey starts the piano up through the open window and, after a few bars, Charlotte wanders over to Rory and sits beside her, putting her head on her shoulder.

"You tired?" Rory asks gently and Charlotte nods, like she's a little kid again. "Want to take a walk?"

Rory and Charlotte quickly slip away and out the front. They wander down the decked streets and Rory reaches into her pocket. "Here, this is for you. Seeing how your dad gave you his gift."

Charlotte opens it to find a silver bracelet set with blue gems. They change colour in the light and Rory says, "I hope it's okay. I wanted you have something to remember the day by."

"It's beautiful, Mom. I'm going to put it on right now."

Rory helps with the clasp and admires it on Charlotte's wrist. As she lifts it to the light the gems slip to green then back to blue again. "It looks great on you."

Taking her mother's hand, Charlotte walks silently with her for a while and then says, "Do you feel weird about life stuff?"

"Weird about life stuff?" Rory echoes. "Maybe. What do you mean?"

"Like...everyone tells you to plan. To know what you want in future. But then stuff changes all the time, and things get messed up...even when you don't want them to. So why plan at all?"

Rory thinks for a moment and says, "A lot of life doesn't happen how you imagine it."

Charlotte looks at her and Rory goes on, "I never pictured ending up here. But I guess the thing is, a lot of things get messed up, but it's what you do with the mess. What you learn. You should have a plan but know it might change. I want you to have the best life, the biggest life, but you can't get there without mistakes. It's like writing...you screw up some drafts before writing the version you went. But you have to be okay with mistakes."

"Are you okay with mistakes?" Charlotte asks shrewdly and Rory laughs. "I think so. I'm working on it."

"I asked Dad if he wished I was his biological kid...do you ever wish that, Mom?"

Charlotte looks nervously curious and Rory takes a deep breath.

"I regret what happened with Logan," she says honestly. "But you know I don't regret you. And I don't wish I could change things, because if I did, I wouldn't be walking here with you. And changing that would be worse than anything."

"Mom...are you okay with me screwing up?" Charlotte asks. She can't help being doubtful over this and Rory laughs a little. "I am," she tells her. "Well, I want to be. Charlotte, I love you so much. I want to protect you and not make the same mistakes I did, but I know I have to let you to be you. And you wouldn't be growing up if I was freaking out on you all the time and not letting you do anything."

"So you're not going to freak out?"

"I don't think it's biologically possible for me not to freak out," Rory admits, making Charlotte laugh. "But I trust you. I know you'll be okay. I love you so much, Charlotte. I love you so much that sometimes I get scared for you. Well, that's being a mom, I guess. But I want you to take chances and have the best life too. And you will."

"What if I mess everything up?" Charlotte asks quietly. "What if I can't do anything? I messed up so much this year..."

"Oh, angel. You're sixteen. You're going to make mistakes...everyone does. But you learn from them, that's what counts. And you're growing up, and doing so well, and you're going to be fine. I know it. I love you."

"I love you too," Charlotte says. She stops to hug her mother and Rory rocks her a little, kissing the top of her head. They're going to be fine. "It's complicated," Rory adds. "It's complicated and messy but that's just how it is. And then you figure things out."

Charlotte smiles at her mother. She was so mad at her this year, and Charlotte knows the normal mother-daughter annoyances are still there, but her mother feels more real to her now. More of a person and less simply her mother. Charlotte thinks she'll read Rory's book again, someday. Maybe in future when the world feels crazy and she wants to know how Rory felt. Charlotte's locket is warm on her neck and she thinks of the pictures of Lorelai and Rory inside. So she knows where she came from, Charlotte was told. Having them there feels comforting. Charlotte takes a breath. She is still Charlotte Lorelai Gilmore and that won't change, no matter where life takes her.

They look around the town, Rory's eyes resting on the gazebo. She remembers all the hours reading there as a kid, her world safe and happy and opening up and her heart swells. She squeezes her daughter's hand.

"Shall we head back?" Rory asks and Charlotte nods. They walk a little and Charlotte says, "It's kind of a paradox."

"What is?"

"Everything you said. It's complicated but the same for everyone as well."

"That's right," Rory says. "It's different for everyone but sort of the same. You've got to keep on going."

They smile at each other, the sunlight sparkling over them. It's uncertain and definite, complicated and simple, and mother and daughter make their way home. They're figuring things out together.


End file.
